Chapter 52

Another one...

Esined

When I got home, my mama picked me up from the airport and took me home. I was nervous about going into the house. I felt uncomfortable and I didn't know if I should leave and go stay with my mama. She offered and I hadn't accepted yet. I thought about it.

It wouldn't be completely because August and I had been arguing, but I thought of it in a more positive way. Maybe if I left the house and stayed with my mama from now on, it'd teach August and I how to live without each other.

We didn't need to suffocate each other all of the time. We needed time apart. We didn't have to do everything together. We still needed to know how to be ourselves and not rely on each other for happiness.

Personally, I missed seeing my mamas face when I when I woke up in the morning. Not living with her even though she moved back still bothered me. Being with my mama humbled me and I definitely needed to become humble again.

I didn't leave as soon as she came back because I knew that her and Brandon were just settling and they didn't need two kids to deal with. My little brother, Fabumi, was a hand full and more alone. Even though I didn't move straight in with my mama, her and Brandon made sure they had a room for me.

"Mama... I think I wanna live with you," I finally decided.

"You sure?" she asked.

Although, I'd miss this huge house, I felt as if my welcome was overstayed and I needed to go.

"Yeah,"

"I don't want them to think that I'm taking you from them,"

"You're not, Mama. I'll still see them. I just won't be living with them anymore,"

"Okay,"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she smiled.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'll wait for you out here,"

"Okay," I got out and closed the door. I didn't bother to take my suitcases out of the car.

I didn't know what to say, so I just asked them all to come to the living room. August wasn't home, so I'd tell him separately.

"Hey, I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for welcoming me and being nice to me while I stayed here. I've decided to move back home with my mama,"

"Why?" "Is it because of August?" "Esined, don't go," they all began to speak at once.

"No. It was purely my decision. It's not because of August. I don't want y'all to think that it's anything against any of you. I'll still visit whenever I'm invited over," I said.

Well, it wasn't one hundred percent August. If anything, our arguments lately had pushed me to finally separate and move out. It wasn't just him. I didn't want to ruin the good that we had. I felt that not living in the same house would help us.

"What made you decide this?" Sheila asked.

"Honestly, I miss waking up and seeing my mama. Also, I feel like I'm overstaying my welcome,"

"And August," Mel coughed.

"Stop," I laughed. "Not true,"

"You could neva overstay ya welcome. You like family ta us now," Sheila said.

"Y'all are like family to me too,"

"The house gon' feel weird without you," Travis said.

"You promise ta visit?" Mel asked.

"I promise," I said.

"Alright... I guess you can family swap again,"

I laughed. "You're annoyin',"

"Aye! There go dat country accent!" Sheila cheered and we all started laughing. "I missed dat lil southern voice,"

"As much as I hated it, I'm starting to miss it too," I admitted.

"Awe, Whitley," Travis laughed.

"Don't call me that,"

They laughed more.

"Bye. I'm going to pack since y'all wanna make fun of me," I laughed and went upstairs.

I called my mama from my phone and told her to come in, knowing I'd take a while to pack.

I grabbed one of my suitcases and started packing. I packed my most important items first.

After an hour of packing, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," I said, not bothering to look back as I continued to pack.

When the door opened and closed, I looked back, seeing August.

August stared at me, not saying anything.

"Hey. Did you need anything?" I asked nicely.

"You leavin'?" he asked.

"Yeah,"

"Because of me, huh?"

"No," I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I'll stop pickin' fights wit you, Es,"

"That won't make me stay. I've already decided,"

"So dats it? You just givin' up?" he said, quickly becoming irritated.

"Giving up what? Who said I was giving up?" I grabbed another suitcase.

"Us. You up hea packin' fa what? I made a mistake. Dat doesn't mean you need ta pack yo shit and leave. I ain't puttin' you out. You overdoin' shit now,"

I looked at him, taken back. "I'm doing what?"

"You overdoin' shit. You actin' like a nigga said oh, you gotta go. Like you ain't even gotta leave,"

"Can you stop cursing at me?"

"I'm mad. What do you expect me to do?"

"You're mad? If anything, I should be mad, August,"

"Mad for what?"

"For how you've been treating me lately,"

"How I've been treatin' you? What the fuck have I been doin'?" he raised his voice. "You got Mel and Viola callin' my phone, cursin' me out,"

"Exactly like that," I shook my head. "Don't raise you voice at me because I'm not raising my voice at you,"

"Don't tell me how ta talk to you. I don't care if you raisin' your voice wit me or not. If I'm mad and dis is how I choose ta express myself, then you gon' have ta deal wit it,"

"I don't have to deal with shit," I laughed, standing up.

"You sho' ain't about ta leave dis room while I'm tryna talk ta you,"

"That's the thing. You're not trying to TALK to me. You're trying to yell at me and boss me around. I'm not your pet or your child and I'm not gonna let you push me around,"

We started going back and forth. He got in my face and I got right back in his. At this point we were arguing over nothing and I was over it. I just wanted him to shut up and get away from me.

"You will speak to me with respect or there won't be a conversation at all! Period!" I overpowered his voice, pointing into his face as he had done the same to me.

For the first time, I had yelled at someone. I didn't like yelling and it wasn't in my character.

August stared at me in disbelief.

"I'm done, August. I'm tired of your insecure ways. I'm tired of you not trusting me and I'm tired of you not wanting to see my growth! You hate that I don't depend on you anymore. You hate to know that I can live without you, so you start petty arguments, thinking that it will keep our relationship interesting," I said, my voice cracking.

He stared at the floor, avoiding my eyes.

"Truthfully, I don't want to argue anymore. I'm so over arguing. I don't like arguing at all. I love you so much and it hurts to know that you don't trust me,"

"I do trust you,"

"How can you say that after what you did?" I asked. "August, you flew out to New York to make sure I wasn't cheating on you with Shane. I'm not Chantelle! How many times do I have to tell you that?" I broke down into tears from becoming overly frustrated.

