21 Broken Dreams

 Everyone who thought this would be the happy ending...Seriously? You obviously haven't been paying attention... 

He was awoken by a soft, tender kiss to his shoulder, slowly rousing him from sleep. Still sleepy, Jimin blinked his eyes open and for a moment saw nothing but darkness. It was still night and something warm was pressed against him. Another soft kiss landed on his skin, now in between his shoulder-blades and a large hand caressed his skin, travelling along the side of his ribs, to his stomach and down to his waist, as if to outline his shape all the way to his legs and up again. Jimin sighed happily as he turned and found Jungkook staring down at him. But the small smile which had been playing on his face fell the moment he saw the youngers expression. In the darkness of the room, his face was thrown into deep shadow but there was something so... sweet in his expression. Jimin had seen traces of it before, but never like this.

There was no sight of the growling, snappy boss who loved to make his life infinitely more complicated. No. Here was a boy who was caring, sweet, loving and utterly at ease. "I can't say I'm sorry I woke you. You look incredibly adorable waking up." Even his voice was soft, like a sweet caress over his skin. 

Jimin found that smile again, wider and happier than before and couldn't help himself as he reached out and gently put a hand on the young boys cheeks. "I wouldn't mind being woken up like this from now on."

Jungkook smiled, but there was a flicker of sadness in his eyes. Before Jimin had a chance to see it more clearly though, Jungkook turned his head to kiss the inside of his palm, the slow burn of his hot mouth sending shivers down his spine. When Jungkook glanced up again, there was nothing but that soft, gentle smile. "Tell me something about you. Something I don't know yet."

Jimin almost chuckled at the sweet question, but then started whispering to him. About his dreams and hopes, about his parents, about growing up and finding his way. He grew a bit more solemn when he spoke about the reasons he was so ambitious. About wanting to prove- somewhere deep down, that he could rise to the top even though his father left- even though his mother remarried and forgot about him, even though his step-father despised him. He told him about his bond with the boys too, his voice getting more carefree, and some stories had them both chuckling into the silence of the night. 

"Now you. Tell me something about you, Jungkook-ie." The boy's face fell visibly, and Jimin put a reassuring hand on his cheek again, stroking it with his thumb as the words tumbled free from Jungkook's mouth. 

"I never really had any choice in my life. Since the day I was born- I was put into this role I was supposed to fill. My father's son and all that shit. It never felt right. I never thought like him- cold and calculative and win-orientated. I was always more in my head- in the clouds you might say. I wanted to paint and make music. To travel and capture the beauty of the world with my camera. I knew there was so much out there I wanted to see, but instead, I had to sit inside while the other children played and explored the world, while I studied business and other things that rarely interested me. I think my mother realized I hated it and I often heard her fighting with my father. I hated that even more, so I became good at pretending to like it. I think I played my role so well, even I forgot I hated it. It wasn't until-" he broke of and met his eyes, large and round and filled with something Jimin had no name for. 

