chapter 6

19:19, 11 September 2022

Xiao Zhan's P.O.V

Whether it was a joke or not. He was just too much to call himself Wang Yibo for god knows what reason.

I'm really angry at him.

Did he hit his head somewhere or something?

Why does he have to lie to me?

I stopped talking to him since yesterday.

I know he wants to explain something to me but I don't want to listen to him anymore.

I woke up early just to avoid him. Had breakfast before him and left the mansion for work.

Leaving ah xing with old maid.

____________

In the evening it became really dark and cloudy, so I went home sooner.

But never expected him to see playing with ah Xing in the living room.

I went up without talking to them.

Ah Xing ran after me.

"Papa.... it's about to rain...can I play in the rain?" He asked.

"No. Do you wanna get sick and make me worried." I scolded him my voice came out angrier than I intended.

"Papa why are so angry today. I only asked." Ah Xing said and cried.

I felt the sudden guilt.

I sighed.

Then I picked him up in my arm and comforted him

"Papa is sorry. Papa is just tired today" I said.

I took a bath with ah Xing after that.

.Then we went outside in the frontier to see the weather.

The wind was blowing real crazy. The sky is so dark that it seems like the storm is about to come.

Ah Xing and I walked around for a while before going back in.

"Papa...papa yibo was a bit sad. Why you don't talk to him anymore?" He asked.

What do I say to him?

"Don't worry about it. We're just playing games. No talking games. We'll talk again soon" I said.

Then the rain drops started falling so we finally went back inside.

____________

Heavy rain kept falling since the evening, it's already dinner time now...and it seems like the rain has no intention to stop yet.

Just like yesterday, it was a silent dinner again.

After I put ah Xing to sleep I went down to living room hoping to finally talk to Yien.

I think I should listen to him first.

After all we live under the same roof. We can't go on like this forever.

Somehow as if he knew I would come, he was already there waiting for me.

I took a deep breath and went to sit on the couch.

We were silent for a while.

"So...." "Zhen ge"

We both said at the same time.

"You better have a good explaination to it. I don't believe you at all." I said.

"I know you won't believe me that's why I hesitated every time I wanted to tell you." He said.

" I was older than him by a few minutes. It's like flexing myself but I was always the smart one. And since I have the brighter nature since childhood. Everyone seems to love me more. Even he used to say that I'm really cool. That he liked my name better and wants to be just like me. Where in really he doesn't had to. He was unique and special. He was always the one to take care of me. One day he had an accident and when he woke up he started calling himself Yibo. At that time somehow everyone has to start calling him Yibo. As we grew up I know deep down he knew it but never wanted to admit it. I guess he wasn't able to tell you either. I was never mad at him for stealing my name but I never could accept his name as mine either. And then when it was time to take care of the business I left for LA to persuade my dancer dream and part of it was to live with my real name again and part of it was for a different reason which I cannot reveal yet." He explained.

I said nothing.

Because I was trying to process it all.

"I know it's hard for you to believe it. It's just you calling me with his name kinda stared to bother me for no reason. Don't force yourself zhen ge even if you can't believe it I'll understand." He said and got up from the couch.

I still said nothing.

"Then.... good night" with that he left.

I'm suddenly scared. If I was to believe it then my whole life was a lie. Everything I knew, the person I loved, everything was not real???

Then suddenly I remembered something.

His diary, which is locked inside one of my drawers. Which I was never been able to open.

But today I decided to open it.

___________

I cried for about an hour.

Almost evrything that's inside his diary was about me.

How can I even think about his love being not real.

But after reading the last page, I cried even harder.

I want to unsee it now. I don't want to believe it.

It's weird not knowing his real name my whole life.

.He wrote.....

I might have looked cool in front of you but I was the weirdo twin here I always wanted to be like yibo ge....I wanted to at least tell you that I am not yibo, I'm actually Yein. As a kid at some point I really believed that I was Yibo, but as we grew up deep down I always knew that I'm actually Yien. Am I too weird????. I really wanted to tell you, but as the time passes I couldn't tell you at all... I was scared you might leave me, scared that you might think I'm weird . I hope you could forgive me.... I'll always love you but if someday, I was gone. Which I hope won't be too soon.......you should move on find someone new I'll be happy to look over you my zhan ge...

~ your stupid husband.

How??? How am I going to live with that. What am I going to do with this new information.

I'm feeling too stupid.

It's unbelievable.

Everything is too stupid and unreal.

Who would believe that something like this could happen to someone else?

It was already passed midnight. And it was still raining. But I don't care.

I ran outside to the frontier.

I cried hard.

I feel like, everything was just a dream nothing was real in my life.

I wanted to get drenched in the rain, so that I could bring myself back to reality and believe that it's all real.

Crying in the rain is a bit dramatic but I love it.