Chapter 80

*Emma's POV*

"Mama? Mama?!" I jumped awake.

"I'm right here" I felt mom stroke my head, "I'm right here, sweetie" I looked up at her and she gave me a loving smile.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw that I was still on her lap and the rest of the family was still next to us.

I knew I was totally overreacting, but I couldn't help it. I was in constant fear of getting kidnaped or someone kidnaping one of the kids. I tried not to make it too obvious that I was scared about the kids too, so I just kept a close eye on them. I actually didn't wanna make it obvious that I was scared at all, but that was impossible, so I just kept it with me being scared for myself, so that they won't tell me I'm crazy that I'm scared for the kids, too. I just had to watch them very closely to make sure nobody takes them without us realizing.

"We still have a little less then an hour, tiger. Close your eyes and rest a little more. You barely slept"

"How long was I sleeping?"

"Half an hour. Close your eyes, baby" she held my hand against her chest, again, knowing it calms me down when I hear her heartbeat. I just couldn't fall back asleep, though.

"Emma, talk to me, baby" mom whispered, as she saw that I didn't fall back asleep. I felt so stupid, though. I didn't wanna tell her, so I just shook my head.

"Come on, bubba. Let it out. It'll help. You know I won't judge"

"I really don't want to" I whispered.

"Okay. Let me know when you're ready to tell me" she kissed the top of my head, as she rubbed my back.

The rest of the flight went by like that. We had to wake up the kids, cause they were still sleeping. After we got out of the plane and got our suitcases, Macy was waiting for us. I didn't see her, though.

"Oh my god, Emma, Matt, Millie" I heard someone yell. I jumped into dad's arms, scared it's someone who wants to kidnap us.

"Whoa, easy there, tiger. It's just Macy" he chuckled a little, as I looked at Macy, totally embarrassed.

"I'm sorry. You scared me" I walked over to her and hugged her.

"That's okay" she hugged me back and kissed my forehead, "I missed you guys" she said, as she picked up Millie from the ground and hugged her tightly.

"Wait, is that the baby?" she pointed at Toria.

"Yep" dad smiled.

"Oh Toria, you got so big" she grabbed her out of dad's arms and spun her around in her arms, making Toria giggle.

"Hi Macy" Rose smiled.

"Hey Rosie. How are you doing?" she crouched down in front of her.

"I'm good"

"Yeah? That's good to hear. Are you happy to be here again?"

"Yeah, very happy. Can you take me and Millie to the beach?"

"Of course I'll take you. Not today, though. It's already late. Now, we're gonna go home and settle in, then we're gonna have dinner and go to sleep, so that you'll be well rested tomorrow and we can do fun stuff, yeah?"

"Okay" Rose smiled, as she hugged Macy.

"Good. Now let's go" Macy took her hand, as she was still holding Toria. I took mom's hand as Millie was holding her other one. Dad was holding Matt's hand and pushing the suitcases on a cart or however it's called, as we all walked outside to the car. We all sat inside and drove home.

Everyone was catching up, but I was too busy making sure no one was following us. I know I'm totally overreacting, but I just can't help it. We arrived home and we all got inside. Me, Matt and Millie went to our room. Rose wanted to sleep with Millie in her room, so we added a bed.Mom and dad sleep in the guest room, with Toria. We all put our suitcases in our rooms and went down where Macy had dinner ready for us.

"So, what's the plan?" she asked, as we all sat down and started eating.

"Well, Emma and Demi both have to rest for at least two weeks, so we're gonna have to take care of the kids. I hope you don't mind" dad said.

"Don't mind at all. What's with Emma, though?"

"She had surgery a few days ago"

"What? And you didn't think to tell me? Why?" she looked at me.

"Appendicitis"

"Oh my god, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good" I chuckled.

"Oh wow, why didn't I know about this?" she sent me, mom and dad a disapproving look.

"Sorry" mom laughed, "We actually didn't tell anyone. My mom doesn't even know it, either"

"Why?"

"Dunno. We didn't really think about calling everyone. While she was in surgery we were just hoping she'd be alright, too worried to call anyone. And when she came back home she was doing okay, so we didn't really think about telling you"

"Well, next time something happens, which I hope won't, please let me know"

"Don't worry. We'll tell you" dad smiled.

