4 - Jackson! Stay the Hell Away from Me!!!

The week drags by so slowly as I attend all my training just to busy my mind and keep it away from crying over Mark. When the weekend comes and the big performance nears, I'm totally focused on the stages I have to do. Since Mark's not here, I have to do the dance with Junior. 

The days become longer and the nights unbearable. I am only able to sleep when I get a drink or cry myself to sleep. The latter, I really don't prefer. 

"Focus!" Junior hits the back of my head as we sit at the side of the stage waiting for our turn. I've zoned out and he must've been saying something. 

"Hey!" Jackson hits him equally hard. "Don't you dare hurt her. I'm gonna tell Mark."

"Jackson." I glare at him. "Can you not? Please!" Just the mention of his name would sometimes make me cry or shout in rage. 

"What?" He feigns innocence. "I'm just doing my job." He sits beside me, putting an arm around my shoulder and pushing Junior aside like a kid. "Mark said not to let Junior anywhere near you."

I'm just glad when the emcee finally calls us on stage for our dance performance. Junior makes a face at Jackson before leading me up the stairs. I swear they're like kids right now. Not that I don't act like one sometimes...but...ugh...

It's the last performance I have to do and I try to give it my all. Miraculously, we finish it without me making any mistake. 

"See, I told you you can do it." Junior says, pinching my cheeks as we make our way back to our seats. But, as soon as I sit, I zone out again. 

It must've been great to have done the dance with Mark. It would've been our first stage together. 

"Babe, I'm excited I'm finally gonna go on stage with you." He said when the mentor released the names of the partners. 

"Me, too." I squealed. "And I've already thought of the perfect song for us."

But, that perfect song doesn't seem to be that special anymore since I had to do it with someone else. Was this how Mark felt when he was waiting for Lara to come? Did he feel the same hurt I'm feeling right now? Or the sadness? The loneliness? 

What could he be doing right now? Is he thinking of me, too? Could he be crying at night for me like I do for him? 

I'm pulled out of my thoughts at snapping of fingers in front of me. 

"What?" I glare at Jackson for the nth time tonight. 

"I said, let's go out." He's saying. Just then that I notice all the performances are finished and everybody's standing up to leave. "JYP said he'd give us four days to rest. Isn't that exciting?" He looks really excited alright. 

I get up and follow him out where the trainees are already waiting for us. 

"Where to?" Mina asks. 

"Clubbing!" Jackson points to his left where a lot of clubs are located. He starts walking but stops when he realizes I wasn't following and Junior is beside me, waiting. The others have gone ahead and he comes back to pull my hand. He slings his arm casually over my shoulders. 

I push him away slightly. There's something about his smell that reminds me of Mark. 

"What?" He pulls me back. 

"Please." I push him again. "You smell like Mark."

"Oh." He grins. "I kinda ran out of perfume so I used the one Mark left."

"Don't," I look down at my feet as tears threaten to come out again. 

"Why not?" He seems oblivious of what I'm feeling. This stupid kid is so insensitive. 

"Because!" I yell, "It makes me miss him more, ok?"

"That's fine," he still sounds cheerful. "That way, you won't forget him."

MARK! What were you thinking appointing this clueless boy to watch me, huh? AAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

All ten of us sit around a long table at the club. JB orders for us and everybody starts to party after the first bottle. 

"C'mon, Cris," The annoying kid tries to pull me up. "Let's dance."

"No." I pull my hand back and pour myself another glass of cognac. 

"Everybody's at the dance floor. You're such a partypooper." He pouts his lips and I look down again. Why does he have to do exactly what Mark does? 

I push his face away. 

"I'll stay with her," Junior comes back from the dance floor and sits beside me. 

"NOOOO!!!!" Jackson looks at him from head to toe, raising an eyebrow. "That's a big NO NO."

I turn my head to Junior and make a face, feeling really annoyed at Jackson. 

Junior chuckles and leans closer to me. "Want me to get rid of him?"

"Yes, please," I laugh, too. 

