Chapter Six

6•••

   True to her word, Jennie came to look for you after unpacking and settling into her new room. You had just come out of your father's office- with a smile, in fact, because he has been more than happy to accommodate Jennie for the next two and a half months. He has been so keen on the idea, that he waved you off to ring King Tae-oh for good measure.

Jennie wanted to see more of the palace, so to all of the rooms of interest, you took her. She was at awe with the music room the most, despite the classical instruments in need of a polish. This is one of the rooms left to the dust.

Mother was a pianist, you told Jennie. She spent long hours of her days sat at the grand piano writing piece after piece. She taught you everything you know, but you must have forgotten how to play by now.

Jennie frowned at that. "Are you letting it go forever?".

You stared at the imprint of her fingerprints to the dusted fine wood.

You hadn't given a final decision much thought. You just never sought to enter this room after your mother died- because she wasn't inside when you would open the door or because you only found interest in it because of her- you don't know.

But every tune she had played to you remains in your recollections. Even the song she had left unfinished is painfully embedded with the acceptance that you will never know how it ends. And it is always much louder and distinct than mother's own voice.

"I'm not sure."

Extremely loud, and painfully distinct.

"But you could play it if you like." you said, noticing the way she lifted the cover and rested it back down. It was the first thought you gave of not letting mother's most treasured instrument be left to rot.

But Jennie looked at the distance between you and the piano- you hadn't stepped far away from the door- and she shook her head. "Maybe next time." she smiled dearly and walked back to you.

   In the kitchens you talked favorite food and there, you found differences with Jennie.

"I have avocado and toast for breakfast all the time!"

"I can't understand how anyone could stand such texture." you rebuked.

"And that is the only food you hate?"

"Hate is a strong word. I only dislike it to a certain extent."

"Of course, how could an innocent princess hate anything?" she chortled. Jennie had her fair list of distasteful foods in comparison to your just one item. "How do you stay so skinny then?" she questioned, and how cute it was to see her sulk in the truth that the Kims just don't have genes like the Parks. But you thought of her as the lucky one. No one could parallel Jennie. Not even close.

   And you confirmed this later in the day. After presenting the palace, you took it outside, en route the trail through the forrest and on the adventure, you couldn't stop smiling at Jennie. It was the most at ease you had felt in a long time. You couldn't even remember the last walk you wandered as carefree as that. How blissful it was to be with Jennie, you thought.

And how mesmerizing she looked under the golden sun. You knew you would be taking her out on this trail again.

She was looking at the trees, but you were looking at her. The pink and orange colors of the sunset enhanced her brown locks and hazel eyes to ethereal. She walked the path with grace, skipping on her feet and swinging her arms- you smiled every time she looked over her shoulder to talk to you. And there again, the way she looked at you sent something much more than the tingles- electrified through and through, your heart skipped to her steps and rapid it became whenever she turned. Your mind was disconnected because beautiful, was your only thought, and a distraction it was to whatever she was saying, making you a stuttering mess when she asked you of your favorite things.

And you nearly said those feline eyes of hers as it was the first at the top of your head, but you stuttered and said "cats", instead. You almost regretted it- should have taken the chance of seeing her blush in the compliment. But you were already feeling a heat to your own cheeks thinking it might be too forward.

You just loved it when her eyes crinkled and gummy smile appeared, just as much as you had compliments for her.

It was a strange course of emotions that streamed in you, and as unfamiliar as it was, you couldn't dismiss its significance.

You wondered what was with the heart flutters and the bouncy behavior, the crimson to your cheeks and the stammering when you spoke, and why a day's worth of conversation had this effect on you. You wondered why you didn't feel anything like this with Chanyeol- a commoner, but a man, and why couldn't you compare it with your friendship with Lisa and Jisoo instead of some romance- you wondered why Jennie.

You're not that kind of girl.

"Oh, that reminds me!" abruptly, she spins around to face you and you almost fall. Not because her hair is flawless whipping to the other shoulder, but more so because you slip on your feet trying to stop in your tracks before bumping in to her. She saves you from the fall as she grabs your shoulders and squeezes. "You alright, Princess?" she teases you, and you could only look at her in confusion of the sudden exclaim she did in the middle of telling you her favorite combination of cheese and wine. "Rosé is one of my favorite champagnes, you know" she wiggles her brows and you're convinced you've really fallen.