After everyone was done, dad took the girls upstairs, while I went to the living room taking Toria with me. I sat down on the couch, with Toria on my lap, as she kept poking my stomach and giggling. Matt sat down next to me and started playing video games, gaining Toria's attention, as she rested her head on my chest and watched Matt. Mom was in the kitchen with Macy, clearing away dinner. I could hear them talking.

"What's wrong?" Macy asked.

"Why would something be wrong?" mom replied.

"Demi, I'm not stupid. Something's bothering you. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing"

"Come on, you know you can tell me. I'm here to help, Dem. We're friends. That's what friends are for. You know I won't judge"

"I know, I know, but it's okay" I could imagine mom looking up at the ceiling, trying not to cry. You could hear in her voice that she was about to, though. I could also imagine Macy rubbing her shoulders, trying to comfort her.

"Sometimes when you tell someone and get things off your chest, it helps you to deal with it better"

"I know" mom sighed.

"So tell me. Give me a chance go help you get through this, Demi. Let it out. It's good for you"

"I'm pregnant" mom said, after a few minutes of silence.Oh wow, I didn't think she'd tell Macy. She didn't even tell her own family.

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"No. I mean, yes. I mean, no. I don't know, Macy. I don't know" mom started to cry.

"Go on, Demi. Tell me. Why do you feel like it's not okay?"

"I'm not ready. I'm not ready to have another baby. I'm not ready to be pregnant. I'm just not ready for this"

"Why?"

"Because I'm not"

"I'm not trying to be annoying here, but because is not an answer. Demi, I'm gonna help you get through this, but you're gonna have to tell me what's wrong. You're gonna have to explain to me why you're feeling that way. Cause if I can understand you and know what you're thinking, I'll be able to help you better. Now tell me, why aren't you ready?"

"I just feel like I can't be the person I have to be, if I'm pregnant. I'm not gonna be able to do all the things I need to do. I won't be able to take care of the kids, like I do now. I won't be able to take care of my husband, like I do now. I won't be able to take care of the house. I can't just drop everything cause I'm pregnant"

"But Demi, if you're gonna be pregnant in a year from now, it'll be the same situation. So, what do you mean with you're not ready? When will you be ready? When all the kids are moved out, so that you don't have to worry about not taking good care of them?"

"No, but I think it would've been better to wait till they actually understand what's going on and why I can't take care of them"

"They understand, Demi. They're big enough to understand. All of them, excerpt Toria"

"Exactly, except Toria. She needs me to take care of her. I'm not ready to give up my job as a mom, because I'm pregnant"

"What do you want now then?"

"I don't know. There's nothing I can't do about it, but I just don't know how to feel about it. Wilmer told me that if I'm not gonna enjoy it and be happy about it, I'm gonna hold a grudge against the baby, without realizing it. I don't want that. I wanna love my child. I wanna be happy with it, but how can I, when I feel like it's not right?"

"Then look at the positive side of it. Don't look at what you won't be able to do. Look at what you will be doing. You'll be carrying a child. You'll give birth to it. You'll have another kid in the family. You'll be a mother to another human, who will put smiles on a lot of people's faces. You'll be able to take care of another person. And in a few years you'll proudly watch it graduate from kindergarten. And then middle school. And then high school. And college. And you'll see him or her get married and build it's own family. And you'll be a proud grandma sitting on a rocking chair, with your grandkids running around you. And you'll watch how your little baby, will raise it's own little babies. And how your little baby will become a grandparent. Demi, look at all the amazing things that little kid inside of you will do. Look at all the happiness it'll bring you. Okay, so for a few month you won't be like you want to be. And you won't do what you want to do, but what are you winning with it? Years and years of watching your children grow. Years and years of hard work, that's gonna pay off. Years and years of another person that you'll love endlessly and make you an even prouder mom then you already are. Years and years of happiness of watching your child succeed and chase his or her dreams. Isn't that worth it? Isn't that worth the crappy nine month you'll have to go through?"I could hear mom sob and imagined Macy hugging her tightly.

"Why are you crying?" Matt asked, shaking me out of my daze. I didn't even know I was crying.

"Oh, I guess I'm just tired" I quickly wiped away my tears.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure" I gave him a smile. He's so sweet.

"You seem really down lately. Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"

"It's okay, Matt. Really"

"Okay, then" he turned back to his video game.

