Chapter 21

The first thing Hiccup was aware of was how horrifically awful he felt. Every single limb in his body felt like it weighed ten times more than they usually did. 

With a groan, he drowsily opened his eyes, trying to figure out where he was. All he could remember was the brightness of the moon, the glow of magic light against scales, eyes shrouded by blue, and feeling so joyous and miserable at the same time. 

"Hiccup?" a familiar voice whispered, forcing him to use all of his effort to turn his head towards his mother, "Are you awake?" 

Hiccup gave a tired growl in response, fighting to keep his eyes open.

"It's alright, take your time," she said, kneeling next to him in her half dragon form. 

He let his eyes fall closed again, and he felt himself coming in and out of consciousness as he fought to stay awake. Soon his eyes opened more easily, his body feeling ever so slightly stronger and not having to make as much of an effort to be aware of his surroundings. 

"Hiccup?" a different familiar voice asked, and Hiccup turned to see Toothless looking down at him with worried eyes, "Are you awake?" 

"Barley," Hiccup said, his voice hoarse. "What happened?"

"You passed out after the Celebration, like the rest of us did," he responded. "But, uh, you took it a bit harder than the rest of us."

"So, how long was I out?" Hiccup asked, painfully rolling onto his stomach, and laying out his legs in front of his body to support himself. 

"Two weeks." 

Hiccup blinked, slowly processing the information, "Two weeks?"

"Two weeks," Toothless confirmed. 

"Interesting," Hiccup noted, slightly dazed. 

"Yeah," Toothless said, wincing. 

"Any theories as to why?" 

"Well, we're guessing that it has to do with you unlocking your Dragonborn magic and your human form catching up to your dragon form," Toothless supplied. "But it could also have to do with the fact that you made it all the way up to your mother's den after the Celebration." 

Hiccup looked at him confusedly, "Why would that make me sleep longer?" 

"Because most dragons barely make it back to the nest," Toothless said, sounding both amazed and confused. "But not only did you make it all the way back to your family's den, your den was on the highest point of the nest, and on the complete opposite side from where you entered from." 

"Oh," Hiccup said, sheepish. "I was just trying to make sure that the tunnels wouldn't get overcrowded by hoards of sleeping dragons." 

"Hiccup, we are more than used to the flooded tunnels that are caused by Celebrations," Toothless said, exasperated. "Everyone just uses the tunnels on the opposite side of the nest during the three days after Celebrations." 

"Okay, that makes a lot more sense," Hiccup said, embarrassed. 

"Yes, so next time think it through a bit more."

"How could I have thought straight? I was fighting to stay conscious from the moment the moon set!" 

"Yeah, yeah," Toothless relented, smirking slightly. "So, what'd you think of the Celebration?" 

Toothless looked at Hiccup with sparkling eyes, expecting Hiccup to start raving about how amazing it was. But Hiccup wasn't feeling to great at that moment, and wasn't quite sure if he could live up to his brother's expectations. 

"It was, uh, an experience," Hiccup tried, but his expression betrayed him.

"You didn't like it?" Toothless asked, suddenly distressed. 

"No, no, it was just," Hiccup backtracked, struggling to find the words,"enlightening, I guess. 

"Enlightening?" Toothless asked, "In what way?" 

"The Mating dances," Hiccup explained. "I just don't think I'd ever realized what not being able to Mate with anyone truly meant. So." 

Toothless's face crumbled, "Oh, Hiccup, I'm so sorry. I didn't think about how that would affect you. I should have-" 

"You didn't need to do anything," Hiccup sighed. "Nothing could have prepared me for that." 

"But I could have tried," Toothless said ashamedly, bowing his head. 

"You could have, but it wouldn't have made a difference." Hiccup shook his head, "Seeing those dances, hearing their songs, feeling that love? Nothing. Nothing that could be found in the Great Skies or Grassy earth or Great Sea could have prepared my mind for the realization of what I was going to miss out on my entire life." 

