Chapter Seventeen

((To clear things up, Stan kept his old house; so they've got 2. They stay at the farm more for the business.))

I arrived at the party, luckily it wasn't loud. I saw my mother and walked towards her, receiving a glass of wine. I smiled and took it, sipping on it lightly. I couldn't exactly engage in the conversation, as it was on the topic of the holiday and some celebrity drama. To be honest, I couldn't be bothered with celebrities.

"Hey." I heard someone speak, making me jump. It was only Craig, beer can in his grasp. He looked chilled, wearing a camo jacket, green jeans and a pride badge; space badges already stitched on. I smiled shyly as he dragged me over to an unoccupied corner. "So, what was the deal earlier?"

"Craig, I don't want to talk about it." I drunk more of my drink, staring into his eyes; annoyed. "What happened- I didn't expect it."

"I know. But why did you run off? You know he liked you, right?"

"No. He's my best friend. And I ran off because I was embarrassed, with you and Tweek there it was kind of awkward; you know? At least I didn't leave him alone. But um..what did he do when I left?"

"Grew red. Cried. Ran home, even if he lived half an hour away. He looked at us like it was the end of the world, as if I had just given news that I wasn't actually gay."

"When did you find out he liked me?"

"I didn't find out. He told me, 4 years ago."

"4?! Oh god..it must have been so hard- just about 8 months ago we stopped arguing- oh no what have I done?! I've friend-zoned him so much and made fun of how he looked..things he couldn't control."

"Yeah. He lost weight for you, hoping you would like him more. Around that time, you started being nice to him. And so, he kept on doing it. He's gone days without eating before."

"Wait..how can I trust you? Why did he tell you, out of all people, why you?"

"Because 4 years ago we were close. He was a good friend, until he shouted at my boyfriend. And as I was the only person who knew, I was the only one he could express his feelings to."

"That makes sense. But has he talked to you since? When he got home?"

"I asked if he was alright. He hasn't replied."

"I should visit him tomorrow. I feel so bad. I just left him there, staring. I mean, I did pick everyone up from the airport, but I feel so terrible for just saying it so stupidly."

"You can't change the past."

"Ain't that the truth..."

We fell silent, a pit in my stomach forming. I started crying lightly. I had just lost a best friend, knowing my luck. I needed him beside me, no one could ever change that. Friend or stranger, he's always going to be the one I miss. Craig led me outside to the front to gaze at the stars, beginning to lie on the grass.

I joined him, my hands by my side. The stars were fairly vibrant tonight, the moon full and gorgeous. "You know why I love space?" Craig asked, I looked at him. "It's because it's infinite. It represents infinity, infinite choices and decisions. Maybe not just choices, but also feelings. When I stare into Tweek's eyes, I see the solar system, spinning around the sun which is his pupil. What do you see when you look into Cartman's eyes?"

"I see..I don't know. Brown?"

"What's brown?"

"Shit." He chuckled, me soon catching on.

"No, no. Something..nice smelling. Something everyone loves, something important."

"Hmm..dirt or chocolate?"

"Interesting. Well, dirt is infinite, right? There's so much of it. Chocolate is sweet, rich, sickening. So by my calculations, by what you've suggested, when you look at Cartman you think of 'rich and sweet'."

"I guess you're right. He's a sweet guy who has a bright future ahead of him. He's going to be rich, I know it."

"Perfect. See? Dirt is infinite, chocolate will probably be around until the day everyone dies; that's basically screaming infinity in you're face."

"That makes no sense yet it does."

"Just the mention of something there's lots of, or what most people care about, is important. I know you care about him, and he cares about you, just give it time and you'll finally see that."

"Thank you. I think I feel a bit better." We shared a smile, my eyes staring down Cartman's window. The light was on, no one in sight, though. I guess it was true, when I looked at him I saw my everything, my go to to vent to, my rock, the one who made me feel okay. "I've got to talk to him, I'm sorry, I've got to go."

"No, just give him a bit of time. It's for the best, trust me."

"Really? But what if he thinks I don't care about him?"

"You'll just try to make him feel better with friendship. I think he wants love."

"I've got to at least send him a message."

"Yeah, after the party. Come on, care to do shots with me?"

"Sure." I looked at Cartman's window once again before walking off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day I woke up on the sofa, hugging a pillow. I moaned in pain as a headache prodded my brain. Plastic cups and glass bottles were scattered over the ground, white carpet stained with red wine. No one was in sight, and as the window was open it was freezing.

I got to my feet and put my socks on, starting to walk around. Craig was in an armchair, bottle of whiskey at his side. He nearly finished it. I walked into the kitchen to see Randy, weed stuffed in his pants which were in plastic bags, with red eyes. He looked so out of it, even though he was asleep.

I walked upstairs to see my mother passed out in the bathroom, cocaine stained at the base of her nostrils. I sighed and poked her cheek. "Mom." I spoke, starting to shake her. She was breathing, just fast asleep. I sighed and left a message from my phone: 'Went home, hope you had a good night. I did! See you at home xx'.

I heard the front door open so I carefully walked to the top of the stairs. There stood Stan, Butters holding onto his arm. "What. The. Fuck?!" He must have noticed his father, as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Dad, get the fuck up!" He screamed, causing Craig to stir. "Craig? Mom, Shelly? Dads passed out and he looks like a hobo!" He looked up at me, sighing in relief. "Thank god you're here."

"Huh?" Craig panted slightly, probably having a headache like me. "Oh, agh! Shit..Kyle, could you get some painkillers if you can? My heads killing me." Stan walked over to a shelf for me, fetching a box of them. Craig took a swig of whiskey before taking 2. I took some too, but instead I had water. "What happened last night?"

"There was a party, don't you remember?" I asked, sitting beside Butters, who was still taking in the state of the house. "We just got drunk and yeah, I think we had fun. By the looks of this hellhole, we did!"

"I better have!" Craig looked over to me, as if I were an alien. "I can't think straight, how are you so calm?"

"Probably because I didn't engulf 2 bottles of whiskey, half finishing one." Craig looked beside him, raising an eyebrow.

"Hello, honey." He joked, kissing the sticky bottle. "Oh well, what should we do now?"

"First off, get you're pants on!" Stan scolded, me just noticing that he only had pants on. "Secondly, should we get breakfast? Leo and I are starving."

"Of course." I replied, trying to find my shoes and jacket. "How was you're holiday?" Butters and Stan gazed at eachother, smiling shyly.

"Good." Butters spoke.

"Real good." Stan added and Craig and I shared a look of disgust.

"Homo's." Craig commented and scrolled through his phone.

"Dude, you're the gay one." Stan fought back, defending his sexuality.

As everyone got ready and got their money, we all set off to the cafe, ordering big plates of food. God, was I hungry! I dug in hungrily, yet neatly. Everyone was chatting, having a nice time. It was nice. I never knew that Butters and Craig had a few similar interests and hobbies, them seeming opposite to eachother.

However, Craig and Stan could get mixed up at times. They both had black hair, blue eyes, deep voices, loved alcohol and light drugs, and both had a boyfriend who were blonde. Once I even got them mixed up when I was at a party, meaning that I left early just to get embarrassed then laugh my ass off; because I was drunk of course.

Tweek turned up about an hour later, retreating to Craig's lap. They seemed pretty comfortable doing it in public, as they always did it.

Yep. That was a good morning.