Chapter 1

(Inspiration after "7 minutes" just because Armin has a tongue piercing in that one fan art)                                                                                                             *

You were in your dorm room, it was Friday, and the classes were over for the day. Historia was talking on the phone with Ymir, her girlfriend and Sasha was talking too, with Connie and she was fucking loud as usual, both of them actually. You were the only one who had no one and it did feel lonely since they were supposed to be the best years of your life but instead you were always drunk, almost every night and high, when Jean and Eren had weed and lately they kind of stopped sharing it with you. Now you were sober and forced to face the reality. You were a piece of shit in your early 20s, but life was hard, and you had to cope with it somehow.

20 minutes later you get a text from Reiner letting you know he and the boys were at Jean's place having a games night. Sounded lame to you until he mentioned that Armin would be there. Your crush, your childhood best friend since you were 6. Of course, you had no chance with him since he... well was always with a new girl, kind of a fuckboy and you didn't understand why he was acting like a bitch. You texted him that you'll be on your way and only the thought of being near Armin made your heartbeat fucking race and your face slightly red."Are y'all coming to Jean's?"  You asked since you had the same friend group."Yeah, Connie its already there so I'm going" Sasha answered going to open her closet to pick up some clothes and Historia just shook her head, still on the phone with Ymir.

" Is this like too much? " She asked, holding a black miniskirt and a Juicy Couture top." Nah I think you're good like this but take your boots its gonna look much better" Sasha was actually pretty wearing literally anything, so it didn't matter anyway. She had huge tits and a nice ass and sometimes you had gay thoughts about her but not in a so gay way. She started to change her clothes and then you went through yours, trying to find something nice to wear, probably useless since Armin never complimented you no matter how hard you tried because he never looked at you in that way. So, after a few minutes you decided to wear your vintage low waisted jeans and a dark green blouse, your hair free on your back, nothing special and some makeup, mascara and strawberry lip gloss.

"Have fun girls" You hear Historia's voice, you turn your head, and she looks at you showing a small smile. She knew all about your crush on Armin and she often encouraged you to just tell him. It wasn't that easy tho."Can't wait to get wasted, it's been so fucking long since then. I miss drinking" Sasha spoke as we stepped outside and then in her car. It was like a 10-minute drive to Jean's place."Honestly me too, I just... want to forget about it but... how am I gonna do that with him in the same room with me hm?" You ask a bit sarcastic, not expecting her to say something back to you. "You know, lately he looks in a way at you. I don't know girl maybe it will finally happen""Don't you dare give me hope, I'm hoping since I was 16 and It won't fucking happen, I know it so let's just cut the crap and face the reality" You exhaled, tired already of it because you knew nothing will ever happen between you and him. Just friends and nothing more."Bitch bastard" you said more to yourself when she pulled in front of Jean's place. "Just relax, drink smoke fuck there's plenty of shit to do on a night like this" Sasha's voice was surprisingly low when she said it and knocked. Reiner opened the door, shirtless and with a lipstick kiss mark on his neck."Glad y'all made it, the fun just started" Reiner laughed and stepped aside so we can enter and closed the door behind us. "We got the good stuff tonight thanks to Eren"You didn't say anything, you were too excited and scared in this moment to say something. The 3 of you walked to the living room and a bunch of other people were there. You went to Annie and Mikasa but then you saw him, in the corner on his phone, not even noticing you.

It was now or never and you decided to walk towards him and sit next to him on the couch."You didn't call in a long time asshole. It's like you don't give a shit anymore" His answer was fast, and it surprised you a bit.

"I'm sorry I've been with things" Armin said looking at you, deep into your eyes. " Did you miss me?" It made your jaw drop and you froze there, your heart beating like crazy and your face red. "I guess I-" You couldn't finish the sentence, your mouth was dry, and your palms started sweating. Armin was smiling, looking at you and just smiling and playing with his tongue piercing. 

" So, you did. I'm glad you did. Nice jeans tho" He literally never complimented you, yet this time was different somehow and you didn't understand why. Of course, he turned his attention to the phone immediately after and you just took a deep breath, remaining silent and trying to calm down your accelerated heartbeat.

"You can just lean on me if you're not feeling well" Armin spoke without looking at you, his attention strictly on the message he was going to send. You moved closer and rested your head on his shoulder, like you used to do when you were both kids. It felt nice, warm but at the same time lonely, being with him only brought you suffering lately, since he was with so many girls in the last 2 years. It made you feel like you were some side hoe not his best friend. You just closed your eyes, enjoying the fact that most of the people were In Jean's room right now, where he had the huge ass TV and PlayStation 5 and it was quiet, dark, almost intimate and it was the moment, it wasn't much of a friendship to ruin anyway since he distanced a lot and you just couldn't wait anymore.

"Armin" you voice was soft almost like a whisper and then he looked at you, smiling again. That stupid ass smile you loved more than anything, those pretty blue eyes behind his glasses, it was almost too much. "Shit, listen I-" you couldn't finish your sentence because now some blonde girl was in front of you, more like in front of Armin and all his attention was now on her."I'm sorry, I'll be back in a few moments so just wait for me here, ok?" Armin disappeared with the girl in the hallway or God knows where and you felt like shit, standing there alone like a loser, your eyes watery trying to hold the tears back.

