Chapter 10 Back to the White Villa

"Zee, there you are!", NuNew jumps up from the couch when he sees his beloved climbing the four marble white stairs.

He runs the few feet over to him and is startled when he looks into Zee's face.

"What happened?" cries NuNew in a panic, "Zee?" he begins to scan him all over, "What happened to your eye?"

NuNew can't control his worry.

His heart races and his hands shake as he carefully touches Zee's face.

Zee averts his gaze.

"There's nothing wrong. Don't worry!" he tries to reassure his nong, "I'm going to take a shower. Don't worry!", he strokes NuNew's trembling hand and wants to run into the white villa.

NuNew has to fight the tears.

Zee has an increasingly dark bruise on his right temple.

He is hurt.

His Zee is hurt.

"I'm coming with you!" determines NuNew.

And he doesn't care what the fans see or don't see.

He will go with him to the bathroom and lovingly examine and wash every inch of his body.

He will take care of his Zee.

Let the fans speculate what they want.

Yes, they will go to the bathroom together.

And NuNew frets that the fans probably know more than he does.

They saw what happened.

Zee looks composed.

He nods to NuNew and allows him to prop him up to the bathroom.

His nong is worried and he shouldn't feel so helpless.

But just as they get to the large living area, they run into Nat.

He freezes in place when he sees Zee's black eye.

"What happened?" he almost croaks.

Zee looks at him sheepishly.

"It looks worse than it is. I should have just left Max alone. It was my fault he saw red," Zee explains to his trembling Nong Nat.

"What?", Nat feels an avalanche of adrenaline overtake his body, "Where's Max? What about him?", Nat shakes.

"Leave him now! He needs his time!", Zee replies seriously.

"I'm tending Zee's wound now!", NuNew grimly intervenes.

It's not Nat's fault, after all. And he has no idea what happened. But Max seems to have hit Zee, and NuNew feels pure rage rising inside him.

He just wants to be alone with Zee now.

Nat has to cope on his own now.

The Nat who by now is so upset that tears just flow down his face.

"Nat!", Zee wants to calm him down, "You know that Max is quite jealous. He didn't think our action in the kitchen earlier was funny. It was too much for him. But he's calming down already. I've tried to talk to him. He knows exactly how we feel about each other. But that's how Max is. Let him have his time. He has to find his mind again. Then he'll come back again! You should really leave him alone now!"

Nat begins to sob.

"And he hit you?" he asks, completely stunned.

"I was exaggerating. I know Max, and I exaggerated. I should have given him the time to calm down. But it's not as bad as it looks. We're best friends. That's where it can happen. Don't worry about it!" he puts his hand on Nat's shoulder and squeezes it.

And NuNew feels exactly that an uneasiness is rising in him.

What action might have upset Max so much?

That must have been very provocative then.

But Zee probably just wants to go to the bathroom now.

They can and must talk later.

And while NuNew carries his lover into the bedroom, Nat feels his entire body soften with fear.

Every muscle trembles to the point of numbness and he fears losing consciousness out of fear.

This fear.

Max.

Of losing Max.

He may have lost him.

For good.

What if he doesn't forgive him?

He hit his best friend.

Max.

And Nat's heart aches loudly at the thought of losing the most precious person in his life.

And his trembling sobs infect fans worldwide.

Nong Nat weeps bitterly for his Pi Max.

If only the fans could support him.

If only they could tell him what happened out there on the beach between Zee and Max.

If only they could show him how Max is currently swimming in the ocean like a fugitive.

On and on.

With full force, his firm arms hit the water.

All muscles howl in pain.

He swims.

He swims with all his might.

Aimlessly he wants to swim the pain out of his body.

If only Nat knew.

And Nat suffocates out of fear for his love.

And his legs do not want to wait.

They start to run.

He has to find him.

He must find his Max.

He must appease him.

He has to beg his forgiveness.

And so the fans watch as Nat runs, perplexed, past the pool.

Overcoming the shallow stairs and running down the beach in the completely wrong direction.

And his pleading cries for Max echo off the beach into the endless distance.

Where is he?

Where is my Max?

And while the cameras film Tutor and Yim in the kitchen preparing lunch, Zee and NuNew are seen going to the bathroom together.

NuNew drops Zee off at the edge of the bathtub.

He is told to sit down.

"NuNew, I only have a black eye. I can walk. I'm fine!" he whispers in love.

NuNew looks at him, strokes his hair, gently kisses the purple spot on his temple, and nods.

He looks deep into his eyes again.

