Chapter 14

I'm having trouble keeping this story going. In other words, I have writers block. So, I'm sorry guys that you have to read through these painful chapters.

Comment ideas for the next chapter, because I am stuck right now. So heads up, this is just a filler. I wanted you guys to have something.

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Chapter 14

Kellin's P.O.V.

Justin keeps texting me. It's getting very annoying, but he's a pretty chill guy. I don't mind talking to him because he's a person who doesn't know what our problems are and frankly doesn't care. It's a good change.

I'm sitting with Vic right now. He's very quiet and from the looks of it, stressed. When he gets like this, I feel like I can't touch him. I feel too shy to say anything, because he could easily flip out. And when he flips out, he flips out. So I stay quiet as well, answering the oncoming texts from Justin. I can feel the tension in the air, it's choking the life out of me.

I finally get the guts to speak up. "So, um, how are you?" Wow, Kellin, how impressive. Of all the things you could say, you asked about how he's doing. Idiot.

Vic just checks his phone and looks at me. "I should get going." He says, avoiding my question. My terrible attempt at talking to my boyfriend. I don't know where this relationship is going, but so far, it isn't working.

"Alright." I say to him, but he's already gone. "Love you too." I sigh, leaning back to stare at the clouds. They float lazily in the sky, not a stressful thought in their heads, which are nonexistent. Sometimes, I wish I could be a cloud. Sometimes, I wish I could be something or someone other than Kellin Quinn. Because Kellin Quinn is a jerk sometimes. Because Kellin Quinn can't properly speak to his boyfriend. Because Kellin Quinn just is.

"FUCK YOU!" I yell to no one in particular. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's Vic. Maybe it's the clouds or the so called King of Heaven up there. But what I know for sure is that this can't go on forever. Jaime can't be hospitalized forever. Vic can't be depressed and angry forever. I can't be the supporting character forever.

I close my eyes and sit here for who knows how long. I end up ignoring Justin's texts. I end up ignoring all the people around me, as they go about their days. I end up ignoring everything. These past days have been fucking messed up! All I wanted was to have a normal relationship with a boy. Now here we are. I'm leaving soon, and I haven't had a proper make out session with said boy because he is stressing out and too depressed to focus on anyone else other than Jaime.

I can't blame him for that. I feel terrible for Jaime too. But why can't he fucking get better? I am sick and tired of him dictating Vic's life. I know it's not Jaime's fault. It's Vic's for being so close minded about this. He's constantly blaming himself and won't allow himself one peaceful day without the thought of being with Jaime 24/7. 

Why won't the asshole just wake up? 

I want to go over there and talk to Captain Comatose myself. But I know me. I won't, because I'm too caught up in what people will think of me if I do that and because I know how Vic will react. It's because I am a selfish bastard who really isn't that selfish and cares about how people are doing so won't do anything about it because I'm afraid of how people will feel afterwards. Makes sense?

I want to be here for them for these last few days that I have with them. It's enough for them that I'm there. Because really, why should this be affecting me as much as it has been? Because it's affecting my boyfriend. I have to be there for him. But the more I think about it, the more I come to realize, is he really my boyfriend? From the start, it's been him hating me and me trying to hide my feelings. In the end, I doubt he ever really liked me. I'm just something to fill that hole of hurt and pain. I'm just a distraction.

And I want to make this easier for him. For me as well. Because we both can't go on like this. It's never going to work, it never was supposed to. I don't want him to feel more stressed and in pain because he has one more person to worry about. He doesn't deserve that.

I slowly open my eyes and respond to a few a Justin's texts. Apparently, he plays bass guitar and he claims to be pretty good at it. He says he wouldn't really know though, but he likes to think he is. I smile at this, because it's such a carefree remark. I wish I could go back to those days. 

I call my dad just to update him. We don't talk much. Just a simple how are you doing? thrown into the mix. I just tell him that everythig is okay, and whatever, he doesn't need to worry. Not like he's going to anyways. 

So as I hang up and begin to walk away from where I had been sitting, I've come to a conclusion. It's something that I dreaded would happen, but seems the most logical at this point. There's no way I'll be able to come up with something else in time. This is the most obvious answer.

I have to break up with Vic.