4 | Skipping Class

Once again, it was my favorite time of day. Morning.Sun rising.In bed.Next to him.

I rubbed my eyes and admired him. I missed seeing his messy bed hair and peaceful sleeping stance.

I touched his face. His skin was so soft and clear. The world was gone again and it was just the two of us.He inhaled deeply and opened his eyes. He saw me and then sighed.

"I thought it was a dream.."He smiled and held my hand.

"Good morning, love."I said and kissed his hand.

He smiled and rolled onto his back so he could stretch his arms without hitting me. He looked at me again and pulled me on top of him. Our bare chests pressed against each other and I realized that we only had underwear on.

He held me close and kissed my forehead."I missed you.."He said quietly.

"Me too."

"Is that why you came back?"

I wasn't going to tell him that me showing up was an accident. It was a happy accident, to be honest. I kept quiet, unsure of what to say. I just wanted to stay with him.

"Nolan.. you should know that I'm still not ready yet."

Those words disappointed me.I tried to tell myself that I could wait until he was ready. I could keep being his boyfriend behind closed doors. A part of me hated the thought.

"That's okay... I understand."

"Really?"

"I want to be with you, Lou. You make me happy. But if we're together again we have to change some things."

I got off him and sat up on my knees. He sat up as well. He seemed nervous what I would ask him.

"I really don't mind waiting. But... I need you to respect me a little more. When we're in public."

"I do respect you."

"No, I mean.. I need you to not be so mean. I get that you don't want people to know about you, but you don't have to be so cold to me. You understand?"

"I guess.."

"And I don't want you flirting with other people.. Women. Please?"

He laughed nervously."Nolan, you're basically asking me to come out."

"I'm just asking you to respect our relationship more."

"It's all part of the act... What does a single, straight man do? He flirts with women and he isn't friendly with gays. Everyone knows you're gay by now, it's not just a rumor anymore. Sorry, but I can't be friendly with you or that would raise suspicion."

He noticed I was losing hope in us again. He held my hand."I don't flirt because I want to. I don't ignore you because it's fun. I have to do it. It's an act. You know that. You're all I want. I don't need anything else."

I pulled my hand away. I wanted nothing more than to be with him, but if things were going to be exactly like before, than I wasn't sure I wanted that.

"Don't be like that.. Nolan, I'm sorry I can't do what you're asking me."

"Can't or won't?"

He didn't answer.

"I'm so stupid to think this could work."I mumbled. I wasnt sure if he heard me or not. My clothes were folded neatly at the edge of the bed. I grabbed them and started putting them on.

"Nolan, don't go."He pleaded.

"If you really loved me, you would do what I'm asking. All I want is to be able to hold your hand in public. To go out on dates like a normal couple."

"But we're not normal. Don't you get that? People like us are freaks. Rejects. They'll never accept us."

"Maybe you're the one who doesn't want to accept us."

He said nothing and I left the room.He frantically put on his pants and followed after me.

"Nolan, wait. Nolan! Stop!"

I kept walking.He grabbed my wrist and pulled me a little too hard, it hurt.

"Leave me alone!"I walked out the door. He came out a few seconds after me while putting a shirt on.

"Nolan, wait."His voice got quieter. He wouldn't even call out to me in public. How pathetic.

In my rush, I didn't notice Michael in the distance greeting me.

"Nolan, hey!"

I looked at Michael, who was waving and getting closer to me. Lou suddenly stopped and pretended to be watching the clouds. That made me want to cry.

"Morning, Lou."Michael said when he noticed the blonde. Lou ignored him and walked back to the house.

I kept walking forward.

"You in trouble again?.. are those.. the same clothes from yesterday..?"

"N-no!"I sniffled and told myself not to cry. But my nose begun to sting and soon the cheeks were wet and cold. He adjusted his uniform. I tried to hide my face so he wouldn't see me cry like a loser.

"Hey.. what's wrong?"He moved the hair out of my face and saw my tears."What happened..?"His voice was even softer then how he usually spoke.

I wiped my face with my sleeve."Have you ever liked someone so much but they just don't feel the same? Like, they don't really care?"

"Yeah..."

I had to wipe my face again.

"Wait.. is Lou the guy you like?"He questioned with a really confused tone.I nodded, even thought I might have just outed Lou.

"Oh.. well, you know, Lou is like super homophobic. I've seen him. There's no way he's gay."

"Well he is."I said it, even though I shouldn't have. Michael's jaw dropped and he needed a moment to process.

"No way. We're talking about the same Lou, right? The one who's always flirting with women? The one who always ignores you and every other openly gay person? Tell me you're joking."

I shook my head and just looked at the ground.

"Damn. He's really good at hiding it then, because he would've been the last person I-"

I kept walking. I just wanted to go home. He stopped talking and walked next to me quietly.

