~ Chapter 2 - Ana~

Oh Christian! My heart broke as I watched him walk out of the bar a completely different man. He was so different that he was no longer the man I loved...I still love him. I would always love him. That was never going to change. He was so cold, hard, no feelings whatsoever.

That new man who walked out was so close to the edge of the proverbial cliff now. It scares me. If he were to fall, Christian, the man that he was becoming before I died, would be gone. That Bitch Troll would be all too happy to pick him up after pushing him off of that cliff. Besides me, Elena was the only one who understood his needs.

Ever since I died, Elena has been working him way back into Christian's life, waiting for the right moment to get him back into the lifestyle. I really think that the bitch wanted him for herself. But what the hell could do? I was just a ghost. I couldn't do anything at all.

I desperately needed to help Christian some how. I wanted it. I had to make sure that he was happy before I moved on. The light was where he needed to be. Love and Light...that was what he needed...what I gave him.

That was it! How could I get that for him?

Then it hit me, I knew exactly what I needed to do. With renewed hope, I walked out of the bar feeling myself become weightless, as a slight breeze blew around me, my particles scattered and disappeared.

The plane did not go as well as I had hoped it would when I appeared in the Red Room at our penthouse. I could feel that, on some level, Christian's call to me. It was pulling me. I had been so close to my goal.

Many memories flashed before me as I remembered all the times we had in here. It was mostly good, but there was one memory that stayed with me. I was not here to go down memory lane.

I was not sure about the day at the moment when I glanced at Christian. He was naked accept for those jeans he usually wore in here. They were the ones that hung low on his waist and he was definitely hot.

Standing near Christian, I was still mesmerized with him after all this time. I could not take my eyes off of him. He stood near the bed a brown plated flogger with beads at the end staring at his sub naked and tied up on the four poster bed. She was wearing a red blind fold across her eyes.

For a moment, Christian stood there frozen and then moved back away from the bed. What was it that he saw that made him step back?

"Ana..." Christian breathed.

It was more a question. I think he must have flashed back to the time that he'd used the flogger on me. His actions had not scared the sub, she just laid there waiting for him to make his move, but Christian had dropped the flogger, looking around the room.

"Ana, I know you're here..."

"Sir?" The sub finally asked.

Was it my presence registering with him? I could not reveal myself just yet, but an idea came to mind. I reached around him, without touching him, and pressed play on the remote sitting on the bedside table. The music, slow at first, piped its way through the speakers. It was a slow, beautiful piano piece that got was even sadder. It reminded me of the songs that Christian plays when he was sad.

"What the fuck?" Christian said under his breathe and pressed the stop button.

I think that even that freaked Christian out.

"Sir?" The sub asked worriedly.

The mood had changed and Christian suddenly untied each leg and arm and removed the mask when he was finished.

"Get your things and get out."

"But sir?" The sub sat up but Christian looked away from her.

It was harder for him to look at her knowing that my presence was in the room.

"Get your things and get out. Please." Christian finally looked at her. "Just go. This isn't working out. I'm sorry."

The sub looked offended, slide off the bed, and grabbed her things, leaving the red room behind.

"Ana..." Christian said, tears cascading down his face. "I know you're here. I can feel you. I can smell you."

I stood in front of him, watching him carefully. I wanted to touch him, but I knew I could not. Not yet anyway.

When Christian sensed I was near him, he reached out to me as if he knew where I was at, and tried caressing my face, but hitting air.

"Not yet, Christian, but I will reveal all soon enough. Please, just be good and don't do anything like this again." I took one last look at him and then disappeared, leaving my heart behind with him.

I don't know how many days passed since I last saw him, but it seemed like only a few hours ago to me. Days and nights were blurring together now that I was dead.

Finding myself in another location, I felt as though I was close to what I was searching for. When I walked through the door, I realized I had come to bookstore called The Five and Dime. It was quaint and very quite, though it was a little dark and dusty with a homey feeling. It was a place I would have gone to if I were alive.

Sunlight seemed through the windows, giving it an otherworldly feel. The books smelled old and musty and there were books everywhere. On the floor, tables and the counter had even more books. They were everywhere. I was in book heaven.

