Distance - Jana Fernández

Summary: Y/n won; Jana lost. It's bittersweet, but that's who you are.

Word count: 2.5k

..

It was never easy to play against each other. Jana and you were always on different sides of the pitch. You had never played on the same team. Not domestically, nor internationally.

At the Olympics? You were there, both defenders giving it your all. At the World Cup? Same thing. Right now wasn't different. You could barely see Jana in her usual position on the right side in front of the goal, you had to squint your eyes, she was far, far away.

The UEFA Champions League final had come, and once again, you were rivals.

Both you and Jana would roll your eyes playfully when people would comment about how you were always against each other, asking if you didn't look for an opportunity to be on the same team for once.

During every transfer window, there would be rumours about Jana going to Arsenal, or you going to Barcelona.

That would never happen–at least that's what you both thought.

You thought about the future sometimes, late at night, when you were in one country and Jana was in another. How you barely saw each other, how most women's football couples might not be from the same country, but they at least played for the same club. How many couples would make it so they were at least playing in the same league.

It wasn't your and Jana's case, so no need for you to ponder that. You weren't going to change it. But it was hard nonetheless.

Especially now.

The referee had blown the whistle. Arsenal had won.

Second Champions League for the club, first Champions League for everyone on the team.

People around you screamed. Leah was down on the floor with Wally and Kim hugging her. Renée was wrapped in some staff member's arms, and you feared for her life- you weren't sure she was breathing properly.

Alessia and Lotte were crying on each other's shoulders, everybody was experiencing one of the highest moments of their careers.

You didn't feel it, not yet. Not this happiness. Instead, you felt something bittersweet.

You looked to your side. You and Mariona shared a knowing glance- you were in this together, for different reasons, sure, but you understood each other.

Mariona hugged Aitana, her ex-teammate, before making her way through all of her other Barcelona friends. You, on the other hand, had just one person in mind, one person you needed to talk to.

As you walked to the other side of the pitch, hearing the chanting of Arsenal fans and sharing quick handshakes with the Barcelona girls, you got closer to Jana.

Vicky was hugging her, but the moment the younger girl saw you, she took a step back.

Jana had tears in her eyes, tears that you wanted to dry immediately. So you did it-you cleaned her face of tears with your thumb, but it didn't matter because they kept coming.

"Perdón, cariño," you said, pulling Jana closer to you until she was tucked against your body.

You weren't a secret–hadn't been for a long time–but still, your relationship was private enough that it felt weird to be this intimate and close on the pitch, under the watchful eyes of your teammates, fans, and media.

You let Jana cry against your chest as you thought about how your Instagram would be filled with ridiculous takes about you and your relationship.

The media would find a way to make it look like it had been something out of a fairy tale, or a rom-com, but they would never know reality. Never know how difficult it was to see the person you cared so much about cry while you were part of the reason they were sad in the first place.

"Sorry," Jana mumbled, taking her face off your chest. "Sorry-I didn't- I..."

She started to cry again.

"I know, amor," you said. "It hurts, I know."

You just held each other for a few more seconds before Jana took a deep breath, looking up at you.

"I'm proud of you," she said, and she was genuine–she always was. "You played a good game."

She was smiling, and you knew she was trying hard not to sound so sad. "You did too, you had some great defences," you said, a small smile on your face.

"I'll have to pay my side of the bet," Jana said, laughing and crying at the same time.

"Shh..." you said, smiling, "don't think about it now."

Jana looked around her, noticing how all of your teammates were celebrating, but you were there by her side.

She put a brave face on. "Now you go there, go with your teammates. You guys deserved it, you deserve this moment."

You were quiet.

You just looked at Jana. You wanted to go--you knew how much this was a big accomplishment for the team and for your own personal career, but you didn't want to leave Jana crying.

"Go," Jana whispered, giving you a gentle push. "I'll be okay. We'll talk later, sí?"

You hesitated for another moment, torn between celebration and comfort, between triumph and love. But Jana's encouraging nod made the decision for you.

"Te amo," you whispered against her forehead before pressing a soft kiss there.

