Chapter Five

5•••

You wake up with a splitting headache. It penetrates between your tired eyes and strikes continuously as your mind and body awaken. You rub your forehead in attempt to ease the pain, but it continues on for what feels like forever.

As there is no use, you sit up and lean against the headboard of your bed, letting your blurry eyes adjust to the dim room. You can only wish to go back to sleep and spare yourself of this piercing nuisance, but the clock rings a second time, marking on the ten minute snooze- the ten minutes past the time you should have been up and getting ready for a full day of training.

The sun hasn't even risen to the horizon yet.

You've been dreading Wednesdays ever since father and Rufus changed your training schedule. Not only is every Wednesday a bother to you, but it is a huge inconvenience to the others in the palace except your father. Suho has to be on guard outside your door by four in the morning which is two and half hours earlier than usual, Yeri has to be on stand by to tend to your needs, the servants need to illuminate the halls while the sun is still down, Rufus, Chanyeol, Lisa, and other caretakers of the courtyards are to be awake if facilities will be used and even Jisoo is up and at it for moral support. The kitchens are lucky to excuse the early rise as skipping breakfast before trainings have been more frequent.

You already hate Wednesdays, and it is only the second of this new schedule.

Groaning out of bed, you force your sleazy brain to think positive. The beautiful sunrise, the calming breeze, talking with Lisa, seeing Cha— 

You wince at a sharp pain to your head.

Even natural bodily functions are against you and the boy.

You lean against the sink counter and wash your face to wake your senses, but remnants of last night flash by you and your cheeks heat up. You cringe at yourself, groaning louder at how disgusted you are with your steamy bath affairs.

Positive thoughts, you wonder. Something to distract you, something happy- like Lisa's jokes, playing jokes on Jisoo, a new set of pastel paint, the hills from the balcony, Jennie on the balcony, Jennie coming tom- oh for goodness sake what is wrong with you!

You twist the faucet off and straighten on your back. You hadn't realized you were clenching your legs together.

This is absurd.

Your head is burning up and it seems these thoughts are walking through hell itself. The attractions for Chanyeol are sinful enough but Jennie— a Princess— a girl— you don't even know.

You can't comprehend what these sexual responses mean and are for because one minute, you are thinking of Chanyeol and the next, you are thinking of Jennie.

You curse your weakness for hands.

"Princess?" Yeri calls from outside the door, "Sir Rufus requested a check in. Are you in need of any help to dress?"

You glance at the clock in your room and you're running later than ever. "No, thank you, Yeri." Flashing through your morning routine, you're dressed and ready for training in the next three minutes. Just as you are about to leave your bedroom, you hear voices right outside.

"Have a pleasant day." you recognize the deep, guttural voice of your royal guard.

"And you, Suho." A broad smile plasters on your face and you're bouncing in joy to hear your mentor's voice resonate. It takes a few moments to compose yourself and suppress your excitement, but when you open the door you can't help but wiggle your brows at the royal guard, who now stands alone, awfully confused and pink faced as he has trouble looking you in the eyes.

He clears his throat but sounds the words an octave higher, "Good morning, Princess.".

You love to tease him just as much Jisoo. "Good morning indeed, Suho."

•••

   He could very well be in there. The light is on and the last time you assumed Lisa was inside, you bumped into her brother instead. Her brother, the boy you are utterly infatuated with, but may ruin if the gods have anything to say about it.

Or worse, your father.

But there is no turning around, at least right now. You need your helmet and gloves from the closet.

Drawing a long breath in, you hope the circulation would ease the pounding in your head for the few minutes- maybe even seconds- that you are in there with him. You need a clear mind to get you through a coherent conversation.

When you pull the doors open, you manage a smile because there he is.

"Good morning, Rosie." Chanyeol is first to greet as you are falling behind on your words.

You swallow down the nerves. "Hi, Chanyeol." you simply say, walking past him at Orange's stable and opening the closet for what you came for.

The air is dense.

You're dying to hear what he's thinking- if he's oblivious to the pressure or thinking about what happened the last time you two were alone. You wish it to be the first and you wish that no mutual feelings will ever come to light. That your assumptions will be put to rest by his nonexistent likeness toward you because you're afraid of what might happen next if it does exist. Your heart may pound as rapidly as your head does now and it might tear to shreds because it will never fully grasp what it wants.

