Part Five

Gerard came quietly down the attic steps. He saw Mikey and Frank. Pete was gone. "Where's Pete," he asked gently, sitting on the couch next to his brother.

Frank looked at the floor, ignoring Gerard.

"He had to go home," Mikey explained with a nod. "His mom called and asked where he was."

Gerard hummed an nodded. "Ah.""Yeah."

The older of the brothers stood, walking past Frank toward the kitchen. Ugh. Why did everything have to be so awkward with Frank?!

He sat down at the kitchen table, staring at his white hands. They were bony. Gerard drummed his fingertips on the table. Tip tap tap tap. Tip tap tap tap. Tip tap ta--

"Can you stop?"

Gerard looked up. It was his mother. She was dressed in her pajamas, a raggedy robe tied messily around her waist.

Gerard looked down. "Sorry," he whispered.

His mother rolled her eyes, taking a drag off her cigarette. "Fuck, Gerard. Why don't you fucking eat something instead of sitting there and making noise?" She huffed and waddled over to the fridge, looking around.

Gerard's stomach felt queasy. He didn't like being around his mom. She was barely around anyways. She went to "work" at about ten in the morning, and didn't come home until dawn the next morning. Gerard's mother didn't work seven days a week like she claimed.

What she did, Gerard had no idea. Neither did Mikey. Both boys had learned their lesson on asking and learned to stay "the fuck out of business that ain't yours", as their mother would put it.

"I'm serious, Gerard." She slammed the fridge, walking over to the cupboard. Balancing her cigarette in her thin lips, Gerard mother grabbed a can of corn. "Eat this," she muttered, slamming it down on the table.

The boy kept his eyes glued to the floor. "I don't want to." It came out not louder than a whisper.

She raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Gerard closed his eyes, scooting back in the chair. "I said I'm not hungry. Thank you th-"

"Damnit, kid!" The woman slammed her hand on the table, causing Frank and Mikey both to look. Gerard didn't notice. "Eat for once in your goddamn life! You're so fucking scrawny, I'm afraid you'll just fall over and die! But that's what you want," Gerard's mother was in his face and shouting at this point, "isn't it?! God! You're so fucking skinny, it makes me sick."

Gerard shied away, burying his face in his hands. He already knew he was thin! He knew that he was sickly, but he still felt that he was fat. It was a confusing jumble of anxiety and gut-wrenching depression that made him feel this way. His mother surely didn't make it better.

His mother sighed, putting her cigarette out on the tabletop. She stormed off into her bedroom, and she slammed the door hard.

The room was silent.

Gerard pulled his knees up to his chest as he tried to remain calm. He couldn't cry. If he could last just a few seconds, maybe he could calm down, go upstairs calmly, and then cry like the little baby he was.

Yet, Gerard wasn't that good at keeping his composure. Within seconds, Gerard was sobbing weakly into his hands, shuddering softly. Frank looked at Mikey. Mikey looked back. "Sorry," he whispered over Gerard's snuffling noises.

Frank looked down, feeling uncomfortable.

Embarrassed and uncomfortable, Gerard dashed out of the chair and upstairs past Frank and Mikey. He went up the next set of stairs into his room in the attic, collapsing on his bed.

Gerard kept crying and crying. And crying. And crying. And crying. Then there were no tears left.

He got up shakily, looking at his nightstand.

Gerard had some friends in there. Hesitantly, Gerard reached a hand out, opening the wooden drawer. He pulled out a shiny orange bottle, filled with his favorite white capsules.

He didn't want to OD, he just wanted to sleep for a while. Gerard wiped the snot from his nose as he turned the cap, dumping a handful of little pills into his hand.

There was a knock on the door, causing Gerard to jump and drop the pill bottle. The pills spilled over the wood floor, even the ones in the bottle. He muttered curses under his breath. "H-hold on!" Gerard started to panic, dropping to his knees in search for all of the pills. I need those! No! Fuck, Gerard repeated in his head.

He gathered up the tablets in his hands, piling them together.

"Gerard!" Frank stood in the doorway, making Gerard jump. "Oh my God!" He raced over to Gerard and kneeled beside him. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

Gerard shoved Frank, scrambling to shove a few pills into his mouth, but Frank shoved back. "I want to forget, goddamn it!" Gerard cried out, tears falling from his cheeks again.

"No!" Frank heaved Gerard up onto the bed. It was an easy task due to how light the boy was. He was clearly malnourished, and Frank cringed at how underweight Gerard was. "Calm down," he cooed to the sobbing figure. Calm down?! Gerard heaved, burying his face in Frank's shoulder. Frank held him tight, closing his eyes. After a few minutes, Gerard had stopped crying. He just laid in Frank's arms, eyes shut and mouth hung open.

Frank figured Gerard was asleep. Maybe he'd cried himself out and fell asleep. When Frank tried to lay Gerard down, the boys grip tightened of Frank's hoodie. "Don't," he croaked, latching onto Frank. "Please.."

Frank's heart dropped to his stomach. He scooted back and got more comfortable as he scooped Gerard into his lap. Gerard looked so sad, his pale face flushed pink from the heat of crying and his hair a mess. There was traces of makeup down his cheeks, shiny wet tear streaks down his face.

Gerard finally fell asleep after a few minutes of Frank rocking him gently.

He was like a baby, Frank thought to himself. A cute baby, he smiled.

After a while, Mikey came up to check on Gerard. He saw Frank holding him, raising an eyebrow. Frank put a hand up to his lips in the universal "ssh" gesture, showing that Gerard was asleep. Mikey couldn't help but crack a smile at that, nodding before walking downstairs again. He hadn't even noticed the pills scattered over the wood floor.