26 - This is Too Much for Me

"I would never do that, Cristina. You're the one I love. You're the one I want to marry. It was a stupid mistake I regret til this day. I love you, baby. Please, if there's anything you remember about me. I hope it's the fact that I've always loved you and that will never change."  

My heart is pounding against my chest, making it really hard to breathe. But, I manage to stand up and step away from him. I admit, I want to believe him. I want to somehow have something to hold onto as everything around me is in a chaos. But, the thought of his dad's name in my mom's files together with Sean's dad and the other two felons, make me think again. 

I recall what Sean has done to me before. This is no different, is it?

"Take me back now!" I tell him. 

He looks shocked. "Cris."

"I want to go. I'm done with talking. I heard what you had to say and I got what I want to know. Now, take me back." I tell him, trying to sound stern, unafraid. But, I hear my voice shaking and my hands are trembling as I put them inside my pockets. My fingers seem like they're looking for something inside there, it's like something is missing. I swallow hard and I suddenly thirst for something hard to drink. 

This is just freakin' stressing me out. My head is already throbbing. 

Every time he opened his mouth, I learn something new. The puzzle is starting to piece itself together, but I'm still confused. My dad. Sean. Uncle Ed. Lara. Trey. Mark. His Dad. Sean's Dad. The Engagement. My mom's lies. Mark's words earlier. Just .... everything. You know that feeling when you think you have it all figured out then you hear something new, proving your theories wrong and you have to form new ones? That's what it feels like right now. Chaos in my brain, in my heart as well. 

I take a few more steps back, barely making it to the door because of my shaky knees. "I want to go, Mark. Please." I beg. 

"But...."

"Please." 

"I can't protect you unless you're with me." He says, hesitating to get any nearer. Maybe afraid that if he makes another movement, I'd run out the door. Which is what I'm actually thinking of doing. 

"I was doing fine without you." I tell him. 

That shuts him up. His eyes close and his tears well out. "Cristina."

"I'm sure we've broken up. Haven't we? I wouldn't be too stupid to still love you if I knew you were engaged, would I?" My heart pours out and I feel all the bitterness that was hiding in there all along. "If I knew my dad was against your dad, I wouldn't even think of getting near you. Would I now?" My voice gets louder. I don't even know why I'm shouting. "If what you claim is true, and that you didn't really want to marry her .... that  .... Sandra Aymes .... then why did you allow me to get separated from you?"

I suddenly remember something Karen told me earlier. That I went missing. I have a pretty strong feeling that it's because of that. It could also be that I found out about his dad. 

"How stupid was I really?" My anger escalates. I'm not sure where it's coming from. "How easy did you think I am? Cause if I had a chance to choose what to forget or what to remember, I'd rather I choose to forget you."

"You don't mean that."

"I do." My tears have all dried up now, but I feel smoke coming out of my ears. Irate. That's what I am right now. "If you think you could trick me to believing that you really love me, just to get whatever you want, you are so wrong. I lost my memory, Mark. With it, I got rid of my stupidity with guys like you."

"Cristina. You're taking this all wrong?"

"What? What's wrong? That you're trying to use me so you could get to my dad? That you're no different from Sean?" I raise an eyebrow and brave a few steps towards him. "So, tell me, Mark. Why did you get engaged and say that you love me? It's because of money! Am I not right?"

"No. Babe."

"Don't call me that either. It sickens me." I shake my head. "You know what? Maybe you're the reason why I forgot. Maybe it's better if we keep it that way."

"No. Please. Cristina. You have to listen to me. I'm not using you."

"That's what you all say." I smirk. "If Lara was able to do it, I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult for you."

He reaches his hand, but stays on his place. "My dad isn't like that. I'm not like that. Believe me, Cris. The engagement .... it didn't push through. I cancelled it because I love you."

I chuckle sarcastically. "You cancelled it because you knew you wouldn't get anything from Aymes. He's as poor as a church mouse. They went bankrupt because of my dad."

"No." He's shaking his head. 

"So, you decide to make an alliance with him and Briggs and another guy to get back at my dad. One question though. What did my dad ever do to yours?"

"Nothing. The only mistake my dad did was trust in the wrong people." He combs his hair away from his face as he looks straight at me. "And that mistake lead to this. I admit, my dad is to blame for a part of what happened before and what is happening now. That's why we're trying our best to fix it. Why don't you believe me?"

The tense atmosphere gets broken when someone barges in the room. 

"Mark. Mr. Samson has landed."

"My dad?" I turn around to face the man that just entered. "Where is he?" I shake him by the shoulders furiously, my heart wanting to jump out my chest. I turn to face Mark. "Take me to him now."

"Cristina. My guys are gonna escort him back here. Don't worry." He looks relieved. "Let's just wait, ok?"

"Don't hurt him, please." I beg, realizing that Mark holds all the aces. He got me, and now my dad. I just hope my mom goes back to her hiding place back in North Carolina, but I doubt it. She won't go anywhere unless she has me with her. I suddenly regret running away from her that night at the bar. 

"How many times do I have to tell you, Ba... Cris. I'm not gonna hurt you nor any of your family. I'm not the villain here."

I stay quiet, not wanting to argue any longer for fear that he'd get offended and take his anger out at my dad. 

The two get out of the room, leaving me alone to think on my own. I nervously wait by the window, hoping my dad's still in one piece when he arrives. I hear Mark and some other people talking in the living room just below the room I'm in. 

It feels like eons when I finally see a car enter the driveway. I quickly run out the room and down the stairs. 

"Dad!" I jump to his arms as soon as he steps out of the car. My tears are flowing in streams. His hands go around me, giving back my tight hug.

"My little bear." He sobs. "I'm sorry."

