Part 21

Beyoncé had completely forgotten about Ryan in all of last nights stress and drama. They'd got into a routine of good morning and good night texts and Beyoncé hadn't even sent that, let alone calling her back like she'd said that she would.

Peaches: Morning honey, I don't know if you're awake yet but I wanted to say I'm sorry I didn't call you back last night. Something came up and I got a little busy.

Ryan: morning its whatever

Peaches: Don't be mad at me baby. How was your night?

Ryan: fine. i just slept

Beyoncé rolled her eyes. She could tell that she was mad. She just decided to call her since she hated texting anyway. Usually Ryan didn't answer when she called without texting but maybe this time she would. Beyoncé listened to it ring while she walked around the kitchen getting something to eat.

Ryan would either answer or she wouldn't. Beyoncé was getting tired of the ignoring though.

"Hi..." Ryan dryly answered the phone just before the last ring.

"Ryan..." Bey raised a brow even through she couldn't see her. She could hear her temper through the phone.

"What?" She rolled her eyes.

"Ry honey, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."

Ryan nibbled her lip between her teeth. She hated this whole 'communication' thing. Wasn't it obvious? "Are you still mad at me because I walked out the other day?"

"Uh..." Beyoncé frowned. "Like I said, I wasn't mad at you for that, I get it. I'm kind of glad you just left and didn't cuss me out actually."

Ryan rolled her eyes again, "what are you mad at then?"

"Why do you think I'm mad at you?" Beyoncé was so confused. Everything had been going well between them yesterday.

"You literally ignored me when you got home," Ryan rolled her eyes. "Was that like some kind of punishment thing because I did it to you first?"

"Honey, I didn't ignore you on purpose, it had nothing to do with you."

"Nothing to do with me but you were ignoring me? Yeah ok." She huffed, "At least when I did it you already knew I was mad."

"It didn't— I didn't wanna talk to anyone," Beyoncé was rolling her eyes now. This was pissing her off now, she literally had no reason to be mad.

"Don't even lie to me right now, you were literally on the phone with Brooke."

"So I can't call my child?"

"Bi—" Ryan stopped herself because that felt a little too far. Beyoncé seemed like the type to get overly mad about her calling her that. "I never said that. I'm just saying if you're mad at me just say something, don't play stupid mind games or try to punish me for shit way after it happens."

"Okay, can I talk?" Beyoncé inhaled sharply. She didn't want to deal with any drama between them, especially not so early in the morning. Besides, this was dumb.

"Go on"

"I'm not mad at you and quite honestly, I'm too old to play any kind of g—"

"Beyoncé don't even lie—"

"Uh uh let me finish."

Ryan slammed her mouth closed letting the older one speak. "Something happened when I got home so I didn't really have the energy to deal with anything else. I called Brooke because one, she's my child and I can call her whenever I want to, and two, because I hadn't told her that I got home and she actually..." Beyoncé paused because if she continued that sentence she would've said something she needed to take back. "Ryan it wasn't about you I promise, I wasn't trying to get back at you for anything. I honestly just got caught up in the day."

Ryan paused, nudging her cereal around the bowl. She didn't have any reason not to believe her but she didn't like it. "Okay," she took a breath.

"Okay?"

"Okay," she sighed. "Just tell me if you're not gonna call me back next time. I can go do things and not wait around for you."

"Okay honey, you're right I'm sorry," Beyoncé tucked her lips in.

Ryan breathed changing her energy. "How are you anyway? What happened last night?"

"I'm good. It's just something I had to deal with but I don't want to bore you with the details. How are you honey? Did you manage to finish your paper?"

Ryan nodded, "yep I'm actually surprised I did it. I just need to go over it and then I can submit it tomorrow."

"Well done baby, I'm proud of you."

Ryan smiled from the inside out. It actually felt nice to hear someone say they were proud of her. "Thanks Bey."

"You're welcome," Beyoncé bit into her lip.

"How many clients do you have today?" Ryan asked trying to make conversation. She'd been getting to know more about Beyoncé's work life and what she actually did on a day to day basis with people. It was interesting sometimes.

"Just three, and hopefully after today I won't have to see one of them again."

"The porn guy?" Ryan laughed. Beyoncé had been telling her about one of her clients coming onto her and how he had a porn addiction which made it extra creepy.

"Yeah he just needs a regular therapist. He's harmless really, just socially inept," she rolled her eyes. He was far from being the worst client she'd seen and so it was actually a little boring to her. She liked the clients with complex PTSD and things she could sink her teeth into. He just needed medication and therapy. Him coming onto her gave her the perfect excuse to pass him off to somebody else.

"Aren't you a therapist?"

"I'm a psychiatrist really so I do therapy but I generally deal with more complex stuff. My degrees are science based, human behaviour and just a bit more specialist. He was below my pay grade honestly" she shrugged.

"Oh I know that's right," Ryan smirked, biting her lip.