Good thing, Jackson gets distracted when some of the guys come back at the table. 

As everybody starts talking and the bottle goes around, I find myself staring at him. He's totally the opposite of Mark. He's too talkative and he doesn't mind looking stupid. Mark would sometimes not talk for a whole hour and he hates being in the spotlight. Yet, even so, they're similar in many ways. They're both so annoying. They practically like the same things like brand of clothes, shoes, music, even the movies they watch. Mark is so picky when it comes to friends. But, it doesn't come as a surprise when he's closest to Jackson. 

"Hey!" Jackson's eyes are big as he looks back at me. "Why are you staring at me?"

I quickly look away. "Am not!"

He chuckles. "I know I'm hot. But, you already have a boyfriend." He flicks my forehead. 

WHHHAAATTTTT???? This kid has some guts. I hit the back of his head and go back to the drink in front of me. 

_____

I feel so warm, and a familiar scent enters my nose as I inhale. I plaster a smile on my face even before opening my eyes. 

"Mark, babe!" I mumble. 

"Hmmm?" The voice that answers sounds different though. 

My eyes pop open and I notice I'm not in my room. I feel something heavy on my stomach and notice a hand there. I turn to my right... "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

"What? What? What?" Jackson sits up from the bed, looking really startled. He turns to me and screams, too. "FUCK! What are you doing on my bed?"

"WANG!" I shout back. "What the heck did you do to me?" I quickly check under the blanket and feel relieved when I see my clothes still on. But, I turn to him again, hitting his shoulder. "Did you freakin' take advantage of me?"

"What?" He gets up and starts pacing the room, looking really panicked. At this time, Bam and Junior who are also in the room, sit up from their beds at the ruckus. 

Bambam starts laughing. 

"What?" Jackson and I ask him at the same time. 

"You both don't remember, do you?" He says between chuckles. "You were both so drunk last night." He points at me, covering his mouth with his other hand, trying to stop his laughter. "You...You kept on following Jackson."

"What?" I exclaim in disbelief. "I did not." I say in defense even if I clearly couldn't remember. 

"You said he smelled so good." Bambam is clutching his stomach as he rolls on his bed, laughing. "And Jackson. You kept on pulling her beside you because you said you have to protect her from Junior!"

"SHIT! I did that?" Jackson is also trying to remember. 

I jump out of bed, "You fuckin' stay away from me, Wang." I run out the door and down to my room, making sure to lock the door behind me. 

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

No. It's really a bad idea letting someone else take care of your boyfriend or girlfriend. It's even worse to be close to the person assigned to take care of you. 

I think Jackson thinks the same way. We try to avoid each other as much as possible. So, for the first time since I came back to Korea, I spend the rest of my vacation in my grandparent's house. 

_________

Another week has passed and I find myself being more and more alone. I have distanced myself again from everybody. I do almost everything alone. I avoid places Mark and I used to go to. But, even that is hard because when we had the time off, he would take me almost everywhere. The only choices I have this weekend are hours away. 

Still, I go, not minding the distance and the time. I just want to be far away from things that remind me of Mark. 

I'm slowly crumbling apart. The first week without him was a bit bearable. But now? I don't know. I tear up without knowing at times. I find myself on the bathroom floor crying. Food? What's that? 

I feel like jumping in a plane to LA, but because of what he said in his letter, I just have to wait. He promised to come back for me. I'll have to hold on to that promise as long as I can. 

I'm already on my third bottle of beer when I notice a man sitting alone at the other side of the bar. He has a cap on but I know that he's staring at me. I can't dare to look at him, I can only glance at him from time to time. I ignore him, thinking that he's just curious on what a girl my age would be doing at a shabby bar like this one ... alone. 

I almost spill my beer when my phone suddenly rings. I take it out of my jacket pocket and check the caller. It's an overseas number. I immediately answer it, a bit excited and nervous, thinking and wishing it would be Mark who'd answer in the other line. 

But, the voice that I hear makes me drop my phone.