Chapter 3: Stay With Me

Here I am again slaving myself away a this job to pay her bills after I promised her I would take care of myself. I just don't know how too. I'm trying though. It's been a week since my talk with her and Michael. I haven't had a chance to call him yet. I've been trying to do little things for myself. I finally combed my hair out after months of throwing it into a bun. I've even shaved. It's been so long since my skin as been smooth. I accepted an offer on her house. It's finally been sold. I don't know where I'm going though. I've got a week to figure out somewhere to live and to pack up what I'm keeping. Selling or donating everything else. Oh the joy of more work.

I'll admit I miss Michael. But I need to focus on me. Not on boys. I haven't really spoken to anyone since that day. Just little talks here and there. We've been so busy this past week its ridiculous. Finally got a call about another job so I can make more money. I have an interview four days from now. It pays a lot more than here. I've grown so use to these people here. I don't plan on leaving but if it offers more I'm gonna have too. I really need to make more money for all the hours I put in. I got so many overdue bills this month. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I need to do something. They just keep piling up. 

Today I am order maker so I'm going back and forth from making drinks to grabbing sweets and everything in between. I feel weird today but, I ignore it. I gotta keep working. Been here for five hours now. Just working non stop. Haven't had a chance to breathe since I clocked in. But, I'm gonna push through this weird feeling and feeling exhausted. I just have too. I listen intently to the customer placing their order. Just marking their cup for their drink. When this strange feeling washes over me. Something isn't right. I stand their frozen in time with the customer's drink in my hand. 

"Hey Maya." Connie says. "Someone's on the phone for you from Jefferson Memorial Hospital." She says. 

The cup slips from my hand and hits the floor splashing every where. Mainly on me but I ignore it. 

"Maya, are you okay?" Lance asks. 

I ignore his question and run to the phone. My heart is beating so fast right now. Please let everything be okay. Please please. I beg. I place the phone to my ear with a shaky hand. 

"Hello, this is Maya."

"Hello, Maya this is Nurse Kim. We need you to come down to the hospital right away please."

"Is everything okay." I ask afraid of the answer. 

"Please come down here and the doctor will talk to you." 

"I'm coming right now." I say in a panic. 

I hang up the phone grabbing my bag in a quickness. Knocking some things over. I can't worry about that right now. 

"Maya is everything okay?" Greg asks. 

"I'm sorry I gotta go. There's an emergency."

"Okay. Go. I will clock you out. I hope everything is okay."

With his words floating in the air. I take off running out the door and straight to the hospital. Not stopping until I reach the front desk. Beth sitting there and staring at me with sadness in her eyes. 

"What's going on?" I ask in a panic. 

"I'm so sorry." She says as Nurse Kim walks up to me. 

"You got here quick." She says. 

"I work down the block. Is everything alright?"

I fear the worse right now. 

"Follow me." 

I follow her in silence as we take the elevator to the 12 floor. She hasn't spoken to me the whole time. We make it to my grandmother's room with the doctor standing there with my grandmother sleeping so peacefully. Oh so she's okay. Maybe she's getting better. 

"Hello, Maya I'm so sorry." He begins. "We did all we could." 

What's going on?

"You grandmother passed away not that long ago. She passed in her sleep."

No. No. No. No. She's not dead. I didn't even get to say goodbye. She can't leave me. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. This isn't real. This can't be real. She's just sleeping. The doctor goes to place the sheet over her head. 

"Wait, can I say goodbye please." 

"We'll give you a moment and stand outside til you are done." 

"Thank you." 

They leave out the room leaving me alone. I walk up to her and place a kiss on her ice cold cheek. She looks like she's sleeping. She looks so peaceful. Why did she have to leave me alone. Now I have no one. 

"I love you so much Grandma. I promise to keep all my promises. I wish I had a real chance to say goodbye. But, I know you are always gonna watch over me. You've always been my guardian angel. I sold your home. I have a week to find somewhere else to go. But, I know I'll figure something out. Thank you for always being there for me. I love you so much. Goodbye."

I give her one last kiss and leave out the room. The doctor walks back in. 

"How are you doing Maya?" Nurse Kim asks me. 

"I'm fine."

"Don't hold it in. It's gonna hurt a lot more when you finally let it out." 

"I'm fine. I need to go back to work." I say. 

I'm so broken inside. I wish Michael was here right now with me. What am I saying. I don't need to bore him with my problems. He has enough going on in his life right now. 

"Maya, I don't think you should go back to work." She says. 

"I have too. I got bills to pay. Mostly from you guys."

"Maya." She says.

"I gotta go now." I say as I walk away. 

