Chapter 39

*Payton's POV*We're back at the hotel now, and are cleaning up the room to shoot my video. We're pranking guys on Tinder, and for some reason, I can't help but feel bad, but at the same time I'm hyped for it.

While everyone was cleaning up and making small talk, I couldn't help but think to myself.

The same thoughts seemed to be revolving in my head recently.. like I can't think of anything else.

Kaden was good for me, I like him a lot, no love him. He's been my best friend for the longest time, and now that we're more than that, I couldn't be happier. He's never hurt me, and I don't think he ever will. He's like an innocent puppy, honestly.

But Brooklyn on the other hand...

We've always had problems in our relationship, and I seemed to be the one getting hurt the most. But that's how some relationships work, right?

Sort of like a love/hate thing?

Every time that Brooklyn supposedly hurt me, he had good reason for it. I think that he really is sorry for doing that to me.. and he's not the same anymore. His eyes don't gleam in the light like I'd admired before, his football skills have been lacking recently, and he just seems.. distant.

I just don't know what to do, or who I love more. I mean if I choose Brooklyn, I'll lose Kaden as my best friend, and I can't do that, to me or to him.

And if I stay with Kaden, Brooklyn will hate me, and it'll be extra awkward since we see each other every day.

I let out a loud frustrated groan, and continue making the beds. They were already made, just crinkled a little because people had been sitting on them.

"Everything okay?" Sean asks, coming up to me.

"No. Don't wanna talk about it though.. Since when did my life get so fucking complicated?" I sighed harshly, and collapsed onto the couch.

"Oh.. this is about Kaden and Brooklyn, right? I see how they act around each other now... completely torn up friendship if you ask me." he says.

"Well thanks, now I feel worse than I did when we started this conversation!" I close my eyes, but not like I'm sleeping or anything, the darkness helps clear my mind, especially because I get so easily distracted. Would it be better for everyone if I just moved somewhere, or left everyone alone? I could be with neither Kaden or Brooklyn, or anyone for that fact, and everything would go back to how it was? Kaden would find someone else, I'm sure of it.. and Brooklyn too. And they'd become best friends pretty soon again.

So, so far my master plan is moving to Antarctica. That's just wonderful. Great idea Payton, you were always such a bright thinker.

"Sorry, but you know it's true.. I honestly don't know what to tell you. You should just choose one of them and they'll have to deal with it. You shouldn't keep torturing them like this.. Even if you think they don't know what's going on, they know what's up," he explained.

"I know, and you're right. I shouldn't do that to them. I'll just have to choose, but I really don't wanna hurt anyone. I wanna keep my best friends." I closed my eyes again, and a few tears escaped, rolling down my face. I quickly wipe them away.

"All I can say is that you should follow your brain, not your heart. Your heart's stupid," he said making me laugh.

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," I say. I look over and see that Kaden was in the room, along with some other guys as well. Were we talking loudly? Did they hear?

I made eye contact with Kaden, and he didn't seem to know anything, he was just joking around with Taylor, I guess. I smiled at him, and he came over to sit down next to me on one of the beds.

Everyone else was occupied with something, when Kaden spoke directly to me.

"I heard what you said to Sean." He said quietly, but loud enough for me to hear.

"O-oh...um-" I started.

"Are you not happy with me anymore? I thought you liked me.." He looked upset. I felt that hot rush of tears building up in my eyes, but tried not to cry, because this all seemed like a normal conversation to everyone else in the room, and I'm not exactly in the mood for a pity party right now.

"No, Kaden, I love you, I really do," I said hugging him, and letting the tears go. He grabbed my hand and we excused ourselves to go talk somewhere in private.

"You-you love me?" He asked. Oh god? I just said I love you to Kaden! I can't believe I just said that!

"Um.." I tried to save myself.

"I love you too Payton" he smiled half-heartedly. "But I'm not sure you actually meant it when you said it."

"Of course I meant it when I said it. When I was talking to Sean, I've been meaning to talk to you. I know that we're together and I couldn't be happier for it, it's just something that Brooklyn told me, and it's been on my mind for a while now.. He said that a girl came up to him and blackmailed to make it look like he was cheating on me or she would release my medical files to the public. I just can't help but not know what to feel, this is just all so fucked up," I said, holding back more tears.

