12. Crazy & Damaged

Marshall's P.O.V.

March, 2000

Having just finished laying one of the verses on this new track I'm currently working on, everybody's eyes in the studio are on me as the beat cuts off, thick weed smoke hanging everywhere, making a motherfucker crave some like crazy, but I've been opting out, wanting to keep my head clear until I'm finally done with this verse.

And now I'm finally am.

The anger of it still cursing through my veins somewhat, I throw the notepad that I was just holding in my hand to the side, dragging the headphones from my head with my other hand, still high on adrenaline.

I squint my eyes against the bright ass light hitting me from outside of the recording booth,  scratching at the back of my head.

"Yo, so how was this shit?" I ask Dre who gives me a simple nod in response, telling me shit was hot.

Fucking about time, dawg.

Cause imma be frank, we was working on this particular song nonstop for some time now, and Dre kept telling me I wasn't sounding right on it, and one thing about Dre is that he's always brutally honest with shit. So whenever dawg tells me I gotta correct something, I'll do it with no hesitation.

It's good to know I finally got it right this though.

And clearly I ain't the only one that thinks that.

"Ay, praise the Lord, Slim's finally figured out how to stop messing up!! And just as we all had started to think we would be in here forever too" Proof smirks. He then promptly jumps on his feet from where he was seated, snatching his bandanna from his bald head.

"Yo, fuck you, dawg," I'm quick to stick my middle finger up at him.

Quick to walk out of the recording booth too since it's just nearing break time.

"Ayo, y'all niggas just chill, let's see what's on TV real quick. Security is about to bring up something to eat," that's Dre, sort of grumbling like an old man while grabbing hold on a TV remote and turning towards the small set located somewhere in the corner of the recording room.

We all turn towards him just as he clicks through the channels, eventually stopping on MTV.

Thick weed smoke hanging in the room, clinging to all of us as though it was second skin.

Groupie chicks laughter hanging all shrill in the air.

Bizarre grins and tosses me one of the little baggies with pills on it that's already been going around. And I'm thinking, it's aight for me to get high now that I've finally finished laying this verse, ain't it?

As a matter of fact, it's been okay for me to do this. Hell, I've recorded some of my best work under the influence, but guess I was trying something new this time around.

The whole clearing up my mind thing?

Imma tell you right now, never again, cause fuck this.

Smirking to myself, I grab the baggie from Bizarre who already looks exactly like the motherfucker that's been getting high on his own supply.

And just as I pop one of them pills, those Diamond Cuts whores, or whatever they are called, appear on the TV screen, apparently it's a premier of a brand new music video by them.

By the looks of it, it's the ending of a Making A Video segment on MTV for their brand new single titled Barbie Dreams.

"Ay Em, here go your girl right there," one of the dudes immediately starts, pointing out the Harmony chick. The girl currently dropping in a suggestive pose on the floor in front of a bright pink background. Legs spread wide apart, wearing next to nothing and her long hair cascading over her barely covered tits.

I clench my jaw and flip Denaun off.

Don't know why they all keep clowning me about this goddamn slut neither.

Cause I could give a fuck less about her whore ass.

And unbeknownst to all of them, I done already had her anyhow, and she wasn't even all that.

I mean.. I know I had said that she was the shit before, but I was higher than a motherfucker that night, obviously I wasn't thinking clearly at that time, you know what I'm saying? Cause ain't no way in hell I'd say that bitch's whack ass pussy was good otherwise.

This song all of them phony bitches are doing this time though, it seems to be different from their usual style, which would be a mixture of both hip-hop and r'n'b.

Nah, this record is straight up rapping from all four of them, not just rhinestone.

And the more I listen to this shit, the more it hits me why the goddamn beat sounds so familiar to me, and all I can think is, fuck, Biggie must be rolling in his grave right about now.

