14- The Burning Pile

My least favorite part of the Day. Morning Death Roll.

Hetta wanted me to braid her hair so I did that morning, wanting to make her feel better. She liked Lilac. Alot. They often chattered but I never added my sense in, I don't think Lilac liked me that much, but I never got to know her so I don't know.

She cried alot last night though it was muffled, I don't know if any of the others girls heard her but I pretended not to notice her bloodshot eyes this morning. Now we stand listening to the names.

24 dead from practicing the Gauntlet. Died just practicing.

" Lilac Sommors." One of the scribes read in their professional monotoned voice. I clench my jaw and I hear the small sniffle from Hetta as she wipes a tear from her face. After the last names were said we walked out of the hall, Dain on the side of me, " You sure you two want to go all by yourselves?"

When a cadet does here, they notify the family and they have 2 options...to come get their stuff and body if they have it and bury them or let the school do it for them. Lilac's family decides to let the school handle her.

Hetta took it uopn herself to go burn her things to Malek, sounds like Lilac's family was the kind you needed to win to get love. I faintly remember her fighting with such ferocity, same with everything else she did. I know what that feels like.

I know trying to get the love you so craved.

Hetta shakes her head, " No, thank you Dain." She says tiredly. Dain looks at me with a empathetic look I only smile faintly, " We'll be fine I assure you. I don't think anyone would stoop low enough to kill us while we're doing a burnt offering to Malek."

" You know he would." Dain says quickly.

I know Xaden would.

" We'll be quick." I assure.

He sighs, " Fine. Find me after, I want to talk to you about the Gauntlet."

I nod, " Yea, I'll find you."

I walk with Hetta back to our room, she had Lilac's pack all ready so we could just take it and go by the time we got back. She takes a deep breath running her fingers over the wide strap of her pack, a couple more tears running down her face. " It's already depressing listening to all the names... but when you know them.."

I frown, " I know." I offer her a half hug before I pull away, " Want me to carry it?"

" Yea, it's heavy as shit." She sniffles.

This makes us both chuckle as I grab it, hoisting it over my shoulder. " You ready?" She nods, and we make our way to the furthest turret on the Basigath campus. It floored me Lilac could carry all of this over the parapet but she fell on the logs that were bigger...

Though I won't say that out loud.

We just walked out of the large doors of the college when Imogen, Xaden and Bohdi were leaning on one of the walls talking.. I can only imagine what about. " I love your hair Hetta." She smiles sweetly.

This just sets me off, I slide off the heavy back walking towards the three, " Do you want me to rebreak that nose for you Imogen?"

" Freya, it's alright.." Hetta says quickly but I shrug her off.

" Shut the hell up halfblood." Imogen grits walking towards me, but Xaden grabs her arm " Fury isn't worth your time." He mutters.

" The damn pasty bitch needs to learn a lesson-"

" Imogen!" Xaden snaps, " I told you.. no."

She looks at him then back at me quickly, " Your lucky." She snaps.

" I'm shaking in my damn boots." I mutter eyeing her then Xaden who was looking at Hetta. Does he miss her company? Good, he deserves to miss her...

" Let's go." I say to her hoisting over the pack again, " She's just jealous she's a balding bitch." I say loud enough to Hetta so Imogen could hear. I look back at Imogen who was in Xaden's grip all of them glaring at us. I manage a small chuckle as we walk by.

When we walk a little further Hetta decides to speak, " I envy your courage. I'd never talk to any of them like that."

I snicker, " You say courage.. I say it's mostly getting myself in trouble with my loud mouth."

She laughs again, " Well I'm glad you can put her in her place."

I shrug, " Well there was no reason for her comment. "

We reach the Turret and make the climb, I could tell since I've been here I have more endurance, I had alot before but I'm barely tired as we reach the top. Over half the top was a huge burn bin you could fit a smaller dragon in it.. all flames.

These are also markers for the riders when they come back from flights, the heat felt nice as we walked to the railing. " Do you want to do the honors?" I ask. She nods taking the pack from me, " I commend your soul to Malek Lilac... rest well.. until we meet again.." She tosses the pack and it's engulfed right away.

I see more tears form as she watches the remains of her friend burn, the cold air runs through the fire making warmness spread across out faces. I shut my eyes momentarily watching the little remains of the pack burn.

Now Lilac is only but a distant memory here, she'll be just another name in a stone. Hetta steps back slowly going to the edge looking out to the mountains.. " I wish I grew up a baker's daughter or anything besides a separatists. I would've never picked this damned Quadrant, I hate the death, I hate they just let us die, I hate how we don't mean one damned thing to them. I hate no matter how hard I try I'm just this stupid relic!" She now says with such frustration she bursts out in tears.

Like I said... I'm horrible with crying.

I walk slowly next to her, as she cries " Who's it going to be next?"

" I don't know... But I refuse it to be our names on that stupid death roll." I say quietly.

She wipes her face, " Everyone says that."

" Well I mean it. We don't deserve to be here. You certainly don't."

She sniffles, " Sounds like you didn't have much of a choice either."

I shake my head, " I didn't. But I have help here."

" I did too.."

She means Xaden and the others, now I took those friends away from her too. I sigh, " I'm sorry I ruined that for you."

" You didn't do anything. I was always on the edge of being outcasted just because I'm to nice, or caring, or not... cutthroat. That's what Xaden always said anyways."

" Screw what Riorson thinks."

She nods, " Screw his opinion."

" We're surviving this."

" We're surviving this." She repeats.

I give an reassuring smile, " Should we head back?"