"Come see me this weekend?" Beyoncé asked seemingly out of nowhere. She'd been thinking it since she left. They'd have more freedom at her place. They could go out somewhere normal, go on a real date. She only really spoke to like 2 people in the neighbourhood so she wasn't really worried about being seen. Chris knew when to shut up and Michelle honestly had bigger problems to deal with.

"Um can we do next weekend instead?" Ryan asked. Her period was coming and she didn't want to be miserable and extra bitchy around Beyoncé. And sex. She wanted to have the nasty freaky sex they always had. Though knowing Beyoncé maybe...

"Yeah, that actually works better for me. Gives me time to plan things." Beyoncé agreed. Besides it hadn't been that long since they'd last seen each other. Ryan wanted to wait until she really missed her to actually go see her.

"Plan what?" Ryan raised a brow. Beyoncé was so cute. Why was she trying to plan things for her already?

"Ooooh what's got you smiling? Or who?" Chloe asked, opening the door to see Ryan with a half eaten bowl, AirPods in, smiling as she talked.

"Uh nothing," she replied, her face heating up. She thought everyone had left already. And why was Chloe here and not Zendaya?

"Oh is this the secret girlfriend everyone keeps teasing you about?" Chloe raised an eyebrow.

"I do not have a secret girlfriend." Ryan huffed and Chloe laughed. "I can't believe they told you about that."

"Girl you're good, I'm just playing with you," Chloe giggled. "Dont stress, I'm not gonna say anything. ZenZen just asked me to grab her— found it!"

Ryan exhaled. She should've known better than to be on the phone like this in the kitchen. But no one was even out here. "Thanks," she mumbled as Chloe grabbed something from the fridge.

"You're good, I'll see you later," Chloe left the room.

Ryan was starting to wonder if her roommates were just telling everybody her business. But she didn't actually think Zendaya would've said anything so Justine and Brooklyn were the prime candidates. They were the only ones who seemed to care about that stuff.

She wouldn't have minded so much if she could tell them about Beyoncé but she wasn't stupid enough to take that risk. Brooke was being weird recently, she'd left early this morning and probably wouldn't be back until late. Which left Ryan to hang out with Justine more since they were the only two in the apartment most days.

Then finally Ryan spoke to Beyoncé again, "hey you still there?"

"Mhm," Beyoncé replied, a bagel in her mouth. She really needed to talk to Ryan about being more careful about who was around.

"Sorry, Chloe just came in."

"Whos Chloe?" She asked. That was a new character.

Ryan smiled as if she was about to spill tea, "probably Zendaya's future wife."

"That's cute?"

"It actually is, she's obsessed with her. Zendaya finally asked her out and they're like attached at the hip now."

"Why are so many of you gay?" Beyoncé finally asked. She'd noticed it at that first dinner. What were the odds of the random room assignments having at least two obviously queer girls living together? And another one who might be a little... something.

Ryan burst out laughing, getting up to wash her cereal bowl. "I dunno"

"We did not have this many gay people back when I was in college."

Ryan raised a brow, "you sure? Wasn't that like the 80's? Maybe they were scared to come out or something."

"I was born in the 80's so no," Ryan laughed even more. She really was a lot older than her. "But you're right about them being scared, there were a lot more than would've admitted it." Beyoncé bit her lip remembering something, or someone who she hadn't thought about in a very long time.

"Oh?"

Beyoncé just laughed it off. "I got married halfway through college so I wasn't doing that if that's what you're asking."

"That's so young," Ryan commented, drying the bowl and putting it away. She couldn't imagine being married at this age. She was still so unsure about everything. Anyone she married would have to be very sure of themself and strong enough to handle all of the shit she came with. She didn't even know what her future would look like let alone a future with someone else in it.

"Yeah..." Beyoncé trailed off. "But we were in love. And it lasted... almost 20 years, would you believe it?" She ran a hand through her hair, not sure if she was reminiscing or just remembering. She really had loved Shawn at one point. Before he became the demon he was today. "Anyways, aren't you gonna be late for your class?"

"Oh shit," Ryan grumbled, hopping up and realising she was really about to be late. "I'll see you later ba—Bey."

"See you later honey, text me," Beyoncé said. She wasn't the best at texting through the day but she did like getting little updates from Ryan. She smiled to herself hanging up the phone. She had some good memories of being young.

Getting away from her hometown and marrying Shawn had been the best thing to happen to her at that point. Having a baby had only been the cherry on top for her.

Brooke had been the accident she didn't know she needed. It was like her life was complete when she first held that baby. She'd been missing something for a while until Brooke came along. She finally had someone to take care of forever, someone who gave her life a bigger purpose than just herself. She loved her daughter more than she ever thought she could love another human being.

And she never felt trapped or constrained with Brooklyn like some mothers did with their children. Admittedly, it helped that they had nannies so she was never overwhelmed by the responsibility. But Beyoncé took Brooklyn everywhere with her when she could. She wasn't one of those moms who left her child home to go travel the world. She wanted to show Brooke the world and so she took her out with her as much as possible.

