I will be there for you

Magnus P.O.V

I smooth my hands over my button-up shirt, smoothing the creases that have formed from falling asleep on the couch in it. I was waiting for Isabelle to call, to tell me that it was okay, that I get to go back to Alexander's apartment and that I can be with him, tell him that I will be there for him, always. That's what I wanted to do. Be with him, even if he felt like he couldn't be with me. I would make him see, that it's not true.

I strech and glance at the clock. Almost 24 hours have passed since I was last in his apartment. I keep going back there in my mind, the dark apartment, where my precious Alexander was alone with his thoughts, that he just can't escape. I feel helpless, despite the fact that the helpless one is, in fact, him. I just want to help, to soothe him and run my hands through his hair, making the worries dissolve into nothing. But Isabelle had told me to stay away, until she gives me the 'green light'. But waiting is even worse, than standing there, taking in his harsh words. Or is it?

I shake my head, trying not to think about it. When the clock on my wall says it's almost 2 pm, my phone rings. I fumble for it with shaking hands and manage to drop it. I curse loudly and grab it again, Chairman Meow looking at me, unamused. I glare at him and hiss "not a word." and answer the phone.

"Yes?" 

"Magnus. Listen, I am with Alec right now. And he says he wants to be alone for a while. He doesn't even want me here, but agreed that I come by for dinner, to check up on him. He's fine now." Isabelle's voice is soft, gentle. I know she's trying to break the news to me tenderly. But what news, I'm not sure.

"What does that mean? I want to see him. I don't want him to think that this changes anything. I want to be there for him." I can hear my voice tremble a little, and cough to make it go away.

"I know. And I am so grateful for that, but you have to understand, he thought this wouldn't happen around you and he's...well, he's sort of mad at himself. I'm afraid that he might fall back again, if he sees you. Maybe give it a day or two? I'm really sorry, Magnus." Isabelle tries to sound gentle again, but she comes off as very apologetic and slightly desperate. She must really not want me there. Which makes me think of Alec and why she wouldn't want me around him.

"Isabelle. Are you saying I could've been the trigger?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

"No! I mean, I think not, it's just...I don't know, he's different. Like, different then when we were younger, I know what to do and how to act, but he seems different this time. Don't think this is your fault, Magnus, it's not. Promise me you won't blame yourself." Her voice is now harsh and demanding. I sigh.

"I promise." I don't believe what I am saying, but she need not know that.

"Okay, well, I have to go home and grab some stuff, I think I'll try and persuade him to let me stay the night, I'll call Jace, too." I feel excluded and very alone. But being with his sibling, who know him through and through, is going to be good for him, I'm sure.

"Alright. Thank you for calling me. And Isabelle?" I say, voice trembling again.

"Yes?" She asks, voice slightly curious.

"Tell him...Tell him, I miss him. And care about him, so much." I don't say the words I long to say, because those words are meant for him, to be said personally. And I intend to.

Isabelle promises me that she will and the we end the call. I plop down on the couch, rubbing my face with my hands. The Chairman hops next to me, meowing loudly. I look at him and say "I know, what a mess right? I miss him, too." The Chairman eyes me and then comes to sit on my lap, purring loudly. I sit there, with him on my lap, thinking about how I long to be in Alec's arms.

***

I get up the next morning with my mind set. I am going to Alec's place. I just have to confirm that he's alone. I text Isabelle.

Hey, how's Alexander?

Isabelle replies just minutes later.

Hey. He was fine when I left this morning, Jace is staying there until he has to go to the gym at 6. He was asking about you yesterday. So that means he's coming around. Kisses! x

I smile at her sweetness, but most of all at the specificity of the text. Know I know exactly when he'll be alone. I suspect Izzy might have known what I was planning. I go around the city the whole day. I am looking for something that I want to give him, that might remind him of me. I find the perfect thing just when I'm about to give up. I see a small store, filled with jewelry, but not gold and silver. They are crystals, talismans, that sort of thing. The small, white-haired woman behind the counter approaches me as soon as I step in and by that I assume not many people visit this shop. 

