Chapter Seventeen

[WARNING: MATURE CONTENT]

Jennie •••

In a heartbeat, I knew that I was sure about this love.

I had known it in Lisa's arms when we hugged for the first time in Coffee Pages, in the corny jokes she told to make me laugh, in the dog café and in the ice rink on Christmas Eve, the first time she made love to me, all the times she made love to me, and in every word she has ever spoken and will speak because everything Lisa is made out of love.

I had known it for a while now, because it stood out to me like the only light in the endless void of shadows, where I was trapped and had never seen such emotion before- or forgotten, since it had been taken away from me.

The Jennie I was, so fearful of letting anyone inside her world, has turned to pouring her heart into the hands of another because she learned how to love in a matter of snow falling from the sky.

And Lisa. The tears she wept, streaming from her satin eyes, all in generous love for me was the moment I knew I was made to love her.

"Stay with me tonight." I said, because I wanted to take the train with her beside me, and cook her favorite dish, and give her some of my clothes to wear this time.

"Okay." she said, and we locked up the shop like always.

Like always, she told me about her day. She started with Vogue and all about how excited she is. Then, she mentioned our friend, who was doubtful of her hard work, but gave an impressive performance in front of millions. Like always, I told her about my day too. I was reluctant because I didn't want to turn down the mood, but she encouraged me to relieve the stress.

"My coffee distributor, Mr. Lee, is moving to Japan. He's still trying to figure out his own business, as he should, but I'm worried about the café. I mean, what do I do if I can't get the beans- my whole career is over."

Lisa sympathizes with me over dinner. She knows that she doesn't have all the solutions, so she does what she knows best and has me cracking up at her ridiculous dance moves and silly antics until my lungs are burning and my throat sore.

"Chaeng said we're all invited to Nayeon's party on the 4th." she says while she wash dishes, even if I offered to do it myself. "Wanna go?"

I would be closing up the store on that day and I'm planning to stay past work hours to settle the bills and other budgeting matters I haven't gotten around to. Trying to look for other coffee bean providers was part of the list of things to do.

"It sounds like fun, but I'll think about it." I watch my legs dangle off the counter top.

"Are you busy?" she asks and I'm afraid she'll bring up the whole You're Working Too Much conversation if I tell her about my agendas.

"Well, it would be around eleven when I get to the party since I'm closing and I don't know if I'll still be in the mood to mingle and stuff." that's also true. Parties aren't so much my thing and I wouldn't want to be a debbie downer because I'm feeling tired. "But you should go and make more friends."

"But it won't be as fun if you're not there." she whines with the most innocent pout.

"Any party with Chu and Chaeng will be fun. Promise you won't stop yourself from going just because of me." with the heaviest sigh, Lisa locks her pinky with mine.

She's quick to lock our lips, too. The kiss is gentle and slow, and the loads of the day seem to lift for the both of us now that we're in each other's comfort. I wrap my legs around her waist as she leans into me. My hands creep behind her neck and clasp together to keep us from inching away. Her own rest on my sides.

I take her bottom lip and bite, spilling a moan out of her. Her mouth agape allows my tongue to glide in. "Jennie." she moans against me when I tug on her hair. Her hips buck against mine, moving our bodies together in subtle motions.

Lisa has been so good to me. From our simple friendship to our requited love , she has been good to me.

I lower my hands on her back and urge her to spin around. "I wanna make you feel good, love." I whisper in her ear. She leans her head back on my shoulder, giving me access to the vein I love oh so much on her nape. My kisses have her gripping on my thighs. I run my hands under her shirt and cup her breasts under the sports bra.

"Baby..." her breathing is ragged as I knead on her hard nipples. She seems to be struggling on her legs, squeezing them together and bending every time I pinch a nipple or suck harder. "Mhm..."

I take one hand down to her pants, sliding in through the hem and all the way under her garments. "So wet, love." she whimpers at my tease and wraps a hand to the back of my neck. I rub on her slick folds and pay extra attention to her clit.

