Chapter Seven

7•••

   "I want another blood test."

"My King, I understand your concern, but there is no need."

"There must be something wrong. This doesn't just happen out of nowhere."

"I'm fine, father." you don't know how many times you need to say it.

"Roseanne, please" he has clearly had enough of your comments.

You roll your eyes once he turns back to Doctor Moon. Lisa, disheveled with her messy bangs and in perspiration, she stands by the door with her head low as she waits for orders from father. You look away from all the distress you've caused.

"Tell me now and tell me truthfully, Doctor Moon, did the recent blood results come out positive?"

You clench your jaw at father's insistence, but also because of the possibility of the turn out.

"Negative, my King."

Both Lisa and your father exhale deeply. The suspense was keeping your subconscious on end, but you can finally relax deep into the mattress, letting your weary body feel at ease.

"I assure you my King, this was a result of the lack of energy and tiresome days of training- have you been eating full meals, Princess?"

You do not respond, only keep your eyes to the dark and shadowed mountain views out your window.

You just want to be alone.

"He asked you a question, Rosé, don't be rude."

"No, no, its no matter, King Mason. I think it best to leave the Princess to catch up on some sleep." Doctor Moon has always been on your side when conversing with the King. Like you, he gets the firsthand experience of how uptight father could be.

"Very well, let us continue this in my office."

The door opens and still, you do not turn their way.

"I will have dinner sent up, Roseanne. And Lisa, do tell your father what we've just discussed."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

Your father's heavy steps echo in the hall with Doctor Moon's reassurance. Your bedroom is quiet when the door closes, but you know your best friend intends to stay. Still, you do not turn from the window. There's a pinch of humiliation in you. Fainting in front of everybody- no better way to spell out weak.

"You scared the hell out of me."

No better way than to frighten everyone of what may be bound to happen.

"I only fainted- it was nothing."

"That doesn't ease me, nevertheless. I-I thought—"

"It's not it, Lisa." you state, knowing what was to come out of her trembling voice next. "It's not the Marcra... I'm only twenty-one, Lis, it's not it- so would you please stop acting like my neurotic father who is just waiting for when my life sentence is finally accounted for?" you suck in a breath. The embarrassment is crippling. She knows you hate speaking of the condition, hence never having a conversation like this at all, and only having to deal with silent innuendoes about it, yet she is turning the other cheek.

"I'm tired of pretending this doesn't worry me. Jisoo and- and my dad and Chanyeol, we're all concerned. We don't know the nature of the Marcra, Rosie."

"Then stop acting like you know better than what the doctors say." you snarl, impiety crawling out of your mouth. "I was tired and the sun was too damn hot that I passed out— I am not sick." stop looking at me like I am, you think.

There's a dead pause for a moment. An imbalance between who is right and who is wrong. You appreciate the empathy, you do. But there is a thin difference between that and sympathy. And even thinner between pity.

Lisa nods her head and sighs, "I'm sorry".

You shake your head because you don't need an apology. You just don't feel like talking about this anymore.

Aware of this, she steps to the door, "I'll go tell my dad what Doctor Moon said." and when she opens the door, you break out in sweats. Lisa tenses and looks over her shoulder with trouble on her face, similar to yours. You open your mouth to speak, but no words emit.

Lisa steps aside and you are met with the feline eyes.

"I-I'll just—" your best friend slips around the Princess who looks at you intently. "I'll see you later" and you're left with her, in fear that she heard it all.

"W-Were you... standing outside the whole time?" you pry the question out of you. You're gripping the sheets with fumbling fingers and you squirm under the blankets because you're absolutely sweating buckets that Jennie might have heard—

"I was just about to knock when Lisa opened the door." she says and you let out the shortest breath you had held.

She doesn't know.

"Why are you so startled?" she asks, a meek smile on her face. She sits down on the edge of your bed, a hand close to where your leg rests under the sheets. She's looking at you the way she did in the music room, in the kitchens, and under the sunset- you wonder if the fainting had caused a loss of memory because you can't remember when you and Jennie became friends again. "Are you okay, Rosie?" 