"O-Oh" is all you can manage because you can't believe you just thought that you've fallen for Jennie Kim. A senseless idea!

"What about you? What's your favorite kind of liquor?" she asks, brushing down your arms and then letting go to continue the walk.

You shift your weight on your feet a couple times, trying to get a balance because you don't want to slip again in case of any sudden glances, then you continue walking close behind. "I don't drink actually."

"You don't?"

"Nope."

"Never?"

"Once or twice."

"You don't drink..." she repeats, like to process it in her head that a twenty-one year old has not had more than half a bottle of alcohol to herself.

But, "There is no reason to," you tell her, "No events, no night gatherings, my father wouldn't dare serve liquor during the day."

Jennie blows a low whistle, shaking her head in dismay. "I pity you, Roseanne."

"You must have plenty events in the North then. You sure sound like you know much about what drinks taste best."

"There are events occasionally, but I don't think you need them as an excuse to have a glass of spirit. Sometimes you just feel the need to wash away your thoughts."

"Do you drift off to a drunken state easily?" you joke.

"It depends on how much I want to forget." she turns around and you bump into her this time, stumbling back only to have her hold you by the hand and pull you close again, "or how much I want to have fun." she whispers, hot and raspy and— what could Jennie want to forget, you wonder, and how dare anything make her upset? Quizzed, what are the things Jennie would do to have some fun?— "Should we head back?" she playfully shoves you, "It's getting dark." and you're still trying to understand what she meant as she is onward the palace.

   Excited for tomorrow, you are, as you walk Jennie back to her room in the midst of a conversation about the places to see in North Marcadia.

"I'll take you someday," she says, gummy smile and all, "I'll take you anywhere you want to go, Rosie." and it makes your stomach tingle again. You don't want to say goodnight, but understand the heavy lids.

"Thank you for showing me around, Rosie. I really enjoyed getting to know more."

A grin spreads across your face at that, "Thank you for staying, Jennie." You had taken so many steps in building a friendship- more than you have since your first week of lessons. "I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow?" And it feels so good.

"Breakfast" she nods.

So good to be with Jennie.

"Goodnight, Rosie."

This Jennie.

•••

What happened to that Jennie, you asked yourself. Because so distant, so stiff, so artificial- she sits across from you, eyes on the half eaten breakfast prepared on her plate.

You're confused. You had it all set up.

She said she loves avocado and toast.

"I assure you, Jennie, you will find a fine young man who will treat you like the Queen you ought to be." Father finishes his monologue about suitable partners and you figure it to be a topic of disinterest for Jennie, as she was all smiles right before breakfast and up until the subject was brought up. She has been forcing her kind remarks to your father and they may have gone unnoticed to him, but you cannot pretend and do the same.

"As for you Roseanne, I'm certain we could find someone perfect for you- I hear Sir Jimin is a nice man."

You can only hum in response because anything you could say might spark a riled discussion with father, and you don't want Jennie to witness it.

"Perhaps, Sir Jungkook, the young man we met at the auction hall."

"I remember," you reply, taking a sip of orange juice to mask the long stares you give to Jennie. She is still playing around with her food.

"He reminds me a lot of Chanyeol, you know,"

The air thickens.

Still, under your father's nose, but it has a strong hold between you and Jennie. So strong, that it has forced her to look up at you and you can't tell what she's thinking.

You swallow hard.

"Say, do you know why he wants to transfer to the Grand Stables?"

A twist to your stomach at father's words brings your attention back to him.

You heard nothing about nor from Chanyeol since the other day, but you can imagine a clear reason for his move.

"I guess not," father continues, taking your pause as question. He tells that Rufus requested for Chanyeol's position to take head of staff down at the common stables and your father thought of it to be Rufus shaping his son to be just like him, but found it odd to hear that it is Chanyeol's decision all along. "I didn't think anyone could separate him and Lalisa." he chuckles, taking a bite of his eggs.

"Did you approve?" you ask, a mix of emotions circling you. The cold demeanor Chanyeol has had towards you should be enough reason not to care about his leave from the palace. Wether it was really his idea or a physical barrier Rufus is putting between you both, you shouldn't care- If anything, your only concern should be what Lisa thinks of being separated from her brother.

