s i x

Regret.

It's an emotion that is overlooked by way to many. You could say it's one of the strongest emotions the human body has. It can overwhelm someone to the point that they end up hating themselves. It haunts you and brings back memories of the past that you wish you had forgotten or didn't have. It has the talent and power to make you feel guilty and even if you didn't do anything wrong, it convinces you that you did. It's cunning and despicable and cruel yet humans still feel it.

Regret is what I saw on Niall's face when I opened the door to his room. I had checked 3 rooms before I had found his room: a spare room, a toilet and a small room filled with a load of freshly washed clothes and towels and bed sheets all waiting to be put away.

Niall's room was down a very short corridor, not long enough to be called a proper corridor but not short enough for there not be a corridor at all. His door didn't have anything on, no sign saying it was his room or anything, it was just a plain white door that matched all the other doors in his house except the front door that was light grey. The walls were plain white like the rest of the house and there was a small light hung from the ceiling with an extremely basic, grey lamp shade.

I knocked lightly on the door unlike I had been with the other rooms because I could tell this was his room by where it was located. He wouldn't have chosen any other room for his bedroom.

"Niall it's me. Come on open up," I said when he didn't answer from my knocks.

Silence.

I waited for about a minute before lightly putting my hand on the cold silver handle and opening the door slowly. It didn't creak like my bedroom door did back at my house and I was strangly impressed even though it was probably just my door that creaked and everyone else had a normal, quiet door.

Niall was sat a king sized bed holding the guitar he had shown me earlier that day. He wasn't playing when I walked in, instead he was looking straight at the door which meant he looked straight at me when he walked in.

The look that covered his face wasn't a look I'd seen on him before. His cheeks were red and his eyes were slightly puffy. My only guess was that he'd been crying. But he wasn't crying when I walked over to the comfy bed that sank slightly as soon as I sat down. He was just looking at me like he wanted to speak but he was scared he would mess up and say the wrong thing.

"You know I'm sure Louis didn't mean to make you mad on purpose," I eventually said, breaking the silence that consisted just of our breathing and nothing else.

"I'm not mad," he said in a hushed voice that I could only just hear, "I hate myself for what I did to you and any time someone says or does something that reminds me about what happened that night it just makes me want to punch something."

"So punch something then," I blankly without thinking but it was to late to do anything after the words came out of my mouth so I just stayed quiet and waited to Niall's response.

"I wanted to punch Louis down there, more than anything. But at the same time... I don't want to because he's my best friend, my brother even, and I know that if I punch him then it will be another thing that I will never be able to forgive myself for doing."

I sighed and locked eyes with Niall, something that I had been avoiding during the time I had already been in the room.

"I forgive you," I whispered. I didn't know if I believed myself at first but when I looked into his eyes that looked so much like the ocean after a storm, the ones that had drawn me in that day in New York City, I knew I was telling the truth. I did forgive him.

"Lily your mad," he said and chuckled in a desperate attempt to lighten the mood although it didn't work.

"That's fine with me."

He smiled at me. Not his usual, large, bright smile that made my heart melt and forces everyone around him to smile too even if they don't want to. No, it was a sad smile. The kind that made my heart hurt because he was trying to act happy but he couldn't.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly.

He'd broken away from my eyes and looked back at the piece of paper which was lying, slightly crumpled on the bed beside him. It had words on which I couldn't quiet make out but the way they were set out made them look very much like song lyrics.

"I wrote a song during the couple of months after we broke up," he said, looking at his hands.

"And?" I pushed because I could tell there was more he wanted to say.

"And... I kinda wanted to play it to you," I saw his cheeks go a tiny bit red when he said this and I tried not to smile at how cute he was when he was embarrassed, "I don't have to though if you don't-" he began to say quickly but I stopped him.

"I'd love to hear it."

He smiled, his happy smile this time, and adjusted his guitar before beginning to play. The tune sounded sad just from the first chord and I immediately knew I was going to cry.

About ten seconds in, he began quietly singing lyrics.

My mind is complicatedFind it hard to rearrange itBut I'll have to find a way somehowOverreacting latelyFind it hard to say I'm sorryBut I'll make it up to you somehowAnd I just don't know whyStars won't shine at night

Tell me you want itA thousand miles away from the day that we startedBut I'm standing here with you, just tryna be honestIf honesty means telling you the truthWell, I'm still in love with you

I sat in silence while I listened to his beautiful voice. I'd never really heard him sing properly before except the times when Liv would blast One Direction in the car when we were driving down the motorway but I never knew which member was singing. His voice was wonderful and gave me a feeling that I knew no one else would be able to give me. I can't describe the feeling properly, there isn't a word for how it felt, but I can say I'd never felt it before.

If honesty means telling you the truthWell, I'm still in love with you

The final line he sang, Niall looked up at me and almost whispered it. A single tear broke out from his eyes and rolled slowly down his cheek as he strung the last chord. I was already crying but that was no surprise to either of us so I didn't take much notice to my tears as they trickled down my cheeks, a few catching on my lips and leaving a salty taste behind after they disappeared.

"How about you?" Niall asked with a sniff after a few moments of silence.

"What about me?" I whipped my eyes with the sleeve of my blue checkered shirt and looked at his tear stained cheeks.

"Do you still love me?" he said quietly. He didn't look away like I thought he would've. His beautiful eyes stayed on my ugly ones, keen to get an answer.

"I never stopped loving you Niall, not for one second," I said, making sure I was looking right into his eyes so he knew I was telling the truth. I could've swarn I saw a sparkle appear in his enchanting blue eyes just before I shot in and locked my lips onto his but I won't ever be sure. All I know is when I pushed my lips to his and he didn't hold back, I never wanted to let go ever again.