damage control - r x alexia x leila

Summary: Following the end of the Euros, you are the one who holds your girlfriends together.

Word count: 4k

..

You winced, physically winced when you saw Chloe Kelly was the next one in line to take the penalty. You wanted to be a good girlfriend, supportive and optimistic, but every cell in your body already knew where this was going.

The family area buzzed with Spanish voices, saying things you couldn't quite understand, but their cheerless tone was very evident, and you didn't need to know the language to read the room.

You were sitting next to Irene's family, and the way her wife was pressing her lips together told you everything... you weren't the only one who could already see how this would end, who already knew who the champions of Europe would be.

You could see Leila on the pitch; her face was sweaty, and even from afar, you could see drops of sweat running down her temple.

She wasn't just unhappy. She looked defeated (before the final kick was even taken). Leila was normally very confident on the field, so seeing her like that felt bitter.

Further back, Alexia stood rigid at the end of the line, her bib on. Her eyes were burning into Cata's body as if she could control her movements with the sheer force of her mind. As if she could defend all the penalties if she just wished for it hard enough.

The worst part about watching all of this was knowing Alexia was already spiralling and that Leila was already getting lost in her own mind.

Alexia had been furious since she was subbed off at 71 minutes. After that, Leila was subbed on, at 105 minutes, but you could barely feel happy for Leila as you studied Alexia's body language on the bench.

Her whole body was tense as she sat among the other subs; the players were talking to her, but she wasn't quite talking back.

Alexia had learned to deal with the frustration of substitutions over the years, but only when they made sense for her, only when the team genuinely needed something different, something better than what she could give.

Today made no sense, and even you, who wasn't a player or some football expert, knew that. When the number 11 flashed on the board, every family member around you was baffled, and the confusion on Alexia's face was heartbreaking.

She had walked off anyway, without complaining (because that's what Alexia did), but even Pina looked uncomfortable stepping into the grass without Alexia being there, like she knew it was wrong too.

No one understood Montse Tomé's decision. And now, after the final whistle, after England's players ran around in joy on the garss, you realised that it didn't matter anymore.

..

The corridor outside the Spanish dressing room had the worst atmosphere you had ever felt. You pressed yourself against the wall, trying to blend in while staff members and other families moved past you.

The medal ceremony was a torture to watch. Leila was crying, and Alexia was standing there, head up, as if she were made of stone.

You watched them walking past the trophy, wishing that you had outlined a previous plan to steal the trophy, just to give it to them; maybe with it, they would smile. Maybe the silver medal wouldn't feel as heavy as it looked.

You felt useless... completely and utterly useless.

All you could do was stand here wishing you could go back in time and maybe...change the scoreboard? Do something other than just watch your girlfriends falling apart while the rest of the world danced and laughed around them.

Sweet Caroline was echoing from the stadium speakers. England's victory song could be heard inside the Spain's side of the Stadium, making everything just a little more sad. Maybe you could cut the wires to the speaker. That would be good, you preferred Rosalía anyway.

Even though you were trying (very hard) not to be seen or to bother anyone, people kept bumping into you in the hallway - uefa workers, photographers, family members you didn't recognise and journalists. All of them moved in a hurry while you just... waited.

Then you saw familiar dark eyes looking right at you, dodging people as she made her way to the dark corner of the hallway where you were.

Leila didn't speak as she reached you; she just melted into your arms like she had been holding herself together for too long, which she had. Her chin was on top of your head, and you could feel her tears (the ones that hadn't stopped since the final whistle) getting your scalp wet.

Leila was soft and seeking when she was sad; she didn't feel ashamed to ask for comfort, didn't feel like her feelings were a vulnerability. She welcomed her feelings and asked for affection when she needed it, especially when she lost something precious to her.

"Hi, bebé," she whispered, her voice hoarse because of her crying.

"Hi, Lei." You pulled her deeper into your body, moving you two a bit to the right, away from the people, so you could actually hear each other. "I'm so sorry."

"I–" She started, but then her words stopped at her throat, and she took a deep breath. "I wanted it so much. We were so close."

You went under her shirt, touching her warm skin, drawing circles, trying to soothe her, trying to do anything to make it better.

You had been through a fair share of losses with Leila and Alexia, both for country and for club, but it never got easier, and still, after all those years together, you never knew what to say; maybe because deep down, you knew nothing would alleviate the hurt they were feeling, but still, you tried.

"I know, love. But you were amazing on the pitch, sí? I want you to know that." You told her, using your gentlest voice. "I'm so proud of you both for getting here."

Leila pulled back just enough to look at you, her cheeks flushed from crying. "Ale won't even look at anyone. I tried to talk to her on the pitch, but she just–" She shook her head and rolled her eyes slightly. "She's so angry, she only spoke to Irene and no one else."