"Well, I saw no reason to oppose. I would have had to look for a head of staff eventually and I think Chanyeol is a perfect fit."

You glance at Jennie because maybe she could take away the conflicts in you with her gentle smile- even the faintest one- but she lowers her gaze and doesn't pay you any attention.

The pit of your stomach churns a little tighter.

You decide you've had enough breakfast.

   Once father has excuses himself after his tea, Jennie stands up to walk away on the next beat.

"Wait" you follow her out the dining room and finally catch her down the hall. "Jennie, what's wrong?"

She snatches her wrist back and continues walking. "Nothing"

"Hey, I'm sorry for whatever it was father said wrong. I know talking about suitors could be an uncomfortable subject- I totally understa—"

"Roseanne, I said it's—" you're not able to stop in time as she spins around abruptly- she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in. You stumble back and close your mouth shut because you know you've just pissed her off again, and why, you still don't know- you never know why. "I just need some space, okay?" her tone softens, but behind a strain.

You're falling behind on your words and she takes it an as opportunity to round the corner and leave.

A weight sits on your chest. It's an upsetting wrench in you because yesterday was fine.

Jisoo and Suho appear from the corner of the hall. Their chortles die when they see you. "Rosie?"

You put a hand up, telling them to continue on, and you dart down the opposite direction.

Yesterday was so good that you couldn't fall asleep, thinking of Jennie and the sunset, but you got up with no desire to sleep a minute longer because you were to spend it on hanging out with Jennie, but she had other plans. No want to do the same with you, rather, shut you out and make you feel unwelcome in your own home.

The weight is turning into a burn. Your patience is running short. You have been kind, hospitable, generous, and done all the good deeds you were taught. You think before you speak and you walk behind her for heaven's sake- the South Princess, at the feet of Jennie Kim, royalty, but a foreigner in your kingdom.

She holds you one day and hisses to your touch the next. In her foul moods, she throws her daggers and uses you as target practice. She opens you up and tears you apart and you let her. You've let her under your skin and the regard you put in what she thinks of you hurts your feelings every time she scowls and for what- you just don't know. You don't know why- why why why—

You slam the door in boiling frustration. The canvases shake on their stands and the pints of paint rattle to the force. You kick a stool to the unfinished painting you left and plop down, submerging a brush in water then drowning it in purple paint. And just before you ruin the art in your anger, the hush of the room reminds you that this isn't you.

You do not get angry.

You do not lose composure and you do not throw tantrums.

You are grace under pressure, calm and collected, a Princess.

"Knock knock," Jisoo opens the door.

As if on cue, a lump forms in your throat and tears sting the back of your eyes, so you do not look behind you. You breathe in and blink the tears away. "Where's Suho? You should get back to him, continue your walk."

She closes the door, "Now, how could I do that when my best friend is upset?"

You draw in a shaky breath, "I am not upset." and steady your trembling hand in front of the canvas.

A stool slides to your right and Jisoo sits. You don't dare peek because these tears are close to falling.

"Another dream?" she asks softly, craning her neck to get a look at you but you turn away, staring up at the ceiling because damn these bottled up emotions and their need to flow out at this very moment. "It's been a while since the last one."

"It's not that—" you almost choke up trying to explain why whatever Jennie has been doing to you bothers you so much.

"Is it Chanyeol?"

Your breath hitches in your sore throat. Lisa must have told her everything, leaving there no point in denying a fall out between you and her brother.

You've managed to keep the tears at bay, so you face the canvas once more and shake your head in response to Jisoo.

"Mhm..." she nods slowly.

You bring the tip of the brush back up and dab on the art board lightly, with purpose.

"Did Jennie wake up on the wrong side of the bed again?"

A scoff comes out of you, a laugh, really. Because how humorous of you to have always blamed Jennie's crabby attitude on how well she slept, when there must be much more to it.

"Take another guess." And you bite your tongue before saying something spiteful.

Although, you can't help but question your limits. Because surely, you have managed to move past someone's frustrations with you. You've been yelled at by your father many times before and never did you flinch. You can handle unfair slanders and derogatory, even try to understand why you deserved them. Yet, when Jennie raises her voice in the slightest, you well with tears.

You've tried to understand, but at this point, you may never fully grasp Jennie's temperament.