"I think I didn't realize how much it suffocated me until I met you. Until I realized I never once chose something for myself. You made me want to sing again. To paint and capture your beauty with my camera. And to finally choose something for me. That I deserved that. To have a choice." Jimin stared at this young, vulnerable boy in front of him, not sure he was breathing. Not sure Jungkook had ever told anyone what lay deep in his heart. Silence descended and Jimin was still having a hard time breathing after hearing his confession. Slowly, he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, barely a feather-light touch before staring into those beautiful dark eyes. "You do deserve a choice Jungkook. You deserve to be happy. And if you choose me- I can't tell you how happy that would make me." Jungkook swallowed thickly and closed his eyes for a long time, as if to hide something. Then slowly, as if he had lost some inner fight, he reached out again and pulled Jimin close, kissing him long and sweet and gentle until his thoughts were a blurry mess. Gently, Jungkook turned him, ending with Jimin back as little spoon, but Jungkook did not stop kissing him, trailing hot, soft kisses on his shoulders, nipping at his ear, then down again while his hands almost leisurely fluttered all over his body, the touches not demanding but coaxing, relaxing and yet at the same time pleasuring. He felt the heat of his body leave only once for a mere second, the sound of a drawer being opened and then he was back, his warmth engulfing him once more. "Jimin," Jungkook whispered against his ear, quiet but a little jittery. "I want you to remember this, angel. Remember me like this, okay?" Jimin frowned, which Jungkook probably couldn't see since he was behind him. But before he had a chance to ask what he meant- or why it sounded so... sad, he felt the taller's hand slip down, along the column of his spine, travelling south. Jimin's thoughts blurred again, especially when Jungkook reached hit bottom, rubbing his large hand over his ass-cheeks in a slow but teasing massage. Jimin wriggled, unable to help it. It was intoxicating- this sweetness combined with the growing heat inside him, the growing want, his dick already growing in hardness in front of him. There was a plopping sound and Jungkook's low rumble against his ear was his only warning before he felt Jungkook's other hand slip beneath the covers too. With the hand still on his butt cheek, he gently grabbed it and spread it apart as his other hand- no his fingers, wet and slick started drawing lazy circles against his butt-hole. Jimin gasped, his hands folding in the covers in font of him, his head lulling back against Jungkook's chest. "Moan for me Jimin. I want to hear those sounds," he roughly whispered against his ear, his hair tickling his face and Jimin did just that, the sound slipping freely from his throat as the younger slowly pushed in. He took his time opening him up, slipping in and out of him with ever growing pumps of his long fingers and Jimin moaned and whispered his name- the only one he knew. "Slow. This time, I really want to take you slow, my angel." My angel. That alone made Jimin melt into him. And as Jungkook lowered his head to his neck to kiss him slowly, he felt his hard cock press against his entrance, slowly, coaxing as he pushed in so very gently. Jungkook's slick hand had come around to his front, sprayed flat on his stomach while pulling him back, into that glorious length which filled him, so slowly, so gently, so fully. Jungkook moaned roughly against his skin as Jimin gasped at how different it felt. This sweetness combined with the pleasure. And when Jungkook moved, circling his hips back and into his again, his world ended and started anew. This. Him. It was all he would want for the rest of his life. 

Never had sex felt like this. So intimate. So much... more. Like they really were one, and with every thrust, they sealed themselves in each other's heart and bodies. Jungkook's hot pants and moans right against his ear, his thrust reaching deeper and filling him more and more until he felt like exploding. "Kiss me, Jimin," the younger whispered coarsely and Jimin turned his head to find those rosy lips a breath away from him. They kept their eyes on each other as they kissed and Jungkook used the hand on his stomach to push deeper into him. So deep, he thought Jungkook must have surely reached his heart, for it beat so wildly in his chest, he was certain everyone in the building- everyone in the world could hear it. He came while Jungkook still kissed him, moaning into his mouth and the younger caught the sound like it was his air to breath- before he pushed in once more, deep and long and Jimin caught his sound too as he released, breathing in each other. And they kept kissing. Kept touching.Kept hugging each other until sleep took them once more before they even realized it.

***

Sunlight tickled his nose, warming his face as he turned, feeling rested, a little sore but absolutely content. He sighed as he drew closer to that warm, naked body next to him, aware he was sprawled all over him. His eyes fluttered open and his breath caught. 

He was reminded of that first night they had together. When Jimin had looked at the sleeping black-haired boy and found him dazzling enough to consider staying for breakfast. And now... Jungkook was awake, leaning against the bed post and looking down at him. There was no trace of sleepiness, like he had been staring at Jimin for a long time. The thought warmed him more than the morning sun. 

"Morning," he rasped, his voice still slurry from sleep. Jungkook didn't smile back as he breathed an almost silent. "Morning, angel," back to him. His eyes narrowed in slight confusion. Maybe it was just because he was as unused to waking up with someone as he was? Jimin curled up closer against him, breathing in his scent. 

"Shall we just stay like this the whole day? What do you say?" He had used a light, carefree tone but felt Jungkook tense beneath him. "I don't think we should."