"She'll come around," you said, getting a few centimetres away from Leila to look at her face. "You know how she gets, bebé. She needs time to process, okay? She's not mad at you or the team."

"That substitution was bullshit, though", Leila said angrily, sounding protective. "She was playing well, they all were, yeah, maybe we needed someone faster, but Ale wasn't the one Montse should have subbed off!"

Before you could respond, you saw Alexia emerging from the tunnel. She was mad, her jaw was locked, her eyes squinting, every muscle in her body seemed rigid and unmoving. She looked like she was holding back a scream (or tears).

She moved toward you both, perfectly composure, ignoring everyone around her. As she got to Leila, her touch was gentle and contradictory to how she was portraying herself.

She kissed the back of Leila's neck gently. "Lo siento, Lei" against her skin. [I'm sorry, Lei].

When Alexia's eyes found yours, she was still soft, but you could read her through; she was sad, angry, disappointed... all at once. It was like for just a second, she had the mask of Alexia Patellas fall so she could be just Ale.

"I'm sorry, cariño," she said to you quietly. "I'm sorry it ended like this... that you came here and didn't see us win,"

You tried to reach for her hand, but she had already stepped back. The softness she had just shown you and Leila was gone, and it was replaced by a very mechanical, professional one.

"I need to go to the locker room," she said, taking Leila's hand with her. "Lei, you should come, we have a team meeting."

Leila looked back at you as Alexia led her away to the locker room. Alexia didn't spare another glance at you, which hurt. Neither of them said when you would see them again, so you stayed there.

After forty minutes of having your back against the concrete wall, you just gave up waiting and headed back to the hotel.

..

You took a shower and ordered some food, unsure if the girls would eat after the team meeting. It had been two hours, and the food was cold now. You texted them, but they didn't reply.

You watched the hotel ceiling with the same careful eyes as someone who had nothing else to do. You had packed your and their suitcases already; you had left changes of clothing and towels in the bathroom in case they wanted to take another shower.

The pillows were fluffed, the blanket had been folded over a million times... everything was done, but still, you wanted to occupy your idle hands.

You were organising the room decor when the door opened. Alexia was the first one you saw; you had, rather foolishly, hoped that maybe whatever was said in the locker room would make Alexia feel better, but it was clearly not the case.

She stepped into the room, Leila just behind her. While the brunette made her way to you, Alexia went straight to the bathroom.

"Ale–" You tried to reach for her with your hands, but she didn't look back, locking herself inside the bathroom.

You stared at the wooden door, not sure if you should go after her, if you should knock.

"She's angry," Leila said with a sad smile as she turned her body so she was looking at you. "Very angry. You don't want to talk to her right now."

You winced, letting your head fall on Leila's shoulder, her medal hanging on her chest. "Did she say something to you?"

"Sí," Leila said, guiding you both to the bed. She let you lie down first, and then let her head rest on your shoulder, her hand placed on your belly.

"I'll talk to her–"

"No, you stay right here," Leila said, rubbing her nose against your temple. "And I'm not hurt, I know she gets worked up like this."

"Still, both of you... lost–" you said the last word carefully, the sound of the shower being turned on reminding you that Alexia was just there in the other room. "--It's hard for you two."

"Uhm," Leila murmured against your shoulder. "Don't remind me we lost, don't wanna think about that."

"I'm sorry," you said, bringing your hand to her hair, undoing her ponytail and massaging her scalp with your fingers. "I know how much you wanted it, Lei, how much you trained for it."

Leila's body was warm against yours; she kissed your cheek, so softly that it made you want to cry. "You don't need to be sorry, bebé. That's football, it can be cruel and it can be marvellous, depending on the side you're playing."

"I'm still proud," you said, repeating the same words as before, hoping they would melt into Leila's brain and stay there.

"Gracias," you could hear her voice breaking, had known her long enough to recognise when the tears were building again. "Bebé, I think I want to cry again."

The bathroom door opened, and Alexia walked out of the shower. Her hair was damp, and she was wearing the clothes you had picked up earlier. She looked soft and comfortable, but her face still had the same stern expression as before.

The steam of the shower was escaping from the door, making the room more humid and warm, just like the outside world, where rain was pouring down.

When Alexia saw Leila curled against you, hearing her soft cries, something in her face shifted to something tender.

"Hey, no, Lei," Alexia said as she sat down on the mattress. You gave her a sympathetic smile, grateful she was finally here with you both.

You missed having her and Lei with you. You've been apart for the last month; you just wanted to have them to yourself now; you hoped they would let you.

She settled by Leila's other side, kissing the top of her head, she murmured something in her ear before talking in a way both of you could hear. "It's okay, Lei, don't cry, please. I hate seeing either of you crying."

