Chapter 51

Esined

I was out, having fun with my modeling family and we were all taking pictures. We decided to turn up before our last runway walk and photo shoot in New York. Well, I couldn't fully turn up because I was twenty-one or eighteen yet like most of them.

I really loved being around them and being apart of this project. They were amazing people that I was happy that I had the chance to model with.

"You alright?" Shane asked after he came over to me with a drink in his hand.

"Yeah. How about you?"

"I'm actually enjoying myself," he said, taking a sip of his drink.

"I thought you didn't like under aged drinking," I said.

"I'm twenty-one now, girl. I'm lit," he chuckled.

"Oh. You think you're a grown man now?" I joked.

He took another sip of his drink. "Not really,"

"Why not?"

"I'm childish,"

"You're out here following your dreams, taking care of business, and stacking your paper. You're not relying on anyone, but yourself. I'd say you're making a man out of yourself. Children don't do that,"

"Thanks, Esined," he sighed. "At least someone sees my improvements,"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he mumbled, staring into his cup.

"You know you can tell me anything," I said in a sing along voice.

He chuckled. "I just still wish that people would accept me,"

"I know what you mean,"

"I mean, but you've been accepted, Es. The other models see you as family and they barely know you. I've known them for years and they it doesn't seem like they really care for me. I always feel like a nobody,"

"That's not true. We all love you, Shane. You're like a big brother or little brother to us all. If I can be honest, you're like the big brother I've always wanted. You've helped and guided me in this modeling industry," I smiled.

He sighed once again and swiveled his drink around.

"You accepted me despite my lack of knowledge. Some people laughed at me and told me that I wouldn't make it far, but you didn't. You helped me grow in the industry and I just wanted to thank you. You are somebody, Shane,"

He sniffed.

"Shane, don't cry,"

"I'm trying not to, but that was the nicest thing somebody's ever said to me since I started modeling," he wiped his tear, ending his crying before it started.

"Awe," I frowned.

"I feel like you accepted me too. My family and who I thought were my friends had the most negative things to say to me when they found out I wanted to be a model," he took another sip. "Now that I'm getting a check, they're fake proud of me. You and Zoe are the only ones who support me genuinely,"

"I feel you. I mean, I have a great support system, but the ones I wanted to support me the most always brought me down and never even tried to talk to me,"

"Who?"

"My dad and uncle,"

"Same,"

"What'd they say to you?"

"Called me gay. Tell me that modeling is for girls and all I'd ever do was model my hair and be a sex symbol... They were right,"

"That's not true. They weren't right. You're gonna prove them wrong,"

He sighed. "I just feel like I've been judged all my life and I just want some acceptance. I want someone to accept me and love me for me, but that won't happen,"

"I love you, Shane," he said. "We all do,"

"I mean like a girlfriend, Es,"

"Ohhh,"

He chuckled. "I'm missing the love from a woman. I always say that I don't want one. I want to find a woman and settle down,"

"You're a great guy. You'll find love one day,"

"I'm starting to lose faith,"

"Don't look for love. Let it find you,"

"I think the girl that I want can't see me," he said, looking off.

I tried to follow his eyes. "Zoe?"

"Yup,"

"I know I told you not to go looking for love, but... Go for it," I smiled. "You guys would be cute together,"

"She wouldn't date me,"

"You never know until you try," I giggled.

Zoe was one of the other models that I had got along with. Her and Shane made sure I was comfortable wherever I went.

"I don't want to ruin my friendship with her,"

"I doubt that it'd be ruined,"

I knew that Zoe liked Shane from our previous conversations when we did talk.

"Why are you so sure?"

"Because, I have faith. Listen. Just go talk to her or I'll bring her over here,"

"I'm grown. I can approach her myself, I just don't want to be turned down," he laughed.

"Go do it. I doubt she'd turn you down. Gooo," I gave him a nudge.

"I mean, I guess I could. I probably won't be as embarrassed when she rejects me because I have a little liquid courage,"

I laughed. "What are you waiting for? Go ask her on a date,"

"Alright. I got this," he downed the rest of his drink and popped a piece of gum in his mouth. He rubbed his hands together and stood up. "How do I look?"

"Great. Go get 'em tiger," I cheered him on.