Just as she is about to place her hand on your leg, you curl up. You only remember that she is not your friend. "I'm fine, thanks.". Her non-verbal measures to distance herself have made that clear.

"What happened down there?"

"You were there weren't you?" you counter, a burn on the tip of your tongue as a warning because something much spiteful is brewing in you because she's doing it again.

"Right..." a light shade of red tints her cheeks at the obvious. "Lucky, Lisa caught you when she did."

You raise your eyebrows in agreement and turn back to the window because you just don't know if you could trust her softened expression. She's done it before and it has always led to a lot of hurt.

"How are you feeling now?" she places a hand on your knee, "Are you cold?"

And you snap, "Why do you care?"

It startles her to retract, but you pay no regard to her alarm.

"Why do you care all of a sudden?" you're too embittered by the way she has treated you despite all your efforts to be friendly. "You're so hot and cold all the time- why is that?" tell me, you wish, because you don't want to be let down again. You don't want to expect anything from Jennie anymore if it means you won't have to feel this way again.

"I'm sor—"

"Sorry, yeah- I know." you've heard the empty words before.

Jennie lowers her head and the way her mouth curves down and eyebrows crease, you think you've upset her. And you feel guilt crushing you to a flattened tin can because this isn't you.

"I must have angered you."

"N-No, I'm not—" you palm your face in frustration. The contradiction between shaming or forgiving Jennie is stressing you out. "I'm not angry." you state, leaning your head against the headboard because you anticipate a pounding to come back around. "I'm tired, Jennie, I just want to sleep." you confess.

And Jennie hesitates to say something, but nods her head instead, then stands from the mattress. "Of course, I'll be uhm... I'll be close by— or- or in my room" You watch her shuffle to the door still trying to say something over the stammers,"Sorry, I'll just..." but through and door and behind it, she leaves you alone.

Sinking into bed, you're thankful for the fatigue, as it gives you no chance of overthinking and takes away antagonizing emotions for the meantime.

•••

   When you wake the next day, you feel rejuvenated. Last night, you were cranky when Jisoo had woken you from your nap as she had dinner brought to your bed. But you were glad for her company as you devoured the full course meal. Unlike Lisa, she kept the conversations light hearted, even told a few giddy stories of her and Suho's fondness to keep your mind off your troubles.

Now that you're energized, you don't feel the need to lounge around and be unproductive. Tuesday training has just started and if you hurry, you can catch up.

In a casual wear of jeans and a shirt, you exit your bedroom for the stables. Palace subjects greet you good morning, but with wavering expressions as you dash down the halls. You figured word had gone around about your blackout.

Expecting the reproach of everyone down at the course, you put up your imperial disposition. You hate to play the princess card, but you decide that no one is going to stop you from training for the Cup.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lisa is first to try.

"What did I miss?" you glide passed her and Sehun, who stands in shock that you've arrived. 

"You should be in bed, Rosie- why are you out of bed?" Lisa follows you to the stables, and you eye Rufus and Jennie speaking inside the course. Just before you enter, Jennie is startled to have spotted you.

You open the closet and grab your helmet and gloves, sliding them on smoothly. The silence causes for you to look over for Lisa, but it is Jennie who enters to scold you. She walks confidently, but still with the softened expression of last night. "Rosie, you need to rest. Just skip one day."

And you're still a little sour.

"One day could widen the gap between first and second place." You're not taking any chances.

Jennie scoffs at this and you shut the closet to come face-to-face with her disbelief. "Is the Cup seriously more important than your health?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I care for this sport much more than you do."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, don't try and hide it- Sehun told me all about your poor sentiments." you're heating up in annoyance recalling the revelation. She has the skill, but no passion- practically wasted all the years we spent on preparing for the race.

"That damn rat" she mutters in betrayal and you will have to apologize to Sehun for this.

You just need Jennie to hear you loud and clear, "You know I want this more than you do. And maybe I did want you to just throw it away and hand me the trophy so easily, but I swear to god Jennie I'm going to win this race fair and square. You might just want the title to shove it in your dad's face, and hell, so do I, but unlike you, I'm proving to my father that he can be proud to call me his daughter." you step closer to the steaming aura in front you, her eyes provoking but sided with intimidation to your new found conviction for the title.