You shyly touched Alexia's hand, scared that she might pull away like she had in the hallway (even though you knew she hadn't done it to hurt you), but she didn't. Instead, she looked at you, softly and guiltily.

"You should be crying too, you know?" you said gently. "You can let it all out."

Leila's sobs slowly turned into muffled cries against your shirt, until eventually her breathing evened out and she fell asleep. Leila always slept rather quickly, which was something that always baffled you.

Alexia ran her hands through Leila's hair, watching her with careful eyes. "I don't think you need two people crying on you."

"I think I can manage," you said, opening your left arm, the one that wasn't being crushed by Leila's sleeping body. "Come here."

Alexia hesitated, she always did, but eventually she gave in.

She laid her head on your shoulder, leaving one protective hand on top of Leila's back. Leila's breathing was deep and even now, she was really falling into a deep kind of sleep.

You held both of them in silence, hearing Leila's breathing and Alexia's heart beating. You wanted to talk to Alexia, to discover what was happening in her mind, in her heart. But you gave her escape to breathe, to understand her feelings herself before sharing them with the world. With you.

"We came so close," Alexia began, her voice barely above a whisper. "We scored first, and we were shooting all the time and creating opportunities, and we still lost."

"Yes, you did, bebé." You kissed Alexia's forehead. "I'm sorry for that."

"And... ugh, es tan injusto", she said, more angrily now, but still lying softly against you. "We had a good campaign, we played better games, and it's like it was all for nothing." [It's so unfair.]

You let her talk, your hand stroking slowly through her damp hair.

"I know I'm only saying this because I'm angry, tomorrow I'll wake up and actually analyse the game and see so many things that could have been better, but right now I can only think about how if we just had better defending, maybe Russo wouldn't have scored, or maybe we could have scored more. Mierda, I could have scored, I had opportunities and I didn't take them!" [Shit.]

Her voice was more frustrated with each word. "If I had been faster, I could have shot the ball better right at the beginning of the game, gotten us settled earlier, sí? It would have made a difference, I know it would. Sometimes I felt like I didn't read the game properly... siento que por eso perdimos." [I think that's why we lost.]

"It's a team, mi amor," you said, trying to resonate with her. "You can't blame one person. You can try and blame yourself all you want, but it won't make you feel better, and it won't give you the win."

You had told Alexia this same thing so many times. Whenever she lost, she would put all the weight on her shoulders. "When you're praised, you always say it's a team effort... when you lose, you say it's all your fault. How does that make sense?"

"Sometimes it feels like it is my fault," she said bitterly. "Today it feels like it is. I don't care if it makes sense or not."

Leila shifted in her sleep, and Alexia softened even more, her voice dropping a bit, making sure to be quiet enough. "I screamed at Lei when we left the locker room, I don't even know why. It wasn't even about the game, I think," she confessed

You let her talk, knowing she needed to get it out.

"I was just so overwhelmed. It never gets easier having cameras in your face, happy music playing, people watching as you lose a final like this," Alexia said. "And I have to keep a straight face, I need to ground the other players, I need to be good for them, and I need to–"

"You don't have to be anything other than you, Ale," you said gently. "You can be sad, you can be angry, that won't change the way the girls see you. It won't change what you represent."

"These last few months," Alexia said, her voice getting smaller, "Tengo la sensación de que no represento nada." [I've been feeling like I don't represent anything.]

Her voice was heavy with pain; you just wanted to make it better. "Hey, why do you say that?"

She buried her face against your chest, her head right next to Leila's.

"It's the second final I've lost, first there was the Champions League, which hurt, then the Euros... people keep saying I represent football, that I'm an inspiration to younger girls, but I don't see how second place can be inspiring."

"All of your idols while growing up," you began carefully, "won every single title in their careers?"

Alexia sighed. "No."

"Were all of them the best of the best? Gold medal every day? All day?"

"Not all."

"Did you ever stop having them as inspiration when they lost big titles?"

"I don't like it when you use logic on me," Alexia mumbled grumpily.

You smiled. "Answer me, amor."

"No, I didn't," Alexia said reluctantly. "Th- the amount of titles didn't really matter, just... how talented they were, and if they were good people."

"Then why do you put yourself to such a high standard?" you asked.

"I don't think I have an answer to that," Alexia said, letting her eyes fall shut. "I don't think I want to have one."

"Te amo," you said softly. "It's hard, Leila told me football is cruel, and I can't see it any other way. You were out of the Euros before, she was out at the World Cup, sometimes what feels right doesn't happen." [I love you.]

Alexia was quiet for a long moment, and you thought she might have fallen asleep too. But then she spoke.

"I just wanted to have this," Alexia said. "Lei and I were talking about how we both wanted to give you our medals, have you there with us on the pitch for the celebration."

Your heart broke a little more. "Ale..."

