Chapter 6 - Hiraeth

Hiraeth/ˈhirˌīTH/ - deep longing for something, especially one's home

Currently at the building of Momiji and Mayumi's father's building, Momiji was helping Tohru at her job. Each of them had two bags full of trash and they were on their way to take them out to replace the trash cans with new bags. Momiji trailed after Tohru while he helped, like a duckling after its mother.

"Are you done after taking these out?" Momiji asks her.

Tohru simultaneously puts the bags of trash away and answers his question. "This and the trash from the break room over there."

Momiji hands her the bag in his hand before heading over there. "I'll get those!"

"Oh, but..." Tohru looks up in the direction he went, not wanting to burden him with her work. She doesn't have to finish before Momiji stops at the corner, already knowing what was on her mind. "It's okay. This is fun!" He reassures her with a playful tone.

Tohru also heads over to the other spot, seeing the full trash bags out of the containers. Momiji reaches out a hand for a trash bag to do the other one while Tohru did the one next to it. "Here."

While placing the trash bags onto the cans, Tohru turns to Momiji to thank him. "Thank you so much for helping me!"

He turns back to her, a smile mirrored on his own face. "I told you, it's okay! Anyway, is Yuki walking you back again today?"

"Yes!"

Another voice comes up from behind them, alerting the two of another presence. "Kyo should come get you once in a while too. He can be pretty stubborn."

Turning around, the teens light up, seeing the familiar young woman. "Schwester!" "Mayumi-san!"

She waves a hand while smiling at them. "Don't let me interrupt your work. Or is there anything I can help with?"

Tohru shakes her head. "Thank you, but this is the last of it." Remembering the conversation in school earlier that day, Tohru decides to ask the two siblings. "Come to think of it, Mayumi-san, Momiji-kun..."

"Vas?"

"Hmm?"

"Which one of your parents is German?"

Momiji answers with a bright smile. "Mutti!"

At the foreign word, Tohru goes blank, not understanding. "Um... Mutti is..."

Mayumi, who was leaning against the window, clarifies for her, lifting a pointer finger. "'Mutti' means 'mama'."

"Ah, so your mother is!"

Momiji digs something out from his pocket. "Here's a picture." Pulling it out, he shows a picture of their mother, handing it to her. "Ta-dah!"

Tohru brings it up closer, her face showing her awe. "Sh-She's so beautiful! Mayumi-san looks almost exactly like her!""Thank you, Tohru," Mayumi says, while Momiji lets out a playfully smug laugh. She decides to let Tohru explore their family a little more, explaining in detail. "Our Papa met Mutti when they were in college and got married right before they had me. Oh, Papa is the one from the Sohma family."

Momiji nods along, putting the top of the trash can back on top. "I don't know how Papa managed to attract such a pretty person," he says, voicing his opinion with no shame.

Tohru sweat drops a little at his blunt comment. "I-I see..."

"And guess what! We have a little sister! Her name's Momo. She looks a lot like Mama!"

Tohru is left flabbergasted at this information and Mayumi laughs lightly at her reaction. "Oh! I wasn't aware that you two have another sibling!"

"Ja!"

Mayumi nods. "Momo is in second grade right now."

Momiji picks up the two trash bags before turning to Tohru. "Oh, but Momo isn't possessed by a zodiac spirit." She takes one of them away from him while Mayumi follows behind them. "But, yeah, she's so spoiled. She follows behind Mama and Schwester like a baby chick." He continues talking about Momo animatedly while Tohru watches him fondly. He sounds so happy. But Mayumi watches him with a bittersweet smile, knowing the shock Tohru might be if she ever finds out their true family circumstances. "Mama and Momo usually pick Papa up. Oh, it should be about time now."

Tohru puts the last of the bags away before turning to the two siblings. "So you could go home together."

"Yep! It'd be wonderful if I could," Momiji tells her with a deceiving bright smile and starts walking away from Tohru and his sister. "But Mama doesn't know about me..."

"Huh?" Tohru is taken aback at his words. She even glances at Mayumi's expression and upon seeing the solemnity on her face, Tohru knows that this wasn't just a casual offhanded joke.

"Momiji-chan? Is that you, Momiji-chan?"

Hearing their mother address him, Mayumi tenses for a moment before walking out from her spot with a smile. "Mutti! Momo!"