And after she has soaked in your almighty, you walk passed her to put on a show, because you never speak empty words.

•••

   You beat Jennie in all rounds of relay, but didn't think too highly of yourself knowing the talk you had just before threw her off her game.

She was so distracted that she couldn't even control her own horse, resulting in a few restarts here and there.

She wasn't the only one lost in her mind, though. Rufus had his brows furrowed in a dilemma, because he knew it was too soon for you to be out of bed, but there wasn't anything he could do or say to stop you from racing. And Lisa, she had her eyes on you like she was ready to bolt in case you lost your balance for even a second.

You felt fine the entire time. Good, actually. No ounce of pain in your body had stopped you from continuing on with the day. You starved for whatever lesson your mentor had planned and held hyper focus on memorizing all the names of the democratic party members in both sides of Marcadia. You pieced together the names and faces of all one hundred and thirty-four members, while Jennie could only manage fifty-three.

Oh the way you wanted to boast. It was ruinous. You hated it. And regardless of how much Jennie had riled you up to win the competition, you couldn't let her fall behind in becoming Queen, because the throne isn't claimed only for you two, it's for the kingdom.

"This is Sir Lee Jung-Hae." you bring the photograph of a middle aged man, tall and pristine in his blue suit, to the right side of the table, "Part of the counsel, he represents the hospitals and medicinal practitioners here in the South.". You take another photograph, one of a woman in her sixties with a square jaw and fine curls, "This is Choi Marie. She takes care of the factory workers under the poultry trading system." and you place her together with the rest of the South's hierarchy of leaders. "Got it so far?" you crane your neck to the brunette and jerk away from how close she has come seated next to you.

Jennie rubs her temple as she absorbs the information. She studies the photographs earnestly, repeating the names over and over on her plump lips. And you study the way she sounds the names in quiet whispers, her tongue slick between her straightened teeth- she has really smooth lips. You bite your own when she brings her tongue over hers and licks— "Is there... an easier way we could practice this?" She looks at you and your chest tightens. You strain your eyes on the photographs because you're positive your cheeks are turning a bright color. "I don't think I could get this all right before Jisoo comes back.". In fact, there's a warmth shooting down to your— you can't believe— you cannot seriously be turned on by—

"N-No"

"No?"

"I-I mean—" you push the chair back a few inches and clear your dry throat. "yes!" you really hope you weren't thinking everything out loud. "Yes, we can figure something out." you reshuffle the photographs with the jitters to your hands, needing a place to put them because you might just bring them down to touch your— oh for heaven's sake shut up!

"Ready for another test?" Jisoo enters the room with fresh papers.

"Just one more review!" Jennie stands from the chair and helps you shuffle, grazing you with her warmth and dirty dirty dirty is all on your mind because you're ogling at her fingers! Even her fingers are mesmerizing!

You force yourself to look at your mentor and she's too distracted hiding her smile from someone out the door. You peer over and it's your royal guard doing the same. "I'll give you another ten minutes." Jisoo says and out the door she goes.

You're about to call her over because save me, you want to say, from whatever this tingling feeling is.

But as she disappears from the library, you're stuck alone with Jennie once more, and you'll just have to clench your legs together to fight this yourself.

   It was a challenge, but you were able to bring up the fifty-three names to a hundred and eighteen. Jennie gleamed at her improvement and thanked you profusely. She even brought you into a hug.

It was nice, but so was your generosity. You pulled away because you and Jennie are not friends. "Any time" you just thought she needed help. That was all you said before excusing yourself to your room. She invited you to the trail but you declined, unwilling to walk a path straight to more hurt.

And you stayed in your room until dark, mindlessly reading, writing, and reading some more. You watched the clock tick past nine o'clock in the evening, an hour and a half after dinner was served so you could sit at the dining hall in your own company- assuming that Jennie had accepted your absence and already gone up to her room.

Though, you don't have much of an appetite, even if the mouthwatering aroma of Kimchi-jjigae fills your nostrils as you descend the stairs. There's just a lot on your mind.

