Chapter 137

*Three Months Later*

Katniss

It's been three whole months since we arrived back home from the Capitol. Not a day goes by that I don't regret everything that happened on the trip. Everything besides the night on the train home. I don't remember much. All I can remember is the feeling of safety that I had while I was wrapped in Peeta's loving embrace.

Willow is now sixth months old. It seems as if she's growing more and more each day. She's begun to eat solid foods and she talks all of the time in her beautiful baby language of hers. As she grows, so does my love for her. I didn't think that it was possible to love her more than I already did, but as I continue to learn about who she is and who she could be, I feel as though I'm falling in love all over again.

I sit beside Peeta on the couch in front of our fireplace. My head rests on Peeta's shoulder, our hands entwined. After our fight in the Capitol, it seems as if we've grown closer. I've finally made peace with the fact that I have to let other people help me. I've realized that it's impossible for me to live on my own, without Peeta. Because I can't. I can't survive without Peeta. He is the only one who could possibly understand me and what I've been through. So I let him comfort and love me. And I comfort and love him. I love him so much. I love the way his blue eyes sparkle when he's happy. I love the way he looks so peaceful when he sleeps. I love it when he's so focused when painting that his entire face tenses and his eyebrows scrunch together. I love his laugh, his smile, his voice, his hugs and kisses. I love every single detail about him. I only wish that I'd recognized my endearment for him sooner. If only I had realized that I'd loved him before the Games, I could have saved him from getting hurt by me. I know how much it hurt him when he found out that every single thing I'd said to him in the Games was a lie, just a manipulative plot to save myself. So much has changed since then. I've changed so much since then.

I'm about to drift off when the phone rings from our kitchen. Immediately, a feeling of dread washes over me. Besides Plutarch, no one ever calls here. What if it is Plutarch? What if he's dragging us back to the Capitol again? No. No, I won't do it. I'll hang up on him. I'll refuse to speak to him ever again. After what happened last time, I will never go back into the Capitol again.

I kiss Peeta on the cheek and walk into our kitchen. I warily pick up the phone from the wall and place it to my ear. "Hello?" I ask.

"Hi Katniss," Gale whispers.

"Gale?" I ask, slightly taken aback. After Gale helped Peeta after his flashback, we've been on good terms. Besides, he has his family and I have mine. He's moved on. I do still care about him, but most certainly not in the way I used to. But he will always be my old best friend, my hunting partner. He was my family for a long time. "What's wrong?"

"I. . .It's my wife," he says. When Gale begins crying, my stomach sinks. Gale never cries. That's how I know the unthinkable must have happened. "She got sick a while ago. Last night. . .she's gone. My wife is dead, Katniss."

It feels as though all of the air has been sucked out of my lungs. How could this have happened? I can't even imagine life without Peeta. What would I do if he died? "Gale. . .I'm so sorry," I whisper, lost for words. "I can come over to your house to take care of your kids if you need me to."

"They're at my mother's. But could you come over anyway? I need someone to talk to," he says.

"Of course. I'll be there soon," I say before hanging up the phone. I take a deep breath and turn around to face Peeta, who must have entered the kitchen while I was talking.

"Katniss?" he asks, raising an eyebrow as if he's asking what's wrong. I want to tell him that so much is wrong. Everything about this is wrong. But instead, a take a step forward and wrap my arms tightly around his back. I never want to let him go. I can't imagine what would happen if I lost Peeta. I wouldn't be able to live. He's the only reason why I'm here today. He saves me, every single day. Even if he doesn't realize it.

"Gale's wife," I whisper, a salty tear slipping from my eye. "She died last night."

"Oh my god," he says, his eyes falling to the floor. He takes my hand and wraps his arms around me.

"I'm going over there. To make sure he's alright."

"Do you want me to come with you?" he asks. I push a strand of his hair away from his forehead.

"I think it's better if I go alone. Besides, we can't leave Willow alone," I say.

"Okay. Well, you should take him some bread and cheese. It was supposed to be for us, but I think we'll manage," he says, smiling slightly.

"Peeta Mellark, you are too kind," I say kissing him on the tip of his nose and then again on his lips. "And I love you so much for it." He squeezes my hand before turning away to put together the food.

When he finishes, I kiss him once again and leave my house for Gale's. The walk is only about ten minutes but I have to go through the square to get to it. I hate it there. Although everything has been rebuilt and the grass has begun growing again, I will never be able to get the image of the burnt bodies and damaged buildings that once were here out of my mind.

There seems to be more people roaming around the streets then usual, but it is a beautiful day. It seems so wrong. The sun shouldn't be shining and the air shouldn't be warm. Not after the horrible, unspeakable thing that has happened today.

When I arrive at Gale's home, it takes me a moment to build up the courage to go inside. I'm awful at comforting people, even Peeta. I don't know how to react. I don't even know how to deal with myself when I'm upset or hurt.