Toothless gave him a defeated look, "I'm sorry, Hiccup." 

"I know," Hiccup said. "But I have to accept it. My future was set in stone the moment I was born with the magic of Dragonborn running though my veins, and love is not in it." 

"Technically, you weren't born with your magic, I let the Moon Goddess know that you were worthy enough to be given it," Toothless said weakly.

Hiccup laughed. A strained laugh, but a genuine one, "You're never going to let that go, are you?" 

"Never," Toothless agreed. "But did you enjoy the Celebration besides that part?" 

"I did," Hiccup confirmed. "It was as amazing as I was promised." 

"I'm glad," Toothless's said, and smiled. 

Hiccup hesitated, "I do have one question, though."

"What?" 

"Well," he cleared his throat, "do you remember those two Mates? The Spinning Tunnelers?" 

"Oh, yeah," Toothless said, "I think I met those two once when I was exploring the lower parts of the nest. What about them?" 

"Um, were they, uh, both male?" 

"Yes?" Toothless said, looking at Hiccup with a confused look. "What about it?" 

"That's-that's allowed in the dragon world?" Hiccup asked. 

"What's allowed?" 

Hiccup stared at Toothless, wondering if he was being serious or not. 

"Them both being male," Hiccup said eventually. "That's allowed?" 

Toothless gave him an incredulous look, "Why wouldn't it be?" 

Hiccup stared again. He stared long and hard.  

"It's not allowed in the human world," he said.

"For what reason?!" Toothless exclaimed. "Matings between two dragons of the same gender are some of the strongest in the world!" 

More staring. Toothless was being way too world shattering. 

"They are?" 

"Yes! Why in the world don't humans allow it?!" 

Hiccup looked at the ground hollowly, "Because it's wrong for some reason. Strange. Two people of the same gender can't have children, so they can't carry on their family line." 

"Humans can't have children from two of the same gender?" Toothless exclaimed, looking incredibly surprised, and offended for some reason. 

Hiccup's head snapped up towards Toothless, gawking at him, "Are you telling me that dragons of the same gender can have children?" 

"Well, yeah," Toothless said, his face becoming confused. "Why wouldn't they?"

"H-How?!" Hiccup spluttered. 

"Magic," Toothless said as though it was obvious. "That's how all dragons are made. Two dragons need to Mate under the Gods, who always know whether you're Mating for fun or for children, and the Gods combine the magic of the parents to make eggs. If one of the two is female, the Gods usually let her give birth to the eggs unless she chooses not to. If she doesn't want to give birth to the eggs, then they just kind of appear, or something. It's never been quite clear to me." 

Staring seemed to be that day's theme. 

"Are you telling me that dragons are literally born of magic?" Hiccup said, so utterly surprised that he simply couldn't show a single ounce of emotion. 

"Of course," Toothless said matter-of-factly. "How else would they be made?" 

With a thump, Hiccup's head fell to the ground, and he screamed into his pillow. Except there wasn't a pillow. And he was roaring, not screaming. His human habits just wouldn't go away sometimes. 

"A-Are you okay?" Toothless asked uneasily after Hiccup had finished his roaring. 

"Yup. Fine. Tooootally fine. No problems here. Just a human boy who got turned into a dragon and just learned that dragon babies are made out of magic." He held up his front paws and wiggled his claws as he said "magic". 

"Why does this matter so much to you, Hiccup?" Toothless asked him carefully. 

Hiccup lifted his head, and took a shaky breath. "The only Viking that was nice to me, Gobber. He practically raised me when my father didn't, and taught me the ways of the forge. He told me this story once when he was drunk. I was maybe eight or nine. Only a little bit after I had started getting good at forgery. He told me that, well...He told me that he didn't find women pretty, or something. Or, he could see they were pretty, but couldn't see the appeal of kissing them. Something like that. He told me that he saw men that way, not women. He told me a story of how he met another boy from a visiting village when he was younger, one that saw other boys the same way he did, and they became good friends until the boy had to go back to his village. 