You struggle with the jammed strap lock to your helmet, a shake to your hands and impatience growing as your migraine thunders.

Chanyeol's eyes are on you and you just know it, so you grip the lock and pull as hard as you can, but "Ah" you hiss as it only scrapes a long line of flesh open on your forefinger- the helmet goes crashing down.

"Rosie, are you okay?"

It burns and it stings badly. It's nothing too serious, but the tiniest wounds always hurt the most. Though, the gush of blood may perceive this to be not so tiny at all.

You cup your slashed finger and the blood pools on the palm of your hand. Chanyeol reaches out, but you tug away, "I'm fine, it-it's just a scratch.". You don't want him to touch you, "I-I'll just go and get a bandage." because this is already too risky.

But before you can even take a step, Chanyeol covers your hands in his- "Nonsense," protective touch, "I have a first aid kit, let me help." not even caring about the blood dripping on him.

You have trouble assessing the situation as he is quick to sit you down on a stool and take a first aid kit in hand, kneeling in front of you. And you don't opt to decline the offer because the bleeding continues and the pain sears worse. You try not to flinch as he presses a towel to stop the bleeding.

Sweat trickles down your neck and your face turns a light shade of pink at the chivalry, but you would like to blame it on the sudden adrenaline- deny the flutters in the pit of your stomach because of how gentle and caring Chanyeol is being and your heart that might actually pound out of your chest because his face is only inches away from yours and you know that just one look and—

You bite your lip because he lifts his gaze and he's even closer— "Chanyeol..." the gods are watching.

He glances at your lips, then back to your eyes, "I..." he shakes his head because he can't help himself but clasp the back of your neck and pull you in—

"Your Highness"

You never meet his lips. You jolt up in alarm.

"D-Dad"

Your stomach tightens and your chest goes empty. Rufus and his soft eyes— you've just been caught.

Chanyeol stands on his feet, stunned, but calm, "Dad, I—"

"I should go." and you're quite the opposite, god-fearing chills washing over you because you've just been caught.

"Rosie, wait—" you only miss Chanyeol's grasp by a second as you hurry towards the door where Rufus stands dumbfounded at what he had just seen, staring at the floor and unable to look at you as you walk past him. "Let me explain." and you leave Chanyeol to speak with his father despite a wave of guilt surging in you because you are at fault for this, too.

You should stay with him and sort this all out but you just can't breathe at the reality that your worst secret has just been discovered and it may be fortunate to have been Rufus but it is still terribly dangerous. So you run away from the stables and up the hill.

The rising sun emits your shadow on the grass as you dash toward the nearest door to the palace and the blood seeping from the drenched towel drops to the marbled floor once you make it inside.

And you plan on staying in for the rest of the day.

•••

   The sick card would only last for two days and an extension to the next morning of the third at most. Any longer and father would worry about a greater ordeal. As you were cooped up in the bedroom, it was easier for him to believe you were under the weather because it is always a breeze to deceive him in such context as he is too busy to really observe your behaviors.

It was not difficult playing fever either, because the incident of Wednesday was wearing you out in anxiety and trepidation. And you are still weary, despite how many sleeps you had forced yourself to take whenever you thought of what happened. You are almost convinced you could sleep on forever.

But today is Friday, and Jennie will be arriving soon.

"Finished pretending, are we?" Jisoo was the only one to look through the facade, but did not understand why you had to lie of feeling ill to father. She thought that if you reasoned for a rest day, he would understand. Hopeful, that girl, you thought.

She believes in the reason of a break after such hectic days to be true. And god forbid she finds out why you haven't left your room.

"Have you cleaned the wound well?" she closes the door behind her and walks to you at the desk, taking your wrapped forefinger to examine.

"Yeri helped me again." you say, adding another comment of how ridiculous you were to use scissors in the dark. As long as she thinks it true.

"A bit of a nasty cut indeed." she shakes her head at your clumsiness, then pulls you up from the chair, "Well, you better be off to the course before your father orders all the doctors of South Marcadia to come marching in for that fever of yours."