"Zee, I love you!" he confesses, his cheeks flushed, "I've been waiting all morning to tell you this.

Zee's eyes bear witness to his emotion.

NuNew smiles as he sees his Zee's watery eyes.

"I love you!" he whispers again, kissing his lips.

"And I want to know what was going on between you and Nat!" he demands with raised eyebrows.

And Zee has to smirk at the look.

"Max is jealous, but not to the point where he would hit his best friend because of it," NuNew explains, searching Zee's eyes for an answer.

Zee directs his gaze to the floor.

"Nat was making lewd jokes in the kitchen. I threw him over my shoulder and punished him. Well. I guess Max came along and got it all wrong. Or rather, he didn't like the physical closeness. Sexual innuendo and physical punishment. It was too much for him," Zee reports, looking at NuNew.

"So what's your take on it?" asks NuNew.

"I can kind of understand him!", Zee scratches his head, "But he knows full well that there's no reason to worry about me and Nat. That's ridiculous!" grumbles Zee.

NuNew nods thoughtfully.

"Would it bother you if I made sexual innuendos with Max and then he threw me over his shoulder and punished me?", NuNew wants to know.

He can understand Max and doesn't want to suppress his possessive feelings anymore.

Yes, when you love someone, you want certain touches just for you.

Yes, Zee!

That's how it is.

And NuNew feels a resentment rising inside him.

And Zee can see right through him that he's annoyed.

"I wouldn't like that either. I don't want anyone to get that close to you. Not even my best friend!", Zee finally takes a stand, "But you're not Nat. That naughty Nong challenges it. He's playful and then just has to be punished like a little brother sometimes. He's very different from you in that respect. You always know how to behave!" declares Zee with satisfaction.

NuNew squints at him, not quite sure if he's happy with the answer.

"NuNew, I just want you to be mine. Please don't let anyone throw you over their shoulder. Please don't make sexual innuendos with anyone but me! Is that okay?" asks Zee with googly eyes.

And NuNews' enchanting smile makes Zee melt.

"Alright! I'll think about it!" he plays untouchable.

Zee pulls him close.

"I love you!" he whispers and kisses him.

And even though no camera can film this kiss in the bathroom, fans worldwide are happy that the two have some privacy right now.

They've earned it.

And everyone's fantasies are so stimulated by it.

Even if the focus of their attention is on the two suffering lovers.

Max and Nat.

Max's body is completely weakened.

His soul is suffering and his body can no longer serve as an outlet.

And the shame of his behavior adds to it.

He hit his best friend.

He hit him.

Max has never lost control like this before.

He's so ashamed.

And his exhausted body just gives in.

And he dives into the ocean.

Deeper and deeper.

Breathlessly surrounded by soft, enveloping weightlessness.

He doesn't want to think anymore.

He doesn't want to feel anymore.

But the pain of what has happened tugs at his consciousness and forces him to see the cause of his behavior.

Nat!

Nat.

His love for this nong.

He is his nong.

And he has crossed a line.

Got involved in it.

His mind was trying to tell him it was too dangerous.

Nat is too young.

They see life and love with completely different eyes.

He doesn't want to blame Nat.

He's still so young.

He's like that.

And his best friend is his big brother.

Just as he should be, too.

Nat.

And Max's heart groans with sorrow.

Suddenly, he finally wants to breathe.

The grief.

The pain is too much.

His heart breaks and Max gasps for air.

And the fans can see from a distance that Max is resurfacing and slowly swimming back.

With a realization that breaks his heart.

And Nat feels his heart crushing with fear.

He's been running up and down the entire beach.

He can't be there.

He just can't find Max and decides to wait for him on the stairs.

He will wait for him.

Eventually he comes back.

Everything comes crashing down on him.

If he loses Max now when he just gained him.

He will fight.

He won't let that happen.

And Max has to fight, too.

The last meters to the beach cost him more strength than he would ever have to muster.

He has never felt like this before.

This exhaustion.

This hopelessness.

He has to force himself.

Force himself to reach the ground of reality again.

And the cameras zoom in on Max's watery face as he finally floats his lifeless body onto the sand.

And remains lying.

And contorts his face in pain.

A volcano has erupted inside him and his body doesn't have the strength to spew out the destructive force.

And so the fans feel his deep pain as they see his huddled body and crying face.

And the sun is drying all life out of him.

No warmth.

No life.

No love.

Max only wants the shadow.

And finally he pulls himself together and searches for it.

And with every step he takes, he realizes how serious he is.

How sure he is that he has to put his boundaries back up.

Never again.

Never again will he allow himself to feel so out of control.

He won't let that happen.

Nothing must outline him like this again.

Nothing.

And just as he's set up his walls again, he sees Nat on the stairs.

He has pulled his knees to his body and his head late into the distance.

He's searching.

Nat is searching.

And Max feels his entire body give way again.

He can't suppress his sobs and searches for rescue.

And the tall coconut trees film him finding his refuge in one of the hammocks.

Shadows.

Rest.

Max just wants to rest.

And Nat sees his Max.

His heart explodes and his knees go weak.

Max.

He gets up and runs to the hammock 60 meters away.

And his feet perform more than they knew.

"Max!" he shouts, "Max!" he screams, "Max! There you are!" he pleads.

And when he finally arrives, he stops abruptly.

His racing heart forces him to pant and his circulation won't support him.

And he gasps for breath as the motionless body in the hammock turns its back on him.

"Max!", Nat can only whisper.

And when he sees no response, he sobs again.

"Max, I'm sorry. You misunderstood something there. I didn't mean it that way. I was just fooling around and that was stupid of me!" it bubbles out of Nat, "Please talk to me! Let me explain everything to you!" he pleads desperately.

Max hears his Nong Nat pleading so brokenly and he crouches down even more.

And the fans feel the agony of both of them.

They see their desperation.

And wish so much that they can finally sort it all out.

But there is not yet time.

Nat cries bitterly and holds on to the hammock.

He would so much like to touch Max, but he doesn't dare.

And Max's heart can no longer bear the sad storm of his nong.

"Nat!", his deep sound makes Nat fall completely silent, "I want to be for myself. Can you please give me some time. Go on in!"

And Nat cannot be satisfied with what he has longed to hear.

His heart flutters and he feels a rising power, giving him security.

His tears dry up and he can finally speak in a composed tone:

"I'll leave you alone. Take your time. But we will still talk about it. And sort everything out!" he declares confidently, "And you can forget about me ever moving away from you again. I'm not going anywhere!", Max hears his voice deep inside him.

And Nat hears Max quietly sobbing as he sits down on the floor and presses his hand against the bulge on the hammock.

His Max lies covered in it.

He has brought him grief.

And he will wait as long as it takes to make amends.

As long as.

Until the fans see Zee coming out of the villa.

Carrying a basket in his hand, he walks past the pool, down the four flights of stairs and toward the two palm trees standing close together.

The shady tall beauties in the backdrop of a sparkling turquoise ocean.

He comes closer and closer.

And Nat feels his heart soar.

Zee walks up to the two injured men and smiles at Nat.

He sees the pain and despair in his eyes and knows how Max must be feeling right now.

They have remained in this position for two hours now.

And no matter how much Zee wants to give them their time.

His friend must be completely parched.

He's glad Nat didn't have to watch Max escalate into the ocean.

They couldn't have swum out that far for the world not to witness his outburst.

And he can well imagine the agony Max is living right now.

Zee's right temple is throbbing and his best friend is suffering to the same beat.

"Have a drink, bro!", Max suddenly hears Zee's voice, "Have a drink!", Zee approaches Max and puts his hand on his shoulder.

Max puts his hand on Zee's him reached.

Zee squeezes his shoulder and feels his brother.

"Max, come on! Sit down for a minute! Have a drink first!", Zee tries to pull Max up.

Nat holds his breath.

He doesn't want to interrupt, and he loves his big brother Zee so much.

Max straightens up and feels a sharp pain in his head.

He should drink.

And Zee leans his forehead against Max's head.

They linger in this position for a while.

Wordlessly.

And Max opens the water bottle and lets his inner desert flood through.

"Guys, in two hours we'll meet for the next challenge. You should both eat something. And take a shower. And," Zee falters and walks up to Nat.

He hands him a water bottle.

"You guys should just get some rest. The world wants to see us. You guys need some time off for that. Give it to each other!", Zee looks at Nat, wanting his message understood.

"Come on in now! Let us welcome you! We're here!", Zee demands and walks back to the villa.

Nat looks at the seated Max, hoping so much for a look.

Look at me, dearest!

Look at me!

Instead, he hears a cool tone:

"Yes, let's go back to the white villa!"

And Max gets off the mat and walks slowly up the white beach.

To the gorgeous stone terrace and the gentle rippling blue of the pool.

Facing the tall, white columns of the white-walled entryway.

He walks back.

Followed by Nat.

Back to the white villa.