"When my tiny, innocent mind was told that story, I couldn't imagine how it could be bad. It reminded me of the romantic stories my father used to tell me when I was small about Vikings with dazzling swords chasing after fair princesses they couldn't keep. So as I worked in the forge, starting to get bored from the methodical movements of making sword after mace after bludgeon, I began to make up stories in my head like those. Not ones where the strong Viking men found their beautiful princesses, but where two boys ran through the forest, forming a forbidden love in secret. 

"This went on for months, until I let it slip that I was thinking of these stories to Gobber. He sat me down immediately in the back of the forge, making sure no one could listen in, and told me the rest of his story. He told me that the boys' village discovered that the he saw boys in the ways that boys should see girls. Gobber told me how boy was exiled, tied up to the mast of a boat so tiny that it could only be called a raft, and set out into the sea. Gobber said that he never made another friend like that again, because it was a threat to his life."

Hiccup looked at Toothless with pained sadness, "So yes, it matters to me, Toothless. It matters because that young little boy couldn't stop thinking up those love stories between two boys like him. But instead of the happy endings that the men and women always got, the two boys died because their people decided that they were unworthy to live."         

Silence hung between them, Toothless horrified at Hiccup's broken eyes.

"I-I'm sorry, Hiccup," Toothless whispered. "That sounds awful. But here, any two dragons can Mate. So long as their love is strong enough, the Gods will bless any two with the sacred connection that Mates share." 

"Well, it's not like it'll matter for me anyways," Hiccup said bitterly. 

Toothless's face fell from horrified to utter despair. 

Hiccup looked away from his brother, knowing what he'd said was horrible, and couldn't bring himself to continue looking at him. Silence hung between them after that, and Hiccup had almost been about to say something before Toothless spoke up.

"I'll go tell your mother that you're awake," he said, and took off out of the den before Hiccup could respond. 

Staring after where Toothless had just disappeared from, Hiccup let out a sigh. He didn't like tension between the two of them, but the bitterness floating through Hiccup was far too great for him to keep bottled up. Even after sixteen years on Berk, he hadn't learned how to keep his face from expressing what he was feeling. Now that he thought about it, maybe it was a dragon thing. Dragons showed all of their emotions through body language, so maybe that's why he could never figure out how to be the unfeeling Viking his dad wanted him to be. 

"Hiccup," his mother called to him as she flew into the den, Cloudjumper and Toothless beside her, "you're awake." 

"And as spry as ever," Hiccup replied sarcastically, struggling to raise to his feet. 

"You were asleep for quite a while, son," she said, glancing him over. "Are you quite sure you're alright?" 

"I'm fine, mom," he said, giving her a tight lipped smile as he finally got onto all fours. 

"Okay, then," she agreed. "Shift into your half dragon form, I'd like to see if my theory was correct." 

"Right now?" Hiccup asked, startled at her swiftness. 

"Unless you'd prefer to shift in front of a mirror?" she asked, tilting her head teasingly. 

"Actually," Hiccup said, sheepish, "that kind of sounds like a not too bad idea." 

Cloudjumper rolled his eyes, "Did not take you for a vain one, kid." 

"I'm not vain," Hiccup protested, "I'd just prefer to be able to see how I look as a twenty one year old at the same time that everyone else does."

Cloudjumper snorted, earning a dirty look from Hiccup's mother. 

"It's alright, son," she reassured him. "Come, I'll take you to the human quarters." 

"There are human quarters?" Hiccup asked as she took off down the ledge, Hiccup following close on her tail. 

"Of course," she responded, taking a turn towards a pillar of rock, ice, and moss that rose from the ground to the ceiling off the center of the nest, "where else do you think I go when Cloudjumper annoys me too much?" 