•••

If the migraine wasn't bad enough, the cramps are the kicker. It wraps around your legs, your stomach, your back- everywhere. It is a stab to your joints as if gnawing at your bones to leave them in shreds. The heavy thumbs in your head have been pulverizing for these three days or so and it almost feels like a punishment for overthinking.

You don't think you can get up, but you know you need to try.

Tomorrow marks one week until the cup.

Every last one of these trainings matters if the five years of blood, sweat, and tears are really going to count for. You are not about to be selfish- you didn't get to this point on your own- and throw away the hard work of others just because of a little pain. You feel bad enough for missing last week's training over a foolish attempt of a kiss.

It's just one week left- suck it up, Roseanne.

Today should be a little easy on your headache and fatigue. Jennie turned down your offer to join Monday trainings.

After having spent your yesterday afternoon in the art room drawing and painting but as a failed distraction from thinking about Jennie, you wanted to check on her. Being surrounded by negative energy is tiring, and you thought of how unpleasant it must be for Jennie to wallow in it all day.

You didn't need to know why- you just wanted to make sure she was okay.

But a couple knocks to her door and she still didn't answer. You were ready to regret all the time you spent convincing yourself to be nice all over again and your conscience was crawling up your throat to burst out laughing at how ridiculous you were standing outside her door. You felt stupid, but only for a minute, because Joy came around the corner and said Jennie had gone for a walk with Kuma out on the trail.

You thought to go follow her, but Jennie told you that she wanted space and maybe she really did, as you took walks on the trail when you needed time to yourself too.

So you waited patiently. At dinner, she came to join. She appeared to be in a brighter mood, but still quiet and meek. She conversed with father, and only when you asked if she would like to join training she looked to you and said, "I think I'll take a rest.".

That was all from the brunette before she retreated back to her room.

You irk to knock on her door again. Ask her one more time to make sure she really doesn't want to join. Just one look and that's fine.

But you're already running late and space, you hear Jennie's voice.

   It's a humid morning this April 27th. Your heavy head dips down and you feel like tipping over while walking down the slope as the pounding knocks you from side to side. The cramps have loosened since you got out of bed, but hamper sharply every now and then. The pain paired with an early morning heat is starting to make you feel dizzy, but seeing Rufus waving brightly at you is helping.

"Lisa is gearing up Orange inside." he says, before jogging to the woodcraft shed for some equipment. You assume he hasn't caught on on the silent treatment Lisa has been giving you for the past five days.

In actuality, Jisoo must be the only one who has recognized the drawn line and only because Lisa had told her of you and Chanyeol. And it has been tough standing behind that border. You're sorry for the secrets and you're sorry for being interested in her brother at all- if you're being honest, you would take it all back and never even look at the boy- and you've been wanting to tell Lisa you would do anything to make up for your mistakes because you just miss your best friend so badly. You didn't mean to hurt her.

Walking up to the stables, you just hope she would believe you and when you finally enter, you're clinging onto the friendship you know is unbreakable.

"Hey, Lis" you approach, slowly but surely. "How was your Sunday?"

She secures the saddle strap on Orange and shifts her gaze to you, her expression blank and eyes dull. You purse your lips to a thin line knowing well that she's not trying to mask her hostility. Your eyes falter and you try to gain back the confidence she stripped away just from one glance.

"Lisa, please talk to me" the words are quiet as they come out. You're really sorry. "I-I know you're upset and angry with me but—"

"I'm upset and angry with the both of you." she corrects, irritation etched in her cool tone of voice. "And frankly, it's not just because you kept this a secret from me or that it is my brother of all the men in this palace- it's the fact that it's you, Rosie." she says, and the words rip through your chest. "You know what would have happened if someone else had caught you two- you know it, Rosie and you know that there are consequences with loving you."

It hurts more than the jabs to your side and the pounding of your head and because it is the fact that it's Lisa telling you this.

You don't know what to say. You could apologize for the secrets and for having seen Chanyeol as more than a friend- you will do it ten thousand times over, but apologize for being a Princess- you don't know how.

You just stand there, on shaking legs, willing to accept whatever more she has to say- let her spit all over you because you deserve it.

"I just meant..." she realizes the damage of her words and drops her gaze, but you shake your head because she meant what she said. Lisa's heart is just the purest of all. "You're royalty, Rosie, nothing can change that."

