Ch. 50 - Lingering Feelings

~ Chapter 50: Lingering Feelings ~

[ Justin's POV: ]

I slowly turned my head to look at the clock.

4:42am

I still can't sleep. The image of Jackie with that other man won't stop surfacing in my thoughts. My heart still hasn't stopped aching, or beating loudly inside my chest. I could barely even breathe down oxygen properly.

This was what I didn't want. I didn't want to feel this way. To love someone so much it ends up physically hurting me. I promised myself not to fall in love and that's exactly what I do.

It's not fair.

Deep down, I've always known I love her. That's why I went through all the trouble to keep her away from me. She can never be with a guy like me. To drag her into fame? If I really love her, I wouldn't do that to her. That's why I wanted her to find a normal guy.

But now?

She's found that other guy and I can't help but be selfish. I want her. And I know I need her. But it looks to me like she's already moved on. I'm just... Too late...

"Fuck," I murmured, feeling the tears surface in my eyes once more. I mindlessly slipped out of bed and walked towards the door only to clench my fists and punch the wall next to it in anger. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" I yelled, punching the wall harder and harder until there was a hole in it.

I took 3 steps back and sunk to the floor, the cold floor tickling my skin and making me feel more alone than I already felt.

"Jackie," I whispered, staring out the window. It felt like someone was squeezing the life from my heart.

I didn't quite know exactly what happened next. All I remember was I began crying so hard, the tears blurred my vision and suddenly my vision went dark.

-

When I opened my eyes, I saw the morning sun's light seeping through the curtains, and I was laying on the floor, my face dried of my own tears.

I must've cried myself to sleep.

I slowly sat up and looked at the time again.

9:15am

I sighed and lazily got up, forcing myself to enter the bathroom and take a shower. Once I was ready, I drove to the hotel Scooter was staying at, and once I arrived, I dragged myself inside.

I really don't want to do this. I should've just plopped myself in my bed and refused to come out. I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone. Everything I see reminds me of Jackie and it makes my heart ache in a feeling that is just impossible to describe.

"You're actually on time," Scooter commented the minute he opened up the door and saw me.

"Can we get this over with?" I mumbled flatly. Scooter did a double take, confused by my sudden lack of energy. I stepped inside without another word and found Katie sitting on the couch, Alfredo standing about four feet away from her, staring out the window. They both turned and looked at me and soon, Scooter was right beside me.

"You alright?" Fredo asked.

"You don't look so good," Katie added with concern.

"I'm fine," I lied. "Let's just do this quickly please." I marched towards Katie and sat next to her, my mind elsewhere. All I could think about was Jackie. And the longer she stayed on my mind, the sadder I became because what I really want is to hold her in my arms.

And this time, I'll never let go.

[ Jackie's POV: ]

"Morning," a deep voice awoke me from my sleep. I flickered my eyes open and saw Tyler staring at me with a smirk on his face. "How are you?" he teased, kissing my cheek.

"Hey," I smiled, caressing his hand. "You sleep well?"

Tyler nodded. "It's 'cause you were right beside me."

I felt myself blushing at his words. "Oh stop it, you," I laughed, playfully smacking his arm.

"What? I can't say the truth?" he gasped dramatically. "That's not right, don't you think?"

"But you're not saying the truth," I scoffed, smiling up at him.

"I am too!" he muttered. "Like when I say you're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on."

I choked on my spit. "Now I know you're lying."

Tyler raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I'm definitely not the most beautiful girl," I said, sitting up.

"Yes you are," he protested.

"No I'm not," I waved him off, standing from the bed and walking towards the door.

"Hey, where are you going?" he called after me.

"Bathroom," I called back, closing the door behind me.

After brushing my teeth and taking a morning shower, I went downstairs to start making breakfast for Tyler and I. As I waited for the pancakes to be ready, I heard my phone ringing from the kitchen counter. I slowly walked towards it and looked at the Caller ID:

Robin ❤

I pulled my sleeves up and picked up the phone, pressing it to my hear. "Hello?" I said.

"Jackie," Robin's voice sounded happy to hear mine.

"Hey girl!" I answered back.

"How was the date with Tyler?" she asked.

"Umm, it was good," I felt myself blushing again. "He's still upstairs, I think."

"He spent the night?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I see..." Robin murmured teasingly.

"Nothing happened," I frowned. "Stop thinking such dirty thoughts."

"Hey, hey, could you really blame me?" she giggled.

"Actually, I could," I teased back.

"Whatever," I can just picture her shaking her head. "Well... Anyway, I was on Twitter today."

"Oh god..." I mumbled.

"Just listen," she shushed. I became silent, ready to listen to whatever she had to say. "There are like 3 new rumors about Justin."

"Why are you keeping me updated on him? I thought you were the one who wanted me forget him," I pointed out.

"Yes, but you still care about him and you're too stubborn to check in on the latest updates yourself so I'm being a good best friend and telling you against your will," she retorted smartly.

"Would you just hurry up? Tyler'll be down here any second," I sighed.

"Okay, okay," she rushed. "Well for starters, people are saying he was in San Diego yesterday. You could've met up with him or bumped into him."

"Robin-"

"Also, they're saying he's gonna do a paternity test. Do you think the woman was lying about the baby?"

"I don't know.."

"I do," she sucked in a chunk of air. "I don't think that baby belongs to Justin."

"What makes you say that?"

"What doesn't? You're the belieber here, so I'm sure that's what you thought too. You'd never accuse Justin of that at the likes of the media," she pointed out.

"Wow, well can't you just read my thoughts," I said with sarcastic enthusiasm.

"I know, hun," she laughed. "Now shush! I ain't done yet. This last one's really juicy."

"Go on," I sighed.

"Apparently him and that Katie chick are smoke buddies or some shit like that," Robin said. "There's an article that explains everything and they say that Justin and her hook up and smoke weed. I don't know if it's true though."

I sighed for the millionth time just as I heard footsteps nearing from upstairs. "Robin, thanks for the update but I have to go."

"Aw, why?"

"Tyler'll be down here any second now," I said. "Plus, I haven't even eaten breakfast yet. I'll call you back in the afternoon, okay?"

"Ugh, fine. But don't pretend like you don't miss Justin," she said quietly. "At least not with me."

And then, she hung up.

I stared at my phone in confusion, her last 5 words circling my thoughts.

It's true. I miss Justin. I'll admit it. But it won't change the fact that he's not going to come back for me. He made it clear he doesn't want me in his life and this Katie woman is apparently much more important to him than I'll ever be. Is she good to him? Hopefully. Is she good for him? Probably not, considering they're "smoke buddies".

But I can't mope around all day, letting life pass me by just to wait for his return. Because I'm starting to realize that maybe he really didn't care about me at all. Maybe I wasn't anything to him after all.

All I know is I have Tyler and he's the only one who treats me right. Who never leaves my side and who makes sure I'm feeling okay and happy. He can't stand it when he hasn't heard my voice in a limited amount of time, and he always surprises me with something when he sees I'm feeling down-which is most of the time lately.

But that's just it.

I feel like I haven't been myself in weeks. There's a piece of me missing, and it's only a matter of time before I fall apart because I don't have that piece with me to keep myself together with...

****************************

School's... almost.... over... I've... got... to... hang.... in.... there...

Lmao, anyway... Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! What do you think? Do Justin and Jackie need each other?

Even if they do, will they end up with each other?

Hmm... ;)

- Nina xx