Dreams of fucking one of these little rappersI'm just playing, but I'm saying (Barbie)Dreams of fucking one of these little rappersI'm just playing, but I'm saying (B-B-B-Barbie)Dreams of fucking one of these little rappersI'm just playing, but I'm saying (B-B-B-Barbie, B-B-B-Barbie)Dreams of fucking one of these little rappers (Barbie dreams)I'm just playing, but I'm saying

"Anybody else recognize the song they sampled for this joint?" Proof is quick to point it out then, but he seems amused by it.

"Yeah, it's a Biggie Smalls record, "Motherfucker probably wanting to rise from his grave and whoop some ass over this kinda disrespect, you feel me?"

"Chill the fuck out, Slim," Deshaun pats my shoulder.

"Nah, fuck that."

The stupid music video continues to play however, and I drag one of my hands over my face in frustration, quietly cussing under my breath, my eyes trained on the TV screen like I'm hypnotized by it or some shit.

The fellas are all liking this shit though, even the groupies are dancing to it.

Uncultured motherfuckers..

"Are they just going off on all the niggas they've fucked with or wanna fuck?" Kuniva smirks, passing Bizzare a potato chips bag which he gladly accepts tearing the shit open in no time and shoving a whole handful into his mouth.

"Bet the Harmony chick would go in on Slim again just cause."

"Bet the nigga would get all in his feelings as usual too."

"Yo, shut the hell up you dumb fucks, cause I don't give a fuck for real!!"

"Right."

"Sure you don't, doody."

"Ay, Slim is secretly obsessed with the broad, I swear to fuck. He never shuts up about her."

"Dawg don't like getting his feels hurt, that's why."

"Nah, but for real."

"Yo, fuck all y'all, cause for the last goddamn motherfucking time, I don't think about that bitch like that!!"

"You might not even be lying, Slim. We all know that girl won't be your type anyhow."

"Nah, cause fuck that! Fuck y'all dumb fucks even mean? I ain't got a type. I hate all bitches! All them sluts act exactly the same, no matter what the fuck they look like."

Just then, the rhinestone chick goes:

Em, cop the Barbie Dreamhouse then you can play the partI ain't tryna bust it open in the trailer park

Everybody in the room stares at me and start busting out laughing just as I take one last puff from the blunt we was all passing back-and-forth , handing it to the next person in rotation, my jaw clenching in place.

I don't say shit though.

Don't have to.

Fuck it all and fuck the goddamn rhinestone chick anyhow.

The funny thing is though, just as this corny ass song of hers plays through the small TV screen at the Intescope studio, the slutty ass chick and myself are literally both under the same roof.

Cause see, the thing is thay ever since the VMAs a couple months back, Harmony and her lil corny ass girl group was gaining more and more popularity.

Which in return I guess had resulted in them moving on up from whatever no-name shitty studio building they could afford to pay rent at before, right into Interscope free of charge.

The dumb slut getting exactly what she had wanted in the first place, yo.

Upgrading while riding my coattails.

Exactly the reason why she chose to start dissing me in the first place, ain't it?

Just as I've said before, and imma repeat that shit till I'm blue in the face, I ain't never even done shit to this chick, barely knew she even existed, man!

But now that she's been talking all this shit about me, all of a sudden? Her and that talentless corny ass clique of hers is now famous.

Fucking pathetic if you ask me.

"Ay, you good, Slim? Ain't trippin over no dumb petty shit, are you?" One of the guys asks me when I start heading for the door.

"Yeah I'm good. Just wanna clear my head, sort out them lyrics I've been thinking off, you feel me? Plus I gotta piss."

No sooner than I have left the recording room however, I find my dumb self standing in front of another one, pushing the door with my foot.

"Fuck you doing in here, Shady?" One of the brolic bodyguards the imitation diamonds chicks have on their payroll steps to me as i smirk.

"Chill, dawg. Is Harmony there?"

"She might be, nigga. Fuck you want from her, Em?"

"Just wanna talk to her is all. Fuck y'all assholes standing there like the slut is actually a big deal for?"

"That's cause she is, cracker. Now you remain right there."

