Chapter 34

"You don't need to stay out here, Spencer," Emily smiled as she stepped aside to let her through. "There's no one here but me."

"Right," she chuckled awkwardly. "Thanks."

The weight of the last few days fell upon Spencer's shoulders, making her drag her feet and her posture sag. The second she had said the words, regret filled her entire being. Her veins had grown cold, and her chest had started to ache—had anyone asked her, she would have sworn she was going through some type of withdrawal. Walking away from Carlisle when he had been just a few feet away from her, she felt like she willingly left her heart behind, like he had meant nothing.

Emily walked her to the dining room, covering her with a blanket before setting a muffin and a steaming mug of hot chocolate before her. She didn't say anything as she sat beside Spencer, allowing the girl the space to talk when she felt like it. She took small sips of what smelled like chamomile tea to the girl.

Moments like these had happened far too many times in the short time they had truly known each other. Spencer would appear at her brother's front door, spiraling out of her mind. Emily would let the girl in and give her something to eat and drink. They would sit by the table in silence until the younger woman wanted to speak. There was no rushing or yelling, no judging or pushing. She was simply there.

"I ended things with Carlisle today," Spencer sniffled as she finally lifted her head from the table. "I keep telling myself it was the right thing to do, but it just hurts so much."

"It will, and for a long time, most likely," Emily said. "Your heart is conflicted, and that's okay. Your head knew what you needed right now. We can't see the future, Spencer. Maybe one day, your paths will meet again, but at this very moment, you need this space."

"But it feels wrong. It feels like I just gave up a part of myself. I have all this love for him in here," she explained, pointing at her chest as she allowed tears to flow freely, "and I don't know what to do with it. There's no space for anyone else. It's just him and everything I feel for him."

"Let yourself feel it, Spence. Let yourself sit with those feelings for as long as you need to. Having them there isn't a bad thing," the older woman offered. "You simply can't let them control what you do next. If you don't want to be with him right now, that's okay. If you want to date someone else, that's okay. And if you want to take him back someday, that's going to be okay, too. Whatever you decide for yourself will be the correct choice."

Spencer couldn't help but sigh as she picked at the perfectly baked muffin. Emily was right, like she was most of the time. It felt wrong because she had sacrificed a part of herself for the greater good of her future. She had started to learn how to live without Carlisle. She had to see that through. "I guess it's just hard to visualize life without him when he is right there," Spencer sighed. "Every day of my life will include him if I stay here."

"Does that mean you're considering moving away, Spencer?" Emily asked in surprise. "I didn't know you were mulling that over."

"It's not exactly something I can do right now, either way," the girl said. "I don't think there's any hospital or school out there that will allow me to do what I am doing right now. Honestly, I still don't quite believe St. Michael allowed me to do this. Especially since I only go up there to take tests and the occasional lecture. Where else will I find that kind of treatment? It's literally like something bigger than me had a hand in my career."

"Maybe that's exactly what happened," the Young woman shrugged with a soft chuckle.

Spencer joined her in her laughter because there wasn't much else to do but laugh. She might never come to know the truth of her almost miraculous medical school feat. "It's only a year and a half more of my life," the girl said. "I'm sure I can handle it."

"Well, if there's anyone strong enough to do it, it's you."

Before she could say anything else, voices echoed from the backyard, announcing the arrival of some pack members. Spencer stiffened up instantly, not yet ready to face her brother. She knew she could forgive him at some point—she couldn't see a world where she didn't have her brother—but she needed time to sit with her feelings. In reality, she wasn't done being mad. Someone had to take the brunt of her strong emotions.

"Take these for you and your mom," Emily said as she handed her a basket filled to the top with muffins. "I'll hold them off as best I can."

"Thank you, Emily," Spencer smiled, feeling heat rising to her face as embarrassment rushed through her. She couldn't believe she was running away from confrontation—especially with something as trivial as what they had fought about. "I'll see you soon."