Inside, it feels as though the whole world has stopped. There are dishes piled up in the kitchen, dirty clothes lying in heaps everywhere. There are toys strewn about the floors and the blinds on every window has been closed tight. I set down the basket of food and embark up the stairs, where I'm sure Gale waits.

Sure enough, I find him alone in what I assume to be his bedroom. It's just as bad as downstairs. The sheets, blankets, and pillows have all been piled up in the hallway, clothing hangs off of dressers and lies on the floor, and thick dust covers most furniture.

"Gale. . ." I whisper.

"Hey, Catnip," he says, his voice breaking. He's attempting to put on a brave face for me, just like always.

"I'm so sorry," I say. He wipes his cheeks with the back of his hand, brushing away any tears that fall. I slowly walk forward and sit down beside him on the edge of the bed.

"She's gone. She's really gone," he says, not bothering to brush away the fresh tears that begin to fall from his gray eyes.

I wrap my arms around his back and let him rest his chin on my shoulder. Immediately, he starts shaking. I know he's crying but I don't address it. Gale never cried. He was always the strongest out of the two of us. He always pushed his feelings aside, at least until he was alone. But I can't imagine what he's feeling right now. He lost the person he loved the most. He's lost so much, just like I have. His father, his friends, and now his wife. For a while, he even lost himself. And me. He lost me too. Of course, we've begun to mend our friendship once again. But it will never go back to the way it used to be. The rebellion drove us too far apart. And we can't recover from that.

"I know that this is awful. And I can't even imagine how you're feeling right now. But you have to stay strong. You have three beautiful kids, Gale. One is just a baby. You have to keep her alive through your words. The little boy won't remember her. But it's your job to explain her to him. You have to be strong for all of them. I know it's what your wife would want. You can't leave them, not like my mother left me. I of all people know what it's like to lose not only one parent but two. I loathed my mother every single day for leaving Prim and I. You can't do that to them."

"I know. I would never do that," he says.

"It's going to hurt for a long time. After a while the pain will dull, but it will always be there. You'll think of her every single day," I say. Of course, I don't know completely what it feels like. I haven't lost Peeta. But I've lost my sister. And at the time she was my world. She was the last one that I loved that the Capitol hadn't destroyed. Prim was the only ony left that I truly loved and I lost her. It destroyed me and it still does. But Peeta slowly began to rebuild my broken pieces. Still, there's not a day goes back where I don't think of her. I make up stories in my head about what life would have been like if she survived. I pretend that she's with me. I pretend that she can hear me when I talk to her in my head. But she never replies. And she never will. She's gone and now so is Gale's wife. We can't bring them back. We can only tell others about the memories we shared with them. We have to keep their memory alive through our own stories. And in that way, they do live on. They live within us, in our hearts and minds.

***

When Hazelle arrives at Gale's house, I decide it's time for me to go back home. I've been gone long enough and Peeta must be starting to get worried. I hug Gale once more and say goodbye to his family. 

The sun has almost completely set, leaving several traces of bright oranges and pinks in the sky. I assume that it must be about 7 o'clock. I'm surprised Peeta hasn't gone out to find me. I've been gone the entire day and I've missed every meal. I don't mind, I'm not hungry. I feel sick and upset about what Gale is going through. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. 

At home, Peeta lies sound asleep on the couch. He's moved Willow's crib to the livingroom and she sleeps soundly in it beside him. I untie my boots and put them in the closet by the door before walking over to where he sleeps. I almost don't want to wake him. He looks so at peace, so happy and calm. I wish he always looked like that. I wish that he didn't have to endure all of the pain that I know he has. He deserves so much better. 

I brush away a lock of blond hair from his forehead and kiss his cheek. "Peeta. . ." I whisper. His eyes open but it takes several seconds for him to take in his surroundings. When he does, he quickly sits up and wraps his arm around my waist, holding me close to him. 

"Are you okay? How's Gale?" he asks. I sigh and hold him tightly. 

"How well could he possibly be? I can't even imagine. . ." I say.

"You don't have to. I promise you I won't be going anywhere. I'll never leave you. Don't even think about it. I'm going to stay right here with you," he whispers, running his fingers through my hair. 

I press my forehead to his and say, "Always?"

"Always." 

_____________________

Hiiiiii wow okay I thought this chapter had a lot of potential but when I finished it, I sort of wanted to start over with a completely different plot. But this was one of the things that I wanted to happen before I ended this book and you'll understand why later. But ending this chapter made me realize how close I am to the end. There are about 4 things left that I want to do and then that's it. It's over. I mean if I really wanted to, I could end this book within the next 5 chapters which is crazy. But I'm not going to, it'll probably be a bit more spread out than that. Buuuut I'm going to tell you that this book isn't going to make it past chapter 150. Which is in 13 chapters. Which is super sad. Like, sad enough that I kind of don't want to update ever so I can hold onto this book forever. Okay probably going to cry now.

Besides that, I hope that you at least sort of liked this chapter ?

Love you tonssssss <3

-booklover2019