She was still finishing up one of her degrees and would've bought the screaming baby with her into the library and her exams if she was allowed to. She hated being away from her baby and truthfully, that pain never got any easier.

But before Brooke, and before Shawn, there had been someone else that Beyoncé was close to. She wasn't sure if Kelly counted since they were never technically any more than friends, but when it came to the intensity of her feelings, she couldn't imagine Kelly didn't count. When she'd first went to therapy, as part of getting qualified, Kelly had come up over and over again.

"Tell me about her" the therapist had asked. She was a white woman about the same height as her, with brunette hair that drooped in ringlets around her face. She was pretty — boring looking but pretty, Beyoncé noticed.

Beyoncé swallowed. Brooke was two now and she didn't know why the therapist was even asking about Kelly. She'd only mentioned her as a small throwaway comment about her sex life and how it was now. But she hadn't thought about Kelly in years, she'd tried her best to move on and to forget about her. She sighed instead of analysing why she was asking, and tried to just answer the question to avoid being asked why she didn't want to answer and being accused of hiding something.

"She was my best friend, you know? I loved her. She was so beautiful and funny..." Beyoncé trailed off.

"And?"

"And nothing. We were friends and then we weren't."

"Why?" the therapist prompted.

"She..." Beyoncé sighed trailing off, running a hand through her braids. This was hard for her to think about.

"Okay, tell me about the intimacy," the therapist suggested. Beyoncé was able to talk about sex pretty freely so maybe if she started there it might help her to open up.

Beyoncé bit her lip. Kelly had a pixie cut the last time she'd seen her, with red highlights that brought out her features. It was sexy, Beyoncé had a thing for the short hair. "She wasn't my first but she might as well have been. She was the first person to actually get me off, you know? She was so damn sexy. I can still picture her lips and how good she made me feel. She was so good at that, you know? And she was always so fly. Half the time she didn't even have to touch me. It was just her so I was into it. And damn she knew exactly what to do."

The therapist raised an eyebrow and Beyoncé continued, "it's like, she just... She was everything to me. Like the sex was so good and we spoke everyday — we were best friends — and we hung out all the time. She was there for me after with my mom... you know? We were together all the time. But I guess when you're friends and you're having sex it can get complicated. At least it did for me." Beyoncé sighed. She didn't want to talk about this but she wanted to graduate so she forced herself to get through this mandated talking therapy.

"I didn't plan it but I was in love with her. I honestly thought she and I would end up together. I loved her so much, I thought that she loved me too," Beyoncé swallowed. She'd never really spoken about Kelly or how she felt about her. It was making her chest hurt. "I was really in actual love with her. I always thought... I imagined a whole future, you know? I was just young and dumb probably. I dont know why I thought she felt the same. I thought—... But she just never saw me the same way I guess."

Beyoncé toyed with a braid between her fingers unraveling it and redoing the ends. "She met some guy and I... it broke me. I didn't know left from right anymore. I was so in love with her and I couldn't believe she would do that to me. I felt like she had picked up my heart just to run away and shatter it. And then she fucking married him and left me with stupid letters. I stopped talking to her and that's when I left and then when I met Shawn, thank God. He's nothing like her. He—"

"Nothing like her because he feels the same way you feel about him?"

Beyoncé gulped, "yeah." She admitted awkwardly. Shawn was so clear with what he wanted. And what he wanted was Beyoncé. She never had to wonder, never had to question it. He wanted her from the start.

"It sounds like you're still carrying some resentment towards Kelly?"

"She ran off and left me so she could marry some guy."

"Well you've left and married some guy now too," the therapist pushed. "Are you still not over her?"

"I am," the young Beyoncé pressed the braid into her left hand. "It just hurt so much, you know?"

"You think she hurt you on purpose? It sounds like you never even told her how you felt"

The young girl swallowed. "N... maybe. It probably wasn't like that from her side but to me it felt like she had set out to break my heart on purpose. It was so cruel, you know? She got inside of me like literally and mentally then she just broke me from the inside out."

"I know," the therapist calmly listened.

"I know she didn't mean to hurt me but I never want to feel like that again. I never want someone to use me like that. I don't ever wanna be someone's second place again."

———————————[A/N]Thoughts? New Beyoncé lore. Thoughts on her whole thing with Kelly? Getting married so young and having Brooke? Bey and Ry had their first lil mini argument. Thoughts?

There's more to come, I'm kind of obsessed with creating Beyoncé's personality and backstory. I also love that y'all have no idea when *that* is coming. A lot of people are gonna be mad.

Also I need y'all's help. I need to figure out where this should be set because I've been vague this whole time but I feel like it might help if I had some places I could look up for where Bey lives and where Ryan's college is? So thoughts? Or maybe I should leave it as like this fictional land?