"I missed you." I cry, too. "Dad." I say that over and over again. It's like I haven't said it for very long and it sounds foreign coming out of my mouth. 

He hugs me even longer, his tears wetting my hair and down my shoulder. The moment only gets interrupted when one of Mark's friends says, "We gotta get inside."

____

"Dad." I lay beside him on the bed as he rests. He's been beaten badly, with bruises and wounds all over his body. I carefully put an arm over him and rest my head on his shoulder. "We're gonna be fine, aren't we?"

Even without looking, I know he's smiling when he says, "Of course little bear. Of course." He kisses the top of my head as I hide the tears that are flowing down my cheeks again. 

I stay with him inside the room, watching him sleep. He's gotten really thin .... skin and bones thin. His skin got dry and in some parts cracking. I've never seen my dad this vulnerable before. Never have I known him to be weak. Looking down at him in this condition hurts me. What evil mind could have done such thing? What kind of power revenge holds on people who think like this? What's with money that makes people go crazy, killing each other, destroying lives?

I hear the door opening and very soft footsteps behind me. "I need to call my mom." I say. 

"I already did. She's on her way."

I don't need to turn around to know who it is. "No." That means he's gonna have all of us in one roof. I wrack my brain for something. "We need to take my dad to the hospital." 

"We can't do that, Cristina." The bed sinks a bit when he sits behind me. "Briggs' men are now all over LA. They know you're all here."

I seriously don't know what to believe anymore. I wish my dad would wake up and tell me what to do. 

"He'd be safer here." He adds. "Aren't you hungry?" He asks after a long period of silence. 

I shake my head. All I wanted is a bitter taste in my mouth that would help me calm down. 

"But, you haven't eaten since we arrived. You've skipped dinner, too."

I look out the window and realize it's already dark. How long have I been here? I get up from the bed and walk towards the door. I know he's following me, but I ignore him. He lags silently behind, staying a few steps away when I go down the stairs, heading towards the kitchen. 

"What do you need?" He finally asks when he notices me looking for something. I don't answer. I walk out the kitchen and see a door just beside the exit to the back. I open it and feel relieved when the lights instantly turn on, revealing steps going down. The cellar is full of all kinds of alcohol. Just what I need. "Cristina." He's still following me down. 

He gets ignored again as I go through racks of different kinds of the finest booze. I stop in front of one of them and take out the bottle of Jagermeister. I haven't had this for .... I haven't had this ever. This could be my last day, why not taste everything. I get some other bottles from different racks, carefully placing them between my arms. 

Mark comes beside me, helping me with some as I get more. He doesn't say anything. A single sigh is enough to let me know he won't stop me. 

I ... We head back to the kitchen where I find a tall glass. I open all the bottles - 6 to be exact - and pour a little of each in the glass, put some ice, and drink it all ... straight up. It's like my thirst suddenly got quenched as the blended burning taste of it scratches its way down my throat. I never knew that alcohol would give me this sense of ease. My body starts to relax, my hands stop shaking and I pour myself another one. 

Mark just sits across the counter from me, quietly watching, his eyes never leaving my face. I don't care what he's thinking. I'm gonna die drunk so I won't feel anything. Everything was just too much for me to handle and I was in the brink of erupting. I drink in silence, my tears not daring to come out. 

I look up from the glass I'm holding when I hear people at the front door. 

"Where is she?" I hear my mom, sounding frantic. "How about my husband?"

Mark gets up and runs toward the wailing woman. I just sit there though, taking another shot. 

"Cristina." Here she goes again.

I sigh, look up, put the glass up and grin at her. "YEY! You're here. Welcome to the party." I say sarcastically before drinking the whole glass. 

"Honey. Are you drinking?" She stomps towards me. 

"Obviously?" I smirk. 

"This is no time for that, Cristina." She sounds angry. 

"This is no time for that, Cristina." I mock her. "For you? It's never the right time for anything. It wasn't the right time to tell me the truth. It wasn't the right time to tell me dad was missing and he was in danger. It wasn't the right time to tell me that my best friends died. It wasn't the right time, right?" I breathe in deeply, catching my breath. "So, when is the right time mom?" 

"Honey." She tries to take the empty glass from my hand, but I throw it across the room instead, making it hit the wall and fall on the floor, shattered. 

"Cris." I hear Mark gasp. "Don't do this."

"Do what?" I grab one bottle, tilt it in my mouth before letting it fly across the room, too. "I can't do this? What can I do, really?" I get another and do the same. The kitchen is now reeking from the smell of the whiskey and rum on the floor. "We're all gonna die anyway? Right?" Another bottle, and another. 

"Honey." My mom's crying now. 

"Oh my God." I shake my head at her, rolling my eyes. "Save your tears, woman."

"I'm sorry, ok?" She's yelling, her voice cracking at the end. "I'm sorry I hid this from you. What did you expect me to do, huh? Put you in danger again?"

I get the last bottle of vodka, tilting it in my mouth. The alcohol goes down my throat like water, some spilling at the sides of my lips and I fell my tears go down the sides of my eyes. 

The bottle gets yanked out of my hand. "Calm down, baby. Please."

"I said, don't call me that." I push Mark hard, getting away from his strong grip around my wrists. "DON'T COME NEAR ME. DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME." I know I'm drunk, my words are slurred and my head's getting heavier and heavier. I have to take the seat nearest to me and catch my breath. "There's no fuckin' way I'm ever gonna believe any word you fuckin' say." I point at my mom, then to Mark beside her. "And you, too. You're just a bunch of liars." I chuckle. "And I'm just one stupid bitch who believed every fuckin' word you ever fuckin' said."

I feel my body sliding to the side. I try to sit up straight but it's hard. My eyelids shut down and so do my other senses.