28 - I Guess It's Not Just Meant To Be

WOAH!!!!

I put all my force on my free hand, pushing him by his chest as hard as I can. And he almost hits his head at the dashboard. 

With my mind so confused, I pull my hand off of his grip and open the door, stumbling out. I get in the other car just beside this and make sure to lock it. 

It's so weird though. It was just really brief, but when his lips touch mine, I felt like I missed it a lot. And when I pushed him, it seemed like I was forcing myself to. 

Did I really like him that much that even I've forgotten him I still feel what I could have felt before when he'd do that? Shit! 

I see the girl coming out the house. She pouts then walks towards the car Mark is in. She knocks on the window twice before the boy rolls down the window. I can't see his face from where I am, nor can I hear there voices, but I can see Sandra's sweet, smiling face. Even with the dim light, she still looks stunning. How can a guy resist that beauty? It's like everything about her is perfect, even her body. 

I look down at myself and suddenly feel so insecure. I've become thin - like anorexic thin. My skin so pale, my cheeks sunken and there are prominent dark circles around my eyes. I've never felt more unconfident about myself than now. 

I watch them as they walk back in the house side by side. 

Damn! Even the way she walks is perfect. Though she's not that tall, her long legs make her look like a model. 

Mark takes out something from his pocket and waves it at the air before closing the door. 

FUCK! My phone.

_____

Sleeping in the car wasn't so bad .... only a backache and freezing feet, that is. OK. Fine. It's terrible. SHIT! Me and my pride. 

I get in the house hoping that nobody's awake yet. I need to use the bathroom and at least fix my hair that, I'm sure, looks like an eagle has landed on it overnight. 

Unfortunately, everybody's up. They're already gathered in the kitchen, crowding around Sandra who's cooking something that smells so appetizing, making my stomach rumble instantly since I haven't had anything to eat last night. 

Although I want to push myself through the tall guys and to the food that's calling out my name, I have more important matters to attend to - bathroom. 

I almost screamed at my reflection when I see how horrific I look. It's not just an eagle that's landed, but a pterodactyl. How can I be so unlucky to have this face in the morning? I end up taking a shower, shampooing my hair twice, scrubbing every part of my skin and brushing my teeth thoroughly. So, when Mark decides to kiss me again .... Wait .... WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

Erase that thought. 

Everybody's almost done eating when I finally join them. Mark has a weird angry look on his face though when I take the only empty seat, which is across from him. 

What the heck is wrong with him? Shouldn't I be the one giving him that look? I take a deep breath, calming myself down and go to my food. I gobble everything on my plate silently. 

As if she's been waiting for me to finish, Sandra is staring at me with her all-too-sweet smile and says, "Let's go have a girl time together."

I raise an eyebrow. Seriously? Is she fuckin' kidding me?

"I mean, shopping," she adds, giggling. At a time like this? She thinks of shopping?

I turn to Mark who looks at me, too. I crease my brows, mentally asking him if I should go. He just shrugs his shoulders and gets up from the table. 

Her perfect white teeth and pink plump lips make me feign a smile back at Sandra. "Great." She says. She looks too excited, if you ask me, clapping her hands like a seal in a show. 

God damn it! Why am I hating on her? She's just trying to be nice. 

Chill, Cristina. 

So, even though I'm not in the mood to go anywhere but LA, I get in the car with her, two guards with us. 

"Wait up!" Mark runs out the house before we can get any further. He knocks on my window and I roll it down. 

"What?"

He tosses my phone on my lap. "Call me if anything. You get me?" He says, his face very serious. He glances at Sandra beside me then back at my face. "Don't even think of running away, rascal."

I roll my eyes at him. "Where would I go anyway?" I say under my breath before closing the window and nodding at the driver. I immediately check my phone to see what he's seen. And, indeed, he's read the messages of Zu Ho and I on my Skype. 

Nosy much?

I almost drop my phone when it rings and Mark's name and picture fills the screen. Of course, he added his number. Smooth Mark. 

"What?" I yell. We're not even a mile away from the house. 

"You still look pretty in the morning, as usual. Your hair smells really good, by the way." 