The Cup is one week from now and you only Friday left as your last training day with Jennie. Your confidence of earlier this morning has drowned in your sea of thoughts. You fear losing the title. In front of Marcadia- yes, but you admit the fear lies in the disappointment your father would hold on you. He has hampered you to win since you were sixteen. Gave you all the finest equipment, the most skilled trainer in the South- he spoke of little to nothing else besides this competition because Parks never lose, he said.

It has been five years of this. Disappointment is the least you expect come you fall short.

Walking down the hall, you find Yeri peaking into the dining. She points inside with contrite on her innocent face.

You're about to ask her what she had done wrong, but halt when you see Jennie seated. The food is untouched and her plate is spotless. You didn't imagine she would wait for you.

"Hey" she stands immediately.

You utter an abrupt hello in return, advancing in in your bewilderment.

"It didn't feel right to eat without you." she says, looking squeamish.

You take your seat across and gesture her to sit too. You showed up late for a reason, that of sparing yourself from anything Jennie might say to scratch your ego, but looking at her, still waiting for you to start eating- it makes you feel sorry for not wanting to have dinner with her at all. And her gentle expression appears to be in no mood for slander. She looks nice.

"I'm sorry to keep you long." you say, beckoning her to fill her plate while you do.

Nice cardigan, nice necklace, but nice attitude- you redirect. You need to stop staring.

"I wasn't sure if you would show up actually," she takes a thick serving of kimchi with her chopsticks, "Neither, your father." and reaches over to place it on your plate.

Your chest warms at the gesture.

You meet her eyes as she sits back down and you're ready to believe that you can never stay mad at Jennie because she's just looking at you and the feeling is back, fluttering in the pit of your stomach. You urge to take the plate of seaweed and offer it all to her, but you can't even manage to say thank you.

You can only nod your head. You didn't expect to be making conversation with Jennie tonight, let alone be showered in her kindness.

"Does he miss dinner often?" she seems to be trying hard.

But you remember the last time you opened up and how awful it felt to be left open the next day.

"It's not like it used to be." you reply for the sake of acknowledging her.

Dinner goes on like this. You keep the answers short and simple as you breeze through the food on your plate. And after dessert, she says she'll walk you to your room and she continues to ask of your father's business around and about- not to brag that her father is the opposite, but because she wants you to know that she would accompany you for as long as she can.

Jennie says it like she really means it. And you're falling for it.

The border between your limits and Jennie is melting with your heart pooling in the palms of your hands because god do you want her to hold it.

You want her to, but you're afraid she might drop it.

"I guess this means goodnight."

You realize you've already made it to your door.

"I'm sorry again... for making you wait at dinner."

She shakes her head, "Nothing to apologize for."

"I hope you sleep well," you reach for the knob behind you, not quite breaking the eye contact just yet- you question her dazed staring, and fumble to get the door open—

Jennie leans in- you hold your breath- and she covers your hand with hers to twist the knob.

You can feel the heat of her skin and you know she can feel it to because she comes even closer— you almost feel her skin to skin—

"Why are you so kind to me?" she whispers and she stares at you in vulnerability.

She cups your cheek—

So soft, so gentle, so Jennie.

And she kisses you.

She doesn't hesitate to hold you by the waist, urge you to move your lips with hers. Your back falls against the door when you part your lips for her, and your hands snake to the back of her neck, pulling her closer because you want to taste all the cherry off her lips.

Your mind is going haywire— Jennie is kissing you, hands running up your back, and you moan— it bounces off the walls— she tastes so good but oh god you shouldn't—        

"Jennie" she presses you to the wall and deepens the kiss. Her thumb brushes your cheek and leg slips between— you moan louder— someone might hear you! "J-Jennie"

She parts from your lips and rests her forehead on yours. "I'm sorry" she's breathless. You're both panting from how quickly this all escalated. You're still burning, burning for more but you know this shouldn't feel so right— "I'm sorry I'm so sorry" she steps back and covers her mouth in her own shock of what just happened.

