5 | Idiots

"Please don't..."

The biggest man was now unzipping his pants. The others held me down and grinned."You gonna fuck him, mate? Do I get a turn?"

The big one scoffed."No. What do you think I am? A faggot? I've just got to piss, is all, so shut it."

I whimpered at the thought."Please don't do that.. Please don't. You can take my wallet. I'll-"

"SHUT UP."

I got smacked in the head again. I whimpered from the pain.

"Please... Let me go..!"I cried loudly.

He whipped out his man part and grinned. I closed my eyes and tried to hide my face behind my arm.

"Gentlemen. What the hell is this?"A voice came from the distance.It sounded familiar.

"It's Lou."

"Yes, I can see that."

Lou came closer.

"We were just messing around."The leader laughed at himself and put his man part back into his underwear.

"God damnit. Pull your pants up. Have some class."Lou rolled his eyes at the man's open zipper and undone belt.He finally looked at me. Maybe to make sure I wasn't hurt bad.

"Why dont you join us, Lou?"

"Yeah, yeah. Kick him or something. This one makes noises like a bitch."

I gasped to catch my breath. That was definately something Lou would do just to avoid suspicion.I tried using my eyes to beg him not to.

"I'd love to, but I.. can't."Lou responded and adjusted his hair.

"Why not?"One of the men questioned.

"I.."He needed a moment to think of something."I.. just bought these shoes. I'm also attending an important meeting soon, so I cannot arrive a unkempt. I'm sure you understand."

The big guy didn't seem to believe him.

Lou changed the subject quick."There is an officer nearby. He could come by any minute and see the mess you've made. So, I suggest you gentlemen get going. Unless you like jail.."

The biggest one scoffed."Whatever."The other two pushed my arms into the ground and got up to leave.

Once they were out of sight, Lou crouched next to me. His hand touched my shoulder."Are you okay?"

"Don't touch me."I pushed his hand off and got up to check on Michael. I fell to my knees and tried to check if he was breathing. He had scrapes and scuffs on his clothes and hands. I shook him gently."Michael? Michael. They're gone now.."

"He's unconscious. Give him a minute."Lou stood next to me."What happened?"

"Don't act like you care. Just go..."

"I do care..."He sounded sad.

I sighed."They just started insulting us for no reason. Michael tried to defend me, but..."

I wiped my tears away. I thought that must have been the worst day that ever had.

"I'm sorry I can't do what you want. I'm just not ready for this exact reason.. I don't want to be the target for these hateful people. I don't need to be worrying about losing my head."Lou took a deep breath and turned like he was about to leave. Maybe he thought I wasn't listening.

"Wait."I managed to say.He stopped and looked back at me.

"Thank you..."

"...Your welcome."

We looked at each other for a bit. I found myself missing him once again. I decided to look away so it wouldn't show.

"What happened..?"Michael coughed and cleared his throat. He sat up and held the side of his head. He looked around for the guys that attacked us.

"It's okay, now. They're gone."I said.

He groaned."Are you okay?"He looked around my face and body for any injuries.

"I'm fine."

He put pressure onto his stomach and let out a curse word. It must have been aching."What's he doing here?"

"More like what are you doing here? What were you doing with Nolan?"Lou snapped back, annoyed.

"We were just hanging out. Jealous? At least I treat him right."

"I treat him just fine."

"Oh really? Aren't you the one that punched him a few days ago? In front of everyone?"

"I-.. I had my reasons!"

"Sure, you did. Nolan, let's go."Michael put his hand on my lower back and tried to guide me forward. Lou suddenly grabbed my shoulder.

"Uh, actually he's coming with me."

"What?"

"I need to talk to him."The blonde pulled me towards him.

"He doesn't want anything to do with you. Nobody wants to deal with a selfish asshole like you."Michael pulled me back.

"Selfish?!"

"You won't even go out with him."

"I'm doing it for our safety! Did you hit your head or do you not understand what just happened a minute ago? He could've been hurt because of you! At least he was safe with me!"Lou pulled me to him again.

"That wasn't my fault!"

"Yeah, sure it wasn't."

I couldn't handle it anymore and I took a deep."Can you stop? You're both idiots!"I stepped away from both of them so neither could push or pull me like some kind of rag doll.