"Yo también," she replied, her voice barely audible over the crowd.

As you walked back toward your celebrating teammates, you couldn't shake the feeling that winning had never felt so complicated. So messy, so unfair, but at the same time so deserving and good.

..

As Barcelona walked to get their silver medals, everybody had a sad face on, both Arsenal and Barcelona, honestly. You thought this whole thing was bullshit.

You had been on the receiving end of second place multiple times, both for the nation and club. You hated the guard of honour ceremony. The winning team always felt weird walking through it to get their medals, and the losing team had to keep a brave face and pretend they weren't annoyed by it.

Yeah, you knew it was about acknowledging your opponent, both knowing how to lose and not feel ashamed of winning. Still, you thought it was rather ridiculous to watch your very sad girlfriend walk past the trophy she wanted so much.

While Jana was walking, you couldn't give her a hug. One of the Arsenal girls from the other side of the guard of honour had hugged her, and she couldn't come back for you.

When Barcelona got their medals, it was Arsenal's time to do the guard of honour, and as expected, it was awkward. Renée walked first, an empathetic expression on her face as all the other players followed, pity evident in their mannerisms.

This time, you could give Jana a fast hug.

"Estou orgulhosa," Jana said quickly as you looked at her gently, eyes filled with love. If you could, you would steal the UEFA Champions League trophy (again) just to give it to Jana.

When you got your medal and kissed the trophy, you finally felt what your teammates had been feeling for the last few hours. Rush, pride, excitement.

It was all starting to grow in your chest the moment you looked at that little gold medal.

It represented all the hard work the team had done. That you had done, all the training sessions, all the games, all the hard losses and good wins.

You kissed the medal dearly.

It was bittersweet, but it was yours.

..

You didn't see Jana after the medal ceremony. Barça left for their locker room. You tried to go after her when Arsenal got to their own locker room, but Katie McCabe had one hell of a grip.

"Absolutely not," she said, holding your hand with so much strength you thought it would break.

She was tipsy already–everybody was a little. You had a puff of one of Renée's cigars, but you still were in a good state of mind, different from the Irish captain.

"You can't leave! We are celebrating...stay!" she said as she took one beer and put it into your hands. You didn't like beer; you thought it tasted bad.

"I just wanna see Jana," you said, giving the beer back to Katie.

"Later," Leah interjected from her spot on the bench, still wearing her captain's armband. "She'll understand."

Leah didn't know that you actually couldn't see Jana later. You had a very small window where you could see each other, because both you and Jana were called up to camp–she in one country, you in another.

That meant you had maybe twelve hours before you both flew to different locations.. Twelve hours that were rapidly disappearing.

"No guys, I need to-"

"Stay!" Vic chimed in, and suddenly the entire room was chanting for you to remain.

You rolled your eyes, but stayed. Somehow, Caitlin found alcohol-more alcohol, one that you actually liked.

And that's how you got drunk.

Everybody was at the champions' party. It wasn't very big, but it had everyone that mattered. You were, obviously, pissed-out drunk, and when you were drunk, you became emotional.

You had had enough drinks that someone had wisely confiscated your phone before you could drunk-text half of Barcelona with apologies on their Instagram DMs, or worse, call Jana crying about how much you missed her.

The couples at the party made your chest ache with longing. Wally and Mariona swaying together in the corner, Caitlin and Katie laughing and sharing a drink together, Leah's girlfriend, Ellie, holding her from behind with pride.

Seeing the couple made something bloom in your chest, a feeling of gratitude. So, of course, you had to interrupt Vic's karaoke session to say a few words.

"I love my team," you began, words slightly slurred.

The other drunk players started tearing up. The sober ones laughed.

"And I love that we're all so gay," you continued, which earned you a cheer. "Seriously, thank you, Wally, for bringing Mariona and making her stay. Best transfer ever."

Everybody was laughing again. You didn't understand why, though--you were being honest.

"I love all our partners, too. We should thank them as well," you said. "Thank you-" you counted on your fingers, "Ellie, you are amazing."