Hiccup laughed as they landed at the base of the pillar, his mother shifting into her half dragon form. She walked over to the side of the pillar farthest away from the King's resting place, pulling back a veil of vines and moss to reveal an old, Viking style wooden door. The door opened with a creak, and Hiccup's mother lead the way inside. 

Thankful for his species' relatively small size, Hiccup squeezed through the doorway into the dark chamber. He heard the sound of rock hitting stone before a single spark ignited somewhere in the corner of the room. A whooshing sound filled the room as the blaze grew brighter, revealing his mother holding a now lit torch in her hand, sweeping her arm around in a circular motion to blow the flames across the torches that lined the walls, spiraling up and around the walls of the pillar. 

Hiccup's mouth dropped as he watched the magnificent display, his mother's air guiding the fire from torch to torch all the way up to the top of the structure, so high up that Hiccup wondered how she could control the air without seeing where it was going. 

"It took me a while to get that trick down," his mother said proudly, setting down the first torch she had ignited into its holder. 

She began to lead him up the wooden planks that jutted out of the walls, serving as stairs that wound around the pillar in a similar fashion to that of the torches. As they climbed, they came to several landings that opened up into rooms carved into the walls of the pillar. The first one housed a desk and small library with a large map of the archipelago on the wall. The next had a working station with various things lying around. Then there came a couple of random rooms that were either empty or had random stuff inside of it, before they finally reached the top room, which end housed a bed, a wardrobe, and a mirror. 

Hiccup followed his mother into the room, just barely fitting inside of it. 

"It's quite a ways from the entrance, isn't it?" Hiccup observed. 

"I prefer being as far from reach as possible when I'm in such a vulnerable position as sleeping," she responded, sitting down cross legged on the bed and folding in her wings. "And of course, it's easy enough to simply fly up here." 

Humming in agreement, Hiccup moved to stand in front of the mirror. Looking at himself in the reflection, he nearly jumped back with a start. He'd never seen himself in his dragon form before, and was completely astonished at what he saw. 

First of all, he looked completely different from Toothless. At least, he thought he did. Of course, they both had the same black scales, the same lean muscles, and the same green eyes, but that was about where the similarities ended. While Toothless's head was long and oblong, Hiccup's was long and oblong, but slightly more rounded. Where Toothless's eyes were acid green, Hiccup's were forest green. Toothless had hardly noticeable scars dotted over his body, but Hiccup's burn scars were ugly as they covered his to front legs. 

The more Hiccup observed himself in the mirror, the more drastic the differences looked. Hiccup's wings were shaped ever so slightly different. His secondary tail fins were smaller than Toothless's but his main tail fins were larger. His claws looked smaller than Toothless's, but his teeth looked larger. His ear flaps were ever so slightly longer than Toothless's, but Toothless's tail was longer. 

His mother laughed from behind him, "I'm guessing this is the first time you've ever seen yourself as a dragon?" 

"Yeah," Hiccup affirmed, trying to determine if Toothless had more hardened scales on his face than he did. "Is it just me, or do Toothless and I look a lot more different than what I was expecting?" 

"I have no idea what you were expecting," she said, "but I can tell you that even though dragons of the same species may look similar, they all look different in some way, shape, or form." 

"Huh," Hiccup said, appreciating that his legs were slightly longer than Toothless's. "I don't think I've noticed it before." 

"Well, I hope this experience helps you get out of that closed-minded human mindset," his mother said, laughing slightly. 

Hiccup paused, trying to think if he'd ever noticed any true differences between dragons of the same species that weren't different colors. Now that he thought about it, he really hadn't seen any big differences. But now that he was seeing it between himself and Toothless, it was more glaringly obvious than ever. 

"Are you ready?" his mother asked, and he squared his shoulders in preparation. 

"Sure," he breathed. 

With one more glance over his dragon form, Hiccup let his eyes fall closed. With a deep breath, he let the blue glow of his magic cascade over him.