Chapter 111

Katniss

Peeta and I both sit on the cold, tiled bathroom floor with our shoulders touching. "Katniss, I thought you wanted this. You said-"

"No, Peeta. I do want this. I do," I say, hardly achieving a whisper. "It's just that I'm scared. I'm scared of being a mother. Now that I am, it's real. And that scares me."

"Yes, it's real. And it's terrifying, but it's also the most amazing thing that's ever happened to us."

"I know, and I shouldn't be crying. I'm sorry, you shouldn't have had to find out like this. I was going to tell you, but then I found Buttercup and I-"

"Katniss, none of that matters now. What matters is that we're going to be parents. You're going to be a mother, and I'm going to be a father. That's all that matters," he says, pushing a knotted curl away from my face.

I picture myself, holding an infant in my arms. I picture the child with Peeta's blue eyes and light hair, wrapped in a white blanket. I can almost feel the warmth of a newborn baby. I can hear the soft little giggles coming from his or her mouth. "I'm going to be a mother. . ." I mumble.

I focus on Peeta, the only one who is keeping me sane. The only one who has always given me a place to hide, the safe shelter of a warm embrace. And now I have the responsibilty to be that shelter, to be that safe place. It's my unspoken job to do everything in my power to keep the baby safe. To do everything that my mother didn't. To give he or she a good life, to make up for my own.

"Yes, Katniss. You're going to be an amazing mother." I press my face against Peeta's chest, ignoring the silent tears that scatter my cheeks. Happy tears. Greatful tears. The corners of my lips turn up, slowly, into a weak smile. Peeta kisses the top of my head. "I know it already. The way you used to take care of Prim. You didn't realize it, but you took your mother's place for a while. You were there for Prim when she couldn't be." I shut my eyes, partially wishing that he would stop talking about my dead sister. I don't understand why he would bring her up now.

"I know when you hear her name, you immediately go to a place of negativity, of grief. And that's okay sometimes. But, Katniss, you have to think of the positive things too. Prim needs to be remembered as a young, beautiful life. Not a lost cause, not a burden. You took great care of her Katniss. No matter how you convince yourself otherwise, I know you did. And you'll do the same with your own baby."

"I love you so much, Peeta," I whisper. I know he's right. I know I continue to resort to the worst possible memories associated with Prim. But I can't. I know I'll have to tell my kids about who she was someday. About what she meant, and still means, to me. I want her life to be looked at as something beautiful. Short? Very. But our lives aren't just measured in years. They're measured in the lives of the people we touch around us. In that moment, I decide that's what I'll tell them: my children. They won't know that they aren't my words, they won't know what they mean. But I will. And I don't think the words' meaning could be anymore perfect. For Prim and Rue. It's always been for them.

"Do you want to tell your mother?" he asks.

"No. Not now, anyway. I'll tell them at the right time, in the right place," I say, not completely decided on who them is. My mother, Haymitch, Effie, Annie. For now, they are the people who mean the most to me. Not the Capitol, not the entire country. Just my family. "For now, can we just pretend that everything's normal?"

"Of course." I wipe the remaining tears from my face. If my mother asks, I'll tell her that I'm just tired, or that I was thinking of Buttercup and Prim. Neither of which are complete lies.

Peeta pulls me up to my feet and we walk out of the bathroom. I'm hoping that my mother won't guess that I'm pregnant by looking at me. It isn't noticable, but knowing my mother, she would know. Hiding it from Peeta this past week has been easy. For the most part, he's clueless. Or maybe I'm just a good actor, despite what Plutarch and Haymitch say.

Downstairs, I act normal and watch my mother carefully. For the most part, she doesn't show any signs of suspicion. She's mainly focused on Buttercup. While we were upstairs, she disenfected his wound; stitched it up; and covered it with a white cloth. She says he should be able to walk after the next day or two. "Just call me again if you need me," she says while cleaning up the kitchen.

"Mom?" I ask, right before she walks out of the front door. I pause for a split second, but wrap my arms around her shoulders. She jumps slightly, out of surprise, but hugs me back. "I love you."

"I love you too, Katniss," she says, pushing a tiny piece of hair from my forhead with her thumb. "I'll be in 12 all week if you need." The door shuts quietly behind her and I let out a deep breath of air; one that I didn't know I was holding

Later that day, I tell Peeta that I'm going to the Hob, which was rebuilt not that long ago. It isn't exactly illegal anymore, but 12 citizens still seem to enter with caution. I like to visit Greasy Saw there often and give her as much money and food as I can. She kept me alive for months. I know, if it weren't for her constant visits, I would have starved to death.

"Hello, girl. What can I interest you in today? Wild dog? Jaxon and I just cooked some fresh meat a little over an hour ago." She points to a gray old man with a messily trimmed beard and thick eyebrows. He sits at a counter a few feet away, talking to another customer and his son, who looks to be about ten years old. I was around 9 or 10 when my father took me to The Hob for the first time. I remember how utterly terrified I was.

I end up with a bowl Greasy Sae's stew, new bandages for Buttercup, and a bottle of alcohol for Haymitch. I probably don't need any of it, but the bandages, but Greasy Sae refuses to take any money without giving me something it return.

I mumble an almost non-existent thank you and leave the cramped building. Outside smells like spring, and I have to distract myself to keep from wandering into the woods. It's days like these that used to be my favorite. There are new buds on the trees and the sun peeks through the thin layer of clouds. It's days like these that I used to spend with Gale.

I push away the thought of my past and force myself to continue walking, away from the Meadow and the woods with every step.

_______________I was going to update later on this weekend until I saw that this book has 10K votes. You guys are literally the best readers that I could ask for. I love you guys so much ❤️

Anyways, I hope you guys liked this chapter!! It was mostly just a filler but it'll even out eventually ;) Constructive criticism is always welcome <3

-booklover2019