"Ohhh." Her hips buck when I slip a finger in. I hold her up by the waist and thrust, progressively going faster and faster. "Oh, Jennie." Another stretches her, making her tremble on her long, "Fuck." sexy legs.

She's clawing at my neck and grinding her hips against my fingers. I palm her breasts while fucking her deep and suck under her earlobe, a particular spot she likes. "Tell me how it feels, baby." I rasp out.

"S-so good. You feel so good." she chokes on a gasp when I hit her g-spot perfectly. I keep my fingers deep where she likes it and add on to the pressure. "Fuck, Jen!" she's shaking. I wrap a leg around hers to spread her wider, keeping her open for me.

And she screams my name as I squeeze a nipple. "Say my name, baby." I bring back the thrusts, pounding faster than before.

"J-Jennie." her wetness oozes on my fingers.

I free my hand from under her shirt and grasp on her throat. "Louder." My working palm rubs against her clit while I fuck her.

"Oh, oh!" she's panting, and twitching, and clawing. Her nails dig deep in the back of my neck and my thigh.

"Say it." I demand, forcing her head back and face to mine. My lips graze on her flushed cheeks.

"Jennie! Uh!" she screams. The slapping of her wetness grows louder as I pound in rapidly.

A string of curses from Lisa has a growl coming out of me. "You're so fucking hot, baby."

She slaps on my thigh to manage the pleasure. Her walls are tightening. "I-I'm gonna cum, baby!" Her eyes close shut. "Oh, fuck!" she's clenching.

"Cum, Lisa." I slam into her g-spot one last time and she comes undone. I hold her steady, letting her ride out the high. I take my hand out of her jeans and let her suck my wet fingers clean.

"Holy shit, Nini." she chuckles at what we had just done. I slide off the counter and she brings us into another kiss. "You've really learned a lot, huh?"

"Only from the best."

"I think I should return the favor." Before she gets to removing my shirt, her phone rings. "Damn it." I laugh at her disappointment. She runs over to her phone on the table. "It's my mom." she says. She takes the phone call, slightly flustered from the quick fuck in the kitchen, and greets her mother in a series of 'i miss you's and 'how have you been's. While they converse, I grab some sweats and a new set of toiletries for Lisa to use, bringing them into the bathroom. "I'm at Jennie's house." I hear her note. "J-Just sleeping over for the night." A smile creeps on my face as I listen to her stagger.

I walk back in the living room to see her standing by the window. She looks at me with the cheekiest grin. "I actually have some news for you, mom. All good things."

And it melts my heart to know that it's me.

Lisa beckons me to come to her and she puts her phone on speaker. I'm introduced to her mother once more, as her girlfriend this time. It is the purest, most assuring reaction you could get from a parent. Her squeals of excitement are very similar to ones I've heard from her daughter. "Oh, I'm just so happy!" she exclaims. "I can't wait to visit and meet you, Jennie."

"Same to you, Mrs. Manoban! Lisa tells me all about you and your husband." I look up at Lisa who is beaming with her glistening eyes.

She mouths the words, "I love you."

"Give me a call another time so you can tell me all about you." she says and I agree with no hesitation. "Well, it's getting late, darling. I just wanted to make sure you're doing alright there."

"I'm doing great, mom. Don't strain yourself over there." Lisa's protectiveness from overworking extends to everyone, I conclude.

"Don't drive Jennie crazy, will you?"

"Mom!"

I crack up at the reprimand. Lisa is a lot like her mother more than I thought. It's nice to witness their close relationship despite the distance. It reminds me a lot of what I used to have.

"Anyway, I miss you so much." Lisa says again. The curves of her lips falter for a moment, but lift back up into a toothless smile when her mother replies the same, telling her they would see each other again soon. I wish Lisa didn't have to endure missing her mother like this. If I had it my way, I wouldn't let them sleep another night thousands of miles apart. "Sleep well, okay, mom?" 