Your belly drops again. It plants the most obvious, uncomfortable look on your face every time someone mentions training. You stagger on an inhale and feel like you need to sit back down- better yet just fall back to sleep because you just don't think you could do it- come face-to-face with Rufus after nearly kissing his son. But you know very well that he cannot piece together the puzzle without the Princess' final say.

These two days have given you a lot of thought.

"Hey, what is it?"

And you couldn't come up with a better option than to dismiss it all.

"Nothing," deny deny deny.

"Are you sure?" Jisoo follows you out the door. "Because you're actually starting to look sick."

You see the course from the hall window. Nerves fill your empty stomach and you think you might even hackle once you step foot in the stables, but you will just have to blame it on a breakfast never eaten.

   Your clammy hands grip the door handle. It has taken a ten minute walk all the way here when it should have only three as you needed more time to muster some courage, but you stop short of barely sliding the door open because the strangled voices tell you not to interrupt.

"I don't expect you to understand, dad, but how do I make peace with masking my feelings forever?" The words tug at your heartstrings, but not in the overjoyed way. It is the confession you wished not to hear. Only you are not meant to hear this at all.

The father counters in frustration, "And how do you expect me to make peace with the fact that my son is willing to be whipped and shamed in public- and god save you for what else King Mason would do if he found out that you've fallen for his Princess"

"It is not one sided—"

"To hell with it, Chanyeol!" Rufus booms, no longer silencing his anger to harsh whispers. It sends chills over your body. You have never heard Rufus yell and you don't want to listen any— "You will put this to rest and there will be no speaking of it ever again."

"Dad, please..."

"Know your place, boy." Rufus mutters, "You are a stable boy. A commoner." he says, wrenched in the painful truth, "you will never become royalty."

You can't listen anymore

You step back and spin around and your throat tightens, "L-Lisa". The blank slate stares at you wordless, "Lisa, it... It's nothing—" and she turns to walk away because she's heard it all. "Please, wait-" you can explain—

The door handle shackles and your reflexes jump to the side of the stables, out of sight. Rufus stomps out and you go unnoticed as he darts for the opposite side.

Your mind is running in circles. Your coach had already done what you came to do, tell Chanyeol to let this all go and continue like it never happened but the anger in Rufus, the disbelief of Lisa- it's not making this any easier. But you force yourself to go in there because you can withstand not being with Chanyeol the way your heart desires, while joining all of the South to watch him be whipped at the wooden post because of this love would be unbearable.

"Chanyeol..." your lips quiver to his name.

He turns to you with sadness, an understanding of what you are here to do. "I'm sorry you heard that." he says.

You shake your head. "I understand." you say, but do not accept how unfair the consequences of your actions would only affect him in the name of the law. "We've known it all along, we are only meant to be friends."

He looks away and sighs, "Maybe." he mumbles. "At least, there is nothing to hide from anyone anymore. No one has to know about this."

You clench your jaw in regret because it was too late to retain secrecy with Lisa. "Your sister knows..."

Chanyeol snaps his head up, "What?"

"She heard you outside." you cannot speak above a whisper, trying to grasp what just occurred. "I tried to explain, but she just walked away."

"I need to go." he shakes his head and trudges to the door, a scowl upon his face.

"Ch-Chanyeol—" you grab his arm, but he wrings you off of him.

"Don't, Roseanne." His eyes are stone cold, "I need to go." and slams the door behind him.

You're floored at his sudden flare, but it only makes sense. You both know how distraught Lisa would be to accept the fact that her brother was to risk so much for her best friend— the Princess for crying out loud- she won't accept it at all. 

"Rosie?" Jennie appears between the doors, "Is everything alright?" You're able to breathe seeing that she is here, her light voice able to make the weight not as heavy as it is. "Rufus said training is postponed till the next hour." she approaches you gradually and the exhaustion on her face shows.

"Y-Yes, everything is... Everything is fine. Are you okay?" you direct the attention to her because the red circles under your favori— her pretty eyes— worry you.

"Chanyeol just stormed out really furious." she continues, a worry of her own settling in as she looks to your bandage.

"H-He's uhm..."