I take the stairs. I don't feel like waiting for the elevator. I make it to the lobby not looking at Beth as I leave out. I keep walking. I'm not even going back to work. I can't face anyone right now. I just keep on walking. With no where in mind to go. I just need to keep my mind occupied. I keep walking until the sun goes down. I find myself standing in front of my grandmother's house. It's no longer her's anyway. I head inside and go straight to my room. I take a seat on my bed and just sit there. I keep thinking about Michael. Maybe I should just give him a call. I reach for the piece of paper on my nightstand that has his phone number on. I grab my house phone and start pressing each number that is on the paper. It rings and rings. Maybe he is busy. 

"Hello." I hear him say in a sleepy voice. 

Did I just wake up him? I forgot New York is three hours ahead of us. 

"Maya." He says now more awake. 

"Hi Michael. I'm sorry if I woke you."

"It's okay. I'm so glad to hear your voice. I've missed you so much. How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you?"

"How are you Michael?" I ask ignoring his question.

"I can't really say I've been better."

"What's going on?" I ask as I sit in a pretzel position. 

Talking to him will help me forget. 

"I'm just so stressed."

"I can believe it. You must have so much on your plate."

"You have no idea. From working on new projects to trying to please my brothers. It's just stressful trying to please everyone."

"I understand that all too well. But, you shouldn't lose who you are when trying to make everyone else happy. I'm a prime example of what not to do. You are such a kind hearted person Michael. I know you want to make everyone happy and you hate disappointing people. But ask yourself this is it really important if you lose yourself in the process."

"I guess you are right. I just want to focus on things with me. I wish you were here with me right now. I feel so alone." He says lowly.

"I know that pain all too well. I wish I was there too."

"So you accept my friendship?"

"I'm considering it."

"That's good enough." He says. I can hear the smile in his voice. "Well I'll be back in three days. You are the first person I am coming to see."

'I can't wait Michael. I'll be working. As always." I say smiling a little.

Maybe Grandma is right. He might be what I need to heal. Michael and I stayed on the phone talking about any and everything til the sun came up. I've learned so much about him. I know he's been through so much. Just never understood how lonely he truly was. I feel so bad for him. For pushing him away. He just wants a real friend. Someone who's never gonna go away. Something I need too. So I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try to be his friend. No more pushing him away.

I'm not going into work today. I need to take a mental day. Focus on something else. Start packing everything. I need to get boxes and trash bags. I need to make a bunch of phone calls too. So much crap to get done in a week and I also have to plan my grandmother's funeral. Oh so much joy. But, yet I can't seem to move from my bed. I laid down after taking a shower and can't seem to get up. My body hurts. My heart hurts. My soul hurts. I feel my eyes grow heavy maybe a nap will help. I let sleep take me over. 

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I was standing on the corner with my friends just waiting for the light to change to we can cross. We were in the next town and it was a lot worse then the one we lived in. But, somehow my friends convinced me to go to a party with them. I don't do parties but they said it was more of a chill thing not a lot of people. So I went. The light finally turned red and we all went jogging across the street. 

"It's just down the block." Cassie said. 

The four of us followed behind her. Three guys and two girls. Slowly trailed behind feeling uneasy about everything. 

"You good MY?" Brandon asks. 

"Huh." I say looking at him. "Yeah."

It's weird being in this town with all the rumors about gang violence. We walk past a group of guys who blasted loud music. I tried to avoid their gaze til one of them slapped my butt. I didn't want to cause any problems so I kept it moving. I power walked it to my friends. 

"Damn ma. Come back here with all the ass." 

We finally make it to Cassie's friend's house. You can hear the loud music coming from it. There's a lot of people standing outside. We squeezed through everyone. Walking up the three steps and entering the house. It's so packed in here. It smells like weed, liquor and sex. They know I'm not a house party person. They scatter to talk to their friends leaving me there alone. I don't do crowds either. I can feel my heart beating through my chest. My breathing picks up. I need to get out of here. I find Lilly in the crowd and tug her shirt. She looks at me. 

"What's up."

"I need to get out of here."

"What do you mean. You just got here. Give it a chance." She says before turning back to her friends. 

What the hell. I need to get out of here. I can't breathe. I walk to the door seeing the guy who smacked my butt. I turn back and jog up the stairs. Entering one of the bedrooms. It looks like the parent's room. I lock the door so no one can come in. I take a seat at the edge of the bed and try to calm my breathing. I don't even know how to get home. I just followed Connie. Maybe I can call someone. I see a phone on the nightstand. I pick it up and dial my house. It kept ringing till someone picked up. 

"Hello." My brother says. 

"Hey Tony." I say. 

"What's wrong? Are you having a panic attack? Where are you?"

"I'm in Fillmore."  

"What the hell are you doing out there."

"I was hanging with some friends." I say lowly. 

"Where exactly are you?"

"I'm not sure of the address. It's a house party."

"There's only one house party going on right now. I'm on my way. I will be there in 15 minutes. Don't talk to anybody."

