34

-November 12th 1996-

   Me and Joey are in our livingroom talking with Cassius.

Tabitha:So Cassie what exactly are you doing here?.

Cassius:I got a promotion in modeling...My agent got me a apartment downstairs to live in...Apparently some guy died if old age there but I don't mind as long as he doesn't haunt me.

Tabitha:W-was this guy named Mr.Heckles?.

Cassius:Yeah actually.Anyway you got any food?.

Joey:I'm sorry we are all out.

Tabitha:Joey...Um we don't have much food we have been ordering in lately we haven't went shopping yet.

Cassius:That's fine....So tell me how are the babes here in New York?.

Tabitha:Cassius why don't you see for yourself?.

Cassius:I guess I will...I start my job tommorow...So how is singing working out for you?.

Tabitha:Fine thanks.

Cassius:Got any new songs cause I got so.e lyric reccome-

Joey:Hey why don't we introduce him to our friends babe?.

Tabitha:Yes we should.

   We take Cassius across the hall and we enter to see everyone.

Tabitha:Hey everyone this is Cassius.Cassius this is my Brother Ross and Sister Monica.Our friend Chandler Bing,Ross's girlfriend Rachel Green and our friend Phoebe Buffay.

Cassius:Hey how you girls?."Winks".

Monica:Oh great another Joey...Tab is this the Cassius I heard about.

Tabitha:Yeah...Anyway Cassius you must have a big day tommorow perhaps you should go home and rest.

Cassius:Good idea you were always smart...Nice meeting you all."Leaves".

Chandler:Well he was something.

Phoebe:Yeah he was hot.

We all look at Phoebe.

Phoebe:What?.

*****************************************

-November 13th 1996-

   I am at Monica and Rachel's with Phoebe, Chandler and Ross and Rachel is serving brownies.

Rachel:Here you go Pheebs.Who else wants one of my special homemade brownies?.

Chandler:I will have one.

   Ross and Chandler both take one as Phoebe takes a bite and spits it out and screams.

Chandler:Okay I'm not gonna have one.

Ross:Neither will I.

They both put back the brownies.

Phoebe:No,no it's just my tooth.

Chandler:All right I'll have one.

Chandler and Ross take another brownie.

Ross:So what's a matter you need a dentist?. I've got a good one.

Phoebe:No thanks I have a good one too.I just, I-I can't see him.

Chandler:See that is the problem with invisible dentists.

I chuckle at Chandler's comment.

Ross:Why?,Why can't you go to him?.

Phoebe:Because every time I go to the dentist somebody dies.

Chandler:That is so weird because every time I go to the dentist I look down the hygienist's blouse.

Rachel:Phoebe what?.

Tabitha:Um...what?!.

Phoebe:Yeah,yeah first there was my aunt Mary and then there was um John my mailman and then my,my cowboy friend Albino Bob.

Rachel:And all these people actually died?.

Phoebe:Yes while I was in the chair!.That's why I take such good care of my teeth now you know it's not about oral hygiene I floss to save lives!.

Ross:Pheebs come on you didn't kill anybody these people just happened to die when you went to the dentist.It's,it's,it's just uh a coincidence.

Phoebe:Well tell that to them.Oh!.You can't their dead.

*****************************************

-November 14th 1996-

   At Central Perk Me,Ross,Rachel and Phoebe are here.

Ross:Thanks Gunther.

Ross takes the plate Gunther serves him and Rachel comes up and kisses him.

Ross:"To Rachel".Hey."To Gunther".Um can I get a napkin too?.

Gunther:Oh like you don't already have everything.

Phoebe:"Trying to bite into an apple".Ow,Ow!."Drops the apple".

Rachel:Phoebe your in pain would you just go to the dentist just go.

Phoebe:All right fine,fine but if you're my next victim don't come back as a poltergeist and like suck me into the TV set.

Rachel:I promise.

Phoebe:Although don't feel like you can't visit.

At that moment Joey enters with Monica.

