Own time - Leah Williamson

Summary: You never had sex, and maybe now it's time to let your girlfriend know that.

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Everybody knew Leah Williamson had dated some gorgeous women in her life. The media and fans loved to speculate about all of her past relationships, including ones that happened before Leah was even famous.

Leah was private about her girlfriends; she always was. Her relationships weren't a secret; they were just private.

She never had a problem with posting pictures here and there, or commenting on Instagram posts, but if the media asked her anything personal, she would not answer; she would rather have them speculate about it than say something and see her relationship on the cover of The L Word magazine the next morning.

Although Leah didn't stay out of the magazines for long, since the world quickly found out that she was dating you.

You were young, younger than Leah, and had had your first breakthrough in the football world last year, when you played as a striker for the under-21 Euros as a lioness.

When you were eighteen, you applied for an athletic scholarship, and you had an opportunity to play college football in the US. When you graduated, you started your senior career in Orlando Pride.

You planned to come back to England, but the proposal to sign for a big club at the beginning of your senior career was something you could not deny.

You were one of the star players, even in your first season with the club, even though you didn't have much experience in professional football. You were surprised when you were called up to play for the young lionesses, and even more surprised by how good you played.

You had such a good campaign throughout the under-21 Euros that you were called up for your first camp among the senior players. That was how you met Leah.

She was, of course, your captain (and still is). Things were a little awkward at first; you couldn't even look her in the eyes, but it seemed like she was always searching for yours.

You tried to deny it, tried to focus on football, on the gym, anything that made you forget Leah's blue eyes, but it didn't work. She was always there in the back of your mind. It seemed like whenever she walked into the room, she took all the oxygen with her, and you weren't able to breathe or think properly.

Leah was England's captain, she was a Champions League winner, and you...Well, you were happy to be around the senior girls, even though you often felt like Serina had made the wrong choice in picking you.

Deep inside, you knew Leah had some feelings for you, you just couldn't identify if it was some sort of desire or hatred.

Leah didn't speak to you unless it was football-related. You wanted to bury your head on the pitch when she called you to the sideline one day and said your defence was shitty.

But at the same time, she would always walk by your side whenever the team was leaving training; she would sit on your side by the bus and would make sure you were eating proper snacks before a big game.

It was weird and confusing. You didn't take Leah Williamson as confusing. She seemed so sure of herself, so confident, as if each of her actions was always thought through.

Fast forward to you knocking on her hotel room during an away game, you had a towel wrapped around your body, soap and a loofah on your hands as you begged her to let you use her bathroom because your shower just wasn't hot enough.

She let you in, and so it happens that you never actually made it out. Weeks later, you two were dating, even though some of your friends didn't know it yet.

You guys weren't in the media, not as a couple. Leah always made an appearance here and there, but you didn't. You were young and talented, but not really 'press bait'; you were just like any other player beginning her senior career... you had a pretty face, ambition, and that was it.

The fans didn't care for you, but that changed when Leah, without meaning to, held your hand as you were walking off the pitch after a friendly. You didn't realise you were holding her hand back; the act was common for you, but you just forgot you two were in public.

So, in the snap of a finger, your name was everywhere. It was on an Instagram post, it was on Twitter, it was in magazines.

It was very, very overwhelming, but Leah was there to help you.

Although Leah's help wasn't very useful when the media began digging into your past. They found old school photos, homemade videos of when you were little, and they even interviewed some of your 'friends' from the US, asking about more details of your life.

One of the girls, your old roommate back in college, even said the names of your old boyfriend, the one you had before realising that you weren't really into boys.

You didn't care for him, but still, you didn't want your past being brought up, especially under the circumstances that you and Leah hadn't even talked about exes and other relationships yet.

You had only been officially dating for three months, but you were away in the US for most of that time, and you and Leah had spent only a few weekends together, you could even count on your fingers.

Most times, the only interaction you had with Leah was through text messages and Skype calls at weird hours for both of you. You guys always made it work, though.

Whenever you were together, you tried to make the most of it, squeezing time in between the constant cycle of planes, taxis, hotels, and airports.

You and Leah were never together for long, but when you were, your routine was basically composed of a quiet breakfast in some corner of London (or Orlando) and going out to dinner at way too expensive restaurants.

At the moment, you were on a small break from your club; they had given you a five-day break, and you were quick to hop on a plane and meet Leah in North London.

It was a quiet night, and different from others, you decided to stay at Leah's apartment and cook dinner, although Leah was very picky and she was giving you a hard time.

You had to hide a carrot, a whole carrot, in the soup you were making.

You weren't exactly hiding the fact that Leah was your first girlfriend; she just hadn't asked, and you hadn't brought it up.

All she knew was that you had a boyfriend back in college three years ago (information she had gotten from some magazine and asked you about once).

But later, after you two had finished eating and were cuddled up on the sofa, the topic came up. Leah's fingers were tangled with yours, her chin resting on top of your head, while a senseless film played quietly on the TV.

You didn't expect her to bring it up, but Leah always surprised you.

