35

-December 14th 1996-

   At Central Perk Me,Chandler and Rachel are sitting on the couch.

Chandler:"Reading the comics".Eh...I don’t, I don’t know.

Rachel:What?.

Chandler:Well as old as he is in dog years do you think Snoopy should still be allowed to fly this thing?.

Gunther:Rachel?.

Rachel:Yeah.

Gunther:Do you remember when you first came here how you spent two weeks getting trained by another waitress?.

Rachel:Oh sure!.Do you need me to train somebody new?.

Gunther:"Laughs".Good one.Actually ah Terry wants you to take the training again whenever.

Rachel:"Tto Chandler".Eh do you believe that?.

Chandler:"Thinks about it".Yeah?.

*****************************************

   We are all at Central Perk and we are discussing an incident that happened with Ross and Chandler.

Monica:You broke a little girl’s leg?!.

Ross:I know.I feel horrible.Okay.

Chandler:"Reading the paper".Says here that a muppet got whacked on Seasame Street last night."To Ross".Where exactly were you around ten-ish?.

Ross:Well I’m gonna go see her.I want to bring her something what do you think she’ll like?.

Monica:Maybe a Hello Kitty doll,the ability to walk...

Rachel starts to laugh and Ross notices her.

Rachel:I’m gonna get back to retraining."Gets up".

Ross:All right see you guys.

Ross starts to leave.

Chandler:Look out kids he’s coming!.

   Ross continues to leave with his head down in shame.

Joey:And I gotta go sell some Christmas trees.

Phoebe:Have fun.Oh wait no don’t!.I forgot I am totally against that now.

Joey:What?.Me having a job?.

Phoebe:No,no I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime and their, their corpses grotesquely dressed in like tinsel and twinkly lights."To Joey".Hey how do you sleep at night?.

Joey:Well I’m pretty tired from lugging the trees around all day...Hey Phoebe listen you got this all wrong.Those trees were born to be Christmas trees their fulfilling their life purpose by,by making people happy.

Phoebe:Really?.

   Phoebe turns and looks at Monica while Joey frantically motions to Chandler to help him out.

Chandler:Yes.Yes and uh,uh the trees are happy too because for most of them it’s the only chance to see New York.

*****************************************

   At Central Perk everyone except Phoebe are here and Ross is telling us minus Rachel who’s still being retrained about different cookie options.

Ross:And these come in the shapes of your favourite Christmas characters Santa, Rudolph and Baby Jesus.

Joey:All right I’ll take a box of the cream filled Jesus’s.

Ross:Wait a minute one box!.Come on I’m trying to send a little girl to Spacecamp I’m putting you down for five boxes.Chandler what about you?.

Chandler:Ah do you have any coconut flavoured deities?.

Ross:No but ah there’s coconut in the Hanukkah Menoreoes.I tell you what I’ll put you down for eight boxes one for each night.

Chandler:"Mouths".Okay.

Ross:Mon?.

Monica:All right I’ll take one box of the mint treasures just one and that’s it.I-I started gaining weight after I joined the Brown Birds."To Ross".Remember how Dad bought all my boxes and I ate them all?.

Ross:Ah no Mon Dad had to buy everyone of your boxes because you ate them all.But ah you know I’m sure that’s not gonna happen this time why don’t I put you down for three of the mint treasures and just a couple of the Rudolph’s.

Monica:No.

Ross:Oh come on now you know you want em.

Monica:Don’t,don’t,don’t,don’t,don’t do this.

Ross:I’ll tell you what Mon I’ll give you the first box for free.

Monica sreaches out for it and stops.

Monica:Oh God!.I gotta go!."Runs out".

Ross:Come on!.All the cool kids are eating em!.

Ross chases after her.

Tabitha:And that's something called Sibling peer pressure.

   Rachel walks over and sits down next to Chandler.

Rachel:I’m training to be better at a job that I hate my life officially sucks.

Joey:Look Rach wasn’t this supposed to a temporary thing?.I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff?.

Rachel:Well yeah.I’m still pursuing that.

Chandler:How...exactly are you pursuing that?.You know other than sending out resumes like what two years ago?.

Rachel:Well I’m also sending out....good thoughts.

Joet: If you ask me as long as you got this job you’ve got nothing pushing you to get another one.You need the fear.

Rachel:The fear?.

Chandler:He’s right if you quit this job you then have motivation to go after a job you really want.

Rachel:Well then how come you’re still at a job that you hate I mean why don’t you quit and get the fear?.

   Chandler and Joey both laugh.

Chandler:Because I’m too afraid.

Rachel:I don’t know I mean I would give anything to work for a designer you know or a buyer....Oh I just don’t want to be 30 and still work here.

Chandler:Yeah that’d be much worse than being 28 and still working here.

Gunther:Rachel?.

Rachel:Yeah.

Gunther:Remind me to review with you which pot is decaf and which is regular.

Rachel:Can’t I just look at the handles on them?.

Gunther:You would think.

Rachel:Okay fine.Gunther you know what I am a terrible waitress do you know why I’m a terrible waitress?.Because I don’t care.I don’t care.I don’t care which pot is regular and which pot is decaf I don’t care where the tray spot is I just don’t care this is not what I want to do.So I don’t think I should do it anymore.I’m gonna give you my weeks notice.

Gunther:What?!.

Rachel:Gunther I quit.

Chandler turns to Me and Joey.

Chandler:Does this mean we’re gonna have to start paying for coffee?.

Me and Joey shrug our shoulders.