He seemed lost for words. He stepped forward and reached for my hand.

I pulled my hand away. "No,"

"Esined. Baybeh, I'm sorry," he searched my face. "I am,"

"You're only sorry when I start crying or when someone says something to you," I wiped a tear from my cheek and looked at him.

He wiped my tears with his thumb.

"Why does it take someone telling you about yourself or me crying for you to man up and apologize when you messed up?"

He twisted his lips to the side. "I don't know,"

"We can talk when you're ready to sit down and be mature about it," I wiped my tears and sniffed.

"Alright," he mumbled.

I continued packing and it was silent for a moment.

I looked at him. "Listen, at the end of the day, I still love you. You're human and you make mistakes just like the next one. I make mistakes too. I won't hold this mistake against you. If anything, I just want us to learn and grow from this," I began to ramble on.

"Sadly, I'm pretty sure this won't be our last argument. We're both stubborn and who likes to admit when they're wrong? I know I don't," I got down and zipped my suitcase. "Are you listening to me?" I asked, feeling like he wasn't.

"I hea' you,"

"Okay," I stood up. "I'm sorry if I seem really edgy and rude, I just... I don't want you to think that I'm going to sugarcoat or let you slide with things because you're my boyfriend,"

"I feel you. I'm out of line and I appreciate you correctin' me. You don't deserve ta be spoke to or treated like dat. I shouldn't have raised my voice at you. Knowin' yo past, I really shouldn't have been tryin' ta control you. I'm gonna change all dat, I promise,"

"Don't just say this to me so I'll forgive you. Please actually work on it and show me,"

"I will,"

"While you're working on that, I'll be working on myself too,"

"We'll be good again, right?" he asked, hopeful.

"Of course. I think we're even showing progress right now,"

"You think so?"

"Yeah. We're talking and not yelling,"

"You right,"

A minute of quietness went by before August spoke again.

"You looked amazin' at your last show,"

"How do you know?"

"I was there,"

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" I frowned.

"I didn't want ta face you afta how ignorant I was bein' ta be honest,"

"Hm... So, those roses were from you?"

He nodded.

"That was sweet of you. Thank you,"

"No problem... You were doin' ya thang, baybeh. I ain't neva seen you walk down the runway like dat. I'm proud of you,"

"Awe, you finally called it a runway," I giggled. "Thank you,"

He laughed. "I was callin' it an aisle fa da longest,"

"You were like send me videos of you walkin' down dat lah aisle," I impersonated him before laughing.

"Aye, chill. You sound like me too much," he laughed.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I said.

Mel leaned his head through the door. "Yo mama said dat she tired and she 'bout ta leave you,"

"Tell her I'm coming down,"

"Aiight," he said, leaving, but then he leaned back in. "I ain't gotta beat Aug ass, do I?"

"Mel," I laughed. "No. Go away,"

"Just askin'," he side eyed August before leaving.

I zipped my second suitcase and August grabbed them from me.

"Thank you," I said.

He nodded and I opened my door. I let him out first and he pulled my suitcases along.

"Why don't you take the elevator?" I laughed as he struggled to get them down the steps.

"You know I don't like elevators,"

"But you would have been downstairs by now instead of struggling,"

"Let me be great,"

"What's great about this?"

We started laughing.

"You are the They's dat DJ Khaled talks about," he said. "We all choose our own path ta success and dis happens ta be mine,"

I laughed. "You chose the difficult path?"

"Success don't come easy,"

I couldn't even control my laughter. "Chill,"

"I'm chillin'," he chuckled.

My mama stood up and got Fabumi from Sheila when we came downstairs.

"Y'all good?" Travis asked.

"Mind yo business," August said.

"Don't be mean," I said to him.

"Boy, I'll handle yo ass," Travis mumbled.

"No you wouldn't," August laughed as he carried my suitcases outside.

"I'll see y'all later," I said before I went to hug everyone individually.

We said our goodbyes and I love you's before I went outside with my mama. My mama strapped Fabumi in his car seat and August closed the trunk after putting my suitcases in.

"Thank you," I said.

"Mhm. Can I get a hug?"

I wrapped my arms around him and he hugged me back tightly.

"Japanese blossom?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.

"I luh dat smell,"

"Me too,"

"Duh," he chuckled. "Can I have a kiss?"

"Now you're pushing it,"

Although August and I were back to talking to each and made a few jokes since our argument, I had to stand my ground. I didn't want him to think it was all peaches and cream so fast. I still needed to get down to the bottom of the issue. With August, if you gave him an inch, he'd take a mile.

"Aiight. How about on da cheek?"

I kissed his cheek. "Don't think that since I kissed your cheek, everything's all good. You still have a lot of explaining to do," I pointed at him, poking his nose.

"I know, baybeh. I know," he cupped my face and kissed my forehead. "I luh you, aiight?"

"I love you too. I'll see you later,"

August engulfed me in another warm hug before letting me go. "I'll see you,"

When I left with my mama, I had a good feeling that things would get better between August and I. When I left the house, I was still leaving with my good intentions.

I hoped that things would fall into place with us, nothing forced.

I looked out the window as my mama drove to her and Brandon's house, my new home.

-That lowkey would have been a great spot to end the book lmfao, but I have so much more stuff to add. This is gonna be a long book :[

I already have it all figured out tho. Y'all are gonna hate & love me. Y'all gon' wanna fight & hug me at the same time lmao.

IM READY FOR THE DRAMA! Jk. I hate when September & Denise fight :(

Anyway. Excuse typos please.

Comments & Votes are appreciated.

Much love, Shia. Xoxo