You tried to think of another name, but you couldn't, so you left that and focused on what was really hammering in your chest.

"I miss my girlfriend," you said finally, pouting. "Her name is Jana and she plays for Barcelona and she's probably crying in her hotel room right now and I just want to hold her."

The room went quiet for a moment.

You were on the makeshift stage, pouring your heart out about your girlfriend while your teammates were starting to get a bit nervous about you.

"She's pissed already," Kyra said, feeling a bit dizzy from the cigar. "She had like...three drinks."

"How can she be this drunk?" Laia asked.

"They were three straight vodkas, I think," Vic said. Her glasses were, in some very weird way, backwards.

"Hm, that explains it," Alessia said. "She's gonna hate this in the morning."

On the stage, you kept going, not a single self-preservation thought in your head.

"She's incredible and I hate that she's sad and I hate that I can't be with her and I was going to try to sneak into her hotel but-"

"Okay, Y/N!" Alex said gently, taking the microphone from your hand as she helped you down the stairs of the stage, handing you to Alessia, who already had a glass of water in her hands. "I think we all get how much you love Jana."

You wanted to answer Alex, but Alessia was already forcing water down your throat.

..

It was 6 AM, and you had one hell of a headache. You looked down to your side and, of course, you didn't find Jana sharing a bed with you. Instead, you saw Vic sleeping in her bed, her mouth open, and a sleeping mask sitting weirdly on her eyes.

You mumbled something that even you couldn't understand, then you got up, hand on your forehead. You looked down and saw that you were wearing the same clothes from the night before.

You didn't remember how you got to the hotel; someone responsible for the team probably had guided everybody to their room, making sure their champions were alive and well for the trophy parade that was to come.

You went to the window and opened the curtains. Vic instantly moved, whining.

"Close them," she said, "my eyes hurt."

You closed them, saying goodbye to the beautiful blue sky. "Everything hurts."

You went to the bathroom and tried to gain some dignity back. After you took a shower and put some clothes on, you decided to look for your phone. Someone had taken it from you, but they had probably given it back by now.

When you opened the drawer to the nightstand, there it was. There were a million notifications, but only one of them mattered.

Jana: Love you, bebe. Call me when you wake up.

That message was sent 9 hours ago.

After that, Jana sent another one.

Jana: Laia just sent me a video of your speech... I gotta say, it made me laugh a little. You're adorable when you're drunk.

Jana: Are you okay? Drink some water in the morning, pls.

You cringed, then opened the video Laia had apparently sent to half the football world. There you were, slightly swaying, declaring your love for Jana to a room full of your teammates.

You groaned. Fuck. That was embarrassing.

You: I'm mortified. Sorry for the drunk rambling, I was a bit out of myself.

Her reply came quickly. She wasn't the only one up so early.

Jana: Don't be sorry. It lightened my mood, really.

You: Are you still in the city? Wanna go out and have breakfast somewhere?

Jana: No, I can't. We flew out late last night. Back in Barcelona now.

You felt guilty.

You: Shit. I wanted to see you, say goodbye.

Jana: It's ok, I think it was clear I was the only thing on your mind ;)

You blushed. After two years together, Jana would still make you blush.

You: I'll go to London this afternoon. I'll be there for only one day, though. I need to catch a flight to camp right after the parade.

Jana took some minutes to reply.

Jana: :( I don't think we'll see each other this week.

You: When's your next break? We need proper time together...I wanna talk to you about everything, about the game.

Jana: Not until after the Euros, probably. But we'll figure it out. We can do a video chat soon...try to find a date that works for both of us.

You: Yeah, just let me know when you have some free time, and we'll figure it out.

Jana: Sí, we always do. Now go drink more water and try not to die before your flight <3

You smiled, ignoring your pounding head and Vic's snores. Two years together, countless separations because of work, and still, Jana made it our feel light, manageable.

Distance was hard. Playing was hard too. But loving Jana was the easiest thing you have ever done.

Distance does make the heart grow fonder, after all.

..

a/n: again, had lots of fun writing this one, especially when the reader was drunk