"I'm gonna stay locked up in this room til you get here." 

"Good. I'm on my way." 

With that he hangs up. I just sit there hearing everyone laughing and talking outside and the music coming from inside. A few times someone tried coming into the room. But, the door is locked. I hope he gets here quickly. I don't like it here. I don't want to be here. I can feel my tears forming. I blink them away. I can't breakdown right now. I just sit there and wait. I'm now sitting on the floor with my knees to my chest. My head buried in my arms. How long has it been. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" I hear someone yell outside. 

"You got some nerve showing your face right now." Someone else says. 

I get up from the floor and look out the window. Tony was surrounded by four other guys. I move quickly to the door in a panic and unlock it. I swing it open and run down stairs. Bumping into everyone in my path. I run out the house. 

"I told you if you ever show your face around here I'm gonna kill you."

"Who are you?" My brother says. "I'm just here to get my sister."

He pulls out his gun. It all happens so quickly. Everyone scatters as the gun goes off. I stand there frozen in time. This can't be real. 

"Tony." I scream. 

I hear silence. I can see people running but, no sounds escape their mouths. What's going on? Everybody disappears but, my brother. He stands there in front of me with blood dripping from his body. I reach out to him but more distances comes between us. 

"I'm sorry. This is all my fault." I cry out. 

I jump from the bed with sweat dripping off my body. What? It was all a dream? My alarm blaring in my ears. What? Did I really sleep the day away. Maybe I should just go to work. I pull my sweat drenched body from my sheets and head straight to the bathroom. I do my business before brushing my teeth. I take a quick shower and get dressed for work. What the hell am I gonna do? I wish things were different. At least Michael will return tomorrow. It will help me to see him. 

I grab my work hat and my bag. I make sure I got my keys and walk out my bedroom then the front door. What is that sticking out the mail box. I grab it. What the hell another hospital bill. I can't seem to win. I open it revealing a bill for $804.50 and it's dated for yesterday. What the hell they sent this out after they knew she passed away. None of these doctors care. They just wait their money. I open the front door and place the mail next to the rest of the bills that have been piling up on a table next to the front door. I lock the front door and head to work. 

I'm so useless. Why can't I do anything right. My brother died because of me. I couldn't work hard enough to help my grandmother get better. Why should I even bother anymore. I sigh as I reach the door to my job. Here we go again. I walk straight to my locker and don't say a word to anybody. I place my bag in my locker and adjust my visor on my head. 

"Hey Maya." Greg says. 

I turn to look at him. He looks at me with a sad face. 

"How are you doing? I heard about your grandmother."

"I'm fine I say. 

"You could've taken as much time as you needed. You have sick days and vacation hours you can use." He says.

"I'm fine." I say a little too loud. 

His eyes grow wide. I can feel everyone else's eyes on my too. Please stop staring at me damn it. 

"Where am I today?"

"You are order taker." 

Oh great. 

"I can switch it with someone else if it's too much."

"No." I say walking away. 

I grab a headset and place it over my head. I turn it on and sign into the POS system. I'm now two hours into my shift and my head feels like it's gonna explode. I keep getting orders wrong like now. I can't seem to focus. 

"Are you retarded." The customer yells at the drive-thru. 

My eyes grow wide. 

"I've repeated my order to you three times. You must be new or just stupid."

"I'm so sorry ma'am. I mean sir."

"Now you are making fun of me." 

"No. I.."

I grip the counter and squeeze my eyes closed. My heart is beating so fast right now. 

"Maya are you okay?" Lance asks. 

Is it getting hot in here? It feels so stuffy. I can't seem to catch my breath right now. 

"Hello, What are you ignoring me now. I can hear your loud ass breathing."

I can't deal with this right now. I take the headset off and walk to the back. I can't seem to deal with none of this right now. I can't breathe and my heart won't slow down. 

"Where is the girl who took my order." I hear them yell as they approached the counter. 

Greg comes out of the office and looks at me. 

"Maya, what's going on? Are you okay?"

"Hello, where is Maya." They scream. 

My eyes grow wide. I can't handle this right now. Greg walks to the front trying to calm the customer down. I just stood there from the distance. 

"I see you are just stupid. Maybe you should go back to school and get a education and get a real job. Because you obviously can't handle working here." 

I can't deal with this right now. I back up and walk to the exit door. But, it won't open. Why won't it open? I can feel my tears falling. I start banging on the door and screaming. 

"Maya." Connie says. 

"I can't breathe." I say in a panic and fall to the floor. 

"Greg." Connie screams. 

"Call 911." He says. "Maya, just stay with us."

"It hurts so bad. Everyone is gone. Tony, my grandmother. It's all my fault." I scream. 

"Maya we are here. Help is coming."

After he said those words everything fades to black.