I don't know what it is, but my eyes are starting to well. There's a sting in my chest as my tears sit at the brim. I leave Lisa to say goodnight to her mother and slip in my bedroom. The sudden surge of emotions is unexpected and it takes a few inhales to keep the tears at bay. Even then, I'm struggling to maintain them.

I sit on the edge of my bed and try again.

I flush out every thought that comes to mind, afraid that anything could be a trigger to my emotions.

It works. By the time Lisa comes in the room, I am composed, just like I was a minute ago. She tackles me on the bed and pulls me to spoon. "I knew there wouldn't be anything to worry about telling my mom." she kisses my shoulder. "How about we continue where we left off, mhm?"

"Maybe another night, Lili." because it is getting late and we could use a good night's sleep after the restless few days we've had.

Lisa props on an elbow and leans to look over at me. "You okay, baby? Is it because my mom cockblocked us? I'm sorry, I knew she would call today but I didn't think to send a text and tell her I was busy-"

I roll over and stop her rambling with a peck. "I'm fine, love, and it's not that at all. I'm really happy that your mom approves of me." I tell her honestly.

"Of course she would, you're Jennie Kim."

I playfully block her attempt to kiss for the cheesy remark. "We should wash up and sleep." I get up from the bed and switch the bathroom lights on. I strip off my shirt and jeans and let down my hair from my ponytail. Lisa's still on the bed, watching me. "Well, are you coming in or what?"

•••

"I'm just glad Chaeng and I are okay." Jisoo expresses over the phone. I step back a few feet from the wall shelf to analyze the placing of my newly finished plate. "I don't know if I could even start work with Taehyung knowing she's upset with me."

"When do you start working?" the plate is too close to the other, so I inch it to the right.

"Tomorrow. Are you going to the party?" she asks. At this point, I'm sure I won't be attending. There's just too much to settle for the café.

"Lisa will be there, though. Help her make some friends, would you?"

"I don't think she'll need any help, the girl's like Prince Charming."

That gets me a little cold feet. Of course, Lisa wouldn't have trouble meeting new people. People would have trouble meeting her! Trying to get a conversation with her would be hard because of everyone else trying to get the one-on-one because Lisa's just drop dead gorgeous for anyone to pass up a chance with.

"She'll be fine, Jenduek. If anything, I'll make sure she doesn't sulk about you not being there."

Right.

Because Lisa told me it wouldn't be as fun without me.

She'll be at the party, casually talking to celebrities, and it will be my arms she'll come home to.

"Have fun with your family, Chu. Just enjoy the day." I remind her. "Happy birthday, Jichuuuu!" I prolong the greeting before ending the call.

Taking one last look at the shelf, I am satisfied with the placement of my lavender tulip designed clay plate. I take a picture and send it to Lisa. I don't expect an instant reply, though, because today is the product shoot with the Chanel team. We were both excited for the day she had to come when we took the train. It's truly a photographer's dream to be working with a high-fashion magazine, more so to be covering Chanel.

And it's fitting that Lisa is the one to claim that dream. I know she'll do well with the shoot. Wearing her yellow scarf today is for some extra luck.

"Annyeong!" a friendly voice chimes with the bells. Irene comes in as the first customer with her mask pulled down.

"The usual?" I smile, skipping behind the counter to make her order.

"You're all smiley today." she points out with a smirk of her own. "How's the love life?"

"Amazing." I don't even try to stay humble because the thought of Lisa has me grinning wider from ear to ear.

"I'm really happy for you, Jennie." Irene shares. "Lisa's a lucky woman."

"I think I lucked out on this one."

"Well, her dancing is definitely..."

"Yah. Don't go fantasizing about my girl." it's both a joke and a warning.

"Speaking of her dancing, Rosé's comeback choreo is insane." she means this with genuine praise. "And Chaeyoung's face is blowing up everywhere."