"You're gonna have to face him one day, Spence," the woman smiled, seemingly knowing the turmoil that weighed on her mind. "Life's too short."

The Uley girl took the basket and headed to the front door while Emily left for the backyard. There would only be a few seconds where she would be able to escape before Sam or Paul came to follow her. A second was the difference between going home or getting into another heated discussion. Only a few feet, and she would be home free.

"Hey, Spencer," she heard a voice call out to her. "Wait up!"

So much for getting home.

She turned toward the boy with a quiet sigh, trying her best to muster a genuine smile after crying for so long. "Embry, hi. Everything okay?" she asked. "Did you need something?"

"I, uh, wanted to check on you," he replied, trying to hide the redness that was growing on his face as he sat on the steps of the porch. "I know right now you're a bit at odds with Sam and Paul, and we haven't talked in a while, and, well, the Cullens are back, and..."

"You're rambling, Em," she chuckled, joining him on the stoop. "What's up?"

"I guess I just know what it's like to feel lonely," he muttered. "I just wanted you to know I was here—i-if that's how you felt."

Spencer was unarmed by his words, letting her shoulders fall and her smile falter. "It's been a trying few months, not gonna lie," she chuckled softly. "Don't know how much you know about what went down between my brother and me, but it's been hard not having him around."

"Oh, well, unfortunately, Paul is really loud in his head," he said awkwardly. "For what it's worth, I think they truly overstepped. I get they thought they were protecting you, but there were so many other ways they could have done that. It's horrible to be alienated from your friends, especially when it's not your choice."

"You can say that again," Spencer agreed. "What about you? How are things at home?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be grounded right now," the boy shrugged, directing his gaze to his fingernails. "I think she'll be angry until I stop shifting and I can get close to her again. While I have this huge secret hovering over us, there is no way we'll be able to have the relationship we had."

Spencer could see the tears forming in the corner of Embry's eyes. She knew how strong he had to be every day of his life, and she felt honored to be a safe space for his emotions. "For the longest time, it's just been us two," he sniffled. "Now, I feel bad because as much as I want to be there for her, I can't without revealing the pack's secret. And the last thing I want is for her to feel like I don't want that closeness anymore."

"Would you ever consider telling her the truth?"

"Would you tell your mom? Risk her safety and her worries?"

He had a point. There was a reason the supernatural was kept a secret from everyone around them. Too many people already knew the truth when they weren't meant to, and the more who knew, the more danger they would attract. The last thing they needed was more vampires in their town. "I guess I wouldn't—not now, at least," she responded. "I just wish there wasn't so much at stake with the secret. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells every time mom asks me what's going on with Sam, and I can't tell her anything other than he's okay."

"At least she has you," Embry said. "I wish my mom had a Spencer in her life to keep her company."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," the girl sighed. "I almost abandoned her to follow a vampire to eternity. That's not what a good daughter should do."

"Don't beat yourself over being in love, Spencer. I mean, people say love makes you crazy, no?"

"Guess that's true," she chuckled. The tension that had built on her shoulders had started to untangle itself, releasing its chokehold on her neck. As she talked to Embry, her anxieties seemed to blow away. He reminded her that even if she had lost time with some friends, she had gained new ones and there were still others she could recover. At the end of the day, she wasn't alone, and it was time she shifted her focus toward the people who were still in her life. "How did you get to be so smart, Embry? I mean, I've been around the guys you hang out with and..."

"Hey, those are my friends you're talking about," he laughed. "But I guess since it's always been my mom and I, I've had to grow up quicker than most. And growing up doesn't happen without learning a thing or two."

"That's true as well. See? There you go with all that wisdom."

"I wouldn't say it's wisdom," Embry shrugged sheepishly. "Just quiet observation. It helps when you don't talk much. If I'm honest, I think some of the guys just like the sound of their voice a little too much."