Jimin's confusion grew and he lifted himself so he could meet Jungkook's eyes. There was something in there... a hardness he didn't understand. Did he... regret last night? "Why not?" Barely a whisper, his voice frail. 

Jungkook closed his eyes for a moment and when he re-opened them- Jimin flinched. "Because I'm ending this. Now." Jimin's breath faltered, then picked up a panicked speed. "What- w-why are you saying that?" Jungkook huffed and pushed off the bed post and shuffled to the edge of the bed, sitting there with his shoulders lowered. Jimin immediately felt cold, fear settling into his heart so fast and hard, he shuddered. Slowly, scared, he sat up too. "Do you- regret it? Was it... was it too much?" Jungkook only let out a long breath, his head lowering even more and from his position, Jimin could only see the way his hands were twisted, balled together angrily. "It- it shouldn't have happened." Jimin let a pained whimper, not wanting to believe what he was hearing, this sudden change catching him absolutely off guard. Last night... what had changed? "Jungkook- hey, will you look at me? Explain this. I think I deserve an explanation."But Jungkook stayed rooted to his place. Jimin had enough, scrambling forward and out of bed to stand in front of him, only half aware he was completely naked and shaking from the rising panic. Why wouldn't he look at him? "Jungkook!" he said more forcefully. "What do you mean, you want to end this?" "I'm sorry, Jimin. I really am." I'm sorry. The same thing he had said yesterday before he kissed him. The same thing he had seen flashing in his eyes and not understood... Just like he didn't understand it now. "Sorry for what?" Slowly, Jungkook looked up and what he saw robbed him of his breath again. Pain. And sorrow. And resolution. "I'm sorry for being selfish this one more time. Just one more time- to hold you. To see you wake up next to me. I'm sorry for getting your hopes up when there isn't any. This thing between us- it can never work." Jimin shook his head, his white, messy hair tumbling around him angrily. "You... you don't mean that. It can work, I know it. Is it because I used to sleep around so much? I'm not doing that again, trust me. You changed me. You make me want to settle, Jungkook." He was aware how begging he sounded. He jerked forward, getting on his knees in front of him and slowly, afraid the younger would pull back, put a hand against his cheeks. "I want this to work, Jungkook. Don't you?" But his words didn't have the effect he had hoped for. Jungkook's eyes turned glassy, his expression consorting to pain as he stared at him. "I do," he whispered, then took Jimin's hand and pulled it away from his face. "I never wanted anything more, but it will still not work. Not because of you. Because of me. Because I cannot break off my engagement." It hit him like a brick-wall then. Right. Jungkook was still engaged. "But you don't love her. You told me yourself! How is that nothing but a poor excuse?" "I wish it were." Jimin wanted to contradict him, but the defeat in his voice stopped him. "Then why?" "Because I love you." Jimin gasped. He said it. He said the words he hadn't been able to last night. Said them like he'd known them for a long time and wasn't afraid of them. And still, his eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "I- you're not making sense JK. If you love me, why would you want to end this?" They sad boy before him took a deep breath, like he needed courage to say those next words, barely able to meet his eyes. "Because if I don't do as my father says, he will hurt me Jimin. He always has. My mother was one reason why I did as my father wanted. He was the other one. Every time I tried to make my own decision, he turned it into a nightmare for me. I once bought a guitar when I was thirteen and when he found out, he made me watch it burn in the fireplace. When I hung out with a person he didn't deem 'proper' enough for his son, he made sure I broke it off or I never saw that person again. When he found out I was holding small concerts at bars, he contacted them all and made sure I wasn't invited or hired by any of them, all in fear of my father's wrath." Jimin's lips wobbled, trying to understand how a person- a father, could be so cruel. So controlling. He'd met Senior Jeon only a couple of times, and each time, he'd had both respect and fear in his heart. But now- now there was only hatred. "They were only minor things though. Mostly, I did as he told me. And this marriage with Ji-Eun... it's not up for discussion with him. He had this planned for a long time. And if he knew- If he found out about this. About us-" he finally met Jimin's eyes and the smaller boy watched in horror as a tear streamed down his lovely face. "He would hurt me, Jimin. He would hurt me, by hurting you. Not because he has anything against you. It would only be so I would know I can never go against him." Jimin's heart set out a beat, then another, realizing what this meant. What he was trying to tell him. "If we were together, Jimin, he would not just fire you. He would make sure you'd never get a job again. I know how powerful he is- I've seen it plenty of times. He wants something, he gets it. So no Jimin. It can't work between us. Because it means you would loose everything you worked for. And I can't ask that of you. I can't watch him destroy you out of spite for me. I won't... I won't let him hurt you." Jimin stumbled back, falling on his ass, but didn't register the pain. "You knew?" He breathed in utter horror. Jungkook had known. Had known from the start what his father would do. That he would destroy everything he worked for- everything he had dreamed about. His career. His future. Another tear rolled down Jungkook's face. "Yes. I knew." Honesty. For once, when he hadn't wanted it. Didn't want to think that while Jungkook had pestered him into sleeping with him again and again, he'd known about all of it. About how his life would be ruined because of what they had. "You should have told me. Why didn't you tell me?" His voice had grown in agitation, his anger and fear and pain on a loosened leash. This thing inside him which had started to grow under Jungkook's loving gaze, his sometimes gentle, sometimes possessive touches, the way he called him his angel- it trashed now, wringing and screaming in hurt and betrayal. He'd known. And he hadn't stopped it. Hadn't told him the truth. It was as if Jungkook could see right into his heart, his face consorting in pain and understanding. "I should have. I know I should have. At first, I didn't think it mattered. I thought it was nothing but some fun on the sides, something my father would never find out anyway. But then- I got scared. I knew the moment I told you, you would leave me. The way we both know you will. I know it makes me an awful person for not telling you. For being so selfish. I'm sorry, angel." "Don't-" Jimin snarled, shuffling away on all fours. "Don't call me that." Jungkook flinched as if the words had physically hurt him. But he couldn't hear that name- not because he hadn't told him. But because Jungkook calling him that- it made him want to crawl into that bed next to him and tell him he chose him.

