six

I woke up tired my night had been rough and I felt groggy. Shikamaru had stayed and I was grateful for that. I was a mess.

I watched him sleep feeling peaceful. I think I was starting to fall in love with him but yesterday confused me and we had only know each other nearly a year now. It was too soon to develop these type of feelings. My body wants Kakashi but me, Kira, I want Shikamaru.

"I thought i told you it's rude to stare.." his deep voice shocked me and I looked away cheeks tinted. He chuckled. Eyeing me with a smirk.

I slapped his chest only gaining another laugh. He turned towards me and moved my hair out of my face again. Shocking me, he leaned forward and kissed my cheek almost like a partner would. I felt my heart race as I looked up at Shikamaru. He smiled down at me before suddenly going serious.

"Are you okay?" I stared at him. I didn't think I was but with him here I was coping.

"I've been better." I sighed rubbing my face. As soon as I recognised Kakashi it was like my body needed him. Which was weird because I didn't know him.

"You scared the shit out of me...why were you crying?" I knew he was just curious as to know why I was with Kakashi.

"I remembered stuff. Well to be honest I only remember Kakashi." He frowned talking in the information.

"We grew up together." Shikamaru stayed quiet and looked at me trying to understand.

"Remember the crying person I told you about?” he nodded for me to continue.

"It was Kakashi..."

"How?"

"How what?"

" How did you grow up with Kakashi? He's years older." It was then for the first time I noticed that it didn't make sense. How did I grow up with him when I was around shikamaru and Narutos age.

Images of me telling Kakashi to run and save himself flashed before my eyes and I remembered the most vital fact that I had idiotically over looked.

I died.

But how am I still here? The thought sent my body into shock. how was I here? Panic took over me in an instant and I was hyperventilating. Eyes wide, breath coming in gasps as I took in the person who just joined us, adding to my panic.

"Kami."

Much to my distress Shikamaru moved away from me letting Kakashi take hold of me.

"Kami.. take deep breaths...calm down."

"I'm dead! How?! I.... Died." The words were choked out and I felt faint.

"Breathe!" His voice was a bit harsh so it was not helping my already panicked state. I looked up at Kakashi trying to steady my breathing but nothing was working.

"Help her." Kakashi directed Shikamaru who for the first time looked like he didn't know what to do. I was starting to get light-headed with the little oxygen I was receiving.

"Kira. You're alright..." I reached for him and he sat right in front of me so close we were inches apart.

"How?!... I'm dead!!!"

He cupped my face with his hands staring me straight in the eyes."I promise, you're okay. Look you're not dead you're right here with me. Breathe." He seemed determined to convince me and at an incredibly slow pace my mind calmed. My ragged breaths started to even out as he stroked my cheek. Shikamaru had never lied to me and I trusted him with everything. It took nearly ten minutes for me to fully calm down and the aftermath left me shattered, absolutely exhausted

"Better?" He asked not once breaking eye contact. I nodded remembering Kakashi. I looked back at the man Kami loves and felt safe seeing his mask off.

"It's gonna be okay Kam" I sighed leaning into Shikamaru. Was it? Awhile passed before Shikamaru talked.

"You know it's weird seeing your face.." he was directing it to Kakashi. Who must've now realized he was bare for someone else.

"Don't " I frowned at myself but he did as I said and lowered the hand that was going to cover his face. Shikamaru' stomached growled rather loudly and I felt guilty.

"Go eat Shika." He took one long look at me and silently asked if I was sure. I nodded and he sighed getting up and stretching.

"Ill let you guys talk then... I'll be at home." He leaned forward placing a kiss on my head before he stepped past Kakashi and was out of my room. Half of me wanted him to stay but he was hungry.

"Can I sit next to you?" Kakashi asked probably not wanting to set me off. He sat in front of me so close our knees bumped. I stared at him noticing little things that were different than what I remembered. On it's own my hand reached forward and stroked his cheek. I was shocked but he didn't seem it as he let my hand travel exploring his face.

"You're so old."the words were out before I could stop them. He chuckled no happiness in the sound.

"I'm almost 30."

"We were suppose to grow old together." He nodded sadly, I sighed.

"Kakashi? I don't know how to feel right now...." I pulled my hand away staring at it. I felt lost.

"Because you like Shikamaru.." it wasn't a question more of an observation. I shrugged. I knew my feelings for the lazy ninja were strong and would get a lot stronger if I let them.

"My body wants you... only you..."