"Embry!" Spencer gasped, trying her best to conceal the shrieking laughter that threatened to attract the attention of everyone inside. "You'd get in trouble if you talked more, it seems. Good thing you're a quiet one."

"I'm good at picking the right time to talk." Embry seemed to catch a sound behind him, his head snapping back to it. "Like right now. I suggest if you wanna avoid Paul and Sam, that you head out this second. They are coming this way."

Spencer sprung to her feet at his words, hurrying to her truck before her brother and her best friend had a chance to corner her. She shot Embry a smile and a quiet thank you as she retreated just as Sam and Paul walked out of the front door.

The hurt expression on her brother's face seared into her brain. It had been years since she had seen so much pain plastered on him, and it shattered her that it was mainly her fault. Maybe she was being childish by icing him out; maybe it was time she gave herself the time to act her age, or maybe she just wanted to be angry at someone other than Carlisle. At some point, one of them would cave and apologize, but for the time being, it wouldn't be her.

Sleep came easy to Spencer that night. Where she thought she would be rolling around trying to find slumber, the girl settled into bed quickly. Before sinking into her sheets, she believed she'd be riddled with anger and anxiety from the day she had. Like many nights before, she thought the nightmares would hold her hostage, and the only way the night could end was by watching the sun rise from behind her curtains. Instead, she disappeared into a calm snooze—no weird premonitions, no haunting nightmares, no impending doom. Just tranquility and rest. Her mind and her heart seemed to finally be at ease. At least for that night.

When morning came, her mind was made up. Every decision she'd made had brought her up to what she was living in at the moment, and Spencer had to believe they had been the right ones. Dwelling over the things she could not control or change would not do her well, especially when she needed all her energy focused on working alongside Eden and Carlisle... and doing her job, of course.

"You look quite chipper this morning," Eden's voice startled her as she slipped on her white coat. "What's got you in such a good mood?"

"Oh, nothing," she smiled. "Other than the fact that I passed my internal medicine shelf exam with flying colors, I just feel refreshed."

"You resolved everything in just two days?" he questioned in surprise. "I'm shocked at your proactiveness. I thought I'd have to drag you through the halls today."

"You seriously don't know me," Spencer laughed. "Have you met with him yet?"

"He's been here since really early, apparently, but I've yet to see him, and he's yet to call me to his office," Eden replied. "Don't know if he's avoiding me or he's really that busy."

"What reason could he have to avoid you?"

"People talk, Spencer," he said. "I'm sure people have said something about us by now."

"About what exactly?" she teased, trying to gauge where he saw their relationship. She knew where her head was at, and where she saw them going, but she couldn't tell where his was—she wasn't Edward. "Is there... something to talk about?"

"Well, uh, you know," Eden chuckled awkwardly, "I'm just saying people like to spread rumors—even if they're not true."

"Oh, I know. I've been on the brunt end of some of those. Have you heard anything about us?"

"Um, well, not exactly," he continued to stammer. "Just some, uh, ramblings. You know? Nothing solid."

"I haven't heard anything. What are they..."

Spencer's words died in her mouth as she came face to face with the man who had changed the entire fabric of her being. He stood at the end of the hallway, as radiant as the day she had first laid eyes on him. Carlisle wore heartbreak well, and she hated him for it.

Carlisle knew how to pretend—he'd been doing it for a few centuries now. There were intricate ways to sell a lie, and he knew all of them. His methods had been perfected, and he could sometimes believe his own deceptions. At that moment, he needed exactly that: for his brain to twist his thoughts until they became engrained into his reality.

Running into Spencer was a given at the hospital. In fact, he had been waiting for the moment he did. The more face-time he got with her, the easier it would be to win her over—or at least her trust. Yet, he had not expected the hospital to hire someone else to teach her. Well, that was a tad presumptuous, given she needed someone to learn from. He just didn't expect that person to still be there when he returned, even less that he'd be so close to her.