"How long were you with him?" Leah asked. It was casual, you could see she was just curious, but still, it made you a little nervous.

"Just like...sixth month, maybe?" you said. "He broke up with me after I told him I didn't like him."

She hummed. "Why weren't you the one who ended things?"

You paused. "I didn't want to hurt his feelings, I think. I'm glad he was the one to do it... We didn't act like a couple, we were more like friends, without the benefits part."

"Without benefits?" Leah asked, turning to look at your face, she looked genuinely confused. "What do you mean?"

"Hmm," you began fidgeting with your fingers. "You know, we didn't really kiss, like, yeah, we did, but it wasn't common because I was honestly disgusted by the idea, I just didn't realise why at the time."

"Because you liked girls?" Leah lifted her eyebrows and kissed your cheek.

"Yes," you said. "It took me some time to understand it, and while I was at it, we dated, but we didn't act as a couple, and everybody noticed it."

Leah hummed again, and she didn't ask anything more.

She didn't ask the question that you half expected, the one that made you nervous, the: 'Oh, so you didn't sleep with him?'

Leah didn't, because of course she wouldn't. She wasn't like that. She wasn't nosy or invasive of your life, but still, you felt like something was lingering in the air, something she wanted to know, but hadn't asked yet.

You were in your early twenties, and you had never been intimate with anyone. You didn't like the term virgin, but that was what you were.

You weren't embarrassed by it, just a little uncertain.

You hadn't felt ready before. You realised you liked girls right when your last season of college football began; you didn't have much time to meet new girls, and when you weren't playing, you were studying, trying to graduate with something other than a 1.9 GPA.

Then time passed.

You went out to a senior club and then to the senior squad and met Leah. Leah was older, experienced and someone you really liked.

And now you want to have sex.

You were dating Leah of all people. She was gorgeous, caring, kind, and honestly, very hot, too. You wanted to take the next step, but somehow you also felt unsure about it. You and Leah were dating for a few months, but the long-distance relationship made it seem way less.

The film went on, and you had forgotten about the conversation you just had, but then Leah pressed a soft kiss to your neck. It was innocent at first, but then her hand dipped under your shirt, and you froze; you didn't even pretend, didn't try to act cool about it.

Leah noticed immediately and pulled back.

"Hey," she murmured, looking at your eyes. "Was it too much?"

You didn't know what to say. It was too much, but at the same time, it wasn't. You wanted to take the next step, but maybe...not right now?

You were confused, and you knew Leah could read you.

"No, well–" You said, and you felt your heart pound. "I'm fine. It's just...nothing, forget it, I'm ok, sorry."

"Are you sure, darling? "Leah sat up straight, a frown on her face. "And why are you saying sorry? No need to say that."

"I don't know, I just–" You turned your body so you were facing Leah. "I don't want to make it awkward."

Leah tilted her head and smiled, then she cupped your jaw with just one hand before brushing your cheek with her thumb. "You won't make things awkward, just talk to me."

"Ugh," you opened your mouth, then closed it. "Fuck, I don't know how to say this."

Leah softened. She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. "Take your time."

You took a breath, breathing in and out, trying to clear your head. "I have never done this before," you said, your voice quiet. "Like... anything. Not really. Nothing, nada."

Leah blinked, trying to understand what you were saying. "You mean like...make out? Kiss?"

"Like.. I've never had sex," you said straightforwardly, too scared that the words would get stuck in your mouth.

"Or second base, or whatever. Until now, until you - I just didn't feel like doing it with that ex-boyfriend I told you about for obvious reasons, and I never dated a girl before you, so..."

Leah didn't say anything; she just looked at you.

And of course, you panicked.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner. I didn't mean to hide it, okay? I just..I thought maybe it didn't matter, and then it started to matter, and now it's this whole thing in my head and you're older and obviously you've been with people before and–"

"Hey," Leah interrupted your rambling gently. "It's okay."

You looked at her, really looked at her and realised Leah was smiling, not in a mocking way, but sweetly and patiently.

"It's okay," she repeated, and she put you into her lap. "No pressure, alright? I just really, really like you, and if you want to take things slow, that's completely fine with me, we'll go on your own time."

Your throat tightened, and you didn't know why you were expecting this answer. Leah was always sweet with you, but you got too caught up in your head and just thought about the worst-case scenario.

"Really?" you asked, looking up at her.

"Really." Leah leaned in and brushed your cheek with her lips. "You just need to talk to me, make sure I'm not making you uncomfortable in any way," she said.

You kissed her lips, putting your head on her shoulder. "So like...no teasing about me not having experience?"

"Of course not," she said before pausing. "Unless you want me to?"

You groaned and buried your face deeper into her neck. "I don't want to."

"No teasing, then," Leah laughed. "But seriously, I don't care about any of that, yeah? Don't worry about it, we can just kiss in the meantime, I love kissing."

You rolled your eyes playfully and kissed Leah.

Kissing wasn't much, but it was good for now, it made you feel warm, happy and wanted, and that was enough.

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A/n: hope u guys liked it