A Plan, A Song, A Choice

The Dwarves went straight to raiding the pantry. Bilbo stayed flustered and tried, and failed to get them to leave our food alone.

Bombur walked by him carrying 3 giant wheels of cheese.

"It's a tad excessive isn't it?" Bilbo asked. "Have you got a cheese knife?"

"Cheese knife? He eats it by the block." Bofur explained.

I watched in amusement as Bilbo tried to regain control of our little hobbit hole. He was getting absolutely nowhere to say the least. Bifur was, I'm assuming, trying to talk to people but the axe in his head seems to have left him a little scrambled. He spoke in Dwarvish but it seemed to be just gibberish.

Gandalf started rhyming off names. Gloin, Oin, Bofur, Bifur, Bombur, Kili, Fili, Dwalin, Balin, Dori, Nori and Ori. He insisted he was one Dwarf short.

Dwalin assured him that the missing Dwarf was just late and that he'd be here.

By now the entirety of our food supply was cooked, portioned and spread out all over the table until not an inch of wood could be seen.

The Dwarves dug in frantically, reaching across each other to grab what they wanted, apparently forgetting utensils exist.

Bofur tossed a roll at Bombur, the largest and roundest of the Dwarves and he caught it in his mouth. This started off a bout of cheering and more food throwing.

I saw Bilbo staring hopelessly at our empty pantry. Then Fili, being the intelligent Dwarf he is started walking across the dining room table offering everyone ale. I sighed and rolled my eyes. With all the unwashed hands grabbing at the food what's a couple of boots trampling it?

There was a brief moment of silence while they all chugged down their mugs but it was short lived when the burping started.

Men. I sighed.

After they'd eaten their fill a few set about trolling the kitchen to see if there was more, while others stayed in the dining room.

Then Gandalf had the balls to ask Bilbo what was the matter which set him off all over again.

I wasn't surprised. The carpet was caked in mud, the pantry was bare and don't even get me started on the what they've done to the toilets! I cringed at the thought.

Ori interrupted Bilbo's little rant with a polite "Excuse me" before asking what to do with his plate.

Fili swiped it and sent it flying through the air before it was caught by Kili and hucked into the kitchen. This started a storm of dishes being recklessly tossed and effortlessly caught then tossed again.

I thought Bilbo was going to have an aneurism watching his mothers, hundred year old dishes being so carelessly thrown about. Although I could see there really was nothing careless about it. Fili's aim was perfect and Kili never missed a single dish, nor did whoever was in the kitchen he was throwing to.

Bilbo, back in the dinning room shouted something about blunting the knives. Next thing I know Kili is back in the room, apparently in the mood for a song.

"Blunt the knives, bend the forks."

"Smash the bottles and burn the corks." Fili continued.

Then they were all singing along.

"Chip the glasses and crack the plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates! Cut the cloth, tread on the fat. Leave the bones on the bedroom mat. Pour the milk on the pantry floor. Splash the wine on every door! Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl. Pound them with a thumping pole. When you're finished, if they are whole, send them down the hall to roll! That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"

By the end of their song the dishes were done and stacked neatly into piles ready to be put away. Bifur did a damn good job for someone with an axe sticking out of his head.

Just then there was a pounding on the door.

Everyone went quiet and looked towards it. It must be the missing Dwarf Gandalf was worried about.

"He is here."

The air felt strange, the way everyone stopped laughing and singing and just being happy made me feel a sense of unease. I unconsciously stepped closer to Kili. Who was at the door?

Gandalf answered this time. And in walked a Dwarf I never thought I'd see again. Hoped actually. Thorin Oakenshield. He caught Kili and I hanging out once when we were kids, just after the alliance between the Dwarves and Elves was broken and I was sure he was going to kill me just by the look on his face.

"Gandalf. I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way...twice. I wouldn't have found it at all if it weren't for that mark on the door."

Bilbo got all frustrated insisting there was no mark, that we just painted the door last week.

I used the distraction to hide myself somewhere Thorin wouldn't see me but somewhere I could still see and hear what was going on.

Thankfully Gandalf seemed to forget all about me as he introduced Bilbo to Thorin.

Thorin started to circle Bilbo asking about his fighting abilities and his weapon of choice and I had to stifle a laugh, Bilbo, fighting? I'd pay to see it! Thorin finished by saying Bilbo looked more like a grocer than a burglar. I choked, they thought he was a burglar?! Yeah, ok.

Thorin was given a plate with what little food was left and some ale. He told the others they were basically on their own in their quest, whatever their quest was.

Bilbo questioned it first.

Gandalf asked for some extra light as he began to explain.

"Far to the east over ranges and rivers. Beyond woodlands and wastelands. Lies a single solitary peak."

"The Lonely Mountain." Bilbo read from the map Gandalf had laid out.

"Ay, Oin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time." Gloin said.

"Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain as it was foretold." Oin confirmed. "When the birds of yore return to Erebor the reign of the beast will end."

"What beast?" Bilbo asked.

Thankfully he was asking all the questions I was dying to.