The big drolic dudes walking away from me then, it ain't long before I hear them speaking in hushed tones to the imitation diamonds chicks.

"Ay, Eminem is here. He wanna talk to Harmony, and he looks pissed."

"Don't he always look pissed, though?" One of them other girls then asks.

Next thing I know, the door opens, and one of them chicks walks out.

Not Harmony, but one of them other sluts.

"Hi. I'm Kayla, I'm part of Diamond Cuts with Harmony," she introduces herself.

"Yo," I reply back, squinting my eyes at her. Not really sure who this bitch is but I've seen her around before.

Closing the door behind her, the girl leans on it, rolling her eyes at me while crossing her arms over her tits.

"You slept with her, didn't you?" She then blurts out, asking me bluntly.

"Huh?"

"Save it, nigga. You've got that hopeless dopey expression on your face that dudes usually get after spending the night with her."

Now fuck is this bitch is even on about?!

"You probably got it all figured out in that big head of yours that you could change her or some shit. That you could tame her?.."

"I don't give a fuck about your friend, but ay, what the fuck is wrong with her, for real?"

"If only I knew. If only any of us knew. Because you see, I used to think Harmony's issues stemmed from abandonment issues. What with how she never knew her father and how her and her half sis Serenity's mom had one day just dumped the both of them off on their auntie's porch who ended-up raising them while constantly abusing them. One would think this is exactly why Harmony is exactly as fucked in the head as he is, only that's not really the case, is it? I mean, Serenity, she grew up exactly the same way, and yet, that girl is normal, while Harmony is well... exactly how she is, all fucked in the head and mental asylum ready. Fucking entitled as shit too. And selfish. Bitch is forever trying to steal the spotlight from the rest of us, even her own baby sis, but I seem to be the only one that actually sees it."

The girl's last words falling from her lips bitterly, ain't even gonna lie, the chick seems like a hater to me. Like she don't like rhinestone simply cause she's jealous of her, but then fuck I know, right?

The last thing I need is to get in some girl group petty ass rivalry.

"Ay, she's ready for you, Shady," one of the bodyguards then pokes his meaty head through the door, staring hard at me while I stare back.

"Oh, there we go," Kayla rolls her eyes then, walking away.

While I don't even say shit, just push the door open with my foot, entering the recording room where the goddamn girl is currently sat with her entourage which consists of her two bodyguards and them two other imitation diamonds chicks, the white one and then her half-sister.

The tension between all of them palpable, every single person in this room aside from the rhinestone chick legit looks ready to fight me if necessary and I wanna laugh at this setup so bad.

Them fuckers for real think it would come to it?

And then if it did, then what?

All of them idiots jump me together, then hope for the best, what?

"Can y'all give us a minute?" Harmony Jones pipes up then, the same deceptively sweet expression plastered on that pretty face of hers.

And I for real don't understand how nobody else but myself can see just how fake this slut is for real.

"Sure, Harmony."

And they all disperse like roaches then, all of her lil pitiful entourage.

All of them walking past me, some bumping shoulders with me like they was gonna do some.

Only to ultimately walk right out of the door and shut it, leaving me standing lazily leaning against it, and I can't help but smirk to myself when my gaze locks with the rhinestone's.

And the goddamn girl smiles at me.

Quickly hopping up on the top of the mixing board, she pulls out one of them red suckers she always has in her mouth and unwraps it from it's packaging, her well manicured fingers working nimbly on it while I clench my jaw, walking up to her and stopping directly in front of her as she looks up at me.

"Hey, Em. What up doe?" Her voice is cheerful, the Detroit greeting rolling off of her pretty lips mocking as fuck.

I should just choke her out..

"Yo, fuck you," I smirk, walking up to her, but my jaw quickly clenches, whatever expression I might've had on my face fading into a completely blank look as I approach her.

"What can I do for you?" The rhinestone chick smiles sweetly, always pretending to be harmless as fuck, when her and I both know this girl is the goddamn viper.

Which is real clear in those huge doe eyes of hers.

Always appearing so goddamn innocent, only she ain't.