Joey:Hey is,is,is Chandler here?.

   Ross pats his clothes like he is looking for his wallet.

Ross:No,no he's not.

Monica:You guys Joey just saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.

Tabitha:What?.So what are you going to do?.I mean how how are you going to tell Chandler?.

Joey:Well I was thinking about that and I-I think the best way would be to not.

Rachel:Joey you can't keep this to yourself if you know about this you have to tell him.

Joey:It'll kill him.I mean it'll,it'll just kill him.

Phoebe:Well you could wait til I go to the dentist maybe I'll kill him.

*****************************************

   At Monica and Rachel's we are all here except for Chandler.

Joey:"Looking out the window".Ew!.Ugly Naked Guy is using his new hammock.It’s like a Play-Doo Fat Factory.

Phoebe:Well I’m going to the dentist so listen okay just be on the look out for anything that,that,that you can fall into or, or that can fall on you or...All right just look out!.Okay And um I also just wanna I just wanna tell you all that um......

   Phoebe Starts to cry and runs out of the apartment.

Ross:Okay I have a problem I have to go into work for a few hours some kids messed up the Homo Sapien display.

Joey:What did they do?.

Ross:Well they painted over the word Sapien for one thing then they rearranged the figures let’s just leave it at that.

Monica:So do you want me to watch Ben for you?.

Ross:Yes that’s what I was going to ask, thank you.

Rachel:Whoa!.Wait!.Hello!.What about me?.

Ross:You?,You!.Want to watch Ben?.

Monica:"Mouths to Ross".Don’t worry I’ll be here the whole time.

Ross:Yes!.That’d be great no I just wanted to ask Monica because I know how empty her life is.

Monica:"Sarcastically mouths".Yeah!.

Monica holds up her thumb.

Joey:Hey-hey Ross?.

Ross:Yeah.

Joey:I’ve got a science question.

Ross:Hm?.

Joey:If the Homo Sapiens were in fact Homo-sapien is that why there extinct?.

Ross:Joey Homo Sapiens are people.

Joey:Hey-hey I’m not judging.

*****************************************

   Me,Joey and Chandler are on the street and are walking past a jewelery store.

Chandler:Hey!.Hold on a minute,hold on a second.Do you think these pearls are nice?.

Joey:I’d really prefer a mountain bike.

Chandler:Janice’s birthday is coming up I want to get her something speacial.Come in here with me.

Joey:Whoa,whoa,whoa,wait,whoa.Do you uh want to get her something speacialnget her flowers,get her candy,get her gum,girls love gum.

Chandler:That’s a good idea Dear Janice have a Hubba-Bubba birthday.I would like to get her something serious.

Joey:Oh you want something serious. You know what you should do,you should get her one of those um barium enemas.Those are dead serious.

Chandler:All right.Look I’m gonna go in here and you don’t buy me anything ever.

   Chandler starts to go into the store but Joey stops him.

Joey:No,no you can’t,you can’t okay you can’t,you can’t buy her pearls.You just can’t,you can’t,you can’t.

Chandler:Why not?!.

Joey:Oh God.Uh okay here’s the thing this is the thingbokay the thing is...

Chandler:What is the thing?.

Joey:Okay.I went down to the Mattress King showroom and,and I saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.

Chandler:"Shocked".What?.

Joey:They were in his office.

Chandler:Well she,she wouldn’t do that she’s with,she’s with me.

Joey:I’m telling you man I saw it.

Chandler:Yeah well you’re wrong!.Okay you’re wrong.

Joey:I’m not wrong!.I wish I was.I’m sorry. Bet that barium enema doesn’t sound so bad now huh?.

*****************************************

   Me,Joey,Monica,Rachel and Phoebe are here at Monica and Rachel's apartment.

Monica:Okay Ben I won’t tell your daddy that you had ice cream for dinner if you don’t tell about our little bonking incident.

Rachel:Monica number one I don’t think Ben understands the concept of bribery and number two, I...