You gulp down a breath and try to collect your scattered thoughts, "I-It's okay—"

"I don't know what came over me"

"It's okay, Jennie" you're trying to convince yourself that it is, too. That what happened didn't actually just happen and you're shoving down the overwhelming sensation rising up in you.

She brushes her fingers through her hair, looking back and forth between you still glued to the door and at the empty hallway. Then she leaves her gaze on you apologetically, "Did anyone see us?"

You peer over her shoulder and shake your head because it's only the two of you.

"I-I should" she's already— "leave you to rest" inching down the hall.

"Right uhm" you get the door open and nearly topple over your weight, "G-Goodnight"

"Y-Yes!" she's running, "Goodnight Rosie!"

You shut the door.

You lock the door. You step away from the door and crash face down on the bed because you just kissed Jennie Kim.

You curl up to a ball, burying deep into the mattress because you can't fathom the fact that you've kissed the North Princess.

You're absolutely electrified.

She's still tingling on your lips.

•••

You couldn't sleep a wink all night. Every time you closed your eyes, Jennie would waltz in and captivate your mind.

You replayed the scene in all perspectives.

Her lips were descending on yours once again, her hands on your waist, she squeezed- you moaned. You moaned more than once because she kissed so good.

You were mortified thinking that someone had seen you both. You switched to a voyeur, creeping around the corner of the hall and watching the two Princesses make out against the wall- you're scandalized to the bone!

It was a long night.

A long, high-strung evening, praying that the gods were asleep.

When the sun appeared in the horizon, you slugged out of bed and woke yourself with a hot shower. A quick one. You didn't dare leave yourself alone with your thoughts in the steam.

Walking to the dining hall, you knew Jennie wouldn't be around at the fine hour of five o'clock in the morning. And you were somewhat thankful, because you hadn't thought of what to say when you see her. You were still hung up on the way she drowned your moans in her kiss. You wondered if she was actually sound asleep. Embarrassed, you would be, to know you were the only one in a trance all night.

After breakfast, you hurried to the stables. Hello, good morning, I'm fine thank you, and you?, you maintained normal chitchat with Rufus and your best friend.

It was the shortest distraction of three minutes.

Because when Chanyeol came around, you thought of Jennie.

And you had to run lap after lap to get the ghastly thought that Jennie would feel a hundred times better than Chanyeol out of your dirty mind.

In the late afternoon, Jennie finally appeared. You were discussing plans of the pre-coronation ball with Jisoo in the library when the cat-eyes loomed in from the hall. When you caught her gaze, your cheeks flushed. Your heart raced and body stood still.

After a moment of longing stares, she smiled, and walked away.

You wanted to chase her. Your heart was rapid. But you and your mentor had much to address.

On the way to the dining, you hope Yeri would be at the hall for another caveat. But when you reach the door and peek through, you face the warning herself.

Jennie looks beautiful in pink.

"H-Hi" you stutter, taken by her beauty and the image of her pressed against you.

Jennie stands, letting her floral pink dress drape over her curves perfectly. "Hi, Rosie" she smiles sheepishly.

Your face turns a bright red.

It is a slow dinner, filled with awkward chortles every time you stare at each other for too long. Nothing much is said until the plates are wiped out. Then, she beats you with courage to bring up the kiss.

"I know that I..." she shifts on her chair and looks at you bravely. "apologized for kissing you..."

The words beat in your chest. It's all the more real said out loud.

"But I am in the least sorry, I'm afraid."

And god do you want to do it all over again.

"Though, I do worry what this all means. I can't tell what you're thinking, Rosie." she hasn't faltered her gaze on you.

The bubbles are rising up. You want to touch her, hold her hand because she doesn't regret what she did.

But you don't know what this is either. And you have a terrible idea of what could happen have this continue on.

"I don't... regret what happened, Jennie," you say truthfully, "and I don't know what to think, really." your mind just can't think straight.

"Should we just... forget about it?" she asks, unsure of her own question- maybe hoping that you would say no.

But, "yes," you say, "maybe we should".

Because you're awfully afraid that you're falling for Jennie.

_____________________________________

Topsé or bottomsé?