She gives the burning pile one more look nodding, " Yea, her soul rests with Malek now."

We walk back, Hetta headed back to the room and I was supposed to meet Dain, but decided to pause, wait for her to get into the barracks before I walk back to the spot, in the woods. I just need to... I don't know..Just clear my head, wait for the guilt to fade away from Hetta's comment.

Mira said to make allies, not friends, which I also failed to comprehend. I look around, luckily no one was around and I walk briskly towards the wooded area. It doesn't take long to get there and I lean against the large tree taking a deep breath.

I just stare into the further woods leaning my head back, Hetta was right, I'm not close to anyone here besides her and Dain but I hate all the death... And the guilt setted in seeing what my own mother did to these kids.

I never really took time to think how some of them don't want to be here...some of them probably needed to be carted here kicking and screaming to the Turret to cross. I realized I was being an insensitive ass when I made that comment to Imogen. My mother and the guard always talked about them like animals.. but they're just kids.

Some scared kids. Some more innocent then others....

I felt something grab one of my daggers slipping it out of my sheath of my chest, I shoot up grabbing one myself ready for an attack, instead I see Xaden Riorson leaned up on my tree, he would've been right behind me....

" Calm down there Fury.." He muses, his shadow flicking the knife in his hand as he toys with it looking at me. " What are you doing out here first year?"

" Oh you know, about to have a really illegal secrect meeting..or is your little group on the way?"

His face hardens, " Funny."

I fake a smile, " I try to be." He grips the hilt of my knife a little harder, like he was debating throwing it at me or not. I take a breath, " How about you? Why are you wandering?"

" I came out here to get away from dumbasses..but here the biggest one is.." He chimes tilting his head spinning the dagger up in the air then catching it.

I lean on the tree, " Well, are you going to attempt to kill me? If not I'd like my dagger back."

He stops now just staring at me, " That's what I'm deciding on.. I mean... I was going to do it while you were just sitting there.. I thought since Imogen is a ' bald bitch' I'd kill you and cut off all that lovely white hair for her to dye..then she could have a braid just like yours." There was a little humor in his voice as he spoke.

" She's bitter about that?" I laugh.

Xaden shrugs, " I guess you made it higher on the to kill list."

" My chances have always been high." I ponder.

His eyes flash to mine, " Was that you hitting on me?" He grins.

I look at him with raging blankness, " What?NO! That doesn't even make any sense?!"

He takes a step closer, " Your blushing Fury.. I didn't know you had enough blood in your body to flush."

I fight the urge to take a step back, " I'm not that pale."

" Snow looks tan compared to you." He states. " I know it didn't make sense I just wanted to see if your still somewhat normal and could blush."

" I don't have time for this.. keep the dagger, I'll be sure to earn more.." I mumble as I walk past him. But he grabs my arm, not rough but firm. I tear away, or try to tear away before his grip tightens. " You have somewhere important to be?" He smirks.

" I do actually."

" Yea, I'm sure your little Dain can wait." Xaden chuckles, " How was your walk with Hetta?"

I scoff, " I bet you'd love to know."

" I would. She liked her." He says a little more serious.

" Maybe instead of being a douche bag to her and exiling her from your little..club... You could've been a decent human being and ask her yourself. Actually no, I wouldn't even want her by you... imagine hanging a favor over her head just so she'd need to have sex with you-"

His hand wraps around my throat, " I'd watch your damn mouth." He warns.

" She's a good person-"

" You think I don't know that Fury? You have no damn idea what we've been through." He snaps gripping my neck a little tighter.

" Then start being nice to her..." I manage to get out. " If she means that much to you."

His face looks a bit surprised, his grip loosens and I lean back on the tree. " What did you do Riorson to save her?"

" I heard you had a pretty damn good time on the trial in the Gauntlet." He says ignoring my question, and I don't repeat it seeing I'm feeling a little light headed. " How do you-"

" I command shadows, when I'm bored I just..Listen. I've heard many.. conversations. Alot about you." He says a little slower, as if purposely dragging the conversation longer.

I lift my chin, " And I'm guessing it's alot of threats?"

He gave a half shrug, " Quite a mix, these people can't decide if they want to befriend you, kiss you, kill you, or sleep with you. I've went in Dain's room..sounds like he really wants to sleep with you."

My eyes furrow before I get what he means, " I'm almost concerned you'd stay and listen."

" Oh, I've never gotten out of a room so fast Fury."

This makes me genuinly smile, even chuckling a bit. " I hope that taught you then not to snoop."

" No, I still do." He smiles, a perfect white teeth smile. " I love hearing people talk shit about you."

" I bet you do." I smile tauntingly.

He takes in a deep breath, " Well, I'm sure you want to go fulfill Aeto's fantasies so I won't keep you any longer." His shadows come towards me and brushes away my braid so..gently before putting my dagger back in the sheathe.

" One more thing.." He says.

I raise a brow expectantly, " What?"

" I expect you to beat my time, yours was..passable.. but if you practice enough I think you could beat it."

Again I furrow my brow, :" And why would you want me to beat you time?"

He takes anther step towards me, " Because.. when I kill you, I have a list of all the things you did to piss me off written down and as your defenseless I'm going to stab all along..here." He mentions up and down the middle of my chest. " One stab for each thing you do. And the rate that mouth and your actions go.. your going to be damn mutilated.."

He peers down at me, " I think I like you better with my little scar running across your face.." Then his evil smirk returns. " Sleep well tonight, don't be up to late reading your brother's guide to survive this place."

And with that he turns around walking away..