"Who would do that?" He said in disbelief.

"I don't know, but I'm sorry that you had to hear all of this like you did." I said, not knowing what else to say.

"If you're gonna choose between me and Brooklyn, choose Brooklyn. I don't want to spend my life with someone who is going to question if they made the right choice." He said and walked back to the hotel room where all of the guys were without saying anything else. I just stood there, the mess I am, trying to sort my whole life out. I want to be alone. I don't need people questioning my puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and sudden mood change, so I walked in the opposite direction towards my room. But I need to let Brooklyn know about all of this. He needs to know, because up until this point, he's been oblivious to everything that's been going on. I take my phone out of my back pocket, and text him.

•Payton•Can we talk? I'm in our room right now if you can come over.

He responded in a few seconds. I just can't explain how much I love guys who don't play the 'wait at least 8 minutes before you reply or you'll seem desperate and shit' game with me. If I wanna talk to you, I will. I'm not waiting 8 minutes to respond.

•Brooklyn•Sure, everything okay?

•Payton•As okay as my fucked up life will get

•Brooklyn•Coming.

In a few minutes, I heard a key card slide into the handle, and the door opening. Brooklyn came in and sat down next to me on the couch.

"Hey, what'd you want to talk about?" He asked.

"I can't stop thinking about what you told me... I'm so happy with Kaden, but I still love you Brook, I always will. I just don't want to keep being the collateral damage when something happens between us.. Because I'm the one getting hurt all the time."

"I know, and I'm so sorry that things had to go this way.. Most of the time it wasn't my fault, because I'd never purposefully hurt you. And believe me, it hurts me too whenever we'd fight. A hell of a lot. This whole relationship thing is new to me, and from whatever I've felt so far, feelings suck." He said.

"I just don't know what to do." I sighed, and pulled my knees up to my chest, and buried my head in them. "I don't wanna lose either of you guys."

"No matter who you choose, I'll always love you Payton. Remember that." He said before getting up and leaving me to be alone.

I called up my best friend Cara on FaceTime, hoping she'd help me figure out my love life. After a few rings, she answered.

C-hey Payton, why haven't you called me!P-I've been busy trying to learn how to listen to my brain and not my heart, whatever that's supposed to mean..C-sounds like something Sean would say.. Is this about Brooklyn and Kaden?

I've been keeping her updated recently, so she knows what's up.

P-yeah, they know about the decision I'm gonna have to make.. I told them, and Kaden was pretty pissed, and I don't even know what we are as of now, but I can't help but want to be with Brooklyn, even after what he's done to me.C-do what your brother told you, he's a lot smarter than you think. P-at times.. Who do you think I should be with, honestly?C-*sighs* I can't make that choice for you Pay, you just need to listen to yourself and hopefully, you know what's good for you. Have you been crying?

I guess she noticed my face by now, even in this horrid hotel room lighting.

P-uh, yeah. I just can't help but let all of my feelings spill out all at once..C-don't cry over boys, Pay. Do some squats and make them cry, wishin' they still had that nice ass(Not my words tbh, couldn't find the Author, but all credit goes to them for the last sentence<33)

She laughed, and I burst out with laughter too. This is why I love her, she can always make me laugh even if my non-existent puppy died.

P-thanks Cara, you always know exactly what to say. I should go, it's pretty late here, but we'll catch up before the show, promise.C-alright, have a good night Hun, don't cry no more, squats are the answer.P-haha okay, I'll keep that in mind. Night C.

And then I hung up. I got up and changed into my pjs, which was basically a maroon colored magcon sweatshirt and black lace shorts. I looked at the beds in front of me, and thought about which one I was gonna sleep on.. Brooklyn's or Kaden's. This is like practically making the decision already! I sighed, and went on the couch.

After about no thinking and just mindlessly binge watching TV, I fell asleep. I wasn't going to let this ruin Magcon for me, and certainly not the biggest fashion show of the year.