Chapter 47 - Emotionally Drained

Sadé's POV:

— Saturday, October 22nd, At Hotel

It was Saturday afternoon, and to say that I was absolutely shattered was an understatement. I had just gotten out of the shower from the hotel I was staying at and and threw on an oversized t-shirt. I had to walk to the store nearby last night to get some essentials and clothes since I didn't stop at Marshall's to grab anything to take with me. I had gone straight here from the party because I was just so distraught and didn't want to risk seeing him. Ever since I've been here, I had been going through this cycle of rotating between crying and sleeping all night and day. I quite physically couldn't do anything else, but that.

I was just hurt by the entire situation. I was not expecting that from Marshall of all people. I thought he was different. He treated me like a princess, knew my worth, never disrespected me, and was all around such a great guy. I opened up to him about a lot of my past, which I don't do often. Only those closet to me know the real me, and he was one of those very select few people that got the chance to connect with me. So for him to cheat on me really did a number on me. I really really liked him a lot. I still do, but I'm just so confused. I told myself I would never go back to a toxic relationship, never stay with a man that cheats on me ever again in my life. And I'm going to hold myself to it, but there's just one thing pulling at my heart telling me to just hear him out.

Like my heart is telling me to stay, but my brain is telling me to leave. Like why would he randomly do that to me? To us? That's just so unlike him from the Marshall I know. I know there's these things and stories in the news and online about him like there is every celebrity, even some of myself, but I never believed them. I never cared enough to read or look at them or judge him based off of that because that's not who he showed me he was in real life. He showed me a different side of him that not a lot of people got to see. I mean, he even said it himself that he'd never do that, but he did. I'm just so torn. I don't know what to believe or what to do.

I blocked him last night by the way too. He had kept calling and texting me, and I just eventually got fed up enough that I blocked him. I was just so upset at what happened and couldn't bring myself to talk to him or read anything he had to say to me. I just didn't want to be bothered, and still don't. I did unblock him, but he seems to be giving me my space now, which I appreciate. He hasn't tried to call me or text me today, although Hailie has checked up on me a few times.

Speaking of which, I know Marshall called her and told her to see where I was at last night. Because I didn't tell her anything that happened, but she called me asking if everything was okay around midnight, and asked me why I wasn't home with Marshall. So I ended up telling her a short version of what happened and why I left: He cheated on my at an event, and I left because I needed space. I didn't tell her where exactly I was staying, but I did tell her that I was safe at a hotel in Detroit. I told her that I would be back there either Sunday or Monday, but I just wanted to be left alone from the world to think and really process all that happened and process all of my emotions.

That's something I learned throughout the years, from my healing journey, and from my psychology studies. That whenever you're feeling something you need to allow yourself to experience it fully in order to process it, and move on. Otherwise, it'll keep coming up and causing issues for you because you never allowed yourself to understand and accept that emotion and why you felt that way. It's simply apart of being in touch with your emotional intelligence.

I also contemplated going back home to Chicago. I didn't know if I should stay here or not if I was just going to be distancing myself from Marshall the rest of my time here, which was only about a week and a half left. However, I haven't decided on whether or not I'd be doing that yet, so the idea was still left up in the air for debate.

Anyways, I continued to lay in bed, under my covers as reruns of bad girls club played on the tv in the background. I wasn't on my phone, I didn't contact anyone, I just laid there in bed, feeling hopeless, hurt, and upset as I cried to myself, drifting in and out of sleep. I'm so emotionally drained.

Marshall's POV:

— Meanwhile At The House

I had woken up this morning by the front door. My hands had bruises all over them, and were all types of sore. It was now later in afternoon, and I had just finished cleaning up my house from the mess I had made last night. God, why am I so damn destructive sometimes? Some things just don't change, I guess.

I tried to write some raps earlier, but I just couldn't. Like I didn't feel like it, I didn't have the energy. I'd have random sprouts of inspiration, but none of them truly interested me enough to continue on.

I just felt... Numb. Like I felt disconnected from the world, and I was in my own little bubble. I didn't want to talk to anyone even though Naunie tried calling me and texted me to see if I was okay, and how things were going. Skylar also had the nerve to text me, but I didn't even bother checking her messages. I just straight up blocked her and deleted her contact. I absolutely hated her. From now on I didn't want anything to do with her. We'd only have a business partner/work relationship only and the only way she'd be able to contact me was if we were at the studio. Other than that, I wanted nothing to do with her. I also haven't heard anything from Hailie, which also break my heart in another type of way because I know she's mad at me for what I did. Part of me was proud that they had each others backs like that, but it was short lived knowing that it felt like the world hated me right now. I couldn't help but feel like a complete asshole.

All day today, I did nothing but mope around. I went through the movings of everyday life, but I just wanted my baby back at the end of the day. I just wanted to tell her how much I appreciate her, how much I miss her, how fucking sorry I am, and how I promise to make things better, and that I'd never do it again. I just wanted to express my real raw emotions to her, but I couldn't because we were taking space apart from each other. I knew it was mandatory, but I didn't want it to be. I don't want her leave me over this. She's made my life so much more better just from knowing her for the short amount of time that I have. She's seen a side of me that nobody else sees. I just want her back and to make things right, but I need to be patient. I have to wait on her. We were on her time, and if she was going to forgive me it was going to be on her terms. And I one hundred percent understand that.

I went to bed early, not in the mood to be up for much longer. The huge California King sized bed felt so empty when I was in it alone. I knew something was missing: There was no warmth, no smell of vanilla and caramel perfume, no snuggles, and no Sadé. I stared at the ceiling as I rested my head in a pillow, letting out a deep sigh. I laid there like that struggling to sleep until my eyes eventually felt so heavy that they ended up shutting on their own.

A/N: Lmk what y'all think about this entire situation. Like I feel so bad for the both of them tbh 😭😣 they're both hurting so much, but need space even tho they clearly just want each other. Y'all think Sadé gonna go home or talk to Marshall? *bombastic side eye* 👀

Also, thank y'all for all the support. We've reached over 20k read, which is insane. Y'all know I love y'all. Don't forget to vote & comment. I love when y'all interact with the story 🫶🏾. - 🤎