Shane laughed before walking over to Zoe. Zoe was staring down at her phone and it seemed as if all of Shane's insecurities hit him at once. He opened his mouth to say something and closed it.

Zoe looked up at him and smiled.

They began to talk and I could see how nervous he was. He scratched the back of his head and avoided her eyes as they spoke. He tucked his hands in his pockets, rocking a little.

Zoe laughed at something he said and I guess it eased his nerves a little. By time their conversation was over, he came back over to me, trying to hide the smile on his face.

I smiled. "She said yes?"

"Yeah. We have a date when we get back to Atlanta,"

"Awe. Yay. I knew you could do it,"

"Thanks for encouraging me," he chuckled. "I just hope this date goes well and we go on more,"

"Me too," I squealed. "This is so exciting. Why aren't you as excited as me?"

"Trust me, I am. I just took three victory shots in my head,"

We started laughing.

Shane and I mainly stuck with each other that night and Zoe joined us. It was an overall great time and it took my mind off of my problems with August. It was just what I needed.

When it was time to go back to the hotel, Zoe and I had to help Shane to his room. He was drunk and couldn't really walk. It was actually kind of funny.

"Y'all tryna rob me?" he slurred as we searched his pockets for his room key.

"No, Shane. We're looking for your key," I laughed.

"Who is Shane?"

"You," Zoe giggled.

"That's a white boy name,"

"No it's not. Shane where's your key?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know, Denise,"

"Chill on me, bro,"

Zoe laughed. "Shane, you're heavy,"

He looked at her. "Y-You are so beautiful," he stuttered. "Isn't she?" he asked me.

I nodded.

Zoe blushed and held onto Shane as he started slipping.

"Y'all so nice. My little sister and my future wife helping me while I'm being messy. I love y'all, man,"

"We love you too," we laughed.

"Y'all know y'all my only friends, right?"

"No we aren't," Zoe said. "We're all your friends,"

"I can't find his key," I said.

"Where I'ma sleep? In the hallway?" he laughed. "Can I borrow a pillow and a cover?" he asked me.

"You can sleep on the extra bed in my room," I said.

"Nah nah nah. Yo boyfriend gon' kick my ass,"

"No he's not,"

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't let him,"

"You promise?"

"Yeah," I giggled.

"Alright. I'll see you later Zoeee," he sang.

"You got it?" Zoe asked me, laughing.

I nodded. "Yeah. Thanks,"

"No problem. Make sure he's up in time tomorrow,"

"Of course,"

"Bye Shane. Be good for Esined," she laughed.

"I will," he put his arms around my shoulder, trying to keep himself stable.

I took out my room key and Zoe left. I unlocked the door and helped Shane into the room.

"You're heavy," I groaned, using all of my strength to hold him up as he stumbled.

He leaned into the wall for more support. "I'on feel good, Es," he mumbled.

"Are you going to throw up?"

He nodded, his cheeks puffing up.

"Wait! There's a trash can like five feet away. Hold yourself up," I let him go and he leaned against the wall before leaning over.

Just before he could vomit, I put the trashcan under him and he threw up.

I scrunched my face up as he fell to his knees and clutched the trashcan. I held his hair back and he continued to vomit. I rubbed his back as he coughed. "You alright?"

He nodded before starting to vomit again.

"No more liquor, buddy," I giggled, trying to ease the moment.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He leaned against the couch and sat the trashcan to the side after I moved from behind him.

I went and got a rag. I wet it and went back to Shane. I wiped his face and his hands.

"Come on," I said.

"I have to move?" he asked.

I nodded and reached out my hands to help him up.

He grabbed them and stood up slowly.

When he walked this time, he'd stumble a little, but he was no longer completely just unable to walk.

I helped him get to the bathroom. I gave him one of the extra toothbrushes and he brushed his teeth.

Once he finished brushing his teeth, we went back to the beds.

I helped him into the second bed and he started taking off his clothes.

"Shane, whatchu doin'?" I leaned back.

"I'm sorry," he said as he removed his shirt tiredly.

"I can turn on the air," I pulled the covers back.

"Okay," he mumbled. He climbed into the bed and I went to turn in the air.

I went back to Shane and pulled the cover over him. "You good?"

Shane nodded. "Thanks for taking caring of me, Es," he yawned.