The doctor had arrived early at the hospital that morning. Mostly to fall back into the rhythm of things—organize his office, catch up with patient files, get a bearing of any changes that may have occurred in his absence. But most of all, he wanted to be the first one to welcome Spencer to the building. He never expected someone else to do that for him. Much less for it to be the man everyone had been whispering about.

Eden had been the name in everyone's mind since he had gotten to the hospital, and with it came Spencer's. No one spoke of one without speaking of the other. In the time he had been gone, they had become as close as two coats of paint. It seemed like nothing could pry them apart, and that became apparent when he saw them walking down the hallway, laughing as though they had known each other their entire lives.

The sight alone destroyed him, ripping the sutures he'd used to mend his heart one by one. She deserved happiness, she deserved to move on, she deserved someone that was worthy of her. But he had hoped to have enough time to become that someone for her. Seeing her with Eden was only a testament that he wasn't, and he'd taken too much time to try to become him.

"Oh, Dr. Cullen," she called for him with nothing but professionalism. "I take you haven't met Dr. Mollins yet. He's the new attending that's been teaching me during your leave of absence."

"Right," Carlisle responded, clearing his throat and extending a hand to the young doctor. "I've heard great things about you, Doctor. Everyone here is raving about the things you can do."

"Well, someone had to take care of the hospital while you were away," Eden smiled condescendingly as he shook his hand, forcing Spencer to stifle her laughter. "But don't worry, it's been in good hands for a while now."

The man's innuendo did not go over his head. It was a clear and direct jab, and it had hit him deep. "Well, I thank you for taking such good care of the hospital," he said, painting the fakest of smiles onto his face. His hand tightened around Eden's, only enough to overpower him, never enough to hurt. "But I'm back now, and I don't plan on going anywhere."

"Good." Eden didn't back down. "Neither am I."

"Well, now that that's settled," Spencer cleared her throat, "we must go and do our rounds this morning. I guess we'll see you around."

"Oh, yes. See you around, Spencer."

"Dr. Uley," she clarified. "We're at work. Let's keep things professional, yeah?"

"Of course," he mumbled. "I should go. I have a meeting in ten minutes."

"And we've got rounds," Eden said. "It was good meeting you, Dr. Cullen."

"Likewise, Dr. Mollins."

For the rest of the day, it was as though Spencer had disappeared. There was not a single moment when their schedules overlapped. Not even when he pretended to eat a salad for lunch at the hospital cafeteria, but he could smell her in the air. The building wasn't that big enough to erase her. Spencer was engrained onto every tile of the hospital's floor, onto every wall of drywall, onto every molecule that made up the oxygen that traveled through its halls. She was everywhere and nowhere, and it was driving him crazy. After years and years of self-control, Carlisle wanted to snap—even more than the day he had met her.

Thankfully, his head was kept occupied for the rest of the day as he was called away from meeting to meeting. There was no space for Spencer to take up when there was so much to do. He signed his name so many times it had started to lose its meaning, becoming mere letters on paper. Still, it was better than picturing Spencer and Eden over and over again.

Somehow, the morning had turned into the afternoon, and he was, for the first time in centuries, tired. Not physically; that was impossible. He was exhausted mentally and sad to a certain degree. At least he still had hope. Spencer had said she loved him, and he was going to hold onto that until he couldn't anymore.

Once he was alone in his office, Carlisle felt like he could breathe. The place smelled of dust and cleaning supplies, a strong enough scent to masquerade her scent. But not her memory. As he sat at his desk, he noticed a box sitting in front of his computer screen. He raised the lid with surprisingly shaky hands, his heart finally shattered by the items inside.

A Pride and Prejudice first edition, a necklace with the Cullen crest, an engraved stethoscope, and a letter that read: "I already own a copy, I have a family, and I will make my own future."

He had pushed Spencer as far as he could, but he was deadset on winning her back. One way or another.