"I know it's stupid..." Alexia murmured.

"It's not stupid, don't say that," you whispered. "Nothing you or Lei feel is stupid. I'm proud of you two; I'm proud of you, and a medal doesn't change that in the slightest."

Alexia finally let herself cry then. She was a silent crier, not like Lei, who sobbed. You only noticed she was crying when her body began shaking gently against you.

..

The next morning, you wake up to voices next to you. They weren't loud, but you were always a light sleeper.

"Perdón por haberte gritado ayer," Alexia said, her head resting on Leila's shoulder while she kissed her neck softly. "Estaba molesta, pero eso no es una excusa... tú también estabas molesta y aun así no me trataste mal."

[Sorry for yelling at you yesterday / I was upset, but that's no excuse... you were upset too, and still didn't treat me badly.]

Leila ran her hands through Alexia's hair; it was knotted and messy, she hadn't brushed it or dried it before going to bed. "Sé que lo dijiste para molestarme, no te preocupes, mi reina." [I know you didn't mean it in a bad way, don't worry, mi reina.]

"Aun así..." Alexia sighed against Leila's skin. "Te amo, no debería haberte gritado." [well.../ I love you, I shouldn't have yelled anyway.]

"Ya es parte del pasado, sí?" Leila kissed Alexia's forehead tenderly. "Let's forget about this." [that's the past now.]

You shifted in bed, slowly opening your eyes and finding your gaze settling on your two girls. They looked comfortable (despite everything), Leila seemed calmer now, her cheeks weren't as red and swollen, and for the first time since yesterday, her eyes seemed dry of tears.

"Bon dia," you said, voice thick with sleep as you rubbed your eyes.

Someone had opened the curtains, and the sunlight was hitting you right in the face. You were sure it was Leila; she had an obsession with the morning sun.

"Bebé," Leila said happily, moving her free hand so she could pat you on the head, careful not to disturb Alexia, who was still lying on top of her.

"Hi, cariño," Alexia said, turning her head where it was pressed against Leila to look at you. "Sleep well?"

You nodded, still a bit dizzy from waking up. You shifted closer, pressing yourself tightly against Leila's side. Since Alexia was lying on top of her, you ended up next to them both.

"How are you two feeling today?" you asked softly.

"Horrible," Leila stated matter-of-factly.

"So sad," Alexia mumbled into Leila's shoulder.

"I honestly think I've never been this upset in my life," Leila continued, her voice still hoarse, as if she hadn't been up for long.

"So, so sad," Alexia repeated, as if she said the word sad enough times she wouldn't actually feel it.

"Oh," you said. You didn't know why you'd been waiting for a different answer; sleep wasn't that miraculous, after all. And the defeat was still fresh, very fresh. It would take them a few days to feel okay again.

You reached over and stroked Alexia's hair, then squeezed Leila's hand. You love physical touch, need it, mainly in the mornings. "That's okay. You're allowed to feel horrible today."

"Can we just stay like this?" Leila asked, a (adorable) pout on her face. "I don't want to face anything, don't wanna see the girls at breakfast... I wanna have breakfast in bed and rot here all day."

"Of course," you whispered, pressing yourself even closer to her, feeling the warmth of her body, wishing you would go back to sleep like this, with them next to you. "We have nowhere to be, we can be miserable in this room as much as you want to. Our flight is only tomorrow, anyway,"

"I should probably get ready for breakfast with the team, though," Alexia said against Leila's body, but made no move to actually leave the bed. "Second captain and all that."

"Yeah, you should," Leila agreed, wrapping her arms tighter around Alexia, a move that didn't seem like someone who actually agreed she had to leave. "You're like... so important, the team needs your presence to have proper coffee."

You bit back a laugh when Alexia lifted her head to glare at Leila grumpily. "Are you being sarcastic, Ouahabi?"

"Me? Never," Leila said innocently, pressing a kiss to Alexia's forehead. "I'm just saying, what would they do without their leader sitting next to them in complete silence with a pout on her face?"

"Lei," Alexia warned, but you could see the tiniest smile tugging at her lips. "I don't pout."

"You do," you chimed in. "A lot, actually."

"I'm like... devastated about losing yesterday," Leila continued. "But I still have energy to make fun of your captain's complex obsession."

"It's not captain complex," Alexia mumbled, still grumpy. "It's a real responsibility."

"Well, technically," you said, "Lei's your teammate, so I guess your captain duties are also in this room; therefore, you should stay here and have breakfast with her."

That earned you a gentle rub on the back from Lei, making you smile.

"If Lei's my teammate, and she's here in the room," Alexia said, seeming a bit happier now, "and I'm the captain, what's your role here?"

"Hmm," you thought for a moment. "I do damage control."

..

A/n: hope you guys liked it <3