"Well that would be in reference to Smaug the Terrible." Bofur explained. "Chiefest and greatest calamity of our age. Airborne fire breather. Teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks. Extremely fond of precious metals."

"Yes I know what a dragon is."

Ori jumped up.

"I'm not afraid! I'm up for it! I'll give him a taste of Dwarfish iron right up his jacksie!"

Balin pulled Oin back down into his seat. He explained that even with an army this would be difficult. They're only 13, and not even 13 of the best...or brightest.

A few got offended but I caught Kili smile.

Fili smacked his fist down on the table.

"We may be few in number, but we're fighters, all of us! To the last Dwarf!"

"And you forget, we have a Wizard in our company!" Kili added. "Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time!"

"Oh, well, no, I wouldn't say..."

"How many then?" Asked Dori.

Gandalf just coughed looking as if he was lightly choking on the smoke from his pipe, then everyone went into an up roar fighting over how many dragons they think he's killed.

Thorin shouted something in Dwarfish which shut them all up.

"If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for 60 years. Eyes look east to the mountain, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours?! Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?!"

Everyone cheered. Looks like the Dwarves are on board. Now they just need to convince Bilbo and hopefully ask me to join as well.

Then Balin had to go throw a wrench in everything by reminding everyone the gate is sealed, that there's no way into the mountain.

Luckily Gandalf has the solution. He pulled a key out of his robe.

"How came you by this?" Thorin asked in amazement.

"It was given to me, by your father. By Thrain. For safekeeping. Tis yours now." He said handing it over to the Dwarf.

"If there is a key, there must be a door."

Thank you Fili for stating the obvious.

Gandalf went back to the map.

"These runes speak of a hidden passage to the Lower Halls."

"There's another way in!" Kili grinned.

"Well if we can find it, but Dwarf doors are invisible when closed."

Way to put a damper on things Gandalf.

"The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map and I do not have the skill to find it. But there are others in Middle Earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth and no small amount of courage. But if we are careful and clever, I believe it can be done."

"That's why we need a burglar!" Ori guessed.

Bilbo agreed in a way that made it clear they weren't going to find one here. He insisted they'd need an expert.

"And are you?" Dori asked.

"Am I what?"

"He said he's an expert!" Oin cried.

From what I've gathered Oin has problems with hearing and often doesn't hear what's actually being said.

Bilbo set off protesting straight away. I groaned. Balin agreed that Bilbo wasn't cut out for the job.

"Well what about your friend. She seemed more than eager this morning." Gandalf suggested.

"No, no, you are not dragging her into this." Bilbo insisted.

"No dragging needed Bilbo, I'm in." I said stepping out of the shadows, startling everyone at the table.

"See none of you even knew she was there. She's perfect!" Gandalf smiled.

Thorin glared at me. So he does remember me after all.

"We do still need Bilbo though. A dragon will have no trouble scenting an elf." I reminded them. "Smaug wont recognize the scent of a Hobbit."

"You asked me to find the 14th member of this company. Well I did you one better. I found the 14th and 15th. They've got a great deal more to offer than any of you know. You must trust me on this."

Thorin reluctantly agreed and told Balin to give us our contracts.

"It's just the usual summary, out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth."

I signed mine right away, but Bilbo took a moment to look at his.

He started rhyming off the various injuries we may occur on this journey.

"Incineration?" He asked looking a little pale.

"He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye." Bofur said like it was nothing.

Bilbo looked ready to puke at this point as he let out a little whimper.

"Think furnace with wings. Flash of light, searing pain then...Poof! you're nothing more than a pile of ash!"

Yeah real helpful there Bofur!

"Bilbo?" I asked.

"I'm fine, I'm good." He teetered a little on his feet. "Nope." and down he went.

Gandalf and I took Bilbo to his room. I waited with him until he woke up.

As I waited for Bilbo to wake I could hear the Dwarves singing a song of their people.

"What happened?"

I looked at Bilbo as he sat up in his bed.

"You fainted."

"Oh."

"You're not coming are you?"

"Absolutely not."

"Well I am."

"Are you going to tell me how you know that Kili fellow?" He said ignoring the fact I made it clear I was leaving.

I smiled at the memories.

"I was young, just a kid, back when the alliance between the Elves and the Dwarves collapsed. I heard many stories of the Dwarves and their selfish ways, but I, being the curious little Elfling I was, wanted to see what they were like for myself. So I snuck away from my home and went to Erebor. That's when I met Kili. He was the first Dwarf I'd ever met and he was just as curious about me as I was of him. We became fast friends and would sneak out at night when our families were asleep and meet up. We would lay under the stars and tell each other stories and just talk and laugh. One day I made the mistake of going looking for him during the day. Thorin caught us and forbid Kili from ever seeing me again. I rushed home and returned that night. I realized Thorin wasn't messing around, he was serious about keeping us apart. I never saw Kili again after that. Not that I didn't try."

"Is that what happened? Did the Elves find out as well?"

I knew he was referring to when he first found me half dead on the outskirts of Bag End. I shook my head.

"That's a whole other story."

"Will you ever tell me?"

"Maybe, but not tonight. Get some rest."

Bilbo laid back down and quickly fell asleep.