Chapter 18

"Paul," Spencer's voice broke him out of his trance. She had started to slip on one of Paul's many forgotten T-shirts, stretching her limbs after their latest encounter. "You're staring."

"Oh, sorry," he chuckled softly. "I didn't mean to."

"It's fine," she smiled. "I sometimes forget they're there."

It had been five months since she had been hurt, four months since they had left, three since she had decided to dig herself out of the hole she had fallen into and put her life back on track. And she couldn't look back –at least not without feeling her heart wrench inside her chest.

Spencer had made the decision to move forward in her life, to allow herself to release her past and unbind herself from the Cullens. She had allowed herself to be her first priority –even if meant that she had to release some people she thought the world of. But she had to push forward. Staying stuck in the mud was the last thing she wanted.

Instead, she had spent the past two months and a half investing her time between med school, her entanglement with Paul, the people at the rez, and her work at the hospital. And it had been just the shift Spencer had needed.

"I can't believe I was the one that did this," Paul whispered as he joined her side. His fingers traced the rough skin of her scars, an electric shiver running through his veins. A few months before, the three ragged lines that ran down her arm had not been there. And in a split second, he'd changed her for life. "I'm so sorry, Spence. I wish I could take that night back."

"I don't blame you, Paul," she breathed. Shudders ran through her body as he kissed her shoulder, his warmth still something she had yet gotten used to. "I should have listened to my brother and step away."

"But if I had been able to control myself I wouldn't have scratched you," he said, his hand running up and down her arm. "I should have been able to protect you. Protect you from myself."

"It was no one's fault, Paul," she sighed at his touch, a teasing smile spreading across her face after. "And I've heard scars make people hot."

"You were already hot," he grinned. "Scars just added to it."

"Okay, cool it, Casanova," she chuckled. "I can't go for a round three. I've got studying to do."

"You and I both know that studying for you is a formality," he groaned. "You've been axing all your tests. You already passed Step 1, and in a couple of weeks you'll be in your clinical rotations."

"I still need to study, Paul. I've gotta make sure all the information is fresh in my brain," she explained. "And, still, it's almost time for your patrol shift. So, you don't have time for anything else either."

"The bloodsuckers are gone," he said before kissing her neck. "What is there to patrol?"

"Probably the people of this reservation," she breathed, trying her hardest to suppress the moan that wanted to escape. But it was as futile as denying him. "But, maybe we can go for one more round."

Paul could simply laugh in response and take her lips on his. His hands snaked to the small of her back, pulling her body until his legs reached her bed. Spencer grinned at him as he buckled against the mattress and used his surprise to push him onto the bed. He forcefully sat down, spreading his legs to allow Spencer a space between them. But she seemed to have another idea.

The Uley girl closed his legs together before placing her knees at either side of his thighs, straddling his lap. She placed her hands on his cheeks before kissing him again, telling him she was just as hungry for him as he was for her. Spencer would have never admitted it out loud, but Paul knew his way around a woman's body —not that she had mi b to compare it to. Still, she would never say it to him, afraid that he would think it would lead to something else.

Almost every week she would check in with Paul to make sure they were still on the same page regarding their relationship, or rather lack thereof. The last thing she wanted was to lead him on and she had told him so over and over again. But every single time he would tell her that he understood what they were and what they would never be. That he could separate his feelings from his urges, and that at some point she would have to believe him.

Even with her doubts, she pushed on. She couldn't deny that she loved the convenience of having him just a couple of houses down and the fact that he was all for their... benefits. Things just seemed to be working out perfectly for her, and she continually overthought her way into thinking that the universe would mess everything up.

Still, instead of dwelling on what could happen in the future, she had started to enjoy things as they happened in the moment. And at that very instant, Spencer had started to deepen the kiss between her and Paul. Her hands ran through his short hair, gripping and pulling softly at the dark brown strands. At the same time and unconsciously, her lower half started grinding onto his lap, searching for that much-wanted friction.

Paul's hand had made a home on her backside, cupping the soft skin that peeked out of her underwear and moving with her motions. Even if he loved being the one to lead in the bedroom, he couldn't say that was the dynamic with Spencer. She held all the power in her hands, there and in their personal life. And for the time being, he seemed to enjoy it. Mostly because it was Spencer.

As the man's hands finally decided to move and try to remove the shirt that dangled from Spencer's neck, a knock resounded through the house. At first, they ignored it, continuing their exploration of each other's bodies. But whoever was at the door did not relent, knocking once more and harder the second time.

"Just ignore them," he groaned against her neck. "They'll get the hint soon enough."

"It'll only take a second," she chuckled, pushing him away from her body. "I'll see who it is, okay? You can go eat something in the meantime."

"Ugh, fine."

