Chapter Thirteen

-James-

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Before I knew it, it had almost been a year since I last saw Scarlett. Not a day passed since then did I not think of her.

I wanted to know how she was, if she was doing okay on her own. Seth told me to man up and go visit her considering I had both the money and some time to do it, but I could never bring myself to book the flight. Some of my other friends called me lovesick, and my brothers called me obsessed.

My mind constantly wandered back to the nights we spent together. We’d stay up late talking for hours, or read books to one another. Some nights we’d just sit in silence and in others we’d disturb the neighbours with the clashing of the headboard of my bed against the wall.

I never knew how lonely I was until she was gone. Going to bed alone and waking up alone every day made me feel more isolated than ever.

Pacing down the hallway of my childhood home, I stopped every few minutes to check my watch. My palms were sweaty, something that never usually occurred for me. Inside my chest my heart was pounding faster than ever.

"Betsy?"

Hearing the sound of the voice coming from the front door, I raced to answer it. Looking up at me, Scarlett gasped before dropping her bags beside her. Without a word exchanged between us, I brought them inside and placed them in the guest room.

When I turned around, I jumped in fright as Scarlett was standing right behind me. Stumbling backwards, I would have fallen over had she not reached out to help me regain my balance. As soon as she touched me I felt a familiar tingle travel up my arms. She must have noticed it too, because when I looked at her again her eyes seemed fierce.

Pushing me backwards onto the bed, my lips were met by her own as she straddled me all the while removing the layers of clothes between us. Soon enough I was pressed close against her, listening to her moaning my name into my ears; a sound which sent shivers down my spine. I could feel her scratching at my back which only heightened my senses.

Each time I looked at her, I knew I was just falling for her even more. I’ve got it so bad for this woman. For what once was simple, greedy pleasure shared between us now means to me more than anything else.

While my actions spoke louder than my undisclosed desires, I still couldn’t make her listen.

I was screaming out ‘I love you’ but she only ever screams my name…

-Scarlett-

I didn’t tell the guys that I’d continued my “torrid love affair” with James, although I think they had their suspicions about me when I arrived back home due to my sudden change in work ethic.

Even though Matt was considered the “front man” of the band, I unintentionally had taken the wheel as my creative drive was spinning out of control. I felt kind of empty when I came back to Melbourne, and I filled an entire journal with poems. Just over the past two months, we released a new EP (which consisted of five songs that used my poems as lyrics), filmed a new music video, did new promotional photo shoots, played at least two gigs a week around Melbourne and even got interviewed by Triple J national radio.

With Christmas fast approaching, a holiday which I absolutely despise due to it being completely phony and an entire consumer trap I planned to channel even more energy into a project I’d been toying with since I was eighteen years old. I wanted something to distract me from all of those sickening Christmas carols and those down-right ridiculous American and European winter traditions Australians tried to adopt into their culture.

I mean for goodness sake, Christmas in this country is during the middle of Summer. Instead of hanging snowman ornaments on our trees and cooking baked dinners in 40 degree celsius heat we should be hanging kangaroo ornaments on our trees and having outdoor BBQs with salad.

Instead of getting caught up in all of that, I decided that working with some local artists, fashion designers, photographers, writers and musicians ranging from teenagers to retirees would be a better option. My idea was for us to put our different talents together and establish an independent magazine for all interested in the cultural aspect of Melbourne.

I told everyone to go enjoy Christmas with their families, leaving me to work on the final touches for the first issue of the magazine, which would have been ready for publishing by the January of the New Year.

That was until I received a phone call from Betsy Franco.I wasn’t sure how, but she’d somehow gotten word of my project. I knew that nobody else, besides me, was in contact with the Franco family. She claimed that a friend of hers was visiting Melbourne and got word of it on the street. I wasn’t calling her a liar, but I had my suspicions. I mean, of all people who could have called me, it just happened to be James’s mother?

It just didn’t add up, especially when my entire project had been kept a secret. No social media account of mine, or anyone else involved made a mention of what we were doing. We wanted things to be ready to go once we released information about it.

Apart from him liking every single photo I posted on Instagram, occasionally commenting on them James and I didn’t communicate much. With his life being busier than mine, and with him living in an entirely different time zone, I gave up on trying continuing chain of emails.

Betsy and I enjoyed a wonderful conversation. I’d only met her once or twice, but from my firsthand experience, on top of the things I’ve heard from James, she’s one hell of a woman. I don’t exactly remember what led me to say yes, but when she invited me to spend Christmas with her family in Palo Alto, all I knew was that I didn’t hesitate to say decline.

And I hate Christmas.-

Collapsing on top of James, I rested there, catching my breath. Whilst the wave of euphoria was still washing over me, something just didn’t feel right.

That’s when it clicked to me, and I immediately felt my stomach twist and turn sad a terrible feeling settled over me.

We didn’t use protection.

And to make matters even worse, I’d been so busy getting things organized with the magazine that I’d forgotten to take the pill.

"Fuck," I cursed, sitting forward.

"Are you okay?" James asks softly, placing his hand on my back. I quickly coiled away from him and shot a glare at him, "We didn’t use protection."

"I don’t have any condoms," He scratches his chin, "You’re on the pill aren’t you?"

"I am, but I haven’t taken it in the past three days."

James breathes heavily as he ran his hand through his hair, “You’re not pregnant.”

"I could be," I snapped at him. "I can’t believe you would say that! You think telling me I’m not pregnant somehow magically reverses what we just did?"

"Alright alright, tomorrow we can go to the pharmacist and pick up the morning after pill, alright?"

I nodded, gathering my clothes and putting them back on and heading out the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you," I called out from the hallway.

-

James appeared behind me in the bathroom, blocking off the door. He’d been trying to talk to me but I completely shut him off. I was angry at myself for being irresponsible, but mostly I was angry at how he insisted that he couldn’t have gotten me pregnant.

With his entire family due to arrive in a few hours, I figured that I had to face him sooner or later.

"I’m sorry," James apologises, "I’m angry at myself too. We both screwed up, but please don’t shut me out Scar."

My gut told me that there was a lot more he wanted to say. When I didn’t reply, James stepped forward.

“Please don’t shut me out. If you’re pregnant…that means you’re carrying my child too,” He paused, “Whether you like it or not, I’m going to be beside you to support you.”“I’m scared,” I croaked. Gripping my shoulders, he tilted my chin so I could look at him. For the first time since I met him, his eyes were filled with affliction and his walls were crashing. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

“I am too.”

Pulling me into his arms, I broke down, crying into his chest.

“Even if you are pregnant, everything will be ok.”“How do you know?” I asked, looking at him through teary eyes.

"When I close my eyes at night, when I’ve finally stopped working, all I see is you. All I think of is you. All I want is you. Scarlett, I love you," James blinked, before looking away from me, "I’ll never be enough for you but that doesn’t mean I won’t try, especially as a father to our child.”