"Fucking hell" you cursed under your breath and went straight to the kitchen, where the drinks were, grabbing a beer and drinking almost half of it instantly. It was not supposed to be like this, to be this miserable because of him and it killed you, on the inside and outside too. You finished the rest of the beer and dropped to the ground already dizzy. Your head was spinning and you couldn't hold the tears back. It didn't matter anymore and you didn't care, I mean at least that's what you told yourself, to stop caring because its damn useless.

 Minutes passed and the alcohol started to hit even harder since you had it all at once, you tried to get up, and with great effort you made it to the bathroom, locking yourself inside. It felt like it's been hours but actually it's been like 15 minutes since then . Mikasa and Sasha texted you, asking where you were and if you already left but you just ignored both of them, dropping to the ground once more, resting your back on the door.

The sounds were louder now. You could hear it echoing even through the locked bathroom door. Everyone was drinking, playing games, having fun and you? Your head was pounding and your throat dry as fuck. Your phone buzzed again. Mikasa. Still there? Want me to come get you?  You didn't answer. You couldn't. You just stared at the tiled wall like it could save you from how fucking awful this night turned out to be. A few minutes later, you heard footsteps outside the door. Someone knocked.

"Fuck Off" you mumbled, barely loud enough to hear yourself. But the voice that answered made your stomach flip like you just got punched. "Hey...it's me" You didn't say anything. He sighed. 'You okay?' Of course you weren't. What a dumb question. But also... why was he here? Wasn't he busy fucking another girl? 

"I've been looking for you" Armin said, voice lower now softer. "Sasha said you disappeared like 20 minutes ago" You scoffed, wiping your face with your sleeve, mascara probably all over making you look just how you felt. "Wow. 20 whole minutes. That's new. I didn't think you noticed me for more than 2 seconds lately" There was silence. The good kind would've felt comforting. This one just felt like shit. "I noticed" he said, after a pause. "I always do."

"Sure, cut the crap Armin" you muttered, already hating that your voice cracked. You could hear him lean against the door, his back probably pressed to it like yours was. The silence between you was heavy, but it wasn't cold this time. It felt like waiting. Like something was trying to be said but neither of you knew how to say it without bleeding out and you were tired, so tired of waiting, of being hurt of feeling like a pathetic piece of shit.

"Why'd you run off?" he finally asked. For someone who claims to be smart and all knowing he was pretty damn stupid right now. You laughed, bitter. "Don't do that" you said. 

"Do what?"

"Act like you care now. Just... leave Armin , its too late now" 

"I'm not leaving" Before you could say anything, he added, "Can you let me in? Please?" Fuck no, he didn't need to see you like this, so miserable and disgusting so you murmured a No not even being sure if he heard you.

"That's not fair" he said, softer than before.

"You think this is fair?" you snapped. "You know how I feel. You've known. Don't pretend like you didn't". Nothing. You pressed your palms into your eyes, trying to stop more tears from coming. Too late. You just wanted to vanish, do die because the pain in your heart was literally killing you.

"I knew" Armin finally said, barely above a whisper. You stopped breathing for a moment, and your heart pounded like crazy in your chest making it hurt even more.

"I knew" he repeated, and now his voice cracked just a little. "But I didn't know what to do with it. I thought... if I didn't say anything, it would go away. Or maybe you'd stop feeling that way and we'd stay okay" Disgusting piece of shit. You started taking slow and deep breaths, feeling how a panic attack might crash over you anytime.

"So you thought ignoring me would fix it?" you said voice shaking and your tears still falling down your face "Ghosting me every time I got too close, flirting with every girl but me... was that your damn solution?!"

"No. That was me being a fucking coward" You didn't respond. What was there to say? He was right, always running from shits like this.

"I was scared" he went on, like he had to get it out now or never. "You're not like the other girls. You're you. You're the one I grew up with. The one who knows every messed up part of me and still stays. If I screwed that up I wouldn't just lose a hookup I'd lose you. And I couldn't handle that"  Your throat burned. It wasn't enough. Not after all this time.

"Guess what  Armin" you whispered. "You already lost me" He was quiet for a second. Then asked again. "Can I come in please?" You didn't answer, having your eyes tightly shut hoping to stop the tears. "Please" his voice was as sad as yours and it broke you. Your hand hovered near the lock. You hated yourself for it. But you unlocked the door anyway.

When it opened, Armin was standing there. Hair messy, eyes too blue, holding a cup of water with shaking hands. He looked at you like you weren't just a girl at a party. Like you were a fucking mess. "I should've said something a long time ago" he said.

"You should've"

He sat down next to you. For a while, he didn't touch you. Just sat there. Breathing. Like being near you again was hard and healing at the same time. You didn't say anything. You just leaned your head against the wall, eyes closed. And finally, he said it, " I'm sorry... I'm so fucking sorry please... don't hate me" You opened your eyes and looked at him and for the first time he wasn't looking at his phone.

He was looking at you.