It's quite small, but has a nice touch to it. The walls are beige and give a warm feeling, some paintings are propped up here and there. The shop is filled with amazing stones and crystals, so my head starts to spin slightly. The woman approaches and says in a sweet voice "Hello, young man! May I help you?" I smile widely and reply "Actually, yes. I am looking for a kind of talisman for my...for someone I care about very much." She smiles and it reaches her eyes instantly. She asks "Well, this requires some backround. What is this person like? What's the occasion? What would you like the talisman to do?"

I think only a second before words flow from my lips "He's a very kind soul. He looks dark and closed up on the outside, but on the inside, he is like a ray of light, ready to capture you in its brightness. He helps others, always he puts others before himself, and when you try to put him firsts, he feels as if you've given him something unspeakable. He is beautiful and dangerous at the same time. But a kind of danger you love having around you. I want him to know, that he will never be alone, that when he is feeling hopeless, he can look at the talisman and know, that I will always be there to catch him, if he falls."

The womans eyes sparkle when she says knowingly "You love this man." I realize I told her the other person is a man, but she doesn't seem swayed. In fact, she seems to be more excited than ever. I softly say the words I wish Alexander could hear "Yes, I love him." The woman nod s and then, taking my hand softly, guides me to the farther corner of the shop. There are all kinds of necklaces on the stand and she picks one up. The cord is of dark leather and at the end of it is a black stone with sharp edges at and a sharp end to it. The woman speaks clearly "It's black obsidian. It wards off negative energy, can help cut through lies and facades, revealing the light in every person. It's a powerful stone, that helps to find truth when out mind is playing tricks on us and helps us to gain strength from ourselves, when we need it most."

I take the stone in awe. It's pure black and dark, just like Alec, with his dark and brooding posture and sharp edges, but when the light hits it, it shines, just like Alec shines, when you know how to look. I graze my fingers over it and whisper "It's perfect." I fish out my wallet, still holding the necklace, but the woman puts a hand on my shoulder, stopping my movement. She smiles a little and says with a gentle tone "Free of charge. I hope you can help your loved one this way. But remember, it's the people around us, that really matter the most, it is our job to be there for them, whenever they need us. Even if they don't want us there. That's when when they need us, especially then."

I feel a warmth spread in me, towards this woman. She looks as if she could be someone's grandmother, and I hope she is. She would be a wonderful one. I feel like I need to do something else to thank her, not just say the words, so I embrace her. She doesn't mind, in fact, she hugs me back like a grandmother would do. I whisper "Thank you so much. I hope to see you again, some day." Her lips quirk up and half-sadly she says "Hopefully under better circumstances." I nod to her, thank her again and leave the store. I glance at my wrist watch - it's nearing 5.

I go to Alexander's favourite Chinese place and get his favourite dish - rice with vegetables and shrimp, with some chicken spring rolls on the side. When I get my order, it's almost 5.45. Knowing that I have to take a taxi to his place, I step onto the street, looking for one. My phone rings and with one hand I take it, being careful not to drop the load of food in my hands. I look at the screen and smile - Cat.

"Magnus, where are you? I've been trying to reach you for hours." She sounds pissed. I love her so much.

"Relax, I forgot my phone was on silent. I was just...shopping." She audibly gasps and I know what upset her. I quickly add

"Not that kind of shopping, I wouldn't do that without you." She sighs and then replies

"Well, what are you up to? Do you want to come over and watch a movie with Rags and Raph?" I smile into the phone, but shake my head.

"That's sweet, but no, I can't. I am going to Alexander's." She must've heard something in my voice, because she asks carefully

"Is everything alright?" I contemplate whether I should tell her the truth. But I know it's not my truth to tell. So I simply say

"Yes, of course. Just having a night in. Anyways, gotta go, just spotted a free cab. Love you!" I hang up after hearing her 'love you, too' and put the phone back into my pocket. 

I sigh as I hail for a cab - the food is going to get cold if I don't get there soon. I sit in, give the man Alec's address and glance at the watch - 5.55. I hope I don't bump into Jace, as the cab starts moving. In about 15 minutes I'm there. I hand the money to the cab driver and thank him, wiggling out of my spot with the bag of takeout in my hand. The necklace is stowed safely in my breast pocket of the dark green coat I'm wearing. The chilly November air hit me and I rushed towards his apartment building. Taking a deep breath, I knock on the door and wait, anticipation growing larger in my chest by the minute.

I hope I find what I'm looking for.