"Are you okay? What happened to your hand?" she takes it in hers and you tell her it is only a slight wound- that it doesn't even hur—

"Did he hurt you?" your breath hitches in your throat and heat runs up your spine as she assess by cupping your face, lifting your sleeves and touching you again. The touch, so gentle and sweet, "Rosie, did he hurt you?" she repeats, but serious and stern.

You shake your head, "No..." only focusing on those weary eyes. "No, he didn't"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine, Jennie..." and it seems only because she is here.

She sighs of relief and releases her hold on you, running her fingers through her hair and just as beautiful as last time.

But, "Jennie, are you okay?" you need to know why she looks so tired. "You seem..."

She flaunts a brittle smile and averts her gaze. "I'm just a little restless, really. The constant traveling back and forth is a little, you know..."

Right.

"It's a lot."

Of course, it is. A carriage ride longer than two hours here and back to the North is draining, even more so on the early mornings. You feel guilty for feeling tired yourself when you have the upper hand with schedules.

And Jennie has not complained once. She may have not even mentioned it if you hadn't asked.

"But it's no matter, I'll deal with it." she chuckles, but you beg to differ.

"You are welcome to stay here if you like," you say, no doubt about your idea. Jennie furrows her brows at you. "You said you've finished your studies and only need to acquire our lessons to finish your duties as Princess. You could spend the rest of your Princess days here at our palace if it means you won't be missing much activities at yours," you smile, proud of the solution you've come up with, "and that is only if you would want it that way..." and you're hoping- praying she will say it is what she wants.

"I see..."

Because it has so many benefits. Jennie won't be stressed on lack of sleep and long travels, she will have time from her father as she claims he hovers her too much, get to know you and your world, and this gives you so many opportunities to know her.

You're so eager to be closer with Jennie and spend more days with Jennie so you can add, not only facts, but stories and memories to the list of all things Jennie. You're so excited by the thought, that you are bouncing on your feet with no fail.

"But your father..."

"He will be happy to have your company."

"What about Sehun and Kuma?" she asks with a hint of uncertainty.

"Always welcome," you assure, "and you can bring whoever else, Jennie, anyone at all- I want you to feel at home." you squeeze her hand to seal your word, "So, will you stay with us?" please please please pretty please

"Well, it sounds very inviting"

You squeeze harder, "You'll really stay??" you can't even hide your stupid grin.

"As long as it isn't a bother to anyone." she states, firm yet with a twinge of enthusiasm to her tone that makes you bounce even higher. "I'll still go home to collect my things, though, and tell my parents, of course. You wouldn't mind me coming back as soon as tomorrow would you?" she looks at you dearly and already knows the answer by how big you gleam- so big your eyes have shrunk to size.

And the glint of her chocolate orbs is back. It calms you to plant both feet flat on the floor and soak in the way she looks at you. So delicate, so genuine, so clement compared to the hard glares you've been given these past two days, and oh the way she looks at you- it is the only regard you care for at this moment.

She asks you another time if you are truly okay and unharmed by the boy and you guarantee all is well before heading out for a walk.

•••

   Pink or blue pink or blue pink or blue you cannot decide. The sky color suits her complexion well as the summer dress of last brunch is unforgettable. Although, the baby pink flowers pair just as well with the white linens, aesthetically pleasing.

But the blue is just so her.

"Let's go with the light blue pattern. The next change of beddings will be the pink roses, okay?" you nod off to Yeri and partner, Joy, who scurry to make the king sized bed with the comforter of choice.

Nitpicking at the room's decor, you make certain that there is not a single flaw to be traced. You sweep the drapes straight, re-adjust the welcome flowers on the desk for the third time, double check the bathroom and walk-in closet, and spray the room with an aromatic mist.

Strawberry.

As she likes it.

You glance at the clock on the bedside table. "Yeri, I must hurry to the course. Make sure everything is perfect before you leave. Jennie will be here soon." You instruct, already rushing out the room the Princess will be occupying during her stay. Once Yeri calls out a confirmation, you dash down the hall and to the staircase, where you find Jisoo speaking with Suho by the bottom of the steps.

They hear your haste and thudding boots as you descend, shocked at your sudden drop in, and put more space between them.

"Oh don't mind me- get on with it!" you holler, running out the glass doors onward the oval for Saturday training. And you slow down on the slope, trying to catch your breath and clear your mind because you're going to face the three people you have hurt once again.

