33 - Starting Over?

"What the heck!" I exclaim at the boy sitting in front of me at the cafe. "I just got here and you're leaving?"

Zu Ho chuckles. "Sorry?" He flicks my forehead. "The company has called me back. Our training would be starting next week."

I frown at him, crossing my arms in front of me. I haven't really thanked him enough for helping me before. Even if it was just for a short time, and most of the time we were bickering, I feel like I'm losing another friend. 

With all the people I've lost for the past year and more, I don't want to be saying goodbye anymore. 

"I'll call you ok?" He's still laughing at me. "Why don't you come with me? You trained in JYP didn't you? Maybe you would want to try out in our company."

That brings a smile on my face. "I don't know. I'll think about it." 

I stay with Karen in New York for a few days after that. I didn't have anything else to do in LA anyway, except to pig out. She toured me around, introducing me to her friends in her school. She's trying her best to keep my mind away from the incidents that happened two weeks ago and before that. She avoids topics that would make me feel bad, and I really thank her for that. I would want to stay longer, but she'd be busy with her studies so I have to leave. 

I decide to go to Alaska for a week. My grandparents were there after all and I spent all my days sticking to my Grams the whole time. I've missed her ... like....a lot. 

"You should start thinking about what you really want to do, sweetie." Grams is saying as we sit in front of the fireplace, sipping hot choco. 

I sigh. I know I should. School has already started and I'm still undecided. "What do you think I should do?" I ask her. "Should I continue law?"

"But, you weren't happy with that, were you?" She moves closer to me, taking my head and putting it on her lap, stroking my hair. "I'm sure your dad would understand."

"I really don't know, Grams." I sigh again. "There's really nothing I want to do right now." I really can't think of anything except what happened and the dreams I have every single night. I've thought of what Zu Ho has said, too. I would want to, but something's stopping me. 

"I'm sure you'll find one, Cristina. You just need time."

____

With the intentions of visiting my 'Haraboji' and 'Halmoni', I fly to Korea after a few days in Japan. Since I'm just a few hours anyway. 

I didn't really know I've met them before, only when my mom told me that they missed me. I look at pictures of them so I would recognize them instantly. Mom said that I used to stay with them in the weekends when I was not training. We must've spent a lot of time together and I feel really sorry for not remembering any of it. 

They meet me at the airport, really excited. As for me, I'm more nervous. My mom must've told them what happened to me and so they're more than glad to retell me stories of what we used to do. I feel more relaxed after the end of my first day. 

I take out my phone, a new one .... again, since the last one is lost somewhere in London when Briggs took me. I log in to my Skype and message Zu Ho, telling him I'm here. And he calls almost immediately. 

"You're really here?" He asks, not believing it. I turn on my camera and walk to the window, showing him the night view of Ilsan. "You really are here." He exclaims. 

I can't help but laugh at how he looks. His hair and face is wet with sweat. "What are you doing?"

"I'm in the middle of practice." He turns his phone and shows me the other trainees who're in a studio, doing their routine. 

An image of Mark and some other guys, I still can't make out, practicing in a certain room comes to mind. 

"So, when are you coming here?" He's asking. "I don't have training on the weekend. Wanna come over?"

"Sure." I answer, feeling a bit excited. I can't wait to see the city I should be very familiar with but kinda forgot. 

So, as soon as I wake up Saturday morning, I go to the station and find my way to Seoul. Surprisingly, it wasn't as hard as I expected. In fact, I kinda knew exactly where to get in and out. 

There's this cafe that instantly grabs my attention. The lady smiles sweetly at me when I enter. "I haven't seen you here for so long." She says. 

I smile back at her, not knowing really what to say. 

"Would you want your usual weekend breakfast?" 

So, I used to eat breakfast here? That figures. I nod, excited to know what I used to eat. 

"Why are you alone today?" She asks when she comes back with my waffles. 

"Oh..." I shake my head, avoiding her eyes and taking the fork she hands me. 

As soon as I take my first bite, my mood goes down. I don't know why. Being here, on this very table, and eating this very food, just destroys my appetite. I know I used to eat here with someone, without even remembering, I know who that person is. 

I pay the bill and the lady looks at me, puzzled since I've only one bite of my supposed favorite breakfast. 

Since it's still too early to meet up Zu Ho, I decide to walk around. And every time I enter a shop or see a certain corner, my mood gets lower and lower. Like when I pass by JYPE building, or the convenience store beside that to buy something to drink. 

Everything about this place seems to be pulling me down. 

"Ha Eun." The cheerful, chirping voice of Zu Ho makes me look up from where I'm seated at the park just in front of their apartment building. He runs to me and immediately pulls me in a tight embrace. 

"What the heck took you so long?" I snap at him. 

"What's with the long face?" He asks back, noticing my mood. "You're not even happy to see me? Didn't you miss me?" He starts teasing, tickling me on my sides. 

I crack a smile ... then giggle ... then end up laughing. "Quit it!"

"So, where'd you wanna go?" He asks, taking my hand. 

I pull it away though and put it inside the back pocket of my jeans. He's just too touchy, I'm telling you. It's making me a bit uncomfortable. 