What? I feel my cheeks burning. I'm just thankful that he's not anywhere near me or else ... I wouldn't really know what to do. 

I don't answer and hang up. 

JERK!

____

"How long have you known Mark?" Sandra asks me as we sit in an ice cream house in the mall after walking around and buying nothing. And with her question, she certainly didn't call me out to shop. I realize that now. 

I just shake my head, not looking at her.  I don't really know what to say. I've known him longer than I remember, that's for sure. 

"What are you two, exactly?" 

I shake my head again. What would I tell her? I don't have any idea, really. What are we? "What are you getting at?" I ask her instead, finally looking at her. 

She sighs, her shoulders go up and down slowly. "I'm really sorry about what happened .... what my dad did. I didn't know what he was planning when he forced me to get engaged with Mark." 

I have to look away again as her eyes are already telling me what her mouth hasn't yet. 

"I didn't know we were bankrupt. I didn't know anything."

Same here, girl. I keep my thoughts to myself for now and just listen. 

"Now you see, the house is the only thing I have."

I side glance her, seeing that she's almost at tears. I sigh silently, feeling sorry for her. But, it's her dad's fault. "You still have your hotels." I tell her. 

She smiles bitterly. "Forfeited. I have nothing left."

So, what does she expect me to do? Give her money? "What do you want from me?" 

"Mark."

I want to laugh. Like ... really really laugh out loud. LOL! Literally. But, that would be too rude. I just chuckle a bit. "Sorry," I tell her when she glares at me. "You already have him. You got engaged, haven't you? So?"

"He cancelled it. Haven't you heard?" It's her turn to look away. She looks embarrassed, or maybe hurt. 

"So, you want to marry him for his money?" I can't help but ask. What's wrong with these people? Don't they have anything better to do than be a leech?

"NO! Of course not." She exclaims. "I'm starting to work my way up, Cristina. I've applied for a scholarship at the school I'm in and I'm using my connections to start my own small business. Don't look at me that low just because my father was."

I swallow hard, feeling guilty with my accusation. 

"But," her voice goes down again. "I like Mark. And I plan on telling him tonight."

That renders me speechless. 

"I know he's not ready yet, but, I'm gonna take my chances." Her red, teary eyes burrow deep into the very deepest part of me. "You don't love him anyway, do you? You don't even like him. So, please. Can you give this one to me? You've already taken everything. Leave at least something for me to start living again, Cristina."

It's like I'm being stabbed straight to the heart. Maybe because of her crying face. "Wh...What d...do you w...want m...e to do?" I can't even let my words out right. 

____

"Mark. You wanna go walk with me?" I ask him, 

He looks really surprised, almost spitting the drink in his mouth. He swallows and coughs. "What?"

"You heard me." I look away, trying to act casual. 

"Say it again." He teases, chuckling while he gets up and walks towards me. 

I roll my eyes at him, crossing my arms in front of me as I walk out the door. He follows, catching my hand, still laughing. 

"What's so funny?" I ask, removing my hand and putting it inside my jacket pocket, making it clear that I don't want him to be touching me. 

He doesn't answer. I can still hear his snickers beside me as we walk down the almost empty road, men already going ahead of us and some behind. I feel like the President's daughter, to be honest. 

"The air is nice now that the rain has stopped." He says when he finally quits laughing. 

I continue walking, my head bent, looking at my own two feet as I lead him towards the park where Sandra is waiting. I want to turn back. I don't know why. 

Sandra's right. I don't even love him. I must've .... before. But, all I feel now are just jitters, hangover from memories that I've lost - memories of us that have vanished. Even if I think of what would be of us in the future, I see nothing there. 

All his words of telling me he loves me .... they sound empty to me. They don't really hit me like what it should do. 

Yes, my heart beats faster, I blush and I get nervous when he says things like that. But, that's it. There's something more I want to feel, I just don't know what. 

He must be deep in thought, too, as he silently walks beside me. I glance at him briefly - at his face. What made me love you, Mark? What made you leave me? What was there that I forced myself unconsciously to forget about you? What's stopping me from remembering you?

I stop when I spot Sandra by the bench under the street light. 

"What?" He looks up at me. 

I feign a smile. "This is where we end, Mark."