Spencer lowered the shirt onto her body, the massive size drowning her inside, and slipped on a pair of sweatpants. In the meantime, Paul did the same, adjusting the ignored hard-on that would tent his pants. It made the girl laugh as she noted the discomfort on his face that was quite evidently laced with annoyance.

"Don't worry, Paul. It'll go down soon enough."

"That's not funny, Spence," he grumbled. "I was promised something else."

"I promised nothing," she laughed, coming down the last steps of her staircase. "And you'll be fine in a couple of minutes. It's not like you haven't gone months without sex."

"You think you're funny, huh?"

"Oh, I know I am," she smiled. "Now go away."

Spencer opened the door and was surprised by the person standing on the other side. The Forks sheriff was nervously pacing back and forth on her porch. She could see the darkened bags under his eyes and his hair was slightly disheveled. Instantly she knew why he was there.

"Sheriff Swan, what can I help you with?"

"Oh, hello, Spencer," Charlie breathed out. "How are you?"

"I'm good, thank you," she offered him a smile. "How have you been?"

"Well, I'll be honest, I'm feeling a bit defeated at the moment," he sighed. "That's actually the reason why I'm here. It's Bella."

"Is she okay?"

"Physically, sure. But ever since her boyfriend and his family moved away she's been the living dead," the man explained. She could tell how tired he was, tired of being the only one that cared for her well-being —to care for the both of them. "I'm not one to gossip but I know you also went through something a few months back when the Cullens left. Yet, you were able to move on, and look at you now."

"I can't say it was easy, but I was lucky enough to have a lot of people rally behind me," she chuckled slightly. "Still, I'm not sure how I could help you with her."

"I was wondering if you could talk to her. Something tells me you're the one who will understand what she's going through the most and you're honestly my last resort before I send her back to Florida with her mom."

"Well then, thankfully I have a free day tomorrow and I can come over," Spencer offered. "I'll do what I can, Sheriff. I honestly didn't know she was that bad."

"I've tried my best to help her these past few months, but I don't know what else to do."

"No worries, Sheriff. We'll get her out of this rut soon enough."

"Thank you, Spencer. I truly hope there's something we can do," he smiled weakly. "And, come on, what's this sheriff business? You know you can call me Charlie."

"Alright then, Charlie," she chuckled. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Tomorrow," he offered her another smile, this time a slight hint of hope painting across his lips. "I can't thank you enough."

"Thank me once I've done something, Charlie," Spencer said with a laugh. "But I promise to try my best."

"Alright then, I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good rest of your day, Spencer."

"You too, Charlie."

The girl waited until the cruiser disappeared down her road before she closed the door, a rush of guilt washing over her. She knew she hadn't been alone in her heartbreak, that there was someone else that had tasted the Cullen drug and had been ripped away from the supply in the blink of an eye. Spencer had somehow forgotten that Bella had also had her heart ripped from her chest, and it seemed like she had been taking it harder than she ever had.

"What did the sheriff want?" Paul called from the kitchen, holding a plate with a sandwich.

"As if you couldn't hear," she chuckled. "Did you know it was that bad with Bella?"

"I'd heard whispers that she wasn't doing good," he shrugged. "But, honestly, my focus was on someone else. If I have to pick between one leech lover or another, I'm always picking you."

"That's not funny, Paul," Spencer sighed, reprimanding her friend with her gaze. "It looks like she's taking this really hard. Has Sam not gone over to check up on her? I mean, he is the one that found her that night."

"Spence, we were more worried about you," he responded sternly. "You took this hard as well. Need I remind you of your brief visit into alcoholism? Bella Swan has other people to worry about her. We needed you to be okay."

Spencer remained quiet for a second. She knew if it hadn't been for Paul and Sam, she would probably still be stuck in the overconsuming darkness of her loneliness. She had done things that she never thought she would do, she said things she never thought she would say, and she had felt the most gut-wrenching pain she had ever believed she would feel.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered. "I know I sent you guys through hell with how I was acting a few months back."

"Hey, hey," he called her attention, placing a hand under her chin before wiping away a few stray tears. Paul wrapped his arms around her, letting her head rest on his chest. "You were heartbroken, Spence. It'd be weird if you had been fine with it."

"Still, you guys had to witness me at my absolute worst. You more than others. I wasn't a good person during that time."

"Sadness and loneliness make you do crazy things, Spence. None of us blames you for how you were acting during that time," he told her. His voice rumbled through her chest and sent her calming vibrations. "We will always be by your side, no matter what. We love you and care about you. And we're just glad you're better now."

"I'm glad I'm better now too," she smiled against his chest. "And I wanna help Bella get better too. If the way she's feeling is even an ounce of the way I felt, she shouldn't go through this by herself."

"Want me to drive you tomorrow?"

"No," she sighed. "I think this is something I should do by myself. Bringing someone that is so against her ex might not be the best thing."

"She doesn't know what I am though. At least she shouldn't know."

"Because of the pact."