Joey starts laughing.

Rachel:"To Joey".What?!.

Joey:You said number two.

Rachel:I also said number one.

Joey:I know."Laughs harder".

At that moment Ross enters the apartment.

Ross:Hey!.Everyone.

Rachel:Hi!.

Ross:How’s my little boy?.

Rachel:He’s perfect he’s never been better.

Ross notices the outfit Ben is wearing

Ross:What’d you do take him whaling?.

Ben:Monica.

Ross:Oh my God he just said your name that’s great!.Good job Ben.

Ben:Monica bang!.

Monica:Oh that’s right that’s what I’d sound like if I exploded.

Phoebe:Woo-Hoo!.The curse is broken!.I called everybody I know and everyone is alive.

Joey:Uh.

Phoebe:What?.

Joey:Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still.

Phoebe runs to the window and gasps.

*****************************************   Soon everyone but me are staring out the window at Ugly Naked Guy.

Phoebe:Oh my God!.I killed him!.I killed another one!.And this curse is getting stronger too to bring down something that big.

Rachel:Well maybe he’s just taking a nap.

Joey:I’m telling you he hasn’t moved since this morning.

Monica:All right we should call somebody.

Ross:And tell them what?.The naked guy we stare at all the time isn’t moving.

Rachel:Well we have gotta find out if he’s alive.

Tabitha:How are we gonna do that?.There’s no way.

Joey:Well there is one way.His window’s open I say we poke him.

****************************************

   Me and Joey both enter Chandler's apartment and Chandler is throwing darts as we enter.

Joey:Hey!.You know how we uh save all those chopsticks for no reason we get when we get Chinese food?.

Chandler:Yeah.

Tabitha:Well now we got a reason.

Chandler:What?.

Joey:Well we’re fashioning a very long poking device.

Chandler:All right.

Joey:Hey uh what’s a matter?.

Chandler:I talked to Janice.

Tabitha:Oh my God is she going back to him?.

Chandler:She doesn’t know.Says she loves us both.You know guys I woke up this morning and I was in love well I was happy.You know it serves me right for buying that twelve pack of condoms.And now I can’t even return them because she choked on the reciept.

Joey:What are you in what are you gonna do?.

Chandler:I don’t know you know.What,what would you do?.

Joey:Well it doesn’t matter what I would do.

Chandler:Come on tell me.

Joey:All right you’re probably not gonna want to hear this but uh if it was me and this is just me...

Chandler gets ready to throw another dart.

Joey:I would uh I would bow out.

Chandler:What?.

   Chandler turns around quickly still ready to throw the dart and Me and Joey quickly duck and hides behind the chair.

Chandler:What are you,what are you talking about?.

Joey:They have a kid together you know. They’re like,they’re like a family and if I don’t know there’s chance they could make that work I know I wouldn’t want to be the guy who stood in the way of that.Are you okay?.Do you wanna uh come poke a nude guy?.

****************************************   At Monica and Rachel's I am watching as Joey,Rachel,Monica,Phoebe and Ross are holding the giant poking device.

Joey:All right now remember something this big and long is going to be difficult to manuver fortunately I have a lot of experience in that area.

Ross:Can we please focus here a naked man’s life hangs in the balance!

Phoebe:I’m telling you he’s dead.What we are about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.

Joey:All right ladies and gentlemen let’s poke....Steady.Steady.Okay a little higher. Careful of the angle.Okay,okay we’re approaching the window...Thread the needle.Thread the needle.

Phoebe:He’s alive!.He’s alive!.

Monica:And yet we’re still poking him.

Joey:Okay retract the device,retract the device.

Ross:He does not look happy.

Rachel:Hey-hey now he’s showing us his poking device.

Joey:Hey that’s never gonna make it all the way over here buddy!.

I chuckle and Joey walks over to me.

Tabitha:So you have experience in manevering big and long things hm?."Smirks".

Joey:Yeah and you just saw.

   I playfully hit his shoulder at him ruining my flirtation.