Yesterday's relay with Jennie was weird to say the least. Rufus was playing his part as your coach, just like nothing had happened with you and his son, but Lisa was ignoring you the entire time. In fact, she didn't even give you a chance to speak to her because she was always one step ahead, starting conversation with Sehun or walking away to do something unimportant whenever you approached. Chanyeol never came back after he had slammed the door on you.

Jennie was your middle ground. Her bubbly presence made the hours much easier.

But Jennie isn't here yet, so you just hope all of you can keep up with each other.

   A sharp turn, Orange catches you off guard- you loose your grip and you're slipping-

"Hold it, Roseanne!"

You clutch on with all your strength, steadying your feet on the stirrups to keep from falling off the full speed. Straining your muscles and holding your breath trying to shift your weight and pulling pulling pulling

"You got it!"

You're back in control.

Tugging on the reins, the stead comes to a slowing pace. The near accident has left you panting for air and trying to relax your tight muscles. You bite your tongue to prevent the spiteful words you have for Orange's instantaneous maneuvers.

The pounding to your head returns.

"Are you alright, Roseanne?" Rufus jogs up to you as you pull to a halt.

"He just turned on his own, I didn't expect it." you huff, jumping off the stallion and removing your helmet to relieve your headache. A sting draws your attention to your finger, the wound bleeding through the dressings as you were holding on too tight.

"He must be tired," Rufus says, stroking Orange's mane. "I suppose that is enough for today. Have that cleaned up, alright, Princess?" he takes the helmet from you and smiles goodbye as he takes your partner to the stables.

He has kept with being the same Rufus you have known all your life. No mention of what happened and no mention of Chanyeol.

No Chanyeol at all as he hasn't shown up.

Lisa, on the other hand, appears from behind the shed, carrying heavy and cleaned equipment. She does not glance at you once. The insouciance is evident. You approach in what may be the twentieth attempt to explain, but she lifts her gaze to someone calling your name.

You spin around and find Jennie coming down the slope in a sky blue, but different summer dress. This one is strapless.

"You're here" and obviously so, as your stiff muscles loosen by her presence.

"And right on time, I see. Mom and dad took their time with goodbyes." she smiles, a hello to Lisa as well.

"Hey, Jennie," you've come to miss Lisa's bright voice and it hasn't even been a full two days. "Where are Kuma and Sehun?" she questions their absence.

"Mhm... They bumped into your brother earlier and..." she peers around for the two boys, narrowing on the opposite side of the stables where Chanyeol finally appears, expressing much irritation on his face as Sehun follows close behind with a paper to hand and Kuma's reins on the other. "They appear to be getting closer" Jennie comments, sarcasm to accuracy.

"Kuma is no ordinary horse, I tell you- you need to be aware of the necessary pampering- there is a list!" Sehun emphasizes the tedious tasks to Chanyeol.

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you, kid" and the annoyance of his tone is apparent. He turns to the group and his disregard is now upon you.

"I am no kid, Sir, I reckon to be only three years younger than you- now if you would just listen..."

The grim tears from you as they walk away.

To your surprise, you did not even flinch under his cold stare. You didn't feel anything at all.

"I should go and make sure Sehun is understood." Lisa says and jogs up to the quarreling pair, quick to leave you and Jennie alone.

You turn to her with contentment. "How about a tour?"

•••

   The magnificent ball room is not as magnificent as it used to be, you tell Jennie. The closed doors and shaded windows have left the room stuffy with accumulating dust in all the nooks and crannies. It remains empty like it has been for a couple of years.

"When was the last time you had a ball?" she asks, moving to the middle of the space, observing the carefully carved architecture of the tall walls and high ceiling. The question calls for an upbringing of the past and you hesitate to tell it, but figure this may be why you took Jennie here in the first place.

"The last one was after my mother died." you trace the lines on the walls, remembering how distracted you got doing this as a kid. "Christmas ." a very, very cold winter.

The feline eyes fall on you. This is the first time you've spoken of your mother to anyone but Jisoo and Lisa.