*****************************************

At Monica and Rachel's Chandler is entering numbers on a calculator as Ross reads off how much cookies he’s sold.

Ross:And 12,22,18,four...

Chandler starts laughing.

Ross,Tabitha:What?.

Chandler:I spelled out boobies.

   Monica comes in and starts looking through Ross’s cookie supply.

Monica:Ross put me down for another box of the mint treasures okay.Where,where are the mint treasures?.

Ross:Uh we’re out.I sold them all.

Monica:What?.

Ross:Monica I’m cutting you off.

Monica:No.No just,just,just a couple more boxes.It-it-it’s no big deal all right I’m-I’m cool.You gotta help me out with a couple more boxes!.

Tabitha:Monnie look at yourself.You have cookie on your neck.

Monica:"Covers her neck".Oh God."Runs to the bathroom".

Chandler:So.how many have you sold so far?

Ross:Check this out.Five hundred and seventeen boxes!.

Chandler:Oh my God how did you do that?.

Ross:Okay the other night I was leaving the museum just as Laser Floyd was letting out of the planetarium without even trying I sold 50 boxes!.That’s when it occurred to me the key to my success...the munchies.So I uh started hitting the NYU dorms around midnight.I am selling cookies by the case. They call me Cookie Dude!.

Rachel enters the apartment.

Rachel:Okay stop what you’re doing,I need envelope stuffers,I need stamp lickers.....

Ross:Well hey who did these resumes for ya?.

Chandler:Me!.On my computer.

Ross:Well you sure used a large font.

Chandler:Eh yeah well ah waitress at a coffee shop and cheer squad co-captain only took up so much room.

Rachel:Hey-hey-hey that’s funny!.Your funny Chandler!.Your a funny guy!.You wanna know what else is really funny?!.

Chandler:Something else I might have said?.

Rachel:I don’t know,I don’t know weren’t you the guy that told me to quit my job when I had absolutely nothing else to do. Ha!.Ha!.Ha!.Ha!.Ha!.

Ross:Sweetie calm down it’s gonna be okay.

Rachel:No it’s not gonna be okay Ross, tomorrow is my last day and I don’t have a lead.Okay you know what I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna call Gunther and I’m gonna tell him I’m not quitting.

Chandler:You-you-you don’t wanna give into the fear.

Rachel:You and your stupid fear.I hate your fear.I would like to take you and your fear....

Joey enters the apartment.

Joey:Hey!.I got great news!.

Chandler:Run Joey!.Run for your life!.

Chandler runs out.

Joey:What?.Rachel listen have you ever heard of Fortunata Fashions?.

Rachel:No.

Joey:Well my old man is doing a plumbing job down there and he heard they have an opening.So you want me to see if I can get you an interview?.

Rachel:Oh my God!.Yes I would love that oh that is so sweet Joey.

Joey:Not a problem.

Rachel:Thanks.

Joey:And now for the great news.

Ross:What that wasn’t the great news?.

Joey:Only if you think it’s better than this..."Holds up a can".Snow in a can!.I got it at work.Mon you want me to decorate the window give it a kind of Christmas lookie.

Monica:Christmas cookie?.

*****************************************   The door to Monica and Rachel’s apartment opens their and the apartment is filled with all of the old Christmas trees from Joey’s work.

Phoebe:Oh!.Oh my God!.

    Me,Joey and Monica jump up from behind the couch.

Joey,Tabitha,Monica:Merry Christmas!.

Phoebe:You saved them!.You guys!.Oh God you’re the best!.

Chandler:It’s like Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees.

The phone rings and Rachel answers it.

Rachel:"Into Phone".Hello?....Yeah this is she...Oh!.You’re kidding!.You’re kidding!...Oh thank you!.I love you!.

Chandler:Sure everybody loves a kidder.

Rachel:"Hangs up".I got the job!.

Everyone:That’s great!.Hey!.Excellent!.

Phoebe:Oh God bless us everyone.

    At Central Perk Rachel is serving her last cup of coffee.

Rachel:Here we go.I’m serving my last cup of coffee.

We all start humming the graduation theme.

Rachel:There you go."Hands it to Chandler". Enjoy.

We all cheer and Chandler turns to Ross.

Chandler:Should I tell her I ordered tea?.

Ross:No.

Rachel:Um excuse me everyone.Uh this is my last night working here and I uh just wanted say that I made some really good friends working here and uh it’s just time to move on.

I watch as at the counter Gunther starts to cry and runs into the back room.

Rachel:Uh and no offence to everybody who uh still works here you have no idea how good it feels to say that as of this moment I will never have to make coffee again.

***************************************** 

  Me and Joey's apartment door opens and Me,Joey and Chandler jump up as our apartment is decorated like outer space and our blue chair is covered in tinfoil.

Sarah:Really Mr.Geller you don’t have to do this.

Ross:Oh come on!.Here we go!.

Ross picks Sarah up and puts her in the chair.

Ross:Stand by for mission countdown!.

Joey:"Simulating an echo".Ten,ten..,nine, nine,nine....eight,eight,eight...

Chandler hits Joey in the back of the head.

Joey:Okay Blast off!.

   We start shaking the chair likes it’s flying into outer space.Ross picks up a soccer ball and starts spinning it in his hand and runs around the chair beeping like a satellite. Chandler also starts running around the chair.

Chandler:I’m an alien.I’m an alien.

Ross:Oh no! An asteroid!

   Ross throws the soccer ball off the back of Joey’s head.I look over to see Sarah has a big smile on her face....I start to think if this how it would be if me and Joey had kids.