s e v e n

Well, I'm still in love with you

Niall's lyrics played over and over in my head as we kissed. I couldn't stop thinking about how he loved me when I had convinced myself he didn't want to be with me, that the red-haired bitch called Ella was the one he wanted and not me. I had been wrong the whole time. He loved me and I knew then, when we were kissing and our bodies where moving in the perfect motion, that I was the one he wanted. And it lit a fire inside my chest that had been out my entire life.

Niall's lips were so familiar yet so strange. I had forgotten how amazing it felt like kissing him. How wonderful it felt to have his hands holding my head in place and it made me crave it in a way that I could only describe as selfish because I wanted every single bit of him just for myself.

"God I've missed you," Niall breathed when we broke away from each other for air. I was somehow already sat on his lap with my legs wrapped around his body and my fingers threaded through his fluffy, blonde tipped hair. I smiled at the statement, how could I not, and pushed my lips back onto his.

The kisses were gentle but rough at the same time. He knew exactly how I liked to be kissed and where he should put his hands and so did I. I knew he loved it when I tugged ever so slightly on his hair and when I put my hands on the back of his neck or just where his shoulders meat his neck. He knew I liked it when he held my cheek or my waist.

"I love you," I managed to get out between kisses. I felt Niall smile against my lips and even though he didn't answer back, I knew he loved me just as much.

Just after I'd spoken, I felt Niall's hands moving to my shoulders, a place he'd never really had his hands on for long before. It felt odd before I realised he was pushing my shirt off my shoulders and down my arms and then it felt normal.

I brought my hands down from his hair to slip the shirt off and as I was about to move them back up to his neck, Niall grabbed my wrists and held them steady while he looked at them. I saw his face drop.

"Niall it's nothing, just a few cuts," I tried to reassure him and pull my wrists out of his hands but he refused to let them go. He just stayed staring at them.

"I did this to you," he whispered and dropped my left arm that had no marks on to hold my right arm, the one with all the cutting scares on, with both of his hands. I watched his face as he looked carefully over my cut marks and as he traced them with his thumb.

"No," I whispered, "I did this to myself. You didn't do this to me." I tried to convince him that he hadn't done anything but he wouldn't believe me.

"Lily, you didn't have these marks when we were together the first time. I broke your heart and now here you are 3 months later with cut marks on your wrist. You did this," he held up my arm higher so he knew I could definitely see the scares, "You did this when you were hurting because you needed a way out and you thought this was the right way. And I was the one who hurt you."

I looked down trying to hide my eyes which had already began filling with tears but Niall dropped my arm and tilted my head up so I couldn't look away. He didn't say anything, he just waited in silence for me to say something.

I sighed, "Your right. I did cut myself when I was hurting. I wanted to get rid of the mental pain that hurt so fucking much that I made myself hurt physically in hopes it would be less painful. It wasn't, ok. It didn't do me any good at all. It just made it worse. I didn't want you to find out about this because I knew you would react this way."

Niall opened his mouth to say something but I put a finger to his lips and carried on talking.

"But my grandma helped me and I promise I'm fine now... I have you back," I couldn't help but smile a little when I said I had him back but he didn't smile back, "I have you back, right?"

Niall ran his hands through his hair and I swallowed because I knew that's what he did whenever he was nervous or stressed out. I waited, still sat on his lap, for an answer but he stayed quiet.  

"Look at me," I said when he'd turned his head so he wasn't looking at me face anymore, "Niall look at me otherwise I'm going to walk out your house right now and not come back," I snapped at him and he looked at me like I knew he would.

"Your so pretty," he said quietly as he tucked a bit of my hair behind my ear, "My beautiful princess."

I blushed even though I didn't want to. I always seemed to blush whenever he would compliment me and I hated it but he seemed to love it because he never failed to smile when my cheeks went red. I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder for a moment, taking in my favorite smell in the whole world before sighing and saying, "I should probably go and tell the others that your ok."

"Or you could just stay here and cuddle with me," Niall suggested. I felt him pick up a small piece of my hair and begin messing with it. I smiled into his shoulder, it felt strangely nice that he was playing with my hair.

"I won't be a minute," I said into his shoulder before climbing off his lap onto the floor.

"If your longer than 5 minutes I will come down stairs and personally carry you back up to my room myself," he shouted as I shut the door behind me. I laughed, it felt nice to have him back again.