"Stop following me. Just go to class or something. I'm fine."

He stood still for a second in shock but then jogged up to me again and kept walking.

I realized that he wasn't going to leave. I dried my eyes again with my sleeve.

"What about the person you like? Is he in hiding too?"

"Oh.. the one I like? It's kind of complicated..."

My eyes were so watery I could barely see where I was going. I thought maybe if I talked about something else, my eyes would stop and my heart would hurt a little less.

We kept walking until I reached my house I couldn't wait to drown in my bed and blankets.

"How about we skip class today? We can do something else. It will help you feel better."He said softly.

"But, you never skip class..."I dried my face for the final time.My tears were finally coming to an end.

He shrugged and blushed."We could hang out together. Just us. If you want. I'll take you for ice cream or.. whatever you want."

"Ice.. cream?"

He laughed."All I gotta do to get you out of the house is mention food, huh? You're funny."

I smiled a little out of embarrassment.

"I'll take you. But maybe you should change first."

I finally agreed and we hung out for the day. Even though he wasn't Lou, and we weren't dating, it was a nice change to be out existing, not caring what people thought or assumed about us. He never hesitated to stand closer to me or laugh at something weird I'd say.

It was evening when we were out walking, drinking our milkshakes.

"I know I thanked you already, but thanks for hanging out with me today."I said and sipped my chocolate shake.

"Of course. Thank you for hanging out with me."

We walked past some buildings I'd never been in before. Bars, clubs and pubs. The street was littered with the bottle caps and cigarette buds with the occasional beer can or two.

He cleared his throat."Nolan.. what if I wanted to be more than friends?"

We walked past a couple who seemed to be looking at us and whispering.

"Um, what do you mean? Like, best friends?"

"More than that."

"More than best friends..?"I thought about it."But what's more than best friends...?"

"Nolan."He grabbed my hand gently and we stood still in front of each other."I really like you. You're fun and cute.. I know I'm not your first choice right now, but I think you deserve better than someone who isn't putting you first."

A man and woman walked by and glanced in our direction. I had an urge to pull my hand away.

"I don't care what they think. If you were with me, I'd hold your hand like this- I'd take you dancing.. I'd take you on dates and we wouldn't hide. You see what I'm saying?"

He set his milkshake down next to his foot and held my hand with both of his.

"Well, do you want to be with me? Will you give me a chance?"

My breath hitched. The shake in my other hand was probably freezing the heck out of my skin but I couldn't think about that.What Michael was offering was everything I'd wanted. The only thing was that he wasn't Lou. But maybe I could move on. Maybe it was time to give someone else a chance..

I thought about it.

But before I could decide, a loud sound made me flinch. Smashed glass.Michael looked over at a broken bottle next to me.He turned around and I could see 3 men. One of them had a cigarette and the other had a mean scar on his face.Michael released my hand and turned his body towards the men.

"Hey. Can you be more careful? You could've hurt someone."

The three men reeked of alcohol. It was safe to assume they might have been drunk.The one with the scar on his face was the biggest and the one with the creepiest voice.

"What if that was the intention, faggot? Why don't you take that bottle and shove it up your ass? That's what you freaks like, isn't it?"

The "F" word made my skin crawl.I hoped they would just leave.

"Just be on your way."Michael turned to me and tried to guide me the opposite direction.

They cackled at him and one of them spat far enough that I think it landed on Michael's shoe.

"What? Scared you'll break a nail? Look! His little boyfriend's gonna piss his pants."

"I'm surprised he's not wearing a skirt like a little bitch."

The laughed with each other once more. Michael grumbled and let go of me. He walked towards them and suddenly landed a punch on the biggest one.

My stomach sank as the other 2 pushed Michael down and started kicking him with their boots. His groans and coughing sent chills through my body.They said some more insults and seemed to kick him even harder in the stomach and his head.

I finally dropped whatever was in my hands and tried hitting them in the back."Stop it. Leave him alone!"

They only stopped for a second before the biggest one pushed me to the ground. I cried out from the sharp pain in my hands. They were bleeding now from the concrete.

"Hold that one down. I got an idea."

The 2 cackled and held me down by my arms.

"Let go of me! Stop!"I cried and moved but they wouldn't let go. Nothing I did or said mattered.Michael wasn't moving either.I hoped he wasn't dead.

The main guy stood by my feet and started undoing his belt.I assumed the worst."No! No! Don't! Please!"

One of the other men told me to shut up and struck me across the face. I looked around for the people that we passed before, but they were gone now. That was the thing with that town; if you got into trouble, you were on your own.

"Please don't..."I could taste blood from the inside of my cheek and my body started to give up on me.

The sound of the undone belt made me cry even more.