Behind the counter, was a young woman in her late twenties or early thirties? She was plain, had a nice shape about her, not to skinny, but not to heavy either. She had brown hair and brown eyes, though her perfectly shaped eyebrows scrunched up as she concentrated whatever she was doing. Her nose small and perky like mine.

As I stared at her, there was something about her that reminded me of me before I met Christian. She was a total plain Jane in just jeans and a tee shirt, but there was a natural beauty about her. There was also an air of innocence about her as well. Even Christian couldn't deny that.

Plain Jane swept her hair to one side, framing her face like a curtain. It was a habit that I used to do. Was she more like me?

If I had to admit it, watching her was kind of eerie because it felt like I was watching myself.

As I moved closer to her, I noticed that she was still biting he lip. It reminded me how I used to bite my lip to get Christian all hot and bothered. Memories of him and our life, and little blip surfaced, but I pushed them away. I could not allow myself to go there. I would not be able to do what I have set out to do. I continued to watch Plain Jane work on her computer. It looked to me like whatever she was doing was impressed with it. A slow smiled spread on her lips as if something completely made sense to her. My interest was suddenly peaked. I think she was a writer. Maybe it was the editor in me that recognized her reaction.

Moving to stand behind her, I peeked over her shoulder to read what she had been writing. A love story. It was not bad at all. It was a little rough, needed some work, but she had potential. With the right help, she would become a best selling author of GP.

The story was the usual girl meets boy but there was a twist to it, but they were twists that kept the reader interested. If it I was at the publishing house still, I'd definitely be championing her book.

"Sarah..." A disembodied male voice called out to her from the back. "I need your help for a moment."

Sarah...That was Plain Jane's name. Hmm, Sarah fits her.

"Sure thing, Raymond, I'll be there in a sec." Sarah saved her document.

Sarah stood up and walked right through me. We both gasped, moving as far away from each other as we could. Wow, what the hell. That was the oddest thing that I felt ever. I was sure she felt the same way.

"Oh my god..." Sarah whispered to herself, "What was that?" She breathed in and out to gain control of herself. I could see just how freaked she was by this. I was too.

Good question, Sarah.

Raymond stuck his head through the curtains. "What's taking you so long?"

Sarah glared back at Raymond when he disappeared. I could tell she would rather stay here and figure out what exactly happened. I'd rather she did not do that. Go Sarah, I silently urged.

"Fine!" Sarah grumbled. "I'm coming!" She looked back in the spot that I was standing at and then headed to the back room.

Had Sarah seen me? I stood there, gaping at the curtains. It felt like she had. I couldn't help by sigh heavily; it could end up to be a problem if she could see me. Nevertheless, I couldn't let that stop me from the ultimate goal.

Turning towards the computer, I smiled as an idea came to me. If I send the manuscript to the publishing house, they may not look at it right away. It will be stuck in a pile somewhere and probably set aside for something else, something simple, easy, and safe. Christian needed to see it, connect with it some how.

While I thought of what to do, I did a little bit of digging and discovered she had sent her manuscripts into Grey Publishing several times, but each time she'd been rejected. That figures. Some hack editor did not see her potential. Probably just tossed it and sent those form letters.

There was a ding on Sarah's email and that gave me another idea. I needed something else that would grab Christian's attention. A picture maybe? Yes? He would have to see her to make the connected. Yes! Yes! Her writing alone would not do that, though he would be interested, but not interested in the way I wanted him to be.

Searching through Sarah's computer, I quickly went through picture after picture, but none of them really spoke to me. Not until I hit the last picture. It was a black and white shot. She was at a park sitting under a tree, looking fresh, and young, and smiling coquettishly. Very beautiful.

Whoever took her picture, Sarah was in love with them and possible they with her. It reminded me so much of the pictures that Jose took of me that Christian loved so much, but they were sitting in a closet at the house that we never got to live in- our life that we never had a chance to really begin.

A tear escaped down my cheek but I did not have time to reflect more on that because I heard movement from the backroom. I brought up an email from Sarah's account, addressing it directly to Christian, and attached the document and picture with a quick note to him, and hit send.

Sarah walked through the curtains and settled in her spot in front of the computer. When she looked up, she noticed that the email program was still open. I had not had time to close it.

"What the hell?" Sarah glanced around again. "I know someone is here. Show yourself."

You will understand soon enough...And that was my queue to leave.