"Mama?" Toria looked at me.

"Mama's in the kitchen, bubba. Want tiger to bring you to bed?"She shook her head and lay back down on my chest. I watched her, as I saw her eyelids slowly getting heavier.

"And you don't think I'll hold a grudge?" I heard mom ask.

"That all depends on you, Dems. If you decide to look on the good side of it all, then no, you won't. If you decide to dwell on the negative side and the few month you won't enjoy, then yes, you probably will. You'll love that kid, no matter what, but you will have an unwanted feeling against it, even if you don't wanna feel that way. Cause, Demi, I can promise you that once you have that baby, you're gonna be happy with it, but if you're gonna keep feeling like you're not ready and you don't want it, you're gonna hold a grudge against your own will. And that kid will feel it. Your child will feel that, even though you love him or her, something in you doesn't. So, please, do yourself, your family and that baby a favor and look at the bright side of it. Yeah, it will be hard, but it'll be worth it"

"Yeah, I guess"

"Just tell me when I can help you, yeah? If you want I'll even fly out to you and help you with the kids and the house. Just try to enjoy it and be happy about it"

"I'll try" I heard mom whisper.

"Amma?" Toria looked up at me.

"Mama's in the kitchen, baby" I smiled at her.

"She said Emma, not mama" Matt said.

"Amma" Toria smiled, as she poked my stomach.

"It's Emma. Say Emma"

"Amma"

"No, Emma" I laughed.

"Amma"

"I guess I have a new name then. Say Matt"

"Amma"

"Yeah, baby. I'm Amma and that's Matt" I pointed at Matt, "Say Matt"

"Att"

"Mmmmatt" I dragged out the M.

"Att" she pointed at Matt.

"Mmmmatt"

"Att"

"Okay, I guess you have a new name, too" I chuckled as Matt laughed.

"Amma and Att" he confirmed.

"Want Amma to bring you to bed?" I asked her.

"Mama?"

"You want mama to bring you to bed, or Amma?" I asked, loving my new name.

"Amma"

"Let's go then. Say good night to Att and give him a kiss" She waved at him and gave him a brush against his cheek with her lips, as he hugged her.

"Sleep well, Toria. I love you" he smiled at her, as I sat her on my hip and walked upstairs.

After dressing her in her pajamas and singing her a song, I put her in her crib in mom and dad's room. She lay down and I sat on the bed, watching her. I saw her falling asleep and smiled at her, watching her cute small figure sleeping peacefully. Mom has to be happy with a new baby. She's gonna have another cute, adorable kid. How can she not love that? I'm gonna help her. She doesn't have to be scared that she's not ready. We understand. We'll help her through it.

"Tiger?" mom entered the room.

"Hey" I smiled.

"What are you still doing in here? Don't you wanna go to sleep?"

"I'm watching Toria"

"She's already asleep, sweetheart. It's okay"

"No, that's fine. I'll just watch her till either you or dad goes to sleep"

"What's going on, Emma?" mom sat down next to me. I can't tell her I'm here watching Toria, cause I'm scared someone will come in through the window and kidnap her. She'll laugh in my face.

"Nothing" I mumble.

"Come on, bubba. Tell me. I wanna help. What are you so afraid of?"I just looked up at the ceiling, in a failed attempt not to cry. I felt mom wipe away the few tears that escaped my eyes, as she wrapped her arms around me and I snuggled into her.

"You know, I was just talking to Macy in the kitchen and I'm guessing you heard me, since you were in the living room, right?"I nodded.

"Did you also hear what Macy said, before I told her?"I nodded, again.

"About how it's good for you to talk about it? About how she'll only be able to help me if I tell her?"I nodded, again.

"It's the same for you, baby. I can only help you if you tell me what's wrong. I can't read your mind and if you don't tell me, I don't know what's going on in that pretty head of yours. It kills me to see you like this, tiger. I'm trying to understand how you're feeling and see things through your eyes, but you gotta give me a hand and help me out a little, cause I can't do it on my own"I just nodded, again.

"So, are you willing to let me help you? Can you tell me what's made you so scared of everything and everyone? What are you even scared of? Help me understand you, bubba"

I was about to open my mouth to tell her, but I couldn't. I just burst into tears.

-----Next update: Tuesday

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