"Can't expect any less from Rosie." I commend our friend. I hand Irene her drink and our conversation is soon to end as she has to leave for work.

As the day has only begun, Coffee Pages awaits for more customers. Rush hour flies by in a breeze because Wendy and I bustle around to serve the full house. Even after the morning, people file in to grab a drink or buy a book.

"We're out of wrapping paper." Wendy says as she enters the storage room to grab rolls of ribbons to compensate. I add that to list of things to buy.

"Wrapping paper, coffee filters, coasters, aluminum foil, sugar, lemons, what else do we need?" I look up from the counter to see Wendy is already gone.

I stuff the list in my apron's pocket for later and clean some tables. My lower back aches from standing all morning and afternoon. I have to bend over in a certain angle to avoid the pain while wiping.

Taking out the trash is straining, too. My arms could barely lift the heavy bags over the bins. I huff and puff and I throw them recklessly inside, spilling a few of the contents. I roll my arms back and forth to relieve the shoulder pains. I'm in my most comfortable pair of shoes, yet my feet are cramping. I lean against the alley wall to get a few seconds of rest.

It's almost three o'clock, which means Wendy should be heading out soon. She asked for me to take the night shift in advance because she'll be attending a seminar at campus. I accepted promptly because she covered for me when I slept in the other day.

It takes a minute before I push off the wall and go back inside. When I do, my head throbs and it doesn't stop while I continue working. I have to force myself to keep my heavy head from drooping down while making coffee. "I'm really sorry to put this on you, Jennie." Wendy says while gathering her things, seeing that we still have a number of customers.

"I'll be fine. I owe you one, remember? Enjoy the seminar, kiddo." I hug her goodbye and she signs off.

The throbbing turns to pounding, like a hammer right to my brain. It makes my eyes burn and I'm catching myself from tilting side to side.

I remember that I forgot to eat lunch.

For a second, I think that it could be a reasonable explanation to my fatigue, but I rarely eat lunch and this is the first time I'm feeling this way. It seems the only thing to blame for my jelly limbs and splitting headache is the constant scurrying.

When the group of three girls exit the café, I sigh in relief. There are only two tables occupied and the customers look to be leaving soon, too. I'm extremely grateful for the flow of sales of the day, but I'd be lying if I said I was hoping they would hurry on out.

"Ohh." I breathe out when I take a seat behind the bookstore counter, finally relieving my legs of the pain they suffered the whole day. I prop my elbows on the table and rest my head over my hands, massaging my temples in hopes that the headache would pass.

My phone dings. I place it on the table and peel my eyes open to the bright screen. "The plate looks gorgeous, baby! I'll be there soon." Lisa texts. I don't reply, though, because the pounding turns to sharp stabs when I look at anything too bright.

In the next thirty minutes, the customers leave and I flip the store sign to 'closed'. There's a lot of cleaning up to do. Books are misplaced, tables are dirty, and dishes need to be done. I still have to check back on Mr. Lee regarding the coffee beans. I'm supposed to get my deliveries for the month of January, but his business plans may change that.

I'm in total dread, but if I don't carry on, then I'll never get this done.

Pulling every ounce of strength I have, I start with the books. I should really put up a sign that says, 'Please show discipline and put the books back where you found them if you aren't going to fucking by them.' . Or perhaps, 'Handle the books with care you fucking butchers.' because how could I possibly sell these creased book bends and folded edges?

"Fucking hell." I curse in frustration. I fit the last tampered book in the shelf.

"Hey, baby!" Lisa comes in. I turn around and she hugs me. "You ready to go?" she kisses the top of my head repeatedly.  I sink into her embrace, allowing my body to rest for another few seconds.

But my body goes numb for a different reason.

Kai, outside the store, is watching Lisa giving me kisses, hugging me, loving me.

I pull away. "Go?" it comes out dry and almost like a whisper.

He doesn't show any emotions before he starts walking away.

He knows.

