f o r t y - o n e

I was woken up half way through the night by someone kicking me hard in the back of my knee. I forced my eyes open and saw I was still in the living room. Niall must've fallen asleep as well however we were both on opposite ends of his sofa. My best guess was I'd just moved a lot in my sleep.

I sat up when I heard heavy breathing coming from Niall's direction. I squinted in the dark and saw him shaking his head. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut and his fists were clenched by his sides. I crawled over to him on the sofa, dodging the occasional kick that he did and knelt beside him. His sofa was very large so I could actually sit next to him while he was laid down.

I put my hand on his shoulder gently to try not to scare him. There were tears in my eyes because he seemed so stressed.

When he didn't open his eyes I cleared my throat and began speaking to him.

"Niall, baby, it's me," I said. My voice was wobbly, "Come on, just open your eyes. Wake up. It's just a dream baby. It's only a dream."

His eyes snapped open and he sat up hurriedly. His face was a mix of scared, worried, sad and pain all at once and it broke my heart.

His eyes scanned the living room as if he was waiting for someone to jump out at us and he looked everywhere but my face.

"I'm here," I said in the most comforting way I could manage and I cradled his hot cheeks in my hands, "I'm here, look at me."

"Lily?" he said as if I wasn't real when his eyes finally landed on me.

"Yeah, it's me," I said and my voice broke. I nodded frantically at him, "It's me Niall. It's me. It's Lily."

He let out shaky a sigh of relief and pulled me onto him fast. I hugged him back and he let out one or two sobs onto my shoulder.

"Shhh. It's ok, I'm here," I said, desperately trying to calm him down, "Your ok."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Niall apologized over and over. I had no idea why he was saying sorry. My only thought was because he woke me up but it just didn't seem like that was the case.

"Calm down," I said and forced myself off of Niall so I could look at him. I wiped his cheeks with my thumb because they'd gotten wet from a mix of sweat and a few tears. He stared at me and I cleared my throat, "It was just a dream Niall."

I may not have known what was in the dream but I knew it wasn't good and I definitely knew he was still thinking about it even after my best attempts to calm him down.

"I know," he said with a raspy voice, "But it's so real. No matter how many times it comes, I always think it's real."

That made my heart hurt. He'd had this dream more than once. This dream that made him restless and shaky and seemed to make him worried to even speak.

"Tell me tomorrow," I suggested but even if he denied it I was going to find out what his dream was about.

When he nodded his head ever so slightly as a response I leant over him and snatched a blanket off the back of the sofa to cover mine and Niall's legs. I wasn't going back to the other end of the sofa, not while he was this shaken up.

We lay back and he put his arm under my neck and I snuggled into his side. I reached an arm over his body and he took hold of my hand.

"I love you," I whispered but he was already back asleep. His hand that was holding mine was squeezing it and the arm that was underneath my neck and that reached down my back was stiff. His entire body was stiff. Like he was on alert for anything and everything to happen at any moment.

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"Niall?" I asked the next morning while he was in the middle of making coffee. I was sitting on the island munching on the crust from my slice of nutella toast and waiting. I wasn't sure what I was waiting for, anything really.

"Mm hm?" Niall replied as he poured coffee into 2 cups, one for each of us. He hadn't spoken much all morning and we'd been up for a good hour and a half.

I took a deep breath because I wasn't too sure if I wanted to answer before asking, "What happened last night?"

He sighed and pulled out a bar stool before sitting down and taking a sip of his coffee. I stayed perched on the island and waited patiently for him to answer me.

"I just get these dreams sometimes. Well, it's really just one dream that I get over and over," he finally said.

"Ok. What's in the dream?"

"You," he swallowed, "And a guy."

"Niall you've gotta tell me more than just that. I saw how you were last night and you can't expect me to be happy with just you saying it's me and a guy," I said in the nicest way possible. I placed my hand on top of his and he nodded slightly.

"It's you and this guy at a house, his I think, and your in his bedroom. He tries to take your clothes off but when you say no he hits you. You scream for help but when I try and shout back my voice doesn't work. For some reason I see everything that's going on but I can't help you. At the end of the dream your so weak and the guy leaves you lying helplessly on his bed and leaves the house. You end up dying and I'm just watching you. And then you whisper my name say "you didn't care". Then you dissappear from the bed and I am suddenly next to the bed but your gone," Niall said and I bit my lip to try and stop myself from crying, "And then I wake up and your never here."