"No problem,"

He turned on his side, almost instantly falling asleep.

I took a shower and prepared for bed. I pulled my hair into a ponytail and wrapped my hair with a scarf. I went to the room and climbed into bed after turning off the lights. I looked at the time and my phone vibrated, making me look at it. It was a message from Mel.

MDizzle: What's goin on wit yal? 1:28 am

You don't think it's pretty late? 1:29 am

MDizzle: Nah. 1:29 am

What if I was sleeping? 1:30 am

MDizzle: U just posted on snapchat like 3 mins ago. Wit yo "Ready for bed ☺️" face ass 1:32 am

💀 You are rude. 1:33 am

MDizzle: 😂 Anyway. What's goin on wit u n Aug? 1:34 am

Who¿ 1:34 am

MDizzle: Yal both actin like this. I'm so ova yal shit lmao. What happened? 1:35 am

Ask him. He's the one who came here to watch me. 1:36 am

MDizzle: To watch u? 1:37 am

He doesn't trust me and he doesn't like Shane. So, he decided to fly from ATL to NY just to make sure I wasn't getting out of hand. Not because he missed me, but because he thought I was going to cheat on him. Yeah, he missed me, but he really wanted to know what I was doing. 1:40 am

MDizzle: He need to let that bitch go. She the one who hurt him, not u. It's been a whole year n he can't see that u been down for him. U got hella options n niggas waitin, but u only want him. His dumb ass gon let sumn good go cause he wanna play investigator n shit 1:43 am

Exactly. I'm kinda just over it tbh. I feel like he doesn't want to see me live and grow sometimes. 1:45 am

MDizzle: He don't. Aug got this thing where he like ppl to depend on him n wait for him to make the moves. He gotta know that everybody moves at they own pace. 1:47 am

MDizzle: U can't hold back yo career cause he still wanna cling onto u. Shit childish. U gotta live and breathe too. It's not fair for him to try n hold u back. 1:48 am

MDizzle: At this point, he knew what he was doin when he flew out there and he knew he fucked up. He know that it's his fault. That's why he wouldn't say shit when I called him. He knew I woulda went tf off on him 1:49 am

It doesn't even matter to me anymore. I just feel like this is all stupid and he shouldn't have flew out here. 1:52 am

MDizzle: Right. He don't even realize he coulda been fuckn wit yo money. He just pissed me off lmao. I gtg 1:54 am

💀 Calm down, Mel. It's cool. 1:55 am

MDizzle: Too late. 🤗 I'm about to dial his #. Not lettin this one slide. Ima talk to u tomorrow lil girl 1:58 am

Pls Melvin lmao. Goodnight. 2:00 am

I sighed. I knew Mel was going to go off on August and make him feel worse. That's what I didn't want. I wanted things to just calm down between us and we just come back together strong. If August wanted to talk it out, we could, but I wasn't going to force him to.

I wasn't going to give up on us, I was going to give up on going back and forth with him. I'd just wait to see him when we got back in Atlanta. I had things to focus on and money to make. I wasn't going to let our problems get in the way of that.

-Hi. lol.

Do y'all agree with Mel?

I was reading comments yesterday & I noticed something.

Some of y'all say Esined is changing from the slightest stuff she does.

Esined can literally breathe & I'll get 10 comments like "Essy is changing WAY too much and I don't like it! #BringBackTheOldEsined!!!" lmfaoo.

I want to do a comparison.

The old Esined: Timid, afraid to speak her mind, damaged, shy, quiet, submissive, passive, insecure, & wouldn't speak up for herself. Dependent.

The new Esined: Has a backbone, speaks up for herself, speaks her mind, not afraid to speak, comfortable with herself, & chasing her dreams. Independent. Also more secure than insecure. She's starting to love herself more.

What is it about the old Esined that y'all miss?

I really want to know because apparently I'm losing readers because Esined has changed too much. I'm genuinely curious.

I talked too much at the end of this chapter lmao. Sorry.

This is random, but did y'all really want tips on smoking & rolling? Follow me on Twitter. I'll be dropping some tips soon @dernogard23Instagram: @dragoslair

Excuse typos please.

Votes & Comments are appreciated.

Much love, Shia. Xoxo