And she walks away from the sad truth. At this very moment, you wish you could too.

Forcing yourself to move, you take Orange's reins and lead him outside. You squint from the blazing eight o'clock sun, the shining rays upsetting the godawful migraine. It sears through you and this training might not be as easy on you as you thought.

When Rufus comes back, he has his timer in hand and gives you the brief. He leads the stretching and you try to follow like the cramps aren't wrenching the life out of you.

When you climb on top of Orange, you notice Lisa riding Luca and Chanyeol has come to watch today's training by the rails, along with Sehun, who beams once you catch his eye. But Chanyeol, he doesn't smile or wave a greeting, and it sets a bitter feeling in you.

He loves you one minute and despises you the next. He was going to run away and transfer without letting you know and that is still what he is planning to do. You should really try to understand, but you only want to ignore him because he has no trouble doing the same to you.

Perhaps, his cheeky smile was all there was to him. Pathetic perfect teeth.

"Three laps around the course counts for one round. First to complete three rounds wins."

   Three rounds have turned to six and you're exhausted. The sun is scorching hot. Sweat trickles down your neck and to the sticky collar of your polo. You're parched, still suffering from the hammering in your head, you can barely keep your eyes fully open.

Your wrists are stiff and fingers tight. You shake them to release the tension and guide Orange back to the post because one last round, Rufus said. He waits by the rails with Sehun and Chanyeol who haven't stopped bickering. At the bottom of the slope, a white, lace dress catches your eye- you squint.

It's Jennie. She has her arms crossed and eyes on you.

There is a strong want to talk to her at this moment. Ask her how she slept, if she had eaten already, or even just say hello. You want her to smile at you to get you through this last round.

But even if you keep staring, and she knows you are, she doesn't make a move. It sinks in your stomach that she may still be mad at you.

You move forth the post.

Beside you, Lisa adjusts her gloves and holds on to Luca once more. She hasn't shrugged off the stern look.

Your body aches just as much as the need to reach out and hug her because you're tired of being neglected- Jennie, Chanyeol, whoever else- please just not Lisa.

You've finally found the voice to apologize, but the first whistle blows and you need to take your positions.

"Lisa" you twist to face her and a pain shoots at your side. "I'm truly sorry for not telling you,"

"Take your position, Rosie." she snaps, getting into her own. "Orange is gonna bolt once he hears that second whistle."

"You were right with what you said- I know what comes with loving me and I know I shouldn't have had feelings for Chanyeol—"

"The reins goddamnit!"

"But I wasn't going to pursue anything with him Lisa you have to believe me"

Rufus blows the second signal and you should have taken the reins.

You slip off the saddle but manage to catch yourself. "S-Stop—" you seize on to the gear as tight as you can, wrangling your foot on the stirrup to keep you from dangling completely.

You grab the reins and pull but the stallion doesn't skip a beat- galloping with the wind and jolting you against him repeatedly. 

Your hands burn through the gloves- head spinning to no direction and chest losing air— you can't breathe- your muscles are getting weaker the longer you hold on- you don't think you can—

The frenzied whistles and the thundering gallops of the stallions fade in the background. You get a flash of Lisa reaching out to your side, her hollers are muffled.

You wrap a strap- any strap around your wrist and you pull and pull and pull—

"Hold on!"

You swing your leg over and lay your front down on Orange— air— you need air—

"Rosie—" Luca brushes Lisa passed you as Orange is finally slowing down. She tries to stop her stead, too.

You're heaving painfully. Everything is blurry. You're dizzy and tired and when your stallion finally stops, you groan in pain- pushing yourself up and sliding off the saddle to land on your wobbling knees.

"Princess!" Rufus calls out, running to you from the other end of the course with the boys close behind, but you can't assure you're fine because you can't focus on anything— the sun is blinding- it's just so bright- it burns your eyes to keep them open.

Stumbling back, you're losing your balance and you see Jennie running, calling your name- coming from the slopes, she's closer to you and apologize, you should, for whatever you did wrong.

You wince in pain to the splitting headache— knees buckling, chest panting- you reach for the railings but can't find it to grasp-

Everyone is running- Lisa is the closest—

"Lisa—" you're just so sorry

"Rosie!"

"Lisa— catch her!"

Your head dips back, and suddenly, it's not so bright anymore.