Momo runs towards her older sister from her place besides their mother. Mayumi kneels down and hugs her youngest sibling while their mother walks over to them. "Mayumi, you are here too?" She turns to Momiji after receiving a nod. "What are you doing here of all places? It's so late."

Tohru stares at the woman with surprise. Speak of the devil, it's her!

Momiji lets out a sheepish chuckle with his hands behind his neck. "My friend works here and Mayumi-neesan was also here, so I came to play with them.""Is that so? This isn't a playground, you know," she gently scolds him and he bows his head playfully with his arms out. "You're right, I'm sorry."

Mayumi stands up with her sister in her arms, walking towards her mother and brother. Tohru stares at the little girl who looked at her from over Mayumi's shoulder. Then this must be Momo-san. Still, Momiji-kun and Mayumi-san bear more resemblance to their mother--

Tohru's trail of thought is interrupted when their mother speaks, shock going through her veins. "Won't your mother be worried if you get back so late?"

Mayumi gently sets Momo on the ground, who clings onto her dress even after her feet touch the ground. "Mutti, I was going to walk Momiji-kun home. I don't want a young boy like him going home at night."

She looks up slightly at her daughter, nodding. "That's good. It can be very dangerous without an adult." Turning to the youngest child, she bends down slightly. "Let's get going, Momo. I don't want to keep Papa waiting."

Momo shakes her head, clinging tighter to Mayumi's dress. She hadn't been able to see her sister in so long that she didn't even want to go with their mother to pick up Papa. "Momo..." Their mother lets out a sigh.

Mayumi lets out a chuckle at her sister's stubborn behavior. She kneels down, taking her tiny hands into her own. Momo looks at her sister's smiling face, mesmerized at her multi-colored eyes. "It's okay, Momo. I'll come back home after I drop Momiji-kun off. I promise, so go with Mutti for now, okay?"

Reluctantly, Momo lets go of her hands and their mother takes Momo to head to their father. The two of them pass by Tohru. "Thank you for keeping this place clean."

"O-Oh, yes..." Tohru acknowledges the thanks with a stutter, still processing what just happened.

Momo stops, staring in the direction of Mayumi and Momiji. "Come, Momo." She is tugged away by their mother, eventually disappearing from their sight.

"Ungluck!" Momiji's sudden exclamation jolts Tohru from her daze to see Momiji running his hand across the vending machine. Mayumi had gone to her previous spot, leaning on the same window. "Today's not my day. She saw me." He makes a dramatic spin, arms outstretched before one rests across his eyes. Tohru also comes to the opening of the break room, her hands still holding onto the picture of their mother. "I'll have to go apologize to Papa later.""Momiji-kun..."

He lifts his arm and clasps them together behind his back with a defeated smile. Mayumi looks down at the floor. "Yep. Mama doesn't know me. She forgot. Her memories were wiped."

Tohru gasps upon hearing the truth. She remembered back to the instances that included this technique, such as when the kids playing with Yuki and after Hatori couldn't bear to watch Kana suffer anymore.

"Mama thinks I'm a kid from another Sohma family who Schwester likes taking care of." He starts walking towards Mayumi, who wraps him up in her warm embrace. Momiji continues talking. "Children possessed by a zodiac spirit are born two months before full term. You find someone you love, get married, and have children together. But then your child becomes a strange baby animal when you embrace them... I wonder how devastating that must be for a mother."

Mayumi strokes his hair as he turns his head to look out the window. "Most mothers of children possessed by zodiac spirits are either excessively overprotective or reject their children. Mama rejected me. Her whole body rejected me. She tried not to look at me... But even so, she was always on edge and screaming things hysterically. Sometimes she would see Schwester's younger self in me, but she would then realize that it wasn't her. That's why Schwester always leaves her hair down. Because her straight hair was what let Mama know that the person in front of her was her oldest child, and not me. Thinking about it now, I realize she was broken, like Kana."

*Flashback*

In Momiji's bedroom, Mayumi was holding Momiji. She was sitting on his bed, cradling his smaller form. "Momiji, Schwester will be here for you. Schwester loves you very much, don't ever forget that. Even when it gets difficult, Schwester will stay by your side."

Listening to his sister's soothing and comforting words, Momiji falls asleep in her hold. Noticing his slumbering state, she tucks him into bed, pressing a kiss to his forehead before closing the door quietly.