His heart was screaming to do just that. But he knew- he knew it was stupid. How could he give up everything he worked for for years- all the late hours, the way he'd thrown himself into work and climbed up the ladder so painfully slow. The goal he had set for himself- it would all vanish. His life would have mean... nothing. He knew it was fucked up. That none of it was Jungkook's fault and that beneath that steely interior of a boss, he was only a kid. Only twenty one. "I have to go," he croaked out feeling sick as he scrambled to his feet to collect his clothes. Jungkook watched him with sad, bunny, eyes, but made no move to stop him. "I'm sorry Jimin," he only whispered. It broke him- that devastation in his voice. But he had to get out- had to get a clear head or he would do something he might later regret. Because he loved Jungkook now, but if he lost everything he worked for- would he slowly grow to hate him? Would he choose love now, only to one day wake up and realize it had been for nothing? 

Because none of his relationships had ever worked out. And some of them had started pretty nice. Wonderful even. What promise was there this would last? Especially with both their temper? "I... I need some space- to deal with this." Jungkook nodded, but his expression already told Jimin exactly what he was thinking. Jimin wouldn't come back. He pulled up his pants and shirt, then opened his mouth to tell him he would. But didn't. Couldn't. 

Slowly, he backed away and their gaze met. He stopped. It flashed in front of him like a movie in double speed. Jungkook and him. 

Not their past, but the future they could have. Waking up next to him, having breakfast together, going out with their friends, eating a candlelight dinner-

No.  It would last. It was different with him. He took a step forward. "No. Jimin," Jungkook pleaded, tears now streaming freely down his face as he held out a hand to stop him from coming any closer. "Please go. I won't be the reason you loose everything. I can't- Please go." Jimin tasted his own tears in his mouth, his lips wobbling. Everything inside him screamed not to do this. To walk over to him and hold him, wiped away his tears and tell him everything would be all right. He didn't. He took a rattling breath as he heard the crack in his heart. And then he turned and ran, not glancing back at the crying boy he loved.  

_______________________

Told ya...It's never that easy in my stories....