♡︎|5

chapter five—✧♡︎✧—

The tension in the theater had barely settled after Hyunjin had pulled his hand away from Felix's, his heart still racing from the contact, and the warm weight of Hyunjin's fingers lingering in his mind. But the sharp reality of Haeri's gaze—the way her eyes subtly narrowed when she noticed the small interaction was enough to pull Felix back into the harsh truth that he could never have what he really wanted.

Felix couldn't focus on the movie anymore. The words and the lights on the screen blurred as his emotions started to spiral, and his thoughts felt like they were drowning in a sea of confusion and hurt. He could feel his chest tightening, the kind of feeling that built up slowly but grew too fast to control. He needed to get out of there, away from the overwhelming sense of being exposed, of hiding something so personal, so real, that it felt like his world was closing in around him.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Felix muttered, standing up quickly. His voice sounded a little too shaky to be convincing, but no one questioned him as he hurried out of the row and walked down the aisle, barely managing to keep his composure.

As soon as he stepped into the bathroom, Felix hid in one of the stalls. He didn't care anymore. He didn't care about the movie, didn't care about pretending. The tears that had started back in the theater flooded out, uncontrolled now, as he sank to the floor, his back pressed against the cool tiles.

He sobbed quietly at first, his shoulders shaking with each deep breath he took, trying to hold it together. But then the sobs came harder, his chest aching with the weight of it all. The feelings he'd held in for so long felt like they were breaking him from the inside out.

He wanted someone to hold him, to tell him it was going to be okay. But there was no one. There would never be anyone who could understand.

The door creaked open, and Felix froze, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve, trying to quickly compose himself. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. He tried to take a deep breath, but his vision blurred, and he didn't even hear the footsteps approaching until the bathroom stall door opened.

"Lixie?" Jisung's voice was soft, calm, but Felix could hear the concern in it. Felix swallowed hard and tried to stand, but his legs were shaky. He didn't want to turn around, didn't want to show how weak he was, but it was too late. Jisung was already crouched down beside him, his eyes searching Felix's face with a knowing, gentle gaze.

"Hey, hey." Jisung didn't ask anything more. He simply pulled Felix into a hug, wrapping his arms around him tightly, not letting go.

Felix's breath caught in his throat, and then the sobs came again, louder this time, harsher. He clung to Jisung like a lifeline, his hands gripping his best friend's shirt as if it was the only thing keeping him from floating away. The relief of being held, of feeling someone's warmth, made the tears flow even harder.

"I'm sorry," Felix managed to choke out, his voice shaking. "I'm so sorry, Sung. I shouldn't be crying like this..."

Jisung just shook his head, squeezing Felix a little tighter. "Shh, it's okay, Lix. You don't need to apologize. You're allowed to cry, you know? Whatever you're going through..." He paused, his voice quiet but steady. "You don't have to go through it alone."

Felix's chest felt tight, like the words he needed to say were lodged deep inside, but he couldn't speak them. He just kept holding onto Jisung, trying to steady himself with the comfort of his presence. His heart was racing, and his mind was screaming with a thousand unspoken confessions, but all he could do was cling to the warmth of Jisung's hands wrapped around him.

Then, Jisung pulled back just slightly, but he didn't let go of Felix's arms. "Lixie," he said gently, his voice soft and serious. "Is this about... Hyunjin?"

Felix froze.

The words that followed were ones he had never imagined hearing from Jisung, not in a million years. Not when he had spent so long hiding his truth. His throat tightened, and his whole body seemed to freeze in place. It felt like time had stopped, and Felix could only stare at Jisung, who was looking at him with such understanding in his eyes.

"I—" Felix started, his voice shaking so much he could barely form a sentence. "I... I can't..." He buried his face in his hands, finally allowing the tears to fall freely. "I've been hiding this for so long, Sung ... I can't even look at him without... without wanting him so badly. I want him, and it hurts so much because I know I can never have him. He's with her. He'll never be mine. He likes ...girls.

Felix's voice broke at the end, and his chest heaved with a painful sob.

Jisung's eyes softened as he took a deep breath, his hand gently brushing Felix's hair back. "Lix," he murmured. "If the answer is yes..." His voice was steady, but there was a softness to it, a tenderness that Felix hadn't expected. "It's okay. I want you to know, I love you just the same. You're still my best friend, no matter what. No matter who you like. I'll always be here for you."

Felix felt like his heart had been ripped open. The weight that had settled on his chest for so long—the pressure of his secret, the fear of being rejected—began to lift, just slightly. He didn't know how to process it all, but the sincerity in Jisung's voice made the tears come harder.

Felix finally managed to whisper, his voice barely audible, "I... I think I love him. And it hurts so much."

Jisung didn't say anything at first. He just pulled Felix into another tight hug.

"I'm so sorry," Felix whispered again, his voice muffled against Jisung's shoulder.

Jisung rubbed his back soothingly, the warmth of his touch offering more comfort than Felix had expected. "There's nothing to apologize for, Lix. It's okay to feel this way. It's okay to love who you love."

Jisung held onto Felix's arm as they walked out of the mall bathroom, making sure to keep his pace slow, letting Felix catch up with his thoughts. Felix was still a little teary-eyed, but the tension from before had lifted somewhat. He could still feel Jisung's comforting hand on his shoulder, guiding him through the crowd of people. It felt good, knowing he wasn't alone, even if he wasn't quite ready to be fully open yet.