"Yeah," he responded. "We can't say what the Cullens are and they can't say what we are. So Bella shouldn't know why I hate them so much. She probably thinks I'm just like every other person of the rez that dislikes the Cullen because of our ancestors."

"Still, I think I should go by myself for now," she smiled up at him. "The last thing she needs is to meet someone new."

"Fine," he smiled back before it morphed into the Cheshire Cat grin. "What're you doing the rest of the afternoon then?"

"I still need to study, and Emily invited me over for dinner tonight."

"What you're saying is that you have like an hour to spare?"

"I don't think that's what I said, Paul," she chuckled. "But I guess I do have some time to spare —more like thirty minutes though."

"More than enough," he smirked.

He placed his hands under her thighs, prompting her to jump onto his waist and wrap her legs around him. She kissed his lips softly, running her hands through his hair. Spencer held on tight as Paul moved them back upstairs and to her bedroom.

Once back inside the now white walls of her room, he lay her softly onto her bed, his lips never leaving hers. He kissed her hungrily, not wanting to waste a single moment he was with her. He kissed her cheek, he kissed her temple, he kissed her chin, and he kissed her neck. It was one of his favorite things. To taste every inch of her skin for as long as she allowed him to.

"What are you doing for Valentine's?" Paul asked abruptly, the question coming out of nowhere. "There's gonna be a bonfire that night. It's mostly for couples but we can go as friends."

"Great timing for that question, Paul," she panted. "And I don't know. That's over a month from now. The only thing I'm sure of is that I'm gonna be studying."

"So do you wanna go if you're free?"

Spencer wasn't sure. Thanksgiving had passed, so had Christmas and New Year. She had gone through three big holidays that she had pictured spending with him, and there were still so many more that she would have to experience with other people when she only wanted to spend it with him. As much as she had chosen to move on and try her hardest to forget him, it still hurt.

Every day that passed hurt. Every second that passed hurt. It didn't matter how much time had passed, her heart still wanted him and only him. But it was something she could not admit. Not to her mother, to her brother, much less to Paul. She said she was okay, she looked like she was okay, and she needed herself to be okay.

"I don't wanna make a compromise like that when I don't know what my schedule is gonna look like," she sighed. "But ask me again on the seventh and I'll let you know."

"Fine," he groaned jokingly.

"Now, can we talk about comparing schedules later and go back to kissing?"

"You don't have to ask me twice," he smirked before going back to attack her lips.

As they were getting back into the game of bodies, ripping away their clothes and reveling in the other's body, a shout from outside interrupted them. At first, they chose to ignore it, thinking it was teenagers having fun in the street. But the clear mention of Paul's name startled them apart. It was a voice that was usually very quiet and had just recently joined the pack.

"Yo, Paul!" Embry Call yelled from Spencer's backyard. "We're supposed to be on patrol right now!"

"Gods, what fucking timing!" Paul groaned. "I hate how eager he is to follow the rules. Like, does he not know there's no active threat right now?"

"He's just trying to make sense of all of this the best way he knows how," Spencer explained. "He's keeping his head down and doing what he's told. Just being able to shift is a big shock, but finding out that your father is someone from the reservation is world-shattering. The poor kid is also getting smoke at home from his mom, and he can't ask questions because he would have no proof of where he got them."

"You're actually making me feel bad for him."

"You should. Right now, he's not only lost his friends but he's had his whole life turned upside down. What he needs more than anything is someone to guide him and be by his side."

"Don't look at me," Paul scoffed. "That's the alpha's job."

"I'm just asking that you don't make his life harder than it already is," she smiled at him. "He needs a friend, not someone to kick him when he's already down."

"Fine," he conceded. "That kid is lucky you're on his side."

"Shut up and get dressed," she laughed. "Don't leave Embry waiting."

Paul grumbled under his breath as he slipped on every piece of clothing he needed to get dressed in. As he complained and groaned, Spencer moved to the window, wanting to give Embry at least a heads up that Paul would take his time with going downstairs.

"Hey, Embry," she called out. "Paul will be down in a sec, he's too busy complaining at the moment."

"Oh, hi, Spencer," he said as he blushed. "That's okay. Sorry I showed up like this. Jared said that if Paul wasn't at Sam's that he was most likely here."

"He is correct about that."

"And don't worry, I've been practicing suppressing my thoughts so that Sam doesn't find out."

"No worries, Embry," she chuckled. "I know that Sam will eventually find out. So, it's fine."

"Oh, but still. It's good practice."

"I'm leaving now," Paul interrupted, a definite scowl on his face. "As much as I don't want to."

"Well, I was saved by the bell," she grinned teasingly. "Now I have more time to study. So, you can go."

"Ugh, twist my arm why don't you."

"Go, Paul," she chuckled.

"Fine," he said before kissing her lips softly. "But I'll see you late for dinner, right?"

"Yes, Paul. You'll see me later."