She decides to head to the room that she occasionally uses to finish the last of her homework. Since Akito would keep calling for her, she rarely came back home to sleep. The daily visits to her family were still done routinely, spending time with Momiji before tucking him into bed or calming their mother down from one of her episodes. Noticing that the house was quiet, she found it odd. Usually, hysterical cries and yells would echo throughout the halls by now so Mayumi decided to search for her mother.

Opening some of the doors, the presence of her mother was missing from the rooms she had already gone through. Trying her luck once more, something shiny glinted in her mother's hands, catching her eyes. They widen when she realizes the position she was currently in, the pair of scissors raised above her bowed head.

As if in slow motion, her mother plunges the sharp object into her abdomen. Blood spurts out, ruining the white color of her dress and onto the floor.

Mayumi lets out a shrill scream that reverberates throughout the home. Quickly rushing to her mother, who has passed out, she panics. Taking off her jacket, she presses the fabric to the self-inflicted wound. Tears were cascading from her eyes and sobs rang out. How had her condition worsened to this degree? She was just smiling and having tea with Mayumi the other day.

Her hands are hesitant to leave their place but they scramble for her phone, shaking as she waits for her father to pick up. After a couple rings, he picks up.

"Mayumi?""Papa! Mutti--! Mutti is--" It was difficult to discern her words through her sobbing so he told her to calm down and speak slower.

She hiccups as she calms her voice down slightly. "Mutti stabbed herself in the stomach with a pair of scissors! I-I don't know wh-what to do, Papa!"

Now in the hospital, their father holds his two children close. Mayumi's eyes were rimmed with red and she was shaking. She was hugging Momiji and their father had his arms around their shoulders. "Momiji, Mayumi... Mama might not make it. But... they say she might be better if she forgets about you, Momiji. It'll probably be extremely painful for you, but Papa and Mayumi will love you that much more to make up for it. If you love Mama like I do, can we do this to save Mama?"

Momiji smiles, accepting this proposition, even if it hurt his heart.

Momiji peeks into the room through the crack of the opening.

"Are you sure... Are you positive you want to forget? And that you won't regret it?" Hatori asks the woman.

"My biggest regret in life..."

Mayumi catches sight of her brother eavesdropping on the conversation between her mother and Hatori. She rushes to him and he doesn't even notice her approaching until she covers his ears from hearing the traumatizing words. Unfortunately, she was too late as Momiji's eyes glistened upon hearing their mother's response.

"... was giving birth to that creature." Momiji was able to see the shine of the unshed tears in their mother's eyes before he's pulled into his sister's familiar warm embrace. His face pressed against her shoulder and when he closed his eyes, Mayumi felt the fabric of her blouse dampen.

*Back to the present*

"And so, I was erased from Mama's memories. Mama quickly got better. She was able to smile again after a month," Momiji says, watching his parents walking away with Momo. Tohru walks over to see the sight, a clear line of tears streaming down her blotchy cheeks.

Mayumi slides down to sit on her knees, Momiji following her movement. "I wonder... I wonder, was I able to save Mama?" At his question, he feels her grip on him tighten.

Tohru doesn't leave her spot. He's been watching over them this whole time. Secretly and from afar, so that he wouldn't be seen. I bet that time when I first met him, he had come to see his mother. Tohru brings her hands up to her face, the photo still in her clutches.

"But for me, I've decided... I've decided to live my life bearing all my memories."

Tohru turns to look at Momiji again, the tears still trailing down. Momiji looks off into space, the look in his eyes too wise and too experienced and too sad for it to be in the eyes of a mere fifteen year old. "Even if they're sad memories, memories that only ever hurt me... memories that I sometimes wish I could forget... If I can bear and face those memories... and work hard to accept them, then one day... One day, I can become someone who isn't defeated by those memories. I want to believe that I can. I want to believe that there isn't a single memory that's okay to forget. So the truth is... I didn't want Mama to forget about me. I wanted her to try her best for me and Schwester. But that's our own selfish wish. " He raises his pointer finger up, with a wistful and sorrowful expression. "That's a secret."

Tohru embraces them in a hug, surprising the two siblings as Momiji transformed into a rabbit. He was held by Tohru and Mayumi wrapped her arms around Tohru with Momiji in between them. The stream of tears were reflected on both of their faces as their eyes shut, unshed ones glistening in Momiji's eyes.

"Yes, me, too... I believe that, too."