Now he really knows.

"I think we could catch some stores open for Jisoo's gift if we hurry."

Shit.

I completely forgot our plans.

"Uhm." my head really fucking hurts. "I still have to clean the café." I state, but avoid her gaze because I don't want to see her disappointment.

Kai is gone, but he fucking knows.

I dart for the dining area.

"I'll help you out." she says as she follows. She's quick to stack the chairs.

I round the corner and get to washing the dishes, trying to calm myself down because Kai knows about Lisa. "I-I have to call Mr. Lee, too."

"How long will that take?"

I can feel everything again. My chest is tightening and my legs are cramping up. I don't know if its because of the guilt of upsetting Lisa or just Kai himself. "I'm not sure, b-but I can't hold it off another day." I sense Lisa come over to the counter behind me.

"The shops are gonna close soon and you said we could go get Chu's gift tonight."

"I know, I'm sorry, Lis." I wince at a sharp strike of my headache. "I have to- there's just a lot to- I need to finish, uhm- Mr. Lee said that-"

"Jennie."

I don't let her see my face.

"I'm fine, I just have a headache."

Because she'll know it's much more than that.

"You're shaking." I am, but I can handle it. "Jennie, I told you not to work like this." but this is the only work I can do. "We talked about this."

"I know." I promised to do better and I am- this is me putting up with a few burdens to make a living. "This is the usual, just with a headache." it's as if I'm not allowed to wear out once in a while.

"Stop." she turns off the running water. "Just do this tomorrow. Let's go."

"No." I turn it back on. "If I do this in the morning, it will just delay our opening and I don't want to burden Wendy with this, either."

"Then open later."

Open later?

Open later?!

"If I 'open later', that's like kissing thousands of won goodbye." The air between us has shifted. It's tense. It's so tense that I'm heating up all over. "This is my job, Lisa, I work hard because I need to. Do you think I can just open and close whenever I please?"

"Can't you?" that stings. I know she's upset. "It's your café."

But I'm too angry to care.

"And you know that this is all I have! I have worked my ass off to make this place what it is and you know that. This isn't just some hobby turned career, I didn't dream for this, but I still put everything I have into it because I need to pay rent and earn a living for christ's sake. It's not just some cozy bookstore café, or my uncle's last memory, or our secret spot with the girls, this is my life, Lisa."

I don't know at what point the faucet turned off or the mug in the sink broke, but my hands are in Lisa's, being dried off with a towel. She's not scowling or clenching her jaw. She's looking down at our hands and she's quiet.

Only my heavy breathing is heard.

The heat boils down and suddenly, I'm cold.

I've never yelled at anyone this way.

I don't like it.

I don't want to fight.

"I-I'm sor-"

"No." she cuts me off. "It's me- I'm sorry, Jennie. I-I did know that this is everything to you. I pushed you and I'm sorry."

The argument built up so much anger in me that I thought I was going to ruin the chance to ever be in Lisa's arms again. "Oh, Lisa."

But we pull each other close and don't dare to let go. She places those kisses on my head again and it eases the pounding quicker than the massages I gave myself all day. "I'm sorry, baby." she says one last time. "I'll help you finish up here. Let's take our time."

I don't let go until after a few more minutes, truly taking our time. When the tension passes completely, I urge Lisa to tell me about her day at Vogue while we clean the café spotless. She tells me it was a memorable experience working with her team and knowing that her name will be on print with Chanel makes everything ten times better. She wishes she could spoil the photos, but I know it will be worth the wait.

We also resort to baking Jisoo a cake in the morning instead of rushing to buy a gift tonight to bring to her house. It would be a nice surprise for her to wake up to despite it being a day late.

I switch off all the lights and appliances, and lock up the store. "Love the scarf." Lisa rags.

"Love the coat." she must have forgotten that she's in my clothes. I ring my arm around hers and we walk down the street for the station.

That is, after looking back to make sure Kai wasn't watching.