"But you want him." He gave me a small smile, he always knew what I was thinking and I remembered hating that.

"I don't know.... I don't know. Anymore. Who am I?"

"You're who you want to be... I'll support you no matter what you do."

I leaned forward closing my eyes I placed a small kiss on Kakashis cheek. The action was so familiar yet so foreign.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you... I don't." His eyes were still shut but I could tell he was hurt by my decision.

"Kam- Kira.." he cleared his throat before starting again.

"Kira.. don't feel guilty." He reached forward wiping my tears away. I could tell he was hurting and it felt like I was physically in pain knowing that.

"Besides if things don't work out with you two I'm always here." He gave me a closed eye smile and I starting sobbing again. To be honest it was annoying crying so much.

He leaned forward and my heart quickened as he placed a kiss on the corner of my lips not quite kissing me.

"It's alright." He comforted me. Holding me tight, as I soaked his vest feeling half of my heart break.

He stayed with me the whole day just talking about the past about what he had been up to. It was night by the time we had finished talking and I realized we hadn't eaten the whole day.

"You hungry?" I yawned, he shook his head and strangely I felt the same I just felt exhausted.

"Let's feed you though. C'mon get up." I groaned making him chuckle.

"You're still so lazy."

"I don't remember anything about that" I said giving a little smile.

"Sure you don't...I basically had to drag you out of bed every morning.... Hey, hey!... Don't." As he was explaining his face lit up with the memories and I felt guilty again. He put his hand under my chin caressing the bit if skin there.

"Don't feel guilty.... C'mon it's my shout." I nodded who could refuse free food.

SHIKAMARU' POV

The hours seemed to tick by pain fully slow as I waited for her to be finished talking to him. Maybe I wouldn't hear from her the whole day, which is okay but I was worried. I left her while she was in a state. I had a feeling they didn't just grow up together and that was killing me. I groaned out staring up at the stars I hadn't eaten when I left and my stomach was about to cave in on itself. I rubbed at it absently maybe I should go eat. I nodded to my own question getting and walking off of the training field. I had spent the whole day there, the evidence was my body's outline that was dented into the grass.

I started to go to the only place that was opened late. Ichiraku ramen. I wouldn't be shocked if a certain blonde was there. To my surprise when I pulled back the curtain Kira was there blushing and laughing away with, a now masked again, Kakashi. Something in me flipped and I don't know why I got so mad. Maybe it was because I was worried about her the whole day and she was on a date with him. I watched as he touched her chin caressing her. I felt jealousy explode and I ignored my stomach's protests, turning on my heel. I thought we had something.. maybe it was one sided the whole time. She probably just felt safe with me because I was the first person she knew....

I felt a pit in my heart. This is why you don't fall for people. Its a pain.

KIRA'S POV.

We ended up at that ramen place I had met Shikamaru at. Which we had become regulars mainly because of Naruto but the place was fantastic so I wasn't complaining.

I was telling Kakashi about how Naruto and Shikamaru were having an eating contest and obviously Shika lost but before he did he choked and a noodle flew out of his nose. I was laughing uncontrollably at the memory to the point I was red in the face. Shikamaru.. I really should go see him but it's almost 12am he'd probably be sleeping.

"Is he good to you?" I was shocked to hear that question of course he was.

"Too good." I heard him sigh contently.

"Well then.. that's good enough for me." I looked up at Kakashi probably emitting guilt.

He laughed wiping away at the soup on my chin, hand lingering for a second.

"Stop Ka-Kira, I told you I'm alright... Now hurry up and eat." I nodded turning back to my bowl of ramen that was half full. I continued talking about little things I had done so far living here. When I finished, he walked me home. we got to my door I turned the key looking back at Kakashi. He pulled his mask down and I felt better. I remembered 'kami' well I, had always hated that stupid thing.

"It's for the fan girls, they wouldn't be able to control themselves." a younger version of him flashed in my head. I laughed at how jealous I felt back then. I ignored his questioning look and smiled.

"Thanks for the food Kakashi."

"Anytime, kid." I glared at the nickname dodging his hand as he tried to ruffle my hair.

"I'll see you later, Kira." I nodded as he pulled the mask back up and disappeared. Guilt surfaced again but I pictured Kakashi lecturing me and it eased up some.

I locked the door behind me which was useless most nin can just break in easily. I flopped down on the bed these last two days had been hectic. I just wanted to snuggle with Shikamaru. I went to bed with the happiness knowing I get to see my favorite ninja tomorrow.