26 "porcelain cupcake"

"How was it today? Getting back into the swing of things?" My father asked Casey as he sat beside him at the dinning table. Across from Casey sat Beth who's eyes were growling acrossThe room. Quietly I stepped in to sit at the far corner of the table that had been assigned to me when I was young. It was far enough from everyone where I couldn't be a bother. I sat down without a word as I Gently filled my plate with little to no food. "Why don't you sit next to me wills" Casey smiled. I didn't speak. I was afraid to. I just kinda ignored him. "Thats lees spot" Beth said. "So? It's a chair"

"NO ONE sits in that damn chair. Same with that one" she cocked her head to the chair I was sitting in. Her eyes widened then her jaw snapped. "Get the fuck up" she said. I glanced up not really realizing she was speaking to me. "What for?" I questioned. "Beth. Get over it. It's a damn chair" John said.

"She is the last person who should be able to sit in that fuckin chair. Let alone this damn table" She slammed her hands down on the table. I nearly leaped out of my damn skin. I quickly stood up. "Where do you want her to sit? On the floor?" Casey scoffed. Beth grinned "that's a great idea. Sit on the floor William!" She pointed with a following snap as if I was a dog. "Sssssssssit! Sit puppy! Sit!" My sister had an evil smile. A smile that she knew scared the piss out of me. I held my plate as I stood. I watched her then watched my father. My father rubbed his face with disappointment. "Beth! Cut the shit!" Casey defended. "No! She's the dog of the family! She would be treated like so!" "That's enough! Sit down Willy! Shut your mouth Bethany! Jesus Christ!!" My father's fists slammed harder on the table causing our glasses to shiver. My heart was pounded as was scared to move. I hated to cause a scene. I hated to be the reason everyone is mad. "Sit!!" My father screamed. Quickly i sat down. He then roared "not in that fucking chair you fuckin-" my father held his hand over his mouth as he was holding back his rage. He took a deep breath. I stood up the moment he flipped.m gripping my plate in my shaking hands. "I'm... im just.. im just gonna go in the.. the other room.." I spoke very quietly before dismissing myself. "No. Willy stay" Casey pleaded. "No will don't go!" Bethany mocked with a smirk. I could feel my clammy hands through my jeans as I  wiped my nervous palms against them. God these people scared me. Ever since I was a child. My feeling hasn't changed. I thought for sure I could stand up for myself.. but I couldn't. Although I've noticed my father's demeanor changing towards me. I've never seen him hold back on me before. I was a bit taken aback. I don't know what in him had changed. I know for sure I haven't changed. I sat at the kitchen counter alone. It was better this way. I listened to their forks and such clanking together as I stared down at my plate of food. "Thank you gator" I spoke sweetly as I slid my plate to him not taking even a bite. "I appreciate you dearly" "hey before you go will, i made you this..." gator set down a tiny cupcake that said happy birthday written on the top. I smiled softly. "Thank you gator.. I love it.." i took the cupcake staring at it with a large smile. "You didn't have to do that" I said sweetly. "I Remember everyone's birthday even though you never celebrate it. You're always so nice to me" he nodded. I patted his arm before I dismissed myself to go for a walk as I observed the cupcake. I didn't wanna eat it. It was so sweet. "Hey!" Jimmy smiled form the arena. I smiled "hey! You're not gonna have some supper?"  I climbed up on the fence holding said cupcake

"I had some. Got bored listening to them boys bicker back and fourth" "Oh I understand that for sure" I watched him with a warm feeling in my heart. "Watcha got there?" He questioned as he leaned on the fence below me. "Gator made me a birthday cup cake" I smiled. "It's your birthday?" "Tomorrow. I don't celebrate it though" I sucked frosting off of my nail. "Are you gonna have a party? You have to. How old are you turning?"

"Uhhh tttwweennttyyy three" I smirked and I tilted the Cupcake up to him "want some?" Jimmy scooped some frosting off and rolled his eyes back. "Man that's good!" I giggled softly at his reaction as I peeled the paper from the bottom. "You can't eat it yet. Here" jimmy quickly swiped a match against the wood of the fence. He stuck the bottom of the match into the cake then began to sing me happy birthday. I watched his smiling cheeks. He was so gentle and sweet. "Go on. Blow" he was just so happy to be with me. I blew out the match. "I hope it doesn't Taste like matches now" I teased. "You'll have to taste and find out" I broke the cake in half giving him the bigger piece of course. "But like I said before, is there gonna be a party?" He asked. I shook my head "I've never had a birthday party... there will never be a birthday party" I covered my mouth as I chewed. "You didn't have one for your twenty first?" He asked. I shook my head. "I've only ever had a few drinks in my life. I try not to embarrass my father" I placed the plate in my lap as I watched him eat the cupcake in a joyful way. "Maybe we should take you out. For your twenty first twenty third birthday" he laughed. I laughed aloud. "I'm not the partying type. I'm kinda.. the alone type. I'm not a fan of the bar" I said. "Me too. But it's still a special birthday" he patted my knee. I looked down. "I'll think about it" I say. "Don't think. Just do" he says. "I'll see you tomorrow?". I began to frown just a bit as he walked for the bunkhouse. "Jimmy?!" I called out. Jimmy looked back at me with a smile "yeah?"

"Jimmy I'm not a whore.. just.. just so you know" Jimmy furrowed his brows then followed with a loud laugh "what would make you say that?" He was confused. "I.. um.. rip exposed a lot of things the other day... Walker was my first....And it was a mistake.. whatever he says in that bunkhouse isn't true! I promise you that!" Jimmy looked down then back up again "Willie I really don't care what anyone says. You could be a raging alcoholic and id still care about you endlessly" I looked at him a bit surprised. "You care about me?" I smiled wide. "Endlessly!" He gave me a big thumbs up before walking into the bunkhouse for the night. Wow. I liked him. I liked him a lot. It made me feel so giddy on the inside. I've never felt this feeling before, I may just barf. ......