And you continue, following the lines. "Father realized he didn't like to entertain guests alone, I think. The place has been quiet ever since. Only small gatherings with relatives and the brunch like we had." you shrug, like brushing the missed possibilities off your shoulder as if it is nothing. There's something about Jennie that makes everything of what was so hard, seem not so hard at all. "But plans for the pre-coronation ball is already at hand." you say. "Come on," you make contact with her sympathy, "I have something else to show you." 

   It is your favorite room in all the palace. Your sanctuary, your safe haven, your mother's memoirs. More so, what you would like to remember of her. "It's not much, but I'm quite proud of this room.", because you've built it to be what it is- handcrafted, meticulously created every art piece speaking to your mother- some even representing her, embodying that they are your mother's entity. 

Jennie is in awe at your paintings. "You did all of this?" she roams through the canvases, observing them like memorizing every brush stroke. 

"Hmm" you hum in response, clamping your mouth shut because you had been agape, staring at Jennie's suave of a back. The strapless fit is almost backless, only the cloth is just above the bra line. Still, it is enough to show off her smooth, slender, unbelievably sexy— 

"It's beautiful, Rosie." 

You snap your gaze away like you weren't drooling over her.

This has been happening an awful lot. The stares as well as the tingling in your stomach every time you notice something attractive in Jennie. It reminds you of the way Chanyeol made you feel every time he smiled at you, but this shouldn't be what that is because Jennie does nothing and a spark still warms your chest. 

It is similar, but not at all of what you know with the boy. You just don't know with Jennie. 

"You must really love flowers." she giggles, picking up the carnation you painted last month. Her expression loosens when she flips it over and reads the few words. "For your 49th birthday... Forever yours, Rosé." your name falls off her lips, fleeting softly into the air. 

"My mother loved flowers." you barely have a voice to speak all of a sudden. As suddenly as the name sounds to belong on her tongue like your mother's. "She was the only one who called me Rosé." and you can almost hear her voice echoing Jennie's, but it is as faint as you can remember. 

"You must miss her very much." she speaks quietly, putting down the canvas like fragile glass. 

"Everyday." and your voice tremors as you're trying not to break. 

She doesn't peer from the painting, "I'm sorry for your loss, Rosie.". 

You nod your head and manage a smile, blinking away the salty tears that threaten to fall. 

After a moment, she purses her lips and speaks again, "I'm afraid I know the feeling."

You harden to hear this, "You do?", and you're anxious for what she has left to say. 

She nods, candid with the affliction on her face. "I was in love with a boy once, too, Rosie." she sighs, "But it was a while ago." 

"Condolences, Jennie." you sympathize. You wonder of this boy and what was of such love, but when she clucks her tongue and sighs again, you do not raise another question. "Let's go, I'll show you to your room." 

   The atmosphere shifts when you reach her headquarters. To your relief, the blue duvet spreads out to her liking and the scent resonates with her own perfume. She adores the bouquet and awes at the room's entirety. She thanks you a couple times over, too. 

"I think this might be my favorite." she sits on the edge of the bathtub and you nearly choke on your breath. You haven't forgotten your own bubbly tub. And now you're thinking of what happened in that bubbly tub of yours. 

It's getting hot in here. 

"I-I should uhm... I'll let you settle in." you stammer over your words, afraid that a moan might come out by mistake- though that would be ridiculous to happen because there is nothing to be so turned on about. "M-My room is just one floor up, end of the hall." it's just Jennie. 

"Alright, I'll come find you after unpacking." she crosses her legs and the dress falls to expose her thigh and your mouth goes dry because you are totally convinced that all of Jennie Kim is unbelievably sexy. 

"O-Okay" you chuckle nervously, slipping out of the bathroom to save yourself from anymore questionable stuttering. "I'll see you then!" you step out to the bedroom, but she grabs your arm—

"Wait!" she spins you around and intertwines your fingers. You look down because you can't feel your hand- ironically, only feeling her. "Thank you again, Rosie." and she's so near that her breath hits your skin, spreading heat over your body like wildfire. You don't know what she is doing so close to you, but you can't move even an inch. "I look forward for our days to come." she smirks and playfully shoves you out the door, closing it between you. 

You let out the shaky breath you were holding in, still unable to move away from the bathroom door. 

And you're shameless for wondering what she might be doing in there.