Stopping directly in front of the girl, I take her in.

Her pretty face, her long hair, her petite lil body that's barely covered by the tight clothes she always wears.

Those curves, that smile.

All of it designed to fool a motherfucker into thinking she ain't what she actually is.

But I know goddamn well what she is.

She's a slut.

And I'm way too familiar wifh her type, always was.

"Why you still talking about me, huh?!" Blurting the words out, I gesture with my hands, pointing directly at her.

"I beg your pardon?" The Harmony chick giggles. She briefly takes the red lollipop out of her mouth before shoving it right back in as I watch her.

"You know exactly what I just said, slut. Don't play dumb with me, yo," I step even closer to her, and she giggles again.

Reaching out her hand, she plays with the dog tag chain around my neck until I snatch her wrist away.

"Watch it, whore!"

"Oh, my bad, white boy. But like... what did I even say in this last song that was so bad. I mean... surely you are not ashamed of your trailer park heritage..."

"Goddamit Harmony! I ain't even from the trailer park! I ain't grew up in one. Did live in trailers for short periods of time here and there, but that's not even what this shit here is about. What it actually IS about however is the fact that you won't shut you goddamn mouth about me, and I just wanna know why!"

I huff the last words out breathing hard as fuck.

Shit..

Ain't even realized I was getting THIS worked up, but ay.

Guess the goddamn girl do got that effect on people, and she do unnerve me me this bad.

And why wouldn't she? She's a bitch!

"Um... what did I even say in this song that's bothering you so badly, like I said? Plus, the whole point of the song is literally that me and my girls sort of shit talk every single rapper that's currently popular right now. So literally, it's not even even about you, Em. Like... you are not that special, and it's sort of self-absorbed of you to think that you are, isn't it?"

Harmony bites her lip as I frown.

"You goddamn slut!" I bark.

She plays with my chain some more before looking up at me.

"You love it though," she smiles sweetly, causing me to start busting out laughing.

"Bitch, you fucking wish! Make no mistake, Harmony. Whores like you fucking disgust me, yo. And y'all only have one purpose. Hope the pretty boy you are currently with knows it too."

"Huh?" Rhinestone frowns then, looking me up and down.

"That boy band dude, Usher. I saw you with him at the party back then. Hopefully dawg knows what it's like to.."

"Omg, are you fucking serious, Slim?!" Harmony begins to laugh then. "I'm not with that boy now, no matter what tabloids may say. Cause I do have one rule. I don't jump on the same dick twice. And being how I've already had the nigga that night..."

"You don't deny it then, you fucked him that night, huh?!" I clench my jaw just as she grabs at the front of my shirt, her big brown eyes staring up my face all hostile like, making my dick hard.

"Fuck if I did, Em? Fuck is it to you?" She challenges me, and I swear I ain't never wanted to choke a goddamn slut to death more than I did this girl just now.

"You do know that when a bitch fucks two dudes in one night, no matter how much time has passed in between, it's still considered the whore getting a train run on her, right? She's just taking a transfer, you know what I'm saying?" I smirk, staring the stupid girl right in her eyes while grabbing onto her thighs.

Harmony slaps my hands away while smiling sweetly at me.

"Well choo-choo then, nigga," she smirks, hopping off of the mixing boards and attempting to push her way past me.

I grab onto her elbow though, and she quickly turns around.

"Yes, Em?" She asks me, placing that damn lollipop right back in between her plump lips, the motion somewhat reminding me of that time she had my dick rammed down her throat and she was liking it too.

"Um... Marshall??" The rhinestone chick calls out to me yet again, using my government name this time, her pretty face now scrunched up in both confusion and impatience.

Causing me to chuckle.

"Ay, imma be goddamned," I smirk, studying her face. "I do got a type."

Harmony seems completely unimpressed by that, completely oblivious to what my statement actually means.

"What, blonde and ugly? I can't relate," she straight up laughs in my face, but I'm quick to correct her.

"Nah. Crazy and damaged."