"I'm here now," I said and he looked up at me, "And I'm not going anywhere."

He stood up from his stool and pushed it towards the island before standing right up next to the island and pulling me towards him. My legs went around his his torso loosely and he put his hands on my waist.

"Thank you," he said.

"What for?"

"Being there," he said simply.

I hooked my arms around his neck, "I'll always be there."

"I don't deserve you," he said and looked down, "I've put you through so much."

"No," I said and touched his cheek which made him look back up, "Ok, yeah you have put me through a lot but even after everything just look at us. We're still together and we're happy."

He smiled slightly, "I fucking love you Lily."

I blushed, "I fucking love you too."

He leant in to kiss me but I put my finger on his lips to stop him, "Liv is going to be here any second to collect her car."

Liv had texted me that morning telling me she needed her car back. I couldn't tell her no so she said she would get a taxi over here and collect it. 

"But I want a kiss," he said and made a pouty face. I laughed and pecked him on the cheek quickly.

"There," I said and jumped off the island, pushing him back slightly. I walked round to the coffee machine and collected my coffee. I downed it all at once because it was getting cold and I wanted energy.

When I put my cup by the sink and turned around Niall was stood right in front of me and I almost knocked into him.

"I never released how much taller I am than you," he said. He did seem much taller than the last time I'd stood this close to him. Maybe I'd shrunk, maybe he'd grown, maybe I just had an awful memory.

"Well it's not that hard to be taller than me," I said and walked past him but he took hold on my hand and spun me around.

My face hit his chest and I frowned but it didn't take him long to make me smile. He swooped me up bridal style and carried me to the living room where he sat down on the sofa, still holding me. I sat sideways on his lap.

I gazed up at his eyes and my breathing became slow. He gazed back at me and removed his hand off my back and placed it on the side of my face, over my ear.

I pulled him to me and he clashed our lips together just as I breathed in, literally taking my breath away.

I sat up slightly so he didn't have to hold me and sat straddled on his lap. He pulled my waist closer to him and I put my arms round his neck. It was our new way of kissing, his hands on my waist and my arms round his neck. I liked it a lot.

I felt his fingers hook under my t-shirt and my entire body covered in goosebumps. He smiled a little and pushed my t-shirt higher up my body at a slow speed. I could feel my face blushing but I ignored it and let him keep going. I'd missed him so damn much. 

Suddenly the door bell rang, making me jump. Niall chuckled at my reaction as I got off his lap quickly and ran to the door. He started complaining quietly as I left the room and I smiled.

Liv was stood at the door, dressed in a white long sleeved polo neck jumper, a blue skirt that reached the bottom of her thighs, a tan trench coat and black open toe chunky heels. She had a plain black handbag over her shoulder and clutched her phone in her hand.

"Hey," I said and I my eyes widened slightly when I realized I was a little out of breath.

"Hmm. Out of breath, slightly swollen lips, t-shirt messed up at the bottom," I bit my lip and made my t-shirt neater at her mention, "I'm guessing it's going well."

I cleared my throat, "Yeah it's great. Here are your keys." 

She took them from my hand and looked back at me, "You can come to my meeting with me if you want so you have a ride home."

"Oh um..." I began playing with my fingers, "I.. I think Niall wanted me to stay a bit longer."

"Ok just behave," she said with a smirk.

"No Liv, don't even go there," I said and she laughed.

"I gotta go," she said after she finished laughing, "Text me if your gonna be home tonight so I know whether or not I can invite Alex over."

"Yeah, of course," I told her.

"Alright bye," she yelled as she turned and walked down the drive way.

"Bye!" I shouted back as she climbed into her car. I saw her wave just as I shut the door and noticed Niall had been stood right behind the door the entire time.

"Don't go home tonight," he whispered as her pulled me into him and kissed my lips gently.

"Ok," is all I could whisper back because I was so focused on how gentle but also rough his kissing was.

Suddenly he broke his lips off mine, "Promise me something?"

"What?"

"Promise me that no matte what, you'll always love me," he said and stared right into my eyes. He seemed so desperate to have me promise it.

"I promise," I said quietly, looking back into his eyes so he knew I was telling the truth. I hooked my arms round his neck and stood on my tiptoes as I kissed him again. As I kissed my favourite human in the entire world. As I kissed my forever.