Part 4

The car ride wasn't that bad. Jade just asked about the kids and I told her they were happy and doing fine. I told her about how Haley was doing in school and she was proud of that. I told her how Wesley was doing at his pre-school, and she was proud of that too. What I wanted to tell her is why they were so happy and doing great, but I figured that would be saved for later on this evening.

We pulled up to the steak house that Jade had reserved a table for us at, and walked in. As the waiter took us to our table, my heart started beating faster and faster the closer we got to it. It's just that, I knew once we sat down the talk would be begin. I was so nervous for what I was about to say.

The choice I've made is going to make a great impact on our lives, the kids lives, everything. I knew I have made the right choice, and I knew I should stick with it, but something tells me that when we start talking I'm going to dip out on it. And I don't want to. But it's Jade.

Jade was the absolute love of my life.. or so I thought. She was suppose to be my forever. She was at one point. We vowed to it. This raven-haired beauty was suppose to watch our kids grow with me. Watch our grandchildren run around the house.

"Tori.." Jade brought me out of my thoughts and nodded to the waiter who was looking at me. "He asked you something." She smiled weakly.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." I quickly apologized.

"It's no problem miss. What would you like to drink?" He asked again.

"Water please. That'll do it." I smiled.

As he left, Jade turned her head to look at me again. "Thank you.. for coming with me tonight, it means a lot." She whispered.

I nodded, looking down at my lap. "I did it for me and the kids." I knew I sounded like a bitch. It's not that I wanted to. I guess all of this just made me more stern and protective..

When I looked up I saw Jade's expression, and surprisingly she was still just smiling away, but in her eyes.. you could see the pain. "I know. Thank you for that as well.."

The waiter brought us our drinks, Jade apparently had got a sweet tea. Which was new considering I've only seen her drink alcohol.. I thanked him and told him we would need a few minutes to look over the menu and he walked away.

"I'm assuming you have something to say. So you can start this off.. I really don't have much, but one thing." She added on.

I raised my eyebrow at this and then looked down at my fingernails. "Yeah.. I'll start." I whispered and then sucked in a breath.

Here it goes..

"Jade, we had big plans for us.. when we got married and knew we wanted more. We knew it. And we did it. We brought two amazing children into this world and we promised to make sure they grow up beautifully and we were going to be proud." I started. "Notice how I am using the world 'we' a lot. That's for a reason."

Jade caught her breath noticeably and nodded, her eyes watering as she waited for me to continue, knowing I would.

"Then you backed out of those plans. You decided to leave them behind when you picked up that bottle every single day. You showed me that you did not want this anymore. I have been the only one dedicated to these plans- these kids- since you gave up. And I will not back out like you did. These kids are my life now. They are the only thing I will strive for now. It's no longer about me. It's no longer about you either. It's them and only them.." I paused for moment and the next sentence came out shakily. "You chose a bottle over them. Over us."

Jade's jaw dropped at the last thing I said and a tear fell from her eye. She was shocked, and didn't know what to say.

I let a tear drop of my own and started to speak again. "Now, I know you love them. And somewhere deep down inside you, I know you love me too. But I cannot and will not let you keep coming back apologizing over and over again. I've let you do that one too many times. And I've had it. I have had enough of the hope and heartbreak. Quite frankly, so have your kids."

She continued to stay silent and wiped a tear away. "I love you Jade, I really fucking do. I wish I didn't but I do. And I am hurting more than you know from all of this. I just want my happy wife back. Someone to watch movies with and someone to play with the kids, someone to sit in that house forever and watch them grow, graduate, and leave to start a life of their own with. But she's gone." I picked up my napkin and wiped my eyes. "And Jade, now I have to force myself to move on. Move on and do something more for these kids because now I'm the only one there for them. You left a long time ago and-"

"Tori, I'm going to rehab on Monday." Jade blurted out.

I looked over the girl in front of me shocked. She had tears running down her face, and she looked distraught, confused, hurt, angry, sad, over all emotional.

"Rehab?" I whispered.

I didn't know what to say or what to do. Jade has never been in rehab. I've told her she needed to go multiple times. Although, when I said it, it was more like yelling and she was drunk. Even when she was sober I told her I wanted her to go, but all she did was snap at me and tell me to 'fuck off'.

"Yeah, Rehab." She sighed. "When I was gone the last couple of days, I realize a lot of things." She swallowed and then went to finish what she was saying, but the waiter came back.

He asked what we wanted to order and I simply told him a salad. Jade ordered the smallest steak they had and he left again. It was unlike her to order something small, but I figured since she just got done crying and she was most like having anxiety she probably couldn't eat much.

Neither could I honestly.

"When I left, I got more shit faced than I have ever been. I ended up in the hospital and had to get my stomach pumped. It was extremely scary for me, Tori. After I got out, I tried to drink some more because fuck it, right? I just got thrown out of my own house, at the time I didn't want to come back anyways, and so I went to the bar. I ended up throwing up immediately just from 2 beers and my stomach was in a lot of pain. I passed out. Woke up once again in the hospital. They told me some things, I didn't really care to hear. But basically, I'm not in such a good shape anymore Tori." She laughed it off and bit her lip, looking at me with red eyes. "I don't expect you to feel bad for me, hell I don't want you to. And if this doesn't matter to you, then fine. But please god Tori, know that I'm finally done and trying. I want to be in my kids life. So please just fucking let me for crying out loud. I'm done. I'm done with all of this bullshit drinking. And I'm sorry it had to come to the point of me getting sick as shit to realize that." She breath out loudly.

I looked around at some tables looking at us and blushed from embarrassment. "Okay Jade.. calm down."

"Look Tori, I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry I hit you, ever. I'm sorry that I ruined a lot of things. But try to let me show you I can be a good mother to them. Please.." She begged. "I'm going in for a good while. When I'm out.. I'll prove it."

-

"I don't know what to do Cat." I sighed picking up the toys around the living room. "I really debated on this for so long and now when I finally decided what I think is the right thing she hits me with all this shit. And now she's sick?" I huffed throwing a Captain America doll into the toy bin.

"I know it's hard Tori, but just remember that all this is for a reason. You decided on the right choice because Jade needed to hear it. That means when she's in rehab that'll be running through her brain, making her stronger. Forcing her to get it together and do this for her family." Cat smiled weakly and swept some pop tart off the table into her hand. "Think of it this way," she threw the crumbs into the trash, "She got what was coming for her. And you've heard many times before that she's changed and you've been put into this situation many times. But now Tori, this is her last chance and she knows it. She wouldn't be coming back to her kids this serious if she wasn't. Especially if she's sick."

"So she's only coming back because she's sick?" I sighed sitting down on the couch.

"No Tori. She loves you and you damn well know that. She's made a lot of mistakes, yeah. But you cannot fake love like that. I've seen it. It's all too real. She just had stress and her coping skill wasn't the best. But she never messed around behind your back, I know that. Jade never was unfaithful to you. She just drowned  her thoughts."

I looked up at Cat and blinked letting the tears roll down my cheeks.

I knew Jade loved me, I knew that. It's just hard because I've always thought of it as if you love someone you wouldn't do the things she did.

Hitting your loved one isn't okay right?

It's not, but then again she was drunk all those times. That shouldn't make it any more okay though.

I don't know! I don't know anymore. I'm just.. scared.

Scared to let Jade back into my life. Scared of her being sick. Scared to fall back in love with her. Scared for all of it.

I'm scared of her.