I looked at Michael."I like that you're not ashamed of who you are. And you're a good person. But I can't be with you. I don't feel the same. I'm sorry."

I looked over at Lou but then looked away."I.. dont even know what to say to you.."

Michael looked down at his shoes. His shoulders sinked and his hands hid in his pockets as if they were embarrassed.

Lou tried to keep eye contact with me."Nolan.. is me coming out really the only way you'll forgive me? Think about it. Is there really no other way?"His blue eyes looked sad and nervous at the same time.

"I don't want to live the rest of my life in fear. I'm sorry."That's the only thing I could think of to say to him.

Lou's palms faced the sky for a moment as if saying "what about the way you got attacked just now?" I shrugged it off.

"I'm going home. Don't follow me."I picked up whatever I dropped before and started to leave. Luckily, my shake was still okay, although it was all warm and melted now.

Now that I was alone, my arms began to feel sore. Probably from being held down earlier. I frowned and tried to move them around.

Michael and Lou stayed behind.I wondered what they were talking about. I didn't stay to find out.

I got home quickly and showered. So much that I probably doubled the water bill. The memory of those guys made me want to rip off my skin and buy a new one.I couldn't help but be grateful I wasn't raped. Or killed. Things with Lou were complicated but I was glad he showed up when he did.

I sat on my bed in a towel for a while and just thought about things. Everything. Nothing.

"I wish I was straight."For the first time, I said it out loud. Things would be easier if I was normal like everyone else. But I just wasn't attracted to women the same way. I loved women. But I could never love a woman.

Suddenly the doorbell chimed. I flinched and got up to the door. I remembered I was just in a towel and decided to look through the peephole first.

I was a bit disappointed when it wasn't who I wanted it to be."Go away, Michael. I want to be alone."

I said it loud and clear so he could hear me through the door. I waited a second and looked again.He looked like he had cleaned up a bit. He'd changed his clothes to something cleaner and the dirt from his face was gone.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn't see what happened after that guy knocked me out.."He responded. I could barely hear him past the wood.

I sighed."I'm fine..."

"What..? Let me in so I can see you."

I went over to the kitchen window and opened it halfway. I closed the curtains so he couldn't see me. His shadow went over to the window curiously."Nolan?"

"I just like you as a friend. I'm sorry. I'm stuck on a guy that doesn't even care about me. So, just forget it."

"Alright.. I'm sorry I bothered you."He was quiet for a second."Will you come to class tomorrow?"

"I guess."

It was silent for a while. When I looked outside, he had gone.I sighed in relief and sat on the floor in my towel.

The next day, I decided I'd go to class since I had already missed a day. I decided I wouldn't talk to anyone. Not Michael. Not Lou. Not anybody.

I sat at my desk and ignored the boy with blue hair, waiting for me to acknowledge him.

I brought out a notebook and doodled flowers and random bugs until Lou came up in the front of the room. I looked down at my paper and drew a leaf while some other classmates talked amongst themselves.

"Did you hear about that woman that was killed last night? They found her throat slit open."

"Ew. Don't talk about that."

"I heard it's because she was a lesbian."

"Oh, well that explains it. But still, that's a bit too much, isn't it?"

"Happens all the time. By now it's nothing new."

"I heard it's a organized group that's taking them out."

"Like the government or something? The FBI?"

I sighed to myself. No one ever cared when it was someone gay.It was just entertainment for them. I shut my eyes for a moment. That could've been me found dead in an alley yesterday.

"Good morning everyone."Lou finally begun.

Everyone else said good morning while I drew a ladybug.

"The plan is to review what we went over yesterday.."

I drew a branch and a spider.

"Or..um.. actually.. I have something important I'd like to announce."It sounded like he put a pen onto his desk. He footsteps made their way to the front centre of the room.

"There's something I've been... keeping to myself for a while. I've realized that I'm not happy this way... So...um... I will only say this once..."

I finally looked up after finishing a butterfly. Lou never sounded nervous like that.

My heart skipped a beat when our eyes met. He never looked at me in public. Not for that long. His blue irises focused on me as if I had a script written on my forehead.

"The thing is... I'm..."

The pencil dropped from my hand.

"..I'm gay."