Chapter V

CW- suicidal thoughts

Nico Di Angelo

I slammed the Cabin 13 door shut as soon as I got there.

My breath came in sharp bursts — I had run the whole way from the infirmary.

I slid down onto the cold floor, trying to stop myself from crying. I was mortified. Will had seen me having a nightmare. He'd never see me the same now. I didn't want anyone to know about the nightmares. They were stupid. They weren't real.

I pressed a hand to my chest, forcing air into my lungs.

Will had hugged me. I hated it. He hadn't even asked. I didn't want to be touched ever again — not after what happened in Tartarus. He shouldn't have been in my room anyway.

I wanted to sleep, to disappear from the humiliation, but sleeping meant risking another nightmare.

When I was with the Seven, the nightmares weren't this bad. They were still there, but being around people I knew helped. Now, away from everyone, they were worse. I hated how much I missed Hazel. She was doing fine at Camp Jupiter. I had to stop feeling sorry for myself.

_

I woke with my face pressed against the cold floor. The emptiness in my chest hadn't left.

Judging by the light leaking under the door, it was late morning. I knew I should get up soon, but what was the point? No one would notice if I didn't, I'd pushed away Will — the only person who would've checked on me.

I wondered how long I could stay like this. How long I could go without eating.

Outside, I heard campers laughing, talking, pretending they weren't broken inside. Everyone here was. The gods were idiots. They let their kids suffer or die, and then every once in a while, they'd swoop in to save one. I thought about Thalia Grace — about how Zeus had turned her into a tree to "save" her. Congratulations, she was alive, but now she had to carry all that trauma with her.

I wished I could just die. It would be easier than this.

Was I strong enough to shadow travel yet? If I was, I'd go to the Underworld. I'd live with my father again, no matter how much he and Persephone hated me.

I didn't know how much time passed before I finally sat up. My head pounded. I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten. Maybe I should find something at the dining pavilion.

When I stepped outside, I tried to keep my head down. What if Will had told people about last night?

The sunlight stung my eyes. I moved quickly, trying to blend in with the groups of campers hanging around the cabins.

By the time I reached the dining pavilion, the tables were empty. I'd missed breakfast and lunch. My stomach twisted painfully, but I turned back anyway. I'd just wait until dinner.

I spun around — and nearly collided with someone.

"Hi!" the girl said, stepping back with a laugh. She had long brown hair pulled into a loose ponytail, and sharp cheekbones that caught the light reflecting off of her dark skin. "Sorry for the scare."

"Uh... hi?" My voice came out scratchy and dry.

"I'm Daphne," she said quickly. She didn't offer a handshake — I was grateful for that. She gestured behind her to a smaller girl I hadn't even noticed. "This is Delilah."

Delilah gave a tiny smile. Her freckled face reminded me a bit of Rachel Dare.

"You're Nico, right?" Daphne asked.

Panic flared in my chest. What had she heard? Did Will tell people?

"I've always wanted to meet someone from Hades Cabin! There aren't many of you here, are there?"

I relaxed a little. She didn't seem to know anything. Daphne was loud, confident — the opposite of Delilah, who stayed half-hidden behind her.

"I'm from Cabin 17 — Nike," Daphne said proudly. "And Delilah's from Demeter." She ruffled the younger girl's tight red curls.

Then she looked back at me, studying my face. "Hey, you should come hang out with us tonight! We're playing D&D with a couple of our friends."

I tilted my head. "D and what?"

Her grin widened. "You do know how to play, right?" It seemed not everyone knew I was from the 1900s.

"No. Sorry." I was relieved to have an excuse not to go.

"That's okay! We'll teach you!"

"Uh, I don't know if—"

"See you tonight! Cabin 17!" she called, already running toward the courtyard.

I sighed, staring after her. Great.

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