"Alright buddy. Relax" I said as I held the horses leg to tap on horse shoes. "There. All done" I smooched the horses snoot before cleaning up all of my nails and shoes. "He still limping?" I hear rip ask from behind me. "..no.." i said bluntly a so refused to look at him. I hear rip putting away his saddle behind me. "I haven't seen you in days. You feelin okay?" He neatly hung up his reigns and other gear. "I feel fine" I said with no tone in my voice. "Willie.. I don't regret what I said. I do regret getting mad at you. But I said what I said" I huffed in irritation, "God forbid I want a sense of purpose around here. For once in my life I want my old man to be proud of me. To need me. If I become one of the top vets in this damn country he will love me! He will never want to let me leave! I want him to beg me to stay! You don't get that" Rip raised his hands along his forehead in a stressful manner "wills... he will never do that" he said. "He hasn't yet he never will"

"Yea he will! He loves me somewhere in there! I know he does!  I'll show you! I'll prove your wrong!" My voice cracked as I wanted to cry. "Willie.. peanut... where was he for your graduation? Not there. Not proud. How about at your school recital when you were 9? Not proud. Not there. He hasn't done it yet he's never going to. I don't want your hopes up"  he placed his hands on his hips and he spoke to me calmly. I glanced past him as I see a figure in the barn doors. Beth.. I hung my head as I quickly zipped my lips. "Keep trying William. It's not happening. You did the unspeakable" I stiffened up as she said my name. Her words made me want to curl up in a ball to protect myself. "I didn't do anything" I mumbled. "You wanna start this shit!!? Huh?! Cuz I'll chew your ass up!" She shouted from across the barn. I tucked my hands under my arms as I was getting increasingly uncomfortable. "Beth. Leave her be huh?" "Ohhh I forgot you guys are such good friends. Fucks your issue anyways? You In love with rip or something? Hm?"

"Beth did fuck sakes. I don't have the energy for you. Go inside"  rip groaned dramatically as he turned her body gently. "Rip this is my property I can be where I please" Beth watched me with her eyes squinted with wickedness. "My father doesn't want anything to do with you. He wishes you were never born. Ever"

"...no he doesn't.. that isn't true.. " I slouched down as I softly mumbled my opinion.  Beth sinfully laughed that sent chills down my spine. "You want a fuckin bet little girl?" She got really close to me. I stumbled back to the wall still refusing to lift my head. Rip stood and watched as he usually did. "Since the day you took her from us. Was the day love disappeared. Not only for you but for US! you took our chance to love away. We forgot how to love after she died. Because of you!! Daddy stopped loving you that day" She was wildly drunk. More drink than usual. The cigarette burning in her hand was near the end of its life. Its ashes were everywhere as she pointed in my face. She then Aggressively grabbed me by her long witch like fingers. "You did this to us!!" She screamed. "Rip please!" I quivered but I was so still as I held myself between her and the wall behind me. "Rip!? Rip!? Fuck is he gonna do!? What do you want him for!? He doesn't give a fuck about you. And if he does I'll make sure he fucking doesn't!" She was so close to my face we could wear the same clothing. Her shaking drunk hand slammed against my cheeks as she squeezed them. She squeezed them so tight my lips puckered. "Look at you! A pussy! A coward! Man up William!" Her hand moved to my throat. She squeezed. Her burning cigarette burned the skin on my jaw. I whimpered as My body weakened with even more fear. If she was to kill me right now I couldn't even try to stop her. I was that fearful. "God!" She screamed. "I wish you were fucking dead!! I wish I could just fuckin!-" she spat as she screamed her words loudly. It was almost like she was going into some kind of sphycosis. I read about drunken illusions that elephants experience when eating fermented fruit off the ground. She acted just like that. She stared me in my eyes like a demon. "I fucking hate you!" She shoved my throat back as she stormed out of the barn like a maniac. She screamed outside in an angry yell as I assumed she went back to her room to wallow. I peeled myself form that corner I was locked up in. I paced the ground while I pushed my hair back.  My chest was so heavy I couldn't get a grip. I held my hair back with my hands and I continued to pace the floor. Tears went down my cheeks as I pictured her mean vile face. "..will.." rip stepped to me trying to comfort me in some way. "Screw you" I wheezed. "Wills" he frowned. His voice saddened. "You always let her do that to me! You've always sit by and watch!" I gasped loudly as I yelled in his direction  "I can't stand you! I can't stand any of you! I hate all of you!" I was gasping for air as I spoke each word. "Willie. You need to sit down baby" he walked over to me as I sobbed even harder. I wanted to avoid his contact but I was so upset. I was so emotional I needed somebody. I think that somebody was supposed to be my parents. A mother perhaps. The closest thing to a daddy I have is him. He yanked me into his arms as he held my head into his chest. I screamed my weeps into that chest like it was my bedroom pillow when I was a child. "I'm sorry baby" he mumbled into my scalp. "I wish there was more I could do" rip smooched my head but held his lips against it. "This is why I don't want you stuck here. Do you understand now?" He smile so gentle to me as he tilted my head up to look at him. He wiped my tears with his callas hands he then watched me Like I was a scared puppy in the woods. I nodded my head. He was all I had. He was the only person to love me.  He held onto my heart as if it was porcelain. So tiny and fragile... it was sure to be shattered.

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