"Let's go drink." I tell him. I just suddenly feel like it. 

"YAH!" He hits the back of my head. "Do you even know what time it is?"

I frown. 

"The company's holding auditions this coming Wednesday." He's saying as we rest after spending the whole afternoon in an arcade he forcefully took me into. Well, I'm not complaining though. It was childish yet it kinda lifted my mood. "You should you know. You're not doing anything anyway."

"I don't know." I shrug. "I'm planning on going back to LA in two weeks."

"Just try it. You might not be accepted anyway." He laughs. 

"YAH!" 

But, that Wednesday, I find myself going to his company. He's all smiles when he meets me in front of the building. And the next thing I know, I'm joining the other trainees. I've moved out from my grandparents' house and found a small apartment very close to the company. 

My dad, at first, was a bit apprehensive, but, since he can't really do anything, he just let it go. Of course, not without warning me first that he'd be on the first plane when something happens. One of the female trainees decide to live with me and it feels like I've found a new family here. 

It's fun .... and arduous, for sure ... Like it's all I've ever wanted. I don't notice it's been a month since I've started and I'm loving it. 

First monthly evaluation is done and I aced it. 

"Clubbing?" One of the trainees says as we all gather at the pantry after a long and tiring day. 

I turn to Zu Ho and he chuckles. "Fine." He says, "I'll let you drink just a bit." 

You see, he's been really like my mother's little spy. He'd report to my mom everything .... I mean everything ... that's been happening regarding me. Even the smallest drop of alcohol I ingest. Literally. When my mom hears that I'm back to drinking again, she'd cut off my credit cards. I wouldn't want that to happen now, would I?

So, I've tried to avoid going out with them at nights because I know I wouldn't be able to drink anyway, buy a bottle and drink on my own in my apartment. 

"You sure you won't snitch?" I look up at him with my puppy eyes. 

"What do you think of me? A squealer?" He pretends to be hurt. 

"Exactly that." I say, laughing. 

"Let's just go." He puts an arm on my shoulder and pulls me out the building after the others. "Just don't get drunk ok...."

"Yes, sir." I giggle, feeling really excited. It's not fun to be drinking alone, you know. I don't even remember the last time I've been to a club .... maybe never ... or maybe I've done it a lot before, I just forgot. 

We meet up at a restaurant after going home to change, for light dinner. Then, head to the a new club just near it. 

It's already crowded since it's the opening and they have a lot of promos. Luckily, we still get to find an empty table ... not a good one though. It's just by the restrooms and people would have to pass us by to get there. 

It doesn't matter though. I'm still having the time of my life. I have a bottle of beer on one hand, a shot of tequila on the other. I make a toast with one of the guy trainees and dunk the tequila in my mouth and then wash it down with the beer. 

I hear Zu Ho grumbling beside me. "Aren't you having too much?"

"Can you not be a party pooper and just enjoy the night?" I roll my eyes at him. 

A guy with the hottest of smiles passes by and I gape. "FUCK. Did you see that?" I ask one of the girls we're with. "Damn he's hot."

"Who?" She turns around and sees him before he enters the restroom. "That's a trainee from another company." She says. 

"You know him?" I lean on the table excitedly. 

I get a hit on the back of my head. "YAH!"

"What?" I roll my eyes again at Zu Ho. "Kill Joy much?" Then I turn to the girl again. "Who's he?"

"That's Junior." She giggles. "We went to the same middle school. I'll introduce you to him when he comes back."

Junior. That name sounds familiar. Even his face looks like someone I've met before. "From JYPE?" I ask, just curious. 

"Yeah. You've met him?"

"Maybe." I shrug my shoulders. I might've. 

The girl grabs Junior's hand as soon as he emerges out the door and drags him towards our table. Even before the introduction he gasps. "Cris?"

I awkwardly get up from the table, furrowing my brows. Yup. I've met him alright. I just don't remember. This is really awkward. "Hi?" I grin. 

"HI?!?" He exclaims, walking near me. "You've been gone for what ... several months and all you say is 'HI'?" He takes my hand and pulls me towards him. 

"Hey, hey, hey!" Zu Ho immediately gets up from his chair and goes between us. "Watch it."

"Oh shit!" Junior ignores him, pulling me again. "Right. You don't remember, do you?"

I raise an eyebrow. How does he know? 

"Mark told us all about it."

Mark? 

"So, this is your new boyfriend?" He asks, looking up at Zu Ho, pointing at him then smirking. 

"What are you talking about?" I let out a sarcastic chuckle, glaring at Zu Ho beside me. He gives me a stink eye. I stick out my tongue at him. "He just wishes." I laugh. 

Junior looks puzzled. "Anyway," he pulls me again, "let's go meet the others. They'd be thrilled to see you."

"Wait." I say, holding on to Zu Ho so he won't pull me all the way to their table. What would I tell them? I can't pretend I've known them all along if I can't really remember, can I? It'd be rude to say I don't remember them either. Shit. Awkward. Really awkward. 

He turns to me. "It's really a good timing. It